Dr. Suess

"And will you succeed? Yes indeed! Yes indeed! Ninety Eight and Three Quarters guarenteed!"

Monday, July 17, 2006

Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse

Pearls and Dreams

This is a posting for the blog carnival against child abuse. The names have been changed to psuedonymns to protect the innocent ... The story, is 100% true.

Shortly after my step dad died, my mom transferred me to the private Christian school. (which, to this day remains in my memory as my favorite school memories)I finished the 8th grade year there, and would stay there through half my Junior year, when we moved out of the state to where I am living now.

My freshman year, I joined the choir. As a choir member, we had the opportunity to sing solo's, duets, trio's ensamble's etc for chapel services on Wednesday. Sometimes we asked, sometimes we were asked. The first time I did it, I was asked to do it. I'm not sure I'd have ever done it a second time if not having been asked the first.

I was given a date to get ready, and given a list of the girls who could play piano for me. I went to one of the girls, she was a 7th grader. She and I practiced when we had time, but since she was in the Junior high, and I was in the high school, our schedules didn't often allow for time. She invited me over to her house to practice. We found that we hit it off as friends, as well as musically. So she suggested coming for dinner, too.

The next day, I brought a change of clothes. Our dress code for school was dresses. It was still warm, so we wanted to be comfortable after school. At Pianists house, I changed into shorts and a tank top. It was a good thing too, her house was HOT! She said her dad tends to keep it that way, and she dresses in shorts year round to keep from getting sick. She didn't seen happy about it.

I met her parents. Her mom, was shaking. Pianist told me her mom had a disease that made her do that. Her Dad came in to meet me. It kind of surprised me that her Dad was home in the middle of the day. She told me that he was a pastor of a small Baptist church. His office was in their basement. She told him why I was there, and we went into her room to change.

Her parents were much older than I'd expected and I found out that she and her brother had been adopted. Her mom had been sick for quite a while. I never knew her life was so rough. She always seemed like such a happy go lucky person. Things here at her house seemed so much 'darker' than what she ever let onto them being.

We went out to the piano to practice my song. We practiced, and practiced. After a while, her father walked back up stairs to tell us that it was sounding good. He said that "I surrender All" was one of his favorite songs. I told him it was my favorite. He put his arm around me and said "I knew I liked you!"

His arm went too far around my shoulder. His fingers slipped under my tank top and onto my breast. I moved quickly and assumed it was an accident. Totally embarrassed ... there was no way I could tell Pianist that her father had touched me ... at that time ... I thought his arm was just too long ...

After dinner we sat down to watch TV ... and he came to sit by Pianist and I. He sat down next to me. His hand landed on my leg, and my knee and he squeezed my knee. It was the first time in my life I felt sickened by the touch of a man ...or the touch of a father ..or a friends father scared me.

But he was a pastor! How could this be? He was a husband! He was a father! He was a PASTOR!

I was at Pianists house. I'm not sure the reason I'd gone over there. We'd become such great friends ... it could have been to practice a song, to hang out together or just about any reason. As uncomfortable as I was over at her house. She often begged me to come to her house.

My house was empty ... my sister had gone off to college, and my Daddy had died, my mom was emotionally unavailable, and often physically gone because of her job. As long as Pianists dad wasn't around, Pianist and I had an absolute blast together.

We were in her bedroom talking, laughing and having fun. Her Dad stuck his head in the door and said that if she and I made dinner, I could stay for dinner. No problem!

A little while later, we went into the living room to watch TV before time to fix dinner. Pianist was on one chair, and I was on the couch. We were watching cartoons and laughing at how silly it was for 2 teenaged girls to watch cartoons. Her dad came and sat down next to me. I wanted to move, but didn't know how to do it without making it obvious.

He put his hand on my knee, and squeezed, ... and he started to talk about how difficult it was to be a pastor with a disabled wife. He asked me if I knew the responsibilities that a pastor had, how much that weighed on the shoulders of a man.

I didn't say much, I just kind of shrugged my shoulders.

Then he'd tell me that most pastors have a wife who is there to support them, emotionally, physically and spiritually, but his wife is too sick to do any of that.She is so sick, that often, she's not even able to support herself ..so he has to carry her burden as well as his. He put his arm around me, and touched me on the right breast and said
"Can you imagine, how difficult it is for a pastor to have a disabled wife?"

Pianist was watching the TV, I honestly don't know if she didn't hear what was going on, or if she was purposely trying to ignore it because of her own fears and embarrassments.

When it came time, we went into the kitchen to fix dinner. We were having so much fun. We were laughing, and messing around. Boy were we going to have a mess to clean up after dinner!!

Suddenly, Pianist got quiet. Her dad had walked in. He walked up to her and said "You guys seem to be enjoying yourselves. We should have you two cook more often!" She breathed a bit.

I was at the sink, he came up behind me, and squeezed my shoulders, I could feel that he had an errection and he whispered in my ear. "You don't know how difficult it is for a pastor to have a disabled wife"

He left the kitchen, and Pianist and I quietly started to go back to finishing getting dinner together ... her mom came to the table to eat. She normally was very glad to see me. Tonight, she seemed very annoyed with both Pianist and I.


  1. He sounds like a class A jerk...


  2. How sad! I feel so sorry for pianist and for her mom, too. It sounds like the mom wasn't in a position to keep herself or her daughter safe. Although if she was annoyed with you... I can't decide if that was "normal" denial or extra intense denial because she couldn't really do anything anyway (or at least I'm sure she felt that way.) I'm sorry you had to expierence that, too. That must have been awful for you.


  3. I may be way off track here, and probably am, but it's also possible that she was annoyed with you because she could read the signs that he was coming on to you, and that was making her semi-consciously deal with something she wanted to stay in denial about. That's badly put, but I guess I'm saying that one of the nasty dynamics that can happen is that victims sometimes become passive facilitators of the victimisation of others because it takes the heat of them, but to live with themselves they have to deny it. Or maybe she was just so powerless that the situation was just another knife going through her. Either way, a horrible situation. I feel for the kid you were, trying to deal with something like that, and even more for Pianist. I wonder what scars her soul still wears?

  4. As a teenager, it read as annoyance ...now, I wonder how much was fear and helplessness.

    I, too, have often wondered how my dear friend has faired in life. What scars does she bear ... how and if she's been able to break the chains of her childhood.

    I often pray for her ... and wish I had some way of contacting her. I've looked on the web, but did not find her.

  5. This is a very sad story. Why does it seem those that should protect you can indeed be the wolf in sheeps clothing?

  6. Why is it that many fathers of teenage girls become confused? Rather than the proper response of protective pride, they become addled predators? Rather than more manly they become lecherous and immature.

    And all that crap about "disabled wife!" A real Christian can handle what life dishes. I feel for everyone involved except that creep.

  7. I am sorry that uncomfortable situation had to happen to you!! Ugh! (virtual hugs) boy! I know what THAT feels like, yuck! I don't know how to have sympathy for someone like him, but it must have been a stressful life for him...but to PREY on an innocent young girl?? DIS GUS TING!!! Never acceptable. At LEAST it didn't go beyond that (hopefully) but that is still no excuse. What exactly can a young girl in that situation do?? He makes me sick.

  8. Thanks so much for contributing again to our blog carnival against child abuse. I am very impressed with the courage you are showing in looking at your past.

    I can't believe the nerve of this pastor! His "excuses" just make my skin crawl and make me so mad! You know, my sister actually confronted our pedophile father once (I never have). He actually told her that it was because our mother would no longer let him touch her. I imagine that was the situation with the disabled wife. As if these are legitimate excuses for molesting kids!!! Aaarrrrggghh!

  9. Pk ... I'm relieved to see this post here. I think you know how much.

    You are blossoming into a woman with a ministry ...

    ... compare now to only 3 or 4 months ago.

    Thank you so much for sharing all of this with us. Please don't stop.

  10. Hi

    I've come from the blog carnival links. Thanks for sharing your story. When I read it, as an outsider, you think that Pianist knew very well what was happening but felt powerless how to control the situation. The same with his wife. That poor Pianist obviously was desperate to have someone else in the house to deflect him for a while and to feel like a normal girl I expect. What an experience for you both.

  11. I have a lot of ministers in my family, and I can attest that just because they are ministers doesn't mean they aren't human beings too. I've seen it all....absconding with church funds, lying, adultery, incest.

    I am sorry that happened to you. Have you ever tried to look up your friend to see how she is?


  12. Thank you for sharing this story. I agree with some of the other commenters: the pianist knew what was happening but was powerless to stop it. She wanted to pretend it wasn't happening. I'm sure when you weren't around it was happening to her too, and she was equally powerless to stop that.

    I'm sorry that this happened to you.