Dr. Suess

"And will you succeed? Yes indeed! Yes indeed! Ninety Eight and Three Quarters guarenteed!"

Thursday, July 28, 2005


Pearls and Dreams

As of today .... 328.5 hours ... leaving 121.5 hours to build

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

A little bit of this and a little bit of that ...

Pearls and Dreams

May she rest in peace

I still have more pictures of her, undeveloped in the camera, so there will probably be more Donut pictures to share. Bare with me.

Knee surgery update ... pics from surgery
This is the cyst that was hurting so badly that the MRI said was not there:(bottom right picture, the cyst was the size of a large agate size marble)

The following two show the hole where the knee cap jammmed into the cartlige leaving 2 minor holes where holes don't belong ... first the 4 pics, and then the close up ...

hole knee

putting the knee cap back into place and cleaning the rough edges after it jammed the holes into the cartilege!

kneecap back

Ok ..that's the sad and gross things out of the way ...remember the concert I told you about a while back ... at the Ampetheater ... that was behind the Ampetheter ...



and now for why they were BEHIND the Ampitheater....


The first level of the stage is under water and the first 4 levels of seats ... Rows A -D is under water ....

Benjamin at the Ampatheater
(that's Benjamin standing there looking)

Chef Benjamin

Still nothing profound ... the post is there I swear ... I did post something on my Spirituality blog ... I have something for here ..but I've been busy catching up with other stuff ...
Maybe later today, or tomorrow ... assuming Max Headroom isn't back ....

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Pearls and Dreams

Pearls and Dreams

Well ...another gremlin free day ... but ... this won't be as long as I'd like it to be ... I'm headed back to bed shortly , my head is hurting. I just got on line looking for an important email and when the computer was working decided headache or no ... I should catch up a few things before Max Headroom caught up to me.

Oklahoma has not hit triple digit temperatures since 2003 ... and we've done a smashingly good time of making up for it in the last few days ... 102 yesterday ... depending on who you listen to ...103 to 105 today ... when you add in the heat index that will push it over 110. My allergies and immune system are in massive overdrive ... thus the reason for the headache. (As well as a full blown lupus flare and a minor MG flare)

Heaven help me ... there is nothing on the television this afternoon but paid adverisements, golf, tennis, baseball and an old movie. I like the old movie, but my son saw it and thinks once is enough. None of us like the paid advertisements. Tennis ... I can watch & enjoy, baseball ... I will watch & get into ..but I'd MUCH rather watch it in person, it looses something on TV, and what does my 15 year old want to watch ... GOLF ... golf????? Golf is the most boring sport known to mankind. GOLF???????
We're watching Tennis till my migraine medication sets in. Then he and his brother (who has found out that he's a natural at golf, not a good thing for someone living on our income to learn) can watch golf to their hearts content.

Interesting factoid we learned watching television last night. Amazing Race came to Tulsa for contestants this last week ...CBS Tulsa Affiliate showed some clips ... we were watching and laughing at the try outs ... and suddenly ... two friends faces flashed on our screen!!!!!! GO ERIC & WES!!!!!!!!! They are both married, with little girls, Eric has 2, Wes has 1. Wes is in my small group, and Erics brother in law leads my small group, Eric and I are on the worship team together behind the scenes stuff. Wes has had to overcome some amazing obstacles in his life to get to where he is ... he is Benjamin's idol .and role model.
So we're really really hoping they get it. It would be soooo cool to see them on Amazing race ..and so fun watching them pull some of those stunts like eating an Ostritch egg or 2 lbs of cavier LOL
They are both really really neat guys ... Eric's biggest flaw ...he thinks that when his 3 1/2 year old and 8 month old girls are teenagers, he will be able to 'reason' with them

His oldest daughter was born on my birthday, so she's special to me anyway!

I saw my pulmonologist on Monday, lungs were clear, but my movement of the chest wall was 'minimal' and he didn't like my eye movements ... so now I have to go back to my neuro. I'd cut back my mestinon because of side effects ...Dr. G wasn't happy that I'd done it on my own. I informed him I have that worked out with Dr. M and he still didn't like that. But, Dr. G's mom was a friend of mine, and if he doesn't take good care of me, before she died, she threatened to come back and haunt him ...so he's just a bit overprotective of me (grin).
I'm calling neuro next week ... can't continue to take the higher doses that i've taken for 13 years ... because the side effects that have never been there, but ... now the MG is raring it's ugly head ... Dr. G seems to think double vision and breathing at full capacity is an important issue. So ... I'll make the call. I told him I'd do it last Tuesday ... I haven't. I will Monday.

Lupus is just plain rude. I've overdone it for the last 3 or 4 weeks, plus with the summer heat, a couple of minor sun burns (yea, I know ...lupus + sun exposure bad idea).

Our church is going to be short handed next week ... Children's pastor out on Maternity leave, Youth pastor at kids camp for the children's pastor, Church secretary out of town to see a sick relative. leaving the senior pastor and the associate pastor. So ... one girl and Samuel will be manning the phones next week. Sarah on Monday and Wednesday. Tuesday Thursday Friday for Samuel. It's nice they have that kind of confidence! (he better not embarace me! LOL)

Well ... I have a lot I wanted to ay the next time I blogged, something profound and deep ..but headaches tend to leave room for facts ...just the facts .... so ... maybe later tonight I can find something more profound to say.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Sunday, July 17, 2005


Pearls and Dreams

Like mother like son
Donut and Twitch (Donut is the one lying sideways, Twitch is the one with 'the tail')

I am a cat person ... and I've had cats for as long as I can remember ... but of all the cats I've ever owned, Donut, has been my favorite.

Last December, Donut gave birth to 6 kittens (lost one) and then she escaped before we could get her fixed. Last Tuesday, she gave birth to one little kitten, then started to hemorrage (sp?) and we had to have her put to sleep on Wednesday.

The kitten, was very strong and we named him Sampson. We bottle fed Sampson ..and he seemed fine. Till this morning ...he had a 'clicking' with his breathing ...and a few minutes ago ... I went to feed him before going to my meeting and found that he'd died.

Maybe he just missed his mommy too much. I miss his mom too.

Twitch sleeping against mamma Donut

Donut & Twitch

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Mother's Dreams

Pearls and Dreams

Before I get to the topic of this post ... a few updates : my computer is still possessed by Max Headroom and his Gremlins. (Please excuse any typo's)
Second ... my Dad's visit from California has come and gone ... he flew home this morning at 6:00. If anyone on my ED treatment team actually reads this blog ... yes, I continued to eat ...no, I did not keep our agreement and follow my food plan and eat the 6 small meals a day regardless of what was going on and what they were doing ... I ate when they did. I don't know that I will ever get to the point where I can eat in front of my dad if he is not eating. Sorry.
Third ... Donut, my hussy of a cat who keeps escaping the house 3 weeks before her 'fixing' date ... is going into labor... I just about took my ambien when I realized it. Glad I didn't. I'll need to be up with her tonight. She went into labor about the same time of night on December 17 and had her first kitten a few minutes after midnight (I remember the date easy because it was Bj's 13th birthday) ...why could she not have them during the day?

Fourth ... my boys both went off today to church camp. First year they've gone in the same week. We had to scrounge to find them suitcases ... usually Benjamin goes, comes home on Friday, and Samuel leaves the next Monday using the same bag! Whoops. I didn't remember till yesterday afternoon that they'd need 2 separate bags! I also barely remembered in time to check medications, all of Benjamin's would have ran out WEdnesday. I called in the refills yesterday, thannk goodness he didn't need docs authorizations on anything!

Ok ... now for the mother's dream post ... if anyone is still here ...

Benjamin has had more struggles than I could even begin to name. When he was little, he couldn't stand to be touched. As an infant, he would not eat if he was being held close. As a toddler, he would get very upset if you tried to hold him. I'd go into his room after he was asleep and hold him, and rock him, singing to him in his sleep, because he would not be sung to when he was awake.

When we put him in the pool, he'd sit in his swim ring, and spin, and spin, and spin, and you better not get near him. Getting him out of the water was an absolute nightmare, because touching him in the water would send him over the edge. He loved the pool, but getting in and out was just traumatic...for mother and son.

When he'd get a runny nose, which was often because of the allergies and IgG deficiency ... and anyone went to wipe it, he'd do one of 2 things. He'd cry and get hysterical ... or he'd freeze, and just stand still with no expression, it was like there was no one left inside for several minutes. I don't know which reaction was worse. Both scared me and broke my heart.

Then ...we got him into therapy for the sensory integration issues ... and he could start to tolerate being touched ...and the spinning stopped ... and the self stimulation stopped ... and then he could stand being held (well, hugged anyway, snuggling ... nah, not gonna happen) and he could play in the pool

This was important to me ... we're Christians ...aand Baptism is important ... it's not a salvation issue ...but for us, it's a declaration of faith, ... it's saying that 'we've made a decision of who've put our trust and faith in. A child who can''t be touched, who can't tolerate being touched in the water ... can't be baptised, no matter where their faith is. So ... Iwas thrilled ... I knew my son was going to be able to make the decsion to be baptised, once he was able to understand why we practice the ritual.

Then the neurologist put him on a new medication for his Tourette's Syndrome. This was a miracle drug for him. Not only did it control his tics very well, but it helped something else wen't not expected ... he had horrible impluse control ..and the neurologist and child psychologists had said he'd not be able to develop it because he was born with a brain malformation in the frontal lobe of his brain. At 10 years of age, he was still darting into the street, grabbing hot curling irons to move them, reacing into boiling water... the worst, I couldn't cook his favorite food when he was home ...chicken, because as soon as he smelled it ..he'd reach into the 350ยบ oven and try to get it.

The neuro kept trying to put him on halodol for the TS and I didn't want him on an anti psychotic, when the tics got so bad, he said Risperdal. I was exteremely busy ..and went to my email support list and asked what they knew about it. I got glowing reports and decided to start it and research later, I trusted these people. 4 days later, tics had calmed down dramatically. Bj asked to go to a friends house. I said ok, and followed him out onto the porch and he got to the end of the driveway and stopped. He was just looking back and forth and back and forth and back and forth ... I asked him "what ARE you doing?" He responded with a rather sarcastic remark ..as if it was something he'd been doing every day, 10 times a day for 50 years of his 10 years of life ... "Mom! I'm looking for CARS!!"

A few weeks later ... I did some research and learned that risperdal was an antipsychotic drug ...safer than halodol, but same class. WOW, had I known that, my son would still be reaching for potatoes in boiling water!

A negative side effect with the impulse control came fear. Over board fear ... Give me the choice between a bit too much fear (add a touch of OCD with over reactive fear response ... ) and I'll take calming the fears over chasing a 10 year old body with the impulse control of an infant.

So ..what does this have to do with sensory and pools and baptism ...just about the time that Benjamin had overcome his sensory issues and was understanding Baptism ...he became fearful and couldn't stand to be infront of people. Every baptism service for 3 years ...he'd cry ..because he'd want to be baptised, but was too afraid to do it in front of people ...which, in our faith ..is the purpose of the baptism. It's a public declarlation of following Christ. Hard to do a public declaration in private.

3 months ago ... during a baptism service, Benjamin looked at me and said ...when Grandpa comes ... I'm going to be baptised ...

So, Sunday morning, July 10, 2005
Benjamin stood in front of about 250 people .. .having overcome extreme sensory issues and extereme fears and decleared his faith in his Lord.

Once again ... another dream has come true for his mother.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Gremlines and visitors

Pearls and Dreams

Tuesday ... the computer was as dysfunctional as ever. So, the gremlines are aparantly back. My computer geek friend told me to never get them wet or feed them after midnight ... after I told him that Max Hedroom has possessed my computer.

Since we both understood the reference without explination ...we have both decided ... we're getting too old!

So .... after getting through the week of disgustingly hot temperatures ... and a storm last night that I did not hear but evidently parts of town lost power. Things have cooled off a bit.

My dad will be flying in for a week plus a few days visit from California. A week from Sunday my 13 year old will be baptised. (He wwanted to do it while my dad was here.) my dad's visit is always exhausting ... driving back and forth to my sisters house every day and then 'entertaining' and trying to behave like a healthy person ..because for soem reason ..even though I know that he knows that I'm not healthy ... I never can let him see me at any less than my best ..even though my best will never be good enough for him anyway ...so why I bother? who knows ..he's still going to e giving me those bored to tears 'oh my gosh did I actually father a cperson who could have ever become so inccredibly inept and such a failure"

oh well ... Maybe I'll crosseyed back at him when he gives me that look this time.

Sunday we're leaving Dad with my sister and going to small group party anyway ... Wed, I have doc appt and my eating disorder therapyappt (gee, wonder why she wants to see me while my dad's here) and I pull music, plus the meeting for Bj's baptism on Sunday, and then class that night ..so I get out of going on WEednesday. Thursday I work at HAbitat REstore again from 9 to 1 before going out to my sister's.
Friday night small group which we're not going to miss out on ... so that's one less ... the next day will be my sister's birthday

Then Sunday's Baptism of my 13 year old Son. Which I am very excited about. Bj' made it a point of wanting his grandfather here ...and if Dad ruins it by making comparisons of my brothers and how he wasn't at mine or my sistsers (Becaue HE'D walked out on my mom) I think I'll blow a gasket!
He just can't ruin this day for my son! My son's father better not ruin it by not being there either. !

oh boy ... I waant the next week GONE

Then ...the 11th ...and Dad goes back to CA and the boys (Both of them!) go to church summer camp!! After I get what is supposed to be the final follow up mammogram .... I will be freeeeeeee weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

WOW WHO HOO !!!!!!!!

Hopefully by then ... my computer will be gremilin free.