Pearls and Dreams
I got up this morning and went to my work out. I did manage to complete it today. It was hard work ... and I had to take a break, which, I don't normally have to do ...but I completed it.
Very very frustrated at the 3 steps forward 2 steps back. Yes, I know, it's the nature of autoimmunity.
There was a time a few years ago that the idea of working out was unbelievable ... impossible, so I should be grateful at the progress I've made rather than the progress I'm not making.
Today, my PT was working with another lady ...and she was working hard with a one lb weight. He looked over at me and grinned ... BIG grin. I know he was remembering when we first started ...I had 1/2 lbs and I had to do 5 repititions, rest for 3 or 4 minutes ... and do 5 more ...and it wore me out.
Now I'm doing 6 lbs ... only 3 sets of 6 repititions (I had worked my way up to 7 repititions of 3 sets of 10 ... but, we've gone backwards again)
So, several weeks ago, before I was out of official PT and in the aftercare, my Psychiatrist suggested that I ask the PT (who is also a certified personal trainer in addition to being a physical therapist, he's also worked with those with eating disorders ... ) what his opinion of my exercise 'mindset' is.
They have a theory that while I can't exericise to the point of exercise bulimia because of the autoimmunity ... my mind is still there and I go overboard and push it too hard and exercise obsessively and to a disordered degree. Thhpppffttt.
So, after several "Have you asked your therapist?" "If you don't, I'm going to need you to sign this release to get his opinion officially" correspondences ... I finally got the nerve to email him and ask. His response was rude. "Hmm… I would say you have the exercise mindset of an OCD persona."
Ok ... lol ...so that's probably not rude. My first thought was "How wude!" So, now I am I supposed to tell my psychiatrist that I don't obessessivly exercise? hmmmmmm How wude. He was supposed to take my side. That's the problem with having a PT that's known you for 7 years. :P
I sent him the angry baby picture from Dr. Deb's site (angry faces post)in response.
I came home from working out and took a 4 hour nap. My husband is making dinner tonight.
Tomorrow, I go to the breast surgeon to discuss the mammogram from last week. I hate these appointments. It is unnerving to have to be in a specialists office for this. Knowing there is a reason to be followed by a breast surgeon is not comforting. Knowing it will in all likelihood never turn out to be anything ... is beside the point, they're not sure enough to let my family doc follow it. A specialist is following it. ugh.
Mom's evaluation for dementia is on Friday. I don't think it's anytime too soon. I'm a bit uncomfortable about it. I thought it wasn't going to be too bad, she's acted like she's in favor of the testing and understood why it is being done. Then, when I wasn't at church yesterday, she evidently said that she was upset at having the testing done. Thankfully, our associate pastor (teaching the class) talked her into the necessisty of it. sigh.