Changing, growing, reverting.

Have you ever taken a personality profile? There are many out there. They are interesting and fun to do. They can tell you a lot about yourself. They can show you your strengths & weaknesses. The one I'm most familiar with is the one that classifies people as "Sanguine (popular), Choleric(powerful), Meloncholy(perfect) or Phlegmatic(peaceful)"
The dangers, are using them as an excuse : I can't help that I behave that way, I'm a meloncholy. or I can't get involved like that, I'm a phlegmatic. or I'm not able to control my temper, I'm a choleric.
That doesn't cut it, you really need to use these tests to improve your strengths and to lessen your weaknesses.
Now, I took one of these as a late teen/early 20's. I was pure Sanguine. Extremely hyperactive, wild, all over the place, unorganized ... funny, spontaneous, lively, talker ..etc etc etc.
The people I admired, was the cholerics. They were the ones that always seemed to have their act together. (Most doctor's are going to be cholerics). I really think I was too sanguine to follow my dream of becoming a doctor. I wasn't organized enough, wasn't determined enough ... I threw away a life long dream of becoming a doctor in a 5 minute conversation because I didn't want to take Algebra. I never HAVE taken algebra. Had I been able to just take science without math to become a doctor, I'd be one. Love science, hate math ... that's a problem when you're a sanguine LOL.
When I started to attend the church I go to, almost 7 years ago, I took another personality profile and I tested exactly equal in all 4 personality types. I was THRILLED! LOOK HOW BALANCED I AM!!!!!!
My pastor, who was teaching the class, said "we have 2 in the class who test equal on all 4. This is the worst personality profile to have, can anyone tell me why?"
HUH?

He went on to explain (as the air went out of my balanced balloon) that a person who fits sqarely equal on all 4 types, is a people pleaser to the nth degree, puts themself last and usually at the expense of even their own spiritual development. People who are equal in all 4 types are not balanced, they are victims of "Martha Syndrome" (the story of Mary & Martha serving Jesus and Martha gets angry because she's doing all the work.) So, I sat there just going ... oh.

A few years later, I took the test again. I wasn't quite as 'balanced'. But, I was definitely no where near where I'd been as a teen and young adult. In fact, I was just the opposite. I was phlegmatic ... shy, withdrawn.

Last night, I took the test, and I scored : 17 in Sanguine, 11 in Meloncholy, 7 in Phlegmatic & 5 in Choleric.
I think that's probably a pretty good balance, and maybe just maybe, I'm getting back to the real me. Enough phlegmatic to calm the sanguine wildchild.
Enough meloncholy to keep the sanguine disorganized organized. Enough Sanguine to keep the phlegmatic in me from pulling too deep back in my shell.

I think that, I disliked so much of who I was as a child, that I pulled myself so far into a shell, that I didn't see the good in me. As God heals my broken heart, I am returning more and more to who I was. Hopefully, the fun part of me will come back to light, the weaknesses will not!
I hated being sanguine when I was younger. I saw it as everything that was wrong with me. I saw it as the reason I couldn't accomplish anything. I saw it as the reason I was a failure. Now, I am thrilled to see that I am returning to my sanguine personality. I am returning to be who it was that God created me to be.

As long as I can keep the qualities of the phlegmatic like "listener/tolerant/contented" and the qualities of " Deep/scheduled/ Considerate" of the meloncholy ... I'll be glad to be the silly person I once was.