Welcome to Blogger's Anonymous!

Hello, Welcome to Bloggers Anonymous! Thank you Dr. A for letting me host this weeks meeting. I do hope everyone finds it enjoyable. If you don't catch the tour bus with the first group, another will be along shortly, I've asked that they drive back and forth all day to make sure everyone gets to come! Our first stop along the way is not our actual destination. We are meeting here in Mariposa, California on our way to Yosemite National Park.
Yes, I know, I live in Oklahoma, but I was raised in Mariposa and would much rather take you to my home than where I live now. :) Mariposa is a very small community that's primary role is to be the 'Gateway to Yosemite.'

The history of Mariposa County was far more glorious than the town (not even declared a town by the census) turned out to be. Mariposa County was one of the original counties of California, created at time of statehood. It was the largest of the state's original counties, but territory that was once part of Mariposa is now in twelve other counties: Fresno, Inyo, Kern, Kings, Los Angeles, Madera, Merced, Mono, San Benito, San Bernardino, San Luis Obispo, and Tulare. Thus, Mariposa County is known as the Mother of Counties. Part of the county's territory was given to Tulare County in 1852, to Merced County in 1855, to Fresno County in 1856 and to Mono County in 1861.


Mariposa is also known for it's Courthouse, the oldest FUNCTIONING courthouse in California. It is a beautiful piece of history.



Ok ... Let's hop on the bus and head out of town, but before we do, let's stop here to get drinks. The resteraunt was once our only fast food place. It was an A&W ... before we moved a way, it went through being an A&W Serve You, to a Hawks Dog (owned by the Hawkins family, friends of ours, who served killer foot longs with tomatoes and sourcream! YUM) and several other re incarnations. Whatever the name on the door, the food is guarenteed to be good and the service friendly.

Load up, and let's head on up the highway!


Enjoy yourself on the ride, read, talk amoungst yourself, watch a DVD on the screen up here. There is pop in the ice chest and a picnic basket full of various snack (chips, candy etc)like things if you didn't get something at the resteraunt.

Look! Out the window! It is the beautiful Merced River

Dr. A, lean back in the window of the bus! These mountain roads have sharp turns and steep inclines! The river can be seen INSIDE Yosemite as well as from the road. Geesh!

Cathy and Moof, see if you can entertain Dr. A and keep him contained till we get there. Get him a lap top so he can blog while riding this bus!

Our first stop in Yosemite is going to be Yosemite Valley.



If you get here before I get back to give you the itenerary, entertain yourselves with playing frizbee, looking at the wildflowers



Neonursechic ... Dr. A is feeding the Bears! Get him a laptop!


Ok ...back with the Itenerary (after a bit of a delay ... got chased by a bear myself ... AOL froze with one sentence left in our BA meeting!)





There are several things planned today!
Activities:
Hiking

Popular Hiking Trails

Vernal Falls
Nevada Falls
Taft Point/Sentinel Dome
Half Dome
Yosemite Falls
The Panorama Trail
The Four Mile Trail
Mirror Lake
Ostrander Lake
rock climbing
BACKPACKING
Biking
Swimming and rafting on the Merced River
Swinging Bridge and the Vernal Falls pool are common locations for swimming. For those who do not like the cold water, a few heated pools are available. Rafting ranges from drift rafting on the valley floor where guests can rent rafts for $15 (per person) for a slow and gentle 1 hour or more ride down the river. The other option is White Water Rafting on the Merced River. Pk here ... in all my years living in this area, my mom NEVER told me that white water rafting was available! Why?? Mary Anne and I are headed over there ..anyone want to join us?
Horseback riding

Lea ... I can take you to just outside of Yosemite if you want, to El Portal where there are some good Running spots. When I was in 6th grade I ran my first long distance run ... I won 5th place ribbon and a T shirt that said I Ran El Portal! We trained for WEEKS in the hills in Mariposa before, and we still were shocked by the steep mountains and the difference in running and walking them.


You can always go check out some of the beautiful waterfalls in Yosemite ...Vernal and Nevada are always breath theives!


A popular fall here, is Ribbon Falls, many people see it on postcards, pictures, greeting cards all over the country and never know what they are looking at.


Let's sit here at the base of El Capitain and have our picnic lunch. A childhood friend and Park Ranger has arranged for us to have a picnic of fried chicken, Potato Salad, green salad and all the fresh California fruit we can stand! Heartlander's ...if you have never had California fresh fruit, you're in for a surprise ...there is nothing quite as tasty and sweet and juicy as a California apricot, or orange, or cherry, blackberry's ..just about anything you can imagine. The rolls ...those, those are fresh and made from a bakery in Mariposa that is owned and operated by the parents of a friend of mine from the third grade! I've asked for regular, whole wheat, honey wheat and rye ...so dig in. Something to please everyone!

Moof, No! No gingerale and Jim Beam! Put that away! We don't want anyone falling off a cliff or into the river! Trust me, I have plenty of drinks ordered for dinner ...including Grateful Deads.

Someone get Moof a Laptop! She's sneaking the Jim Beam anyway!

Ok, when we take off, stay in pairs for safety, these are mountains and people fall ..or get hurt by bears etc all the time. Also, if you each carry laptops, and anyone gets elevation sickness, or starts doing something really risky and rediculous ...you can hand them a lap top to help settle them down ...a few minutes of blogging and they'll be just fine! So all of you, watch your partners for the need of emergency blogging!


Ok ... for those that would like to take a tour with me of MY Yosemite ...let's head on out!

First we'll head up to Tioga Pass

Wolfbaby ... I think you'll find some lovely things to sketch up here!!
Then we'll go on over to Chilnulna Falls.





Ready to rest? Pull out your travel chairs. We can just sit and take a seista or blog. Or, how about sitting and watching the wild life.




And if you see one of these ...don't FEED IT!

Before we head on to our dinner meeting place, let's head up to Lambert Dome to look at Tuolumne Meadow's (Tow Wall Oh Me)


Let's Head on down to Mariposa Grove for dinner ... where we have waiting a delictible dinner prepared. California Tri Tip, artichokes steamed to perfection, green salad with raspberry vinegerette, and all the fresh rolls you can imagine! For those who don't like red meat, just tell the caterer, they have a caterer truck around the grove, and have access to other foods to suit your fancy.

Along with dinner is every imaginable drink, including Ms Moof's Greatful Dead's! Have no fear, Trams are taking us to the campground tonight!


Before we head out in the morning we will all go look at Yosemite's Pride and Joy HALF DOME



And before we all leave, my Ranger friend (TIM) has arranged for everyone to take a commmerative picture of Yosemite from Tunnel View



Welcome Wanda's Wings to her first BA meeting!
I hope you enjoyed your Blogger's Anonymous Meeting ...I sure enjoyed hostessing it!

Complications

Pearls and Dreams

Early transfer to a district you are moving to ... isn't easy. First, the district we're going to was suspicious. They acted like the fact that we wanted to come was an unusual request. They gave us the paper work, grudgingly, told us we needed the contract for the house. I asked if we needed any other information from the district we're living in currently. "no".

Wait the 2 weeks till the 'enroll transferring students' date, we go in, with the paper work filled out and contract from Habitat. "Shot records and unofficial transcript please" HUH???!??!?!?! Why didn't you tell us this when I asked if you needed any information from the district???? BLANK LOOK
Off to old district to pick up shot records and unofficial transcript. We get the transcript, no problem. Shot records ...ugh, already sent over to the high school. Call ... it will take 24 hours. Pick them up tomorrow at the Registrars office.


So, today, we go to pick up the shot record after I had weird dreams about it last night. Dreams of being stopped at the school by a security guard ... and unable to find the registrars office ... purposefully led in the wrong direction ...weird weird weird. We get to the school to pick up the shot record and the lady behind the desk looks at us like we're insane. Shot records? At a school? School nurse? "I've never met a school nurse!" At this point, my dream is coming back to me in a flash. This is so not cool. In the room a conversation is going on about students the district is loosing to transfers ... in district. Students who live in the district but are transferring to other districts for various causes (will be moving, parents working in the other district etc) and how annoying it is for students who benefit the district to leave ...how DARE they leave! I'm standing there with my honor roll student ... top 3rd of his class ... top 99%ile of the STATE in Pre SAT's and Pre ACT's and in my head I'm thinking give me the shot records and don't ask any questions ...let me out of here! She finally looks under his name and hands me the envelope. As I reach for it, she snatches it back and says "I need photo ID" Sigh ... ok. (She'd obviously forgotten that step, but it still annoyed me at that point.) Got the shot record ...on our way! YAHOO!So ... We proceed onto new district with shot record in hand. We hand it to the nurse who becomes concerned. The people in the office who'd been short and suspicious are now friendly and welcoming. Obviously ..they'd faxed for the initial file of my son and no longer think I'm trying to hand over a problem student. The nurse becomes concerned as she looks at the record. "there are no polio records here"
I'm stunned ...if I were to skip a vaccination for my children, which I wouldn't, POLIO would be the last one I'd skip! My HUSBAND'S DISABILITIES are caused because of POLIO! Trust me, my children got their Polio vaccines! My Mother had polio! No one was going to let Polio vaccines by in this family! As they look at the records together ..they are confused, they've never seen shot records like this. The clinic is missing. GROWL. So, they look him up in the health department to see if he's there (um ..you couldn't have done that yesterday???) However, having never gotten his shots in the health department .. he wasn't in the system. So, we call the pediatrician's office to see if they can get one. I am told they'll call back within the hour. We sit and wait. And wait. And wait. I learn that they had in fact requested the initial file. The district IS happy to have this particular student moving in and is more than happy to take him early. While waiting, 3 other students from the same one we're moving from come in and check their status ... still on the waiting list. One (who Samuel knows) and is told "we've been told that they will probably not take any transfers from out of district" I panic. I'm told after they leave not to worry, it won't effect us. We wound up waiting 90 minutes and giving up (good thing too ..they never called!!!) and we went home ..as we drove by our property (2 blocks from the service center) and saw the sign posted for the city meeting that will announce our building *grin* and saw that pruning of the tree took place. Which means ... things are moving on our lot. I had asked them if our district could block the transfer, they said ... for no reason to transfer, yes. For this reason, they can make it difficult. They can and HAVE in the past, sabotaged transfer processes of students they didn't want to loose but knew they had no real reason to block the early transfer. So, given the trouble we've had with this district in the past ...why was I the only one surprised that this turned into a 3 ring circus?

Who's Garden are you in?

I went for aI went for a walk today while my mother was being tested. In Tulsa's very own Rose Gardens. Granted ... August, when we've had streak of 100 degree temps is not when you should be visiting rose gardens ...but something struck me about life.

As I walked around the garden, I was saddened by all the pale and frail, wilting roses. The proud strong rose bushes were producing roses that were frail, and had few petals, pale in color compared to what they had most likely produced in their prime season. Bushes proudly proclaimed their labels, in rows, laid out as if they were royalty of the city. Crumbling around the garden were petals falling to the ground in an ugly brown mess.

All over the garden were signs that proclaimed rose bushes that claimed the bushes to be "Pink Chiffon" so pale an artist wouldn't even deem it call it white. Golden Peach was a dim and ugly burned gold that was burned by the sun, petals curled and hiding their top layers from the unforgiving heat. Royal reds and once brilliant yellows now dim and dingy with the oppressing heat. The once inviting garden was a sad and grim place.

Walking to the garden center to use the restroom, I saw another flower garden with more signs ... proclaiming flowers I didn't recognize ...dim purples, faded yellows, even greens ...all wilted and worn. Placed just so ... desperately needing water. Desperately needing care.

The soil was well tilled, no weeds were growing ... yet, no one thought to pluck away the dead flowers ... occasionally ... a new flower would peek out ..strong and brilliant ...and you knew that because it too, would soon be ugly like it's peers. Overcome by the heat and just not willing to try anymore.

As I went into the garden center, there was one patch of flowers ...it said that it was tended to by 'the children's garden club'. No signs declaring what types of flowers, but there were more than a dozen varieties. All thriving. Many of them the type in the garden I'd just passed.

The colors as bright as a child's color crayon box and ready to paint the rainbow in the sky. Yellows that could compete with the sun for brightness. White so pure and bright you'd swear it got it's color from freshly driven snow. Purple that could have only come from the most royal of coats. Even green flowers ..deep greens, bright greens, medium greens, of several shades. Reds as bright as a fire truck. The small garden sparked of life ...and yet ...not one sign that said "I am a cornflower" or "I am a bluebell".

The small garden ...unassuming, out of the way, the flowers not separated into the proud strong bushes with the paths leading up to them laid out like royalty for all to see. The flowers, bunched together, a small community, thriving together and humble in it's very existence.

And I thought ... who's garden would I rather be in? How much like God's word is this example of a garden laid out before me. The last will be first and the first will be last. The garners put so much time and effort into "THE ROSES" placing them just so ...yet, when it is out of season, the royalty ...just isn't being cared for ... the proud bushes ... don't know they don't matter anymore ...and they bully their way for attention ... sucking up all the nutrients from the soil ... demanding attention ...yet ...sadly failing at their job of providing the beauty they could be providing with some attention ...some gardening ... some pruning. A green house for proper protection from the heat ...

Compare to this little garden, tended to by children ... tender loving care ... same plants ... same season ... thriving in spite of the ugly temperatures ... bright and living. Unassuming. Undemanding ... and yet, the beauty shines.

Next spring, the roses the flowers will be in their prime, and in all likelihood, this little children's garden will be still flourishing ... but go unnoticed, until once again, the regal roses become faded and dingy by the summer sun.

Who's garden would you rather be in ... the one with the year round children's garden club, who lovingly, without judgement, or thought to who is going to see you or where you came from ... proudly grooms you ... nourishes you in a community for your strength and beauty ... or the Rose Garden ...where you are set apart on display ...your name on a plaque for all to see what your color and type is ... but you are only there for a season... and only cared for because someone is paid to do so.

The first shall be last, and the last shall be first ... come to me with the heart of a child ... unconditional love ... strength of community ... so much of God was shown to me in those two garden's today. I hope, I never forget it.

Seriously, go ...

Yesterday, for fun, I sent you to Cathy's Rants and Ramblings for a Blogger's Anonymous meeting. Today, I want you to go to her blog for a much more important reason.
She is doing a 24 hour blog athon. Raising money for the Alzheimer's Association. She lost her mother to this disease.

Please, go, support her by either sponsoring her (each blogathoner is trying to raise $500 for their charity, she, at 9:50 AM Central Standard time is $60 short, go help if you can!!) cheering her on, reading her posts and letting her know she's not alone in cyberspace!

For some people, 24 hours on line is just missing sleep. For Cathy, it is a sacrifice of love for her mother. Cathy has osteo arthritis, rheumatoid arthritis and has had total knee replacements and problems with edema and other health issues that require rest and care. But, to raise money for the Alzheimer's association, she is icing up, compression hosing up, and blogging along!

So, seriously, go ... Support her, if you can at all, even $5, financially, if not, let her know she's not alone!

Thank you! UPDATE: Cathy surpassed the $500. You can still donate for up to 48 hours after the blog athon ends (10 minutes ago) CONGRATULATIONS CATHY! YOU MADE IT!!!!!!!! The blog athon as a whole had Number of blogs: 285 Total pledges: 97,299.68 ...various charities and causes ... I surfed a few blog a thon blogs and I can tell you ...Cathy did an exceptional job. There were bloggers who stepped out to parties and had 'guest bloggers' ... Cathy stayed the whole 24 hours. There were bloggers who had 4 hours of posts that read "this is so hard! I can't believe how tiring this is!" Cathy had interesting posts all through ... it is well worth the read ...if you missed it, go read while she takes a couple days to recouperate. (And sponsor her if you can!).

You can borrow mine

Pearls and Dreams



I started the process of Habitat and it was hard. I've posted about that before ... you can go back through almost any given month on this blog and find a posting about my habitat journey, sweat equity work or progress I was making.

On Tuesday, they put in the electical pole that will supply electricity needed to build the house. Follwing that, the foundation will be laid. The first building should be September 9th. Our house wall raising will be done during a celebration week for Habitat. One that celebrates the 30th anniversary of Habitat for Humanity (the organization, not Tulsa). What an incredible honor, after so much struggle, to be able to be a part of that celebration.

Today's comment is about a particular incident. Happened almost a year ago. I had 127 hours left to go on my 450. I desperately wanted to be done by Christmas, and wasn't sure I could accomplish it. I had a friend from my 'class' who had also gone through the wringer trying to get in Broken Arrow and was building in Broken Arrow. Normally, the home owner "hosts" the home. However, for her, they'd be building on Friday's and Saturdays and she worked on Fridays. She needed a hostess. I needed sweat equity hours. We were friends. To our surprise, Habitat agreed.

I went out the second Friday in August. The heat was unbearable. I can remember drinking water ... and wondering why this person who goes to the bathroom relentlessly ...didn't have to go all day. Was I afraid of the portapotty and mentally blocking it? About 30 minutes before I'd planned on leaving, but 30 minutes after I was allowed to leave ... I was about to faint, so, I decided to pack it in.

Through a hazy mind, I put the hostess kit up ..and got into my car. I gulped some water. I drove about 2 miles, then had to run into a resteraunt to use the restroom. I had the runs like I couldn't have imagined. WHERE DID THAT COME FROM! (didn't know that was a sign of being over heated at the time). I was so relieved it had happened AFTER I'd left the porta potty.

I drove over to Habitat to turn in my sweat equity slip as required. I felt like I'd accomplished something. I still felt like I was gulping for air, but I had finished the day. I walked in and handed the family coordinator my ticket. She looked alarmed.

"Peggikaye! Are you going to be able to physically DO this?"

I assured her, I could.

I got back into the car and was appalled at the fact that oh my gosh, I'm SICK. I think Mary confirming that I looked as bad as I felt ... scared me.

I started to cry as I drove home. I prayed and I cried. It was one of those times that I know that I know that I know that God exists ... and that God has an interest in my day to day living ... and no one could ever convince me otherwise. I was desperately sick .. and having someone acknowlege it, just seemed to tune me into how desperately sick I was.

Was Mary right, was the lupus, myasthenic patient going to be able to work these hours outside in Oklahoma August to get the hours done?

God ...how! How am I going to do this?

As I pulled off the expressway, the radio announcer said they were playing a song that they were sure was going to touch, and help a lot of people.
Bebo Norman started to sing a song
Take my hand and walk with me a while
Cause it seems your smile has left you
And don't give in, when you fall apart
And your broken heart has failed you
I'll set a light up
On a hilltop
To show you my love
For this world to see

You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
'Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine

Take my love when all that you can see
Is the raging sea all around us
And don't give up 'cause I'm not letting go
And the God we know will not fail us
We'll lay it all down
As we call out
Sweet Savior
help our unbelief

You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
'Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine

When you are weak
Unable to speak
You are not alone
The God who has saved us
Will never forsake us
he's coming to take us
Take us to our home

You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
'Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine

Take my hand
Take my love
Don't give in
Don't give up
(by Bebo Norman)

As the words hit my heart ... and I had a clear knowlege, I was not alone. I had my small group praying, my friends praying, my worship team praying, the youth group praying, the church staff praying ... and I knew that was how I was going to get it done, even in the oklahoma heat! I had faith to borrow when I was too sick to see straight!

I got home, took a shower and went to bed. It was 4 pm. I woke up the next morning at about 10 am ... in the hospital. I had a massive UTI, dehydration.
A couple of days later, the song running through my head, I realized ... it had been so massively hard ...not because I had lupus or MG ... but because I was sick. I would get through.

It was never easy ..and it was always difficult and DID effect both the lupus and the MG ... however, every week as I left Bonnie's house, I'd get into the car and before I could get to the end of her street .. the song would come on ...

Borrow mine
When you can't go on
'Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine


The most incredible God moment of the whole Habitat sweat equity journey came the moment I hit 450 hours. I was tired, but excited, it was my last day. I was hitting the top! I was at the ReStore and had the Christian station on. My friend from small group was at her job, and had the same station on.
As the clock turned to 3 pm that October day ... The song came on ... RIGHT as I hit my final minute. I knew it was God's gift to me ...and to Cindy for praying me through, loaning me faith ...and cheering me on.
We texted each other excitedly ... DID YOU HEAR THAT!!!!

I've been asked both on line and off ... how can you have such an unwavering faith ... when you have had moments like these, and you can feel God the Father smiling at you, cheering for you and almost hear him saying "I care about every little thing!" and you know, that when your faith is down ...you have friends who you can go to. You find ..that you have no choice but to believe.

temperatures

Pearls and Dreams

Day before yesterday at this time it was 87, yesterday, 91 ...right now ...101.

Lovely, heat wave has returned.

Pearls and Dreams

Pearls and Dreams

Dear Lady,

I know that you were anxious and upset at having to spend your time this afternoon in a breast surgeon's office. I realize that just the fact that you'd been referred to this particular doctor was an anxiety producing experience for you. However, that did not give you the right to make the experience worse for the rest of us, that were in the same position as you.
The fact that it was 4:10 and your appointment was for 4:15 and you had not been taken back yet, should not have been surprising to you. If it is, then it is obvious that you have not spent too much time in doctor's offices. To stand there and demand that your appointment was for 4:15 and that that is when you better see the doctor. There are other women who are also waiting their turn to see the doctor. My appointment was for 4, you might as well sit down and wait ... I will be seen before you.
When you got up for the third time to yell at the receptionist (who ever taught you it was appropriate to YELL at a doctor's office staff?) and tell them that they had no right to make you wait like this, that this was one of the most anxiety producing experiences in your life and how dare they put you through this (at 4:18 mind you) I wanted to get up and say something. I wish, I had the nerve to have done so.
First of all ...not ONE woman in that office was there as 'just a patient'. Every single woman that walks through those doors is there because they've had a problem with their breasts. No one, is there because things are OK. No one is there as a standard patient like they are in a primary care office. No one, is there and comfortable. Every woman coming into that office is on edge because they could be walking out with news they don't want to hear. Or already has news they didn't want to hear.
You are obviously in your 50's. You are obviously, an inexperienced patient ... you obviously will never know what it means to NEVER in your life hear "your mammogram is normal" because your first mammogram was abnormal and got you sent to that breast surgeon to start with. You obviously have had, otherwise good health.
I know that there is great panic in this issue, I've watched our church secretary deal with it for the last 3 or 4 months. With great grace and dignity, might I add! I realize that you don't know if you really have breast cancer, and you are scared. I know that. I know that you feel your life is out of control ... but that doesn't give you the right to attack the doctor's office staff ... nor yell and make the rest of us who's appointments were scheduled before you uncomfortable. You really didn't have the right to increase our anxiety because of your own anxiety.
You know, as I sat there realizing that you obviously were an inexperienced patient I wondered what it must be like to be in the mid 50's and not know how a doctor's office operates. I wondered what would it be like to go more than 5 decades of a life before a real health issue effected my life. I can't even imagine. Catestrophic illness effected me before I hit the quarter century mark. I've never known a day of parenting without chronic illness.
While, I'm not discounting the fear you're going through ... I am saying your fear is not unknown to those around you. Maybe, just maybe, you might want to look at what you have had up till now ... if you truly ARE sick ... you're going to need every ounce of courage you can get to fight the disease ... and trust me, screaming at the doctor's staff ... and making everyone around you miserable, will not help anyone, but especially ... not you.

Another Patient.

As far as my appointment went ... she wants a repeat of mammogram and seeing her in 6 months. Calcifications are the microcalcifications ... and they've grown slightly ... she still can't tell me if the pain is the calcification related or lupus related, but the tissue where the pain is isn't 'normal' but there is no tumor or cyst where the pain is. So, continue as is ...and follow up in 6 months. :P

She said I didn't look healthy. To get some rest. hmmm Lovely.

Monday's Musings

Pearls and Dreams

I got up this morning and went to my work out. I did manage to complete it today. It was hard work ... and I had to take a break, which, I don't normally have to do ...but I completed it.
Very very frustrated at the 3 steps forward 2 steps back. Yes, I know, it's the nature of autoimmunity.
There was a time a few years ago that the idea of working out was unbelievable ... impossible, so I should be grateful at the progress I've made rather than the progress I'm not making.

Today, my PT was working with another lady ...and she was working hard with a one lb weight. He looked over at me and grinned ... BIG grin. I know he was remembering when we first started ...I had 1/2 lbs and I had to do 5 repititions, rest for 3 or 4 minutes ... and do 5 more ...and it wore me out.
Now I'm doing 6 lbs ... only 3 sets of 6 repititions (I had worked my way up to 7 repititions of 3 sets of 10 ... but, we've gone backwards again)

So, several weeks ago, before I was out of official PT and in the aftercare, my Psychiatrist suggested that I ask the PT (who is also a certified personal trainer in addition to being a physical therapist, he's also worked with those with eating disorders ... ) what his opinion of my exercise 'mindset' is.

They have a theory that while I can't exericise to the point of exercise bulimia because of the autoimmunity ... my mind is still there and I go overboard and push it too hard and exercise obsessively and to a disordered degree. Thhpppffttt.

So, after several "Have you asked your therapist?" "If you don't, I'm going to need you to sign this release to get his opinion officially" correspondences ... I finally got the nerve to email him and ask. His response was rude. "Hmm… I would say you have the exercise mindset of an OCD persona."

Ok ... lol ...so that's probably not rude. My first thought was "How wude!" So, now I am I supposed to tell my psychiatrist that I don't obessessivly exercise? hmmmmmm How wude. He was supposed to take my side. That's the problem with having a PT that's known you for 7 years. :P

I sent him the angry baby picture from Dr. Deb's site (angry faces post)in response.

I came home from working out and took a 4 hour nap. My husband is making dinner tonight.

Tomorrow, I go to the breast surgeon to discuss the mammogram from last week. I hate these appointments. It is unnerving to have to be in a specialists office for this. Knowing there is a reason to be followed by a breast surgeon is not comforting. Knowing it will in all likelihood never turn out to be anything ... is beside the point, they're not sure enough to let my family doc follow it. A specialist is following it. ugh.

Mom's evaluation for dementia is on Friday. I don't think it's anytime too soon. I'm a bit uncomfortable about it. I thought it wasn't going to be too bad, she's acted like she's in favor of the testing and understood why it is being done. Then, when I wasn't at church yesterday, she evidently said that she was upset at having the testing done. Thankfully, our associate pastor (teaching the class) talked her into the necessisty of it. sigh.

Blue Eyes

Pearls and Dreams

There once was a little girl with big blue eyes who bounced. Every where she went ...she bounced. She couldn't sit still, she couldn't walk normally ... she didn't do anything, without bouncing. You can even see it in all of her pictures, she was a bouncy little girl.

This little girl was the youngest child, and had an older sister, and older step siblings. A younger half brother would come along, but lived with her father and his mother and isn't part of this story ... isn't really a part of this story either.

2 of the step siblings lived with this little girl and her sister. A brother, and a sister. They were 10 and 11 years older than the girl. The brother was the oldest. The little girl never understood what 'step' meant until long after the brother and sister moved out and went back to live with their mother. Their father, married her mother when the little girl was 13 months old, as far as she was concerned, they were her brother and sister. She never saw them as anything else. Their father, was Daddy, as well.

There was a day when the brother and all 3 sisters were skating in the neighborhood. The little girl kept falling down, and the older sister was determined to teach the youngest girl how to skate without falling. The brother and the sister worked tirelessly to help her. They had friends that came by and would say "let's go to ..." and they said "No, we're teaching her how to skate" The little sister knew that they would be allowed by the parents to go with the friends, watching the little kids wasn't a requirements. Tag alongs ... wasn't encouraged.
She knew they were CHOOSING to play with her. She felt so loved. Cherished.

The next weekend, she was watching cartoons and her brother came in. "Come on! I got something for you!"
All the neighborhood kids were playing ... he could have been playing with anyone, but he came to play with the little blue eyed bouncy girl. He grabbed her and put her on his shoulders and they went out the door. She still had no idea what was up.

When they got outside, he put her down on the hood of the car "Shhhh, don't tell Dad!"
He went behind the bush and brought out a great big ...almost as big as the blue eyed girl ... box kite! Red on one side, yellow on the other.
"this is for us!"

They started to run down the street with it. It lifted into the air ... and the kite flew. It was a perfect day ...and the brother was watching the blue eyed girl, not the kite. Everytime she'd look at him to laugh, he was watching her ...

The kite came down when the wind died. But, he said that was ok. We'd get it back up again. He gave her the string ...and told her to run. She took off and the kite lifted a little ... the kite was heavier than she'd expected it to be. It only went up a little ways off the ground. As she was running down the street, one of the boys who liked to pick on her was out there mowing the lawn ... he picked up his lawn mower and held it out ... it chopped up the kite before her brother could stop him.

The little girl was crushed. The kite ...was in pieces. Her heart was broken in as many pieces. How could he do this to her? Her brother walked up to the bully and asked him why he did that. The boy with the mower said "To see her cry"

Her brother calmly looked at the bully, and then ...
PUNCHED HIM IN THE FACE ... picked up the blue eyed girl and calmly walked back to the house.

The little girl knew the brother treasured her ... she knew she was worth protecting.

The brother and sister only lived with them for a little while after that ... and when they left, a piece of her heart left with them. But, she's never forgotten that they loved her ... and she's never forgotten they protected her.

Mike ... I love you. Thank you big brother.

How, not why ....

Pearls and Dreams

The trend in blogging this week seems to be "why" postings ... started by Dr. A, then followed by neonursechic ... and a few others followed suit,I've decided to change the pattern a bit ...and say how instead of why.


How do I leave myself open enough for loving someone, and yet, not vunerable enough to be wounded at the same time?

How to I trust someone who's wounded me ... and try to reconcile the relationship?

How do I trust my body from day to day to do what I need it to do?

How do I see myself as others evidently see me?

How do I begin to open up my heart on a personal basis?

How do I trust that the feelings that are painful aren't really going to overwhelm me?

How do I begin to tear down the wall without putting up another one in it's place?

Pearls and Dreams

Pearls and Dreams



Just for an FYI ...

Heat and myasthenia gravis don't get along.
Heat and Lupus don't get along.
Heat and migraines don't get along.
Heat and mobile homes that are falling apart don't get along.

Pk's body ... needs a break.

This is the last summer I have to live in a mobile home without adequate insulation ... and window units that won't cool down the house. Next year, I'll be in my well insulated home. :D

This year however, it's sucks!
A/C's going full blast and still over 90 inside the house ...and shortness of breath prevails.

Blogging Against Child Abuse

Pearls and Dreams

The Second Edition of Blogging Against Child Abuse is up at Survivors Can Thrive.

Please go check out the stories of those who bravely shared their stories of survival.

BA meeting! Back to the Beach!

Pearls and Dreams

Yea Man!! Surf's up DUDE !!!!!!!

TJ is hostessing the BA meeting in Havaii ...

she even arranged for dinner! Dr. A brought the first round of drinks!!

Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse

Pearls and Dreams

This is a posting for the blog carnival against child abuse. The names have been changed to psuedonymns to protect the innocent ... The story, is 100% true.

Shortly after my step dad died, my mom transferred me to the private Christian school. (which, to this day remains in my memory as my favorite school memories)I finished the 8th grade year there, and would stay there through half my Junior year, when we moved out of the state to where I am living now.

My freshman year, I joined the choir. As a choir member, we had the opportunity to sing solo's, duets, trio's ensamble's etc for chapel services on Wednesday. Sometimes we asked, sometimes we were asked. The first time I did it, I was asked to do it. I'm not sure I'd have ever done it a second time if not having been asked the first.

I was given a date to get ready, and given a list of the girls who could play piano for me. I went to one of the girls, she was a 7th grader. She and I practiced when we had time, but since she was in the Junior high, and I was in the high school, our schedules didn't often allow for time. She invited me over to her house to practice. We found that we hit it off as friends, as well as musically. So she suggested coming for dinner, too.

The next day, I brought a change of clothes. Our dress code for school was dresses. It was still warm, so we wanted to be comfortable after school. At Pianists house, I changed into shorts and a tank top. It was a good thing too, her house was HOT! She said her dad tends to keep it that way, and she dresses in shorts year round to keep from getting sick. She didn't seen happy about it.

I met her parents. Her mom, was shaking. Pianist told me her mom had a disease that made her do that. Her Dad came in to meet me. It kind of surprised me that her Dad was home in the middle of the day. She told me that he was a pastor of a small Baptist church. His office was in their basement. She told him why I was there, and we went into her room to change.

Her parents were much older than I'd expected and I found out that she and her brother had been adopted. Her mom had been sick for quite a while. I never knew her life was so rough. She always seemed like such a happy go lucky person. Things here at her house seemed so much 'darker' than what she ever let onto them being.

We went out to the piano to practice my song. We practiced, and practiced. After a while, her father walked back up stairs to tell us that it was sounding good. He said that "I surrender All" was one of his favorite songs. I told him it was my favorite. He put his arm around me and said "I knew I liked you!"

His arm went too far around my shoulder. His fingers slipped under my tank top and onto my breast. I moved quickly and assumed it was an accident. Totally embarrassed ... there was no way I could tell Pianist that her father had touched me ... at that time ... I thought his arm was just too long ...

After dinner we sat down to watch TV ... and he came to sit by Pianist and I. He sat down next to me. His hand landed on my leg, and my knee and he squeezed my knee. It was the first time in my life I felt sickened by the touch of a man ...or the touch of a father ..or a friends father scared me.

But he was a pastor! How could this be? He was a husband! He was a father! He was a PASTOR!

I was at Pianists house. I'm not sure the reason I'd gone over there. We'd become such great friends ... it could have been to practice a song, to hang out together or just about any reason. As uncomfortable as I was over at her house. She often begged me to come to her house.

My house was empty ... my sister had gone off to college, and my Daddy had died, my mom was emotionally unavailable, and often physically gone because of her job. As long as Pianists dad wasn't around, Pianist and I had an absolute blast together.

We were in her bedroom talking, laughing and having fun. Her Dad stuck his head in the door and said that if she and I made dinner, I could stay for dinner. No problem!

A little while later, we went into the living room to watch TV before time to fix dinner. Pianist was on one chair, and I was on the couch. We were watching cartoons and laughing at how silly it was for 2 teenaged girls to watch cartoons. Her dad came and sat down next to me. I wanted to move, but didn't know how to do it without making it obvious.

He put his hand on my knee, and squeezed, ... and he started to talk about how difficult it was to be a pastor with a disabled wife. He asked me if I knew the responsibilities that a pastor had, how much that weighed on the shoulders of a man.

I didn't say much, I just kind of shrugged my shoulders.

Then he'd tell me that most pastors have a wife who is there to support them, emotionally, physically and spiritually, but his wife is too sick to do any of that.She is so sick, that often, she's not even able to support herself ..so he has to carry her burden as well as his. He put his arm around me, and touched me on the right breast and said
"Can you imagine, how difficult it is for a pastor to have a disabled wife?"

Pianist was watching the TV, I honestly don't know if she didn't hear what was going on, or if she was purposely trying to ignore it because of her own fears and embarrassments.

When it came time, we went into the kitchen to fix dinner. We were having so much fun. We were laughing, and messing around. Boy were we going to have a mess to clean up after dinner!!

Suddenly, Pianist got quiet. Her dad had walked in. He walked up to her and said "You guys seem to be enjoying yourselves. We should have you two cook more often!" She breathed a bit.

I was at the sink, he came up behind me, and squeezed my shoulders, I could feel that he had an errection and he whispered in my ear. "You don't know how difficult it is for a pastor to have a disabled wife"

He left the kitchen, and Pianist and I quietly started to go back to finishing getting dinner together ... her mom came to the table to eat. She normally was very glad to see me. Tonight, she seemed very annoyed with both Pianist and I.

Monday Morning

It's monday morning and I'm alone :D. Something that is on short supply this summer. The neighborhood kids are not the type the boys like to hang around with, or, are allowed to hang around with ...so, they're inside most of the time.

Don has gone to 3 days of testing with Vocational Rehabilitation ... to see what they recommend for job training if he goes back to college.

I have mixed feelings. I think his dreams are outreaching his health ...and he's not the most determined person to make sure things get done ... procrastination is his middle name. How much of the procrastination is character, and how much is not feeling well all the time, is hard to tell.

So, the boys stayed up late last night, will sleep in late this morning ..and I get peace and quiet ..for a little while anyway.

not a positive post

Pearls and Dreams

I was informed that I haven't really blogged, other than my bits and spits ... in a few days.

I've had quite the week ..and not real sure where my brain is. Hard to blog when your brain is missing.

I saw my therapist last week and we talked about my body image issues ...she wants to really dig into them. So, Tuesday, I saw my psychiatrist, and HE DID dig into them.

I wasn't really happy with the results, regardless of how accurate it was. Their solution for me fixing the issues wasn't exactly on my top 10 list of doing either.

My psychiatrist says that I want to be invisible ... and that my loosing weight and gaining weight with the eating disorder is largely tied into that. As much as I hate being overweight ... as much as it upsets me ... being visible upsets me more. As I loose weight, and get down to about where I am now ... people start to make remarks ...how good I look ..and some not so generalized remarks.
As I get down about 20 to 30 lbs lower, the remarks really start ... and the terms become more sexualized ..and ... I freak out ...and wind up gaining ... climbing right back over 250 lbs to 285 lbs...where I can stay invisible to society.

Usually ..the weight comes off in 80 to 100 lbs in just a few months. 98 lbs in 4 months put me in myasthenic crisis and in ICU ... hospitalized for 17 days ... and no one figured out it was my own starving myself that did it (even though I refused to eat in the hospital).

This time ...the weight has been much slower ... 60 lbs in 21 months. Slow steady ..and even ...and I thought my brain would wrap around it, but it hasn't. In my mind, I'm still the almost 300 lbs person I was 2 years ago. What alarmed me in the conversation with my psychiatrist ... is that maybe the prednisone that I was put on in crisis' after a massive weight loss didn't have as much to do with the weight gain ..as the panic over the comments I'd get ...

I'm certainly not liking them now. My ideal would be ...loose the weight ..and no one notice. Invisible. Like the blog world .. see my heart, not my body.

Let me get healthy and not sexualize it ..please. But, it seems like that's what we live in, even in a Christian environment ..because, christians are sexual beings too,even when they don't want to admit it (or there would be no children).

Top that conversation off (yes, I did end that abruptly) I saw my urologist ...who is talking about my probably needing to go to Intermittent Self-Catheterization. Ok, so he said it was going to be necessary ... his preference would be now. I think he backed off yesterday because I almost fainted (literally) when he mentioned it. I must have gone awfully pale because he said we'd discuss it at the next appointment. I got pretty dizzy and the world was spinning around me ... I wasn't prepared for that ...
I kind of knew he'd be thinking about another surgery, and he is ... I just didn't expect it to be both surgery and THIS.

For the record ... I hate having lupus and myasthenia. I hate having a whacked out body image and eating disorder ... I hate eating (hmmm does that make sense following the previous statement) ... and in short ... I wish I was healthy and a healthy weight ... then ... I don't know.

Sorry for the downer of a post ... maybe now that I've gotten it out of my system I can go back to my regular blogging.

testing

test test test 1 2 3

Will post later

Pearls and Dreams

I had planned on getting up this morning and posting this really neat, profound (In my opinion lol) post. Eye catching and ... well ...

I went to bed last night at a reasonable time ... like 11 pm. I woke up to go work out at 8:30, got up, could not get moving, took my tucas back to bed ...and I woke up at TWO IN THE AFTERNOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess I was tired.

Last night ... I got the phone call that Kylies final test that was looking for cancer in other parts of her body came back clean.

I'd slept better Monday after seeing her than since she left for OKC. I guess, after getting the final news that the cancer was isolated to that tumor ... I SLEPT.

So, after church tonight, I will try to put my profound post.

Pearls and Dreams

Pearls and Dreams

Hear ye Hear ye ... a special installment of Blogger's Anonymous is conveining at the beach thanks to the special hostessing powers of Neuronursechic

Bring your snacks ..bring your beverages, blankets, beach umbrella's, SUN SCREEN!, and I came up with the topic of a plan to storm blogger's headquarters ... However, the idea for topics is still open.

There is plenty of gingerale for Moof this time.

home

Pearls and Dreams

Kylie girl really DOES look good for a girl who had brain surgery just 12 days ago. She has severely crossed eyes, which makes her kind of lethargic. When they put the glasses on her that help to straighten her eyes ... she definitely cheers up. However, she hates to wear the glasses and only lasts a few minutes.

Teresa is doing remarkably well. She admitted to being tired, worn down. Her soon to be ex husband's family is wearing her out emotionally. They've been a HUGE help with Kylie. Emmense. His grandmother ...one of the most interferring controlling women I've ever met ... has been there and caused so much stress for Teresa it's not funny ... and yet ... she'll spend the night and get up at every slight noise every time the nurses come in ... so Teresa can get a good nights sleep. They make sure that Kylie lacks nothing, and Teresa has what she needs.
Physically, they are making sure that everything possible is done for them. Emotionally, they're tearing her apart.


The trip was a good trip. Ronda and I have not had much time together for about a year and a half. Since her mom got really sick. Her mom died last May (2005).
Then she started teaching for the first time, in August. So, as a first year teacher, it was a rough year.
Her Dad met someone a few months ago, and got married in June. I met her step mom today. She and her Dad are an absolutely DELIGHTFUL couple!!!

I start my work outs again tomorrow. I missed a lot last week from not feeling well. Today from going to see T.

I am tired, but oh so glad I finally got to see my baby girl, both of them ;)


Thunderstorms are rolling through so I should shut down the puter.

misc.

Pearls and Dreams

So, tomorrow ... a friend and I are taking a girls day out and going to OKC. I'm going to meet her dad and step mom for lunch and going to OU pediatric hospital to see Kylie girl!!!

With my own two little eyes!

Our church reached the goal today ... the fundraising was complete of the funds needed for our church to participate in the Habitat build. :D


Italy beat France ...oh yea!

Emailed the director of the camp and thanked him for the opportunity to serve. He emailed back and said he was looking forward to working with me again on more state events ... SAY WHATWHOSAWHATSIT??????

My pastors wife was laughing at me today ... she said she could see the excitement in me ... she said I was so excited I couldn't stand myself. Yep. It's a good place to be.

I made a joke today at Sunday School about mom forgetting it was Sunday and that was why she wasn't at church.
It evidently wasn't a funny joke. :(
Guess I should have gone and called her.

She said she was too tired anyway. She's going to be giving up a day of work. (good, she shouldn't be driving, but is)

I will see you all after I get back from OKC.

More house stuffs

Pearls and Dreams


The screen rolls up into the door so it's not seen. This will be on the mudroom door. Seen below.



Hopefully, this will be our front door.



And our thermal windows.

Praying

Pearls and Dreams

I have spent the night not sleeping. I woke up around 3. Spent a silly half hour on IM with Wanda. Then started to do research for my friend Teresa on her baby. I've promised to find her survivor stories.

I found her one the night I promised. While we were talking I found it.

I've looked. I've poured through about every site I can find since then.

I'm getting discouraged. My heart is breaking and obviously I can't tell her that.
I don't think it helps that Baby Kylie had a bad day yesterday. The nurse, PA, and neurosurgeon all said it was a normal post surgical problem ...and given where it is in the surgical wound, it's ok, the rest of the surgical wound looks great (even by her Mamma's report).
Because the surgical site goes into the bend in the neck, it doesn't heal as fast as the part supported by the skull ... and well ...some spinal fluid leaked out yesterday.

They had to do a spinal tap on poor baby. They needed to do one anyway as part of the cancer studies ..but still.

She had a miserably rough day. Teresa called me twice. It's been a week since Teresa called me twice in one day.

The other thing I've been researching is my own Mamma.

rough night.

Nothing to do today but to rest ... tomorrow is church only and the men in my family going fishing overnight.

Actually, this month ... except for doctor appointments and getting ready for the house and my church stuff on Wednesdays and Sundays... my schedule is remarkably light.

Ok ...so this week I have Pulmo on Monday, Psychiatrist on Tuesday (anyone wanna go for me? I made the mistake of actually writing him a letter last week!!!)the urologist on thursday and endocrinologist on Friday.

hmmmm the breast surgeon never called back to reschedule mammo and appt. Need to do that. Someone remind me next week cause I WILL forget, then when I go back to PCP in 3 months get into trouble for it. She wasn't happy today that I hadn't seen her on Monday. (well, she wasn't there ...not my fault! I scheduled it 6 months ago! THEY cancelled it 2 weeks ago!)

Floor tile possible choice

Pearls and Dreams

this is very similar to what we're thinking on floor tile. It's very white marble looking. Which is neat looking next to the dark marble looking countertop.



I saw the whole countertop at Lowes today ... AWESOME! I have a chip to carry around with me. TOOO COOL.

I'm also looking at welcome mats :D I'm going to see if I can find the ones I like at Lowes and post them. When I do, they'll be in place of this paragraph.

Tagged

Pearls and Dreams
Four jobs I have had in my life:
Waitress
Grocery store clerk
Daycare teacher
Market Research Interviewer


Four movies I would watch over and over:
Muppets Take Manhattan
Chronicals of Narnia : The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe
Beauty and the Beast (Disney)
Gone with the Wind


Four places I have lived:
Orange County
Mariposa
Pueblo
Tulsa

Four TV shows I love/loved to watch:
CSI
M*A*S*H
Numbers
House

Four places I have been on vacation:
Yosemite
Oregon
Minnesota
Colorado


Four websites I look at daily
Crosswalk.com
http://www.kotv.com/
http://www.habitat-tulsa.org/where.shtml (I keep checking here to see if our house is on there with a date to start building yet)
www.kxoj.com

People I'll Tag
hmmmmm if you're interested ... go for it!

Friends Baby

Pearls and Dreams

Kylie girl has a tumor called an AT/RT tumor. It is cancer. It is not good. This is from Saint Jude's ...

Disease Information
Brain Tumor: Atypical Teratoid / Rhabdoid Tumor (ATRT)
Alternative Names: ATRT

Definition

This rare, high-grade tumor occurs most commonly in children younger than 2. It is generally found in the cerebellum, which is the lower, back part of the brain that controls balance. These tumors tend to be aggressive and frequently spread through the central nervous system.


Incidence

This diagnosis has been classified only in the last three to five years; the tumor is a subset of medulloblastomas. They occur in about 1-2 percent of children with brain tumors.


Survival Rates

Even after surgery and chemotherapy treatment, the survival rate for children younger than 3 at diagnosis is less than 10 percent. It appears that older children, when treated with chemotherapy and radiation therapy after surgery, do somewhat better long-term, nearing 70 percent.


Treatment Strategies

Treatment generally involves surgical removal of the tumor followed by chemotherapy. Radiation therapy may be considered depending on the age of the child and whether the tumor has recurred.


Current Research

Researchers are investigating new, more effective methods of treating brain tumors of infants and young children. High doses of radiation can’t be used because it may cause permanent problems with thinking, learning, and growing when given to very young children. It has been standard therapy to administer chemotherapy in an attempt to delay giving radiation therapy until the child is older and thus giving the brain more time to develop. However, chemotherapy alone has not been effective in fighting brain tumors.

New radiation techniques that minimize damage to healthy tissue that surrounds brain tumor tissue are under investigation.

Stem cell transplantation as a part of treatment continues to be under study.

Scientists continue to study chromosomal abnormalities, genes, and proteins that may have a role in the development and metastasis (spread to other parts of the central nervous system) of pediatric brain tumors.

Clinical trials are underway to develop chemotherapy drugs effective against this tumor.

Smile

Pearls and Dreams

At camp, I had more than one adult walk up to me and tell me what a priviledge it was to watch my sons and I interact. They'd been to summer camp with my kids for several years,and they knew I had good kids. Seeing us together, they understood why.

It was a real kick to hear the compliments, both on their character, and on us as a family.

Then today, I'm laying down in my bedroom resting and my 16 year old comes barging into my room and says "I love you mom".
With all the sincerity he has. There was no "I need something" behind it.

Touched, I wanted to know what brought it on, not that he doesn't tell me he loves me ... he does, daily. It's just, in the middle of the afternoon, out of the blue ..and SO lovingly ???

So

He says he was watching TV. Just a stupid show. One that kids have said ... I wish my parents are like that ... etc etc. One of those shows that adults like to remind teenagers that life isn't really like that.

Something happened on the show between the parents and the 16 year old son. My son wasn't impressed, again by the way the parents responded.

So he came into the room to tell me how much he loved me and was glad I'm his mom.

You know ... I'm glad he's my son too.

Freedom

Pearls and Dreams

If Freedom Was Lost
by Peggikaye Eagler

It's the little things
That make this country great,
The ability to walk freely
As we travel from state to state.


The things we take for granted,
Men gave their lives with pride.
We stand attention and pledge,
Taking our liberties in stride.


What would we do
If our freedom was lost?
Would we stand and fight
Knowing our lives are the cost?


When we look at the flag,
And sing our songs loud,
Do we realize the honor
To sing and stand proud?


We argue and fight each other,
Who's rights are trampled today?
Our lives so full of freedoms,
We forget the need to pray.


Is our country the same,
If God we set aside?
Can we have true freedom,
Dependent on American Pride?


To the flag we pledge,
Our commitment and strength.
But it's our faith in God,
That gives the country it's life's length!


© Peggikaye Eagler

Pictures of Home

Pearls and Dreams

Pearls and Dreams

Pearls and Dreams

Peggikaye -- [noun]: A person with a sixth sense for detecting the presence of goblins 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

You should have grown up during the twenties You are cool, sophisticated and hip – even by today’s standards. You like things before they are considered cool, and you like them long afterwards. Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

squeal, eek, scream!

Pearls and Dreams

Got home a little while ago, we picked most of our colors. The siding and flooring will be picked closer to the build time (August ...do you realize that's just a few weeks away???)

We picked the counter tops ...

it's named Labrador Granite. It looks like marble in real life. Very pretty. There is a brown running through it, that is the same color as the carpet we picked ... I couldn't find the carpet on line ... it's called Adobe (product # 88711 ...if I can ever figure out what company they use to find who's product number it is!)
Pine cabinets (or stained pine color anyway, so very light to contrast the dark)

We get the windows that tilt to clean. For the life of me, I can't think of the name of the company.
Central heat and air (YEA!!)
An Attic (didn't know that!!!)

When we pick the siding, we will pick blue with white trim. We go to lowes or home depot to pick the flooring ourselves ... and pick anything that's 98cents a tile or less. ACK! I can't wait!!!

We have a copy of our floor plans, if I can get to a scanner, I will try to get them posted.

Here is a website from a church that frequently sponsors houses. We believe they are one of the sponsors of our house. The page shows a slide show of them putting up another house on the other side of town. The workers in the red hats, will be working on my house, and the guy with the shoulder length gray hair will be too. All of the guys standing by the truck will be as well, and the 2 guys on the roof.

The coolest thing, Habitat names each house. The board chooses the names. The families have absolutely nothing to do with the name chosen. We were told the name of our house today.

The Apostle's House.

How Awesome is that? How AWESOME IS GOD?!

Dear Teresa

Pearls and Dreams

Dear Dear friend,

I wish that I could be there with you every minute as you go through this ... more than that, I wish I could take this from you. It is so unfair for such a young baby to have to have such a scary thing. She's sooo young. 17 months old is too young to have a brain tumor. 27 is too young to have to deal with neurologists, neurosurgeons, oncologists and the other specialists you're dealing with.

For years, we've joked about me being your step mom ...suddenly ...you feel like my daughter for real, and my heart is breaking. I want to take this from you, to bear it for you. I want to talk to the doctors for you, to handle the stress for you ...to hold your hand and walk you through it ...

I want to take your dear, sweet little baby and run with her where no one can hurt her ...not even this awful tumer invading her precious little brain. I remember all too well sitting down with a doctor discussing the possibility of an operation on my sons brain ... so I do understand the fear ... and I want yours to go away like mine did.

I want them to come back in and say "we were wrong." It's not a tumor. It's not there ... It's not, we don't have to operate.

I want Kylie's outcome to be like Samuel's ...and now! My heart is breaking for you my friend and I feel so helpless that you're so far from me ... I can't even hold your hand and pray with you.

The hours we sat over coffee while we waited on MRI results ...would Benjamin need surgery to correct the craniosynostosis?

You, and I together, hand in hand ...as mom's have faced this stupid idea of a baby's head being operated on more times than any mom should ever have!! You waited with me ... as doctor's took their time deciding if this was the movement that was severe enough to send us up and on to the next specialist in line ... only for them to decide to send the records alone ... and you held my hand, and your breath with mine as they decided whether or not to operate and correct the skull closing too quickly around his little brain.

Again ... we were spared ... in nick of time ... and you breathed a sigh of relief with me ...rejoicing with me. Celebrating with a cup of coffee ... that ever present cup of coffee that it's been so long since we've gotten to share.

Sweet Kylie girl ... you're so deep in my prayers and I love you so much. Your Mamma is a good mamma ...and she loves you more than you can imagine. She's had practice waiting for this ... unfortunately, it looks like the call won't come to stop the surgery this time ... and my heart can't stand it ..but my prayers can still be prayed.

So Teresa ...tonight ..while you're down there, and I'm up here ...know, that I'm drinking a cup of coffee, and lifting a prayer ... and remembering the number of times that we've supported each other ... and prayers got us through ...and God will get your Kylie through this time too ...

I love you ... I love your Kylie dear. But more than I could possibly love you ... God loves you both more.

tRiViAl

Well, the church camp wound up paying me. I had no clue they did that! They paid me $100. After tithing on it, and putting $50 into the family budget. I took $40 of it for myself ... I decided to use that at the Sally's army store rather than just getting one outfit.
Today, I spent 27 dollars and got an unreal amount of stuff ...including a Gloria Vanderbelt *EDITED* Denim skort that looks brand new, a Leslie Fay dress suit, a linen skirt (pink), naturalizer dress shoes that don't look like they've been worn (black to go with the suit) and several summer sweaters and tank tops. I got 3 pair of shorts and a pair of Venezia Jeans (I think that's the brand)it's a fairly well known brand, not sure how to spell it. Those are cool, they look brand new ... black.
I got a slinky animal print skirt too, with a blouse to match. Got home, had 2 blouses that matched it, which frustrated me cause I spent most of my time looking for a blouse to match the skirt ... I could have been looking for something else, but I really wanted that skirt, but it's such an odd color, I thought if I didn't get something, I'd not find something to match. Didn't realize I already dress quite a bit in that color scheme.

Well ... At some point, I might let someone take some pics of me in my new clothes

OOPS

Pearls and Dreams

I thought I had posted that I'd be gone for a week. I guess I'd told Wanda and Wolfbaby and an email list. OOPs.

I went to church camp as a counselor, and a creating writing instructor. I went down a day early, as requested, for counselor training. I was asked to be the camp medic. That was, an interesting job to say the least.

The week started off with a little girl getting a nail under her fingernail. YIKES! Scared me to death! I was clueless what to do. Do I take her to the ER? Do I call her mom? Do I watch it? What do I do??? BREATH PEGGIKAYE!!

So, I made her wash it really well with antibacterial soap, and then put some neosporin on it, and then put a bandaid on it. I then went to find out if we could administer tylenol without written permission.
We could. *whew*

The girl had an identical twin sister. Her sister, got an infected finger on the SAME finger of the opposite hand on the next day. Weirdness. Heard of that phenomenon, never knew it was actually true.

We had one kid break his wrist at the skateboard park, the only one who had to go to the ER. Much better than last years 5 kids ... mine stayed out of the ER this year. No one from our church went to the ER this year.

We had some very serious issues that we dealt with in the camp, from kids caught smoking (in MY CABIN!!) to suicidal ideation, to eating disorers (plural) to kids who'd been molested, to kids and drug use (and yet again, in MY CABIN)to one girl who'd been a victim of attempted murder.

I made some good connections at the camp, both teens and adults. I had many of the adults tell me that it was a real privilege to watch me with my kids. They really enjoyed watching us together and wished they could see that kind of relationship more often.

I was very disappointed the last day that I didn't get to hear Samuel preach. The final chapel, they had a chance to share testimonies and Samuel jumped up there and told the kids that I had said that I came to camp to hear him preach ... but he said that I came for the kids. He asked the kids to raise their hands if they'd been touched by me this week. 205 kids in the camp and over half of them raised their hand. A good number of them were waving them in the air. It brought tears to my eyes, both to see the kids raise their hands and to realize that my son felt it was important to honor me that way!!

The experience was incredible. We had some students from Mid America Christian University (where the camp was located)... a Church of God university ... as well a team of students from Anderson University in Anderson Indiana. The kids from MACU ... I could not have been more impressed with. The kids from Anderson ... I could not have been less impressed with. In fact, I'll be writing a letter to Anderson University about them. Not only did the kids miss out on an opportunity because of their behavior, but THEY missed out on an opportunity as well.

It was an incredible week. The hardest time, by far, was the moment I got a phone call from a friend here in Tulsa. Her 17 year old baby has been diagnosed with a brain tumor. They found it thursday and admitted her immediately. Friday, they found out it is too centralized in the brain to operate on it here in Tulsa, so they are sending her to OKC so a pediatric neurosurgeon is going to do it, instead of a neurosurgeon who does pediatrics. They do suspect it's cancer.

I was devastated ..and fell apart. One of our girls, 16 years old happened to be walking through the lobby and saw me, as well as one of the twins ... they both prayed for me. The little girl was sooo precious. She wound up writing me a note, with a prayer for the baby, from herself, her twin, and her older sister and friend. I will treasure that forever, so will MY friend.

My son saw me crying in the lobby and came out to see what was wrong, he went in to get one of the other counselors, and one of the other youth pastor's who knew me (a former youth pastor from our church) also saw me and came out to find out what was wrong. They prayed with me as well. Leaving T and her baby in God's hands was sooo hard. I wanted to come running home to Tulsa to take care of them. Rob and Samuel and Melissa reminded me that I had 205 kids that still needed me at camp.

It was an incredible week. I've been set up to mentor through email a couple of girls over the next few months and I've gotten several emails from the kids already ... what a week. How my health and energy held up has got to be a God thing only.

I got home and found out that Thursday night, my mom was in the emergency room. She thought she'd taken her daily medications and instead taken the rest of her months supply of Ritalin ...10 pills!!! No one called me, her heart handled it ok ...so they decided to not bother me at camp. Given the shape I was in over my friends baby, that's probably a good thing. Had that not happened, I'd have been really upset.

I got back and found out that we have an address assigned to our new home .... and we're to make an appointment to choose our layout, and to pick our colors, and we should have a building date soon! :)

I have more news, but I can't think of it right now.

Sorry I failed to notify everyone I was going out of town ... it was nice to get the comments of concern and the emails asking if I was ok. Thank you so much!

Excitment

Pearls and Dreams

After a flood of emails back and forth ... it seems the summer mission project for our church is underway. It's been almost 3 long years in the making! You can feel the excitment in the air. I am not sure who's more excited ... us ..or the church.

During the children's sermon, our children's pastor will introduce the mission project, which will be our habitat house. She will start out by asking my sons what we've had to do to get to the point of getting to where we are now. Where we are going, and what school the boys will go to.

Then, she will bring out a piece of sheetrock. She will talk about God being the foundation of a home, and prayers being the true foundation of our home having gotten this far even though the house will be built of wood and sheetrock. Then, she will tell the church, and the kiddo's that the way Southpark can participate in the building of our house is ... that Southpark needs to donate $1000 to Habitat, and then they can help to build the house.

So, for a donation from each family, they can sign the sheetrock. Then, the sheetrock will go into our storage shed (so it won't get painted over, and we can see the signatures for years to come). There will probably be a couple of other fund raisers too ...

Then ... in a couple of months, when Habitat raises the walls ... the people of my church, will be able to be beside me ... raising the walls, hammering the nails, painting the walls .. and putting the roof on. Not only will they have prayed me through the process ..but they will have put their hands onto it to. This will truly be a house of love and prayer. A house that love built.

Happy Father's Day Don! :)

Can you do that?

Pearls and Dreams

That was a question posed to me by my husband. Not asking if I was capable, but allowed to. Medical science and it's advice given to patients changes so frequently, it is hard for patients to keep up. For patients families, it's even harder to keep up.

We were on the phone after I'd just gotten back from a mile walk with Wanda. Yes, I'm allowed to do that. He knows I'm allowed to do the PT stuff ..but wasn't so sure about the walking.

It wasn't all that long ago, or so it seems to him, that I was told "no exercise". REST ... the more rest the better ... was the advice given to myasthenics.

Each Myasthenic is different. But, one thing remains ... the more a myasthenic uses their muscles, the weaker the muscle gets. The more rest, the stronger the muscle was. Resting improving the strength ... will actually get you tested for Myasthenia Gravis.
So, it stood to reason ... exercise is bad.

For a long time, MG had a fatality rate that wasn't overly positive. The statistics change depending on who's literature you read and what they are promoting. Suffice it to say ...if your breathing muscles were compromised, you had serious trouble. Then, treatments were discovered ..and while lifestyles were seriously inflicted, life spans were helped tremendously.

So, people started to live beyond 5 years with MG. But, they were told to be sedentary. Which, with the treatments available, wasn't that big of a deal. MG wasn't going to allow much beyond getting dressed in the morning, reading for a few minutes and getting to an occasional doctor appointment. Life caused major fatigue.

Then ...treatment improved the life of a myasthenic.

Exericse causes the muscle to fatigue ... increases the likelihood of myasthenic crisis. REST REST REST!!! Even physical therapy for injuries was severely frowned on.

And a phenomenon started to happen that no one expected. As treatments improved ... myasthenics started to develop secondary issues ... chronic pain, osteo arthritis and chronic tendonitis. WHOOPS!!

A few years ago, some research started showing that mild exercise, supervised and controlled improved the pain levels of the myasthenic. It also didn't increase the number of Myasthenic crisis'.

Ok, so a few brave neurologists started to tell their patients ... exercise. Pretty soon, it became the standard advice. Get some movement. Use your brain, don't fatigue yourself, if you can't breath ... STOP. Do NOT get short of breath.

Then some remarkable news came out ... those who did exercise ... had FEWER crisis' than those who didn't.

The degree of fatigue doesn't seem to be helped by the exercise (in fact, it can be made much worse rather easily). But the strength level ... and the over all health is improved.

In the 14 years that I've been diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis .. new drugs have come out. Mestinon has gone Generic, but the generic is more expensive than Mestinon's brandname was when I was diagnosed ;).

Cellcept has been developed to replace Imuran. Still risky at best ..but not nearly so as Imuran ..and in my body, far more effective.

Plasmapherisis, IVIG, and other treatments being used with more knowledge and better results because they are better targeted toward the patients that will best be helped by them.

Exercise that was once forbidden, is now not only allowed, but encouraged ...and seen as a benefit to the disease.

Amazing how far medical science has come in just 14 years. Maybe in 14 more ...they will have found a cure.

Church News

Pearls and Dreams

Tonight was my first time teaching the junior high youth group. First, I had to introduce myself to the whole youth group. We had to say our age ... and one of our most embarrasing moments in high school.

Most of the counselor's were 31 ... I started to say I was 31 ... and my kids yelled so loud I admitted to being 41. *grin*

The lesson I taught was about reading the Bible ..and I was teaching and it got quiet ... and I started to get worried ...the kids weren't moving. They weren't moving ...no one was making a sound ...and then suddenly I realized ... these are junior high kids ..who aren't MOVING ..and they have their eyes GLUED on mine ... and they are connecting ...and they aren't zoning out ..they are LISTENING. Oh my gosh! They've engaged! WOW!
Then I got scared LOL
I was fine till I realized I had their attention.
It was about time to end at that point ...and a I'd about shared all I was going to anyway, and one of the other counselor's had something he wanted to add to what I'd said ... so it was all ok ...so my nervous ending was hidden by them.

The father's day breakfast is ready to go. "Tool Time" is our theme. Father's handing down the tools of life to their children. Tuesday our children's pastor and I put together boxes of paper, paperclips, toothpicks, pipe cleaner, scissors and a few other odds and ends ...on the table will be duct tape ...and there will be a contest for them to build something out with the STUFF. Michelle said she thinks it will be the best Father's day breakfast we've had. We're decorating on Friday morning. I am really looking forward to watching the father's and their kiddo's work together to build their projects Sunday Morning. The kids have decorated made tool aprons for Father's day presents in kids ministry.

Childrens's Sermon during church Sunday will introduce the church mission project of the Habitat House for our house. The church, in order to build, must donate $1000 to Habitat. So, the church must raise that money. So, they're going to have a pc of sheet rock where people can donate to sign the sheet rock, then the sheet rock will go into our storage shed where we can see the signatures forever. Michelle is going to interview the boys about what we did as a family get the Habitat house and what it will mean to the family to get the house.

Four o'clock on Sunday ... I take off with Samuel ..for MACU (Mid America Christian University) for our church camp for the week. I will be the femalec counselor as well as doing the writer's workshop's for both junior high and the high school. I don't know if I will be the junior high or the high school counselor.

I wonder what he meant ...

Pearls and Dreams

I saw my psychiatrist today.

He said he worries about me. He said there are two types of patients he worries about the most. Those he expects to see in patient at any time ... and those he knows he'll never have to worry about seeing in-patient.

I'm the latter.

He knows I'll never 'give it up' enough to have to go inpatient. In some ways, he'd prefer that.

He mentioned my hair and how becoming it was. I thanked him, and said that I liked it longer, but longer just wasn't good with how thin my hair had gotten. He asked me if I'd always had thin hair. No ... I haven't.

Which ...came down to the question of what brought me to him to begin with ... the eating disorder.Dadgum I hate it when we get on that topic!!!!!

He asked me a question ... I don't even know what he said ... I couldn't answer it ... it didn't make sense. He asked me if I even knew how unhealthy and twisted that thinking was. I couldn't even begin to see how to get to an answer of the question, much less see how to straighten he question out ...

Something about body image and loosing weight ...and it not being tied in with who I am ..and ... I don't know ..what he said didn't make sense at all. AT ALL. It was like he'd strung a bunch of words together that didn't belong together. I don't remember ever being so confused.

I don't understand ...even after 5 years in therapy ..I am not at a healthy weight (you can see that in any picture of me) ... how will getting to a healthy weight ... NOT improve my self esteem? Why is it not tied in? And why do I have to accept my body at 100 lbs overweight before I can say my self esteem is ok?

ARGH!

We got into a discussion of the difference between compliance and healing ...and that most of my work in therapy has gone toward my spiritual growth ... and my relationship with God, and a surface relationship with people ... and allowed me to do some introspection ... it's opened a few doors ...but I'm still holding too many things close to the chest ...and too much of the eating disorder is too close to the door ... while the behaviors might be discarded ... the idea's are still there. Within arms reach at any time. The mindset is still there ... and the way I look at the world is through a distorted veiw ...and one that is based on if I'm good or bad today ... and that isn't acceptable to him ..and that makes him worry.

I'm not sure my post means anything to anyone ..especially me. I may wind up deleting this. Right now I just needed to write out some ramblings ...

But Then: Jesus ...

Pearls and Dreams

But Then Jesus
by Peggikaye Eagler

I don't think I can go there,
Lord it's too many miles,
I'd get too tired and worn,
But then: Jesus was put on trial.

It's just too hard to understand.
Can I ever break this code?
IT's beyond my abilities,
But then: Jesus walked down the road.

To learn and grow is not easy,
Sometimes my heart feels like it's ripped.
It's just too painful to change,
But then: Jesus bore being whipped.

What you're asking is too much,
I am sure the task I will fail,
I'm not sure I can take the pain,
But then: Jesus hands and feet bore the nail.

The task You have given me,
Seems beyond my skills to grasp,
The stretching beyond my limits hurts,
But then: Jesus a last breath, for me gasped.

The road seems long and hard,
But nothing compared to Jesus gift,
So work and struggle for God I'll do,
So then: My praises to Jesus I'll lift!


© Peggikaye Eagler

Melting

Pearls and Dreams

We're not even to the hottest part of the day yet!!!

Tulsa International Airport
Last Update on Jun 10, 12:53 pm CDT


A Few Clouds

93°F
(34°C) Humidity: 42 %
Wind Speed: S 12 MPH
Barometer: 29.73" (1005.8 mb)
Dewpoint: 67°F (19°C)
Heat Index: 97°F (36°C)
Visibility: 10.00 mi.

Tuesday's Storm Redux

I went to small group tonight. One of the men in our small group said that Tuesday morning, he left for work, a little late ...his hair slightly damp ...and the house not having any electricity. It left him annoyed and cranky.

Had that been it for the rest of the day ...he'd have had a pretty bad day.

But ... God had other plans.

My friend you see, lives closer to the fair grounds than we do. He walked out his front door to get into his car and found a tree laying on his car.

As he took in the scene ...his day that had just a moment ago been a bad day ...one that would rival any Monday for crankiness ...became a totally different day.

His day became one of being incredibly grateful to the God he serves. It became a GREAT day!

As he surveyed the damage done to the fully insured car, he looked at the vehicle they only have covered with minimum coverage insurance. It did not even have a scratch from a branch from a tree on it.
There was a POD (portable storage unit) in front of their house ... and that POD kept a tree from going INTO their house ... where he, his wife and 18 month old daughter most likely would have been injured.

He said, it was a bit funny standing there looking at the maple tree in his driveway thinking "But we don't HAVE A MAPLE TREE!!!" It came from elsewhere ... not even on their property.

He was so grateful that while they did have SOME damage, they'd been spared REAL damage. While he started out the day thinking his day was spoiled by some damp hair, he realized ... his day was one to rejoice in because it'd been smashed by a tree!

It's funny how God can turn our perspective around rather quickly when we let him.

Pearls and Dreams

Pearls and Dreams
Our farris wheel ...


Someone's tree


I was watching the news today as kids were turned away from both the water park and Bells Amusement park. A 10 year old child was interviewed as she was turned away from the water park. "I don't think it's fair because it's a hot sunny day and what else are we supposed to do? It is after all, OUR summer!"

Excuse me child? Do you really think the water park has closed just to make your life a little more miserable than it already has been? Has it closed just to put a crinkle in your plans? The venom in her voice and the look she shot the manager standing in the shot a bit away was chilling to say the least. They showed her and her 16 year old sister getting into a convertible sports car and driving away.

The manager spoke to the reporter saying "we're getting things up and running as fast as we can. We loose money every hour we're closed. We are a business after all." The manager looked so embarrassed.

If I'd been the mother of the two girls who'd been turned away ... I'd been mortified. Is this the generation we're raising as a society? One that can't even see that when damage is done to property ... it takes time to clean up and it effects people in a negative way?

Thankfully, my children saw the news story and were also mortified by the girls behavior. My 14 year old looked at me and said "maybe it's better to not have money if that's the kind of person who has money"
(and this is my learning disabled child ... yes, his only real learning disability is truely in academics! He is not lacking in wisdom)

My 16 year old, said that if he had to trade his compassion for money, he simply couldn't sell it. A day at the water park wouldn't be worth it. Not even every day.

I love my kids. Even when they drive me nuts.

Which ..they currently are. It's a good thing I'm writing about how proud I am of them right now ...cause other wise I'd be going ballistic ...their fighting over what angle the fan should be facing! :) But hey ... they love each other ... they love my friends .... and they will talk to me respectfully and would NEVER talk disrespectfully to a manager of an establishment! They drive me nuts ..but they ARE good kids!

Weeellll.....

We've lived in this mobile home park for 17 years. Every summer, we become rather annoyed with the electrical system of the old wiring of the park. On a regular basis ... we loose electricity. Storms knock out transformers ... someone uses too much in the neighborhood and out it goes for the whole 1/3 ..1/2 of the park ... any little excuse and POW ... 30 minutes to 4 hours minus electricity.

So, at 6:45 this morning when we heard thunder crack and the air conditioner went off ...we didn't think too much about it. Other than to get very very annoyed with the fact that the management of the park would still not do the necessary investing into getting the wiring fixed. Much like we spend half the winter with wondering when we'll have water because a major water line has broken because of old plumbing.

I got up, and without electricity, got ready to go to my appointment. (Therapy today ... got to talk about my Dad situation. oh fun!)

I was a little amused when I stopped at Walmart to pick something up and found that Walmart also had no electricity ...they were running on generators. Ok ..sooooooooo ... Mobile home park owners are forgiven for this mornings lack of electricity. (You know, I had my first day with new haircut without curling iron! hmph)

I came home, was very tired and had a migraine, most likely stress induced from therapy session. I went straight to bed. I did not wake up till 5 oclock ... and when I did ... I turned on the news ... what I saw ...left me in shock. Not only did the electricity not just go off our area ...but we got off easy. An 85 MPH down draft hit our city!!!!!!!

This is a church about ...hmmmm 5 miles from me ...








Suddenly, I was feeling very very grateful for a few hours of lack of electricity and only not being able to use my curling iron.

Our fair grounds has been hit hard. An amusement park with a wooden roller coaster ... is only partially standing. The Farris Wheel has been destroyed. The water park kids pool has a cement dinosaur that faces one direction this afternoon ...yesterday ...it faced the exact opposite!

So ... My home, as rugged as it is, is still standing, and that's more than some Tulsan's are able to say this afternoon. We have electricity ..and that's more than thousands of Tulsan's are able to say tonight. A land mark in Tulsa is injured ...

I am going to go to bed tonight a very very grateful woman.

Less of me ...

Well ... with a few snips of the scissors ... there is approximately 8 inches missing ...of my hair! It's still below my shoulders, lightly layered. Hopefully it looks healthier. It does look darker. I'm sure, like last time, everyone asked me if I dyed it. Nope, just cut off the sun bleached/reddened part.

Today, I also got discharged from regular PT and got put in the aftercare program of the physical therapy gym. I can use ALL the equipment ..for my full body. YAHOO. Full workout. My PT was quick to say "under supervision" :P

So walking or swimming with Wanda, and weight training in PT ... and it will be a summer of getting fit!

My renal ultrasound apparently came back ok, so my blood pressure going up must just be me running out of luck on my low blood pressure. So, we'll see ...