Pearls and Dreams
I know that you were anxious and upset at having to spend your time this afternoon in a breast surgeon's office. I realize that just the fact that you'd been referred to this particular doctor was an anxiety producing experience for you. However, that did not give you the right to make the experience worse for the rest of us, that were in the same position as you.
The fact that it was 4:10 and your appointment was for 4:15 and you had not been taken back yet, should not have been surprising to you. If it is, then it is obvious that you have not spent too much time in doctor's offices. To stand there and demand that your appointment was for 4:15 and that that is when you better see the doctor. There are other women who are also waiting their turn to see the doctor. My appointment was for 4, you might as well sit down and wait ... I will be seen before you.
When you got up for the third time to yell at the receptionist (who ever taught you it was appropriate to YELL at a doctor's office staff?) and tell them that they had no right to make you wait like this, that this was one of the most anxiety producing experiences in your life and how dare they put you through this (at 4:18 mind you) I wanted to get up and say something. I wish, I had the nerve to have done so.
First of all ...not ONE woman in that office was there as 'just a patient'. Every single woman that walks through those doors is there because they've had a problem with their breasts. No one, is there because things are OK. No one is there as a standard patient like they are in a primary care office. No one, is there and comfortable. Every woman coming into that office is on edge because they could be walking out with news they don't want to hear. Or already has news they didn't want to hear.
You are obviously in your 50's. You are obviously, an inexperienced patient ... you obviously will never know what it means to NEVER in your life hear "your mammogram is normal" because your first mammogram was abnormal and got you sent to that breast surgeon to start with. You obviously have had, otherwise good health.
I know that there is great panic in this issue, I've watched our church secretary deal with it for the last 3 or 4 months. With great grace and dignity, might I add! I realize that you don't know if you really have breast cancer, and you are scared. I know that. I know that you feel your life is out of control ... but that doesn't give you the right to attack the doctor's office staff ... nor yell and make the rest of us who's appointments were scheduled before you uncomfortable. You really didn't have the right to increase our anxiety because of your own anxiety.
You know, as I sat there realizing that you obviously were an inexperienced patient I wondered what it must be like to be in the mid 50's and not know how a doctor's office operates. I wondered what would it be like to go more than 5 decades of a life before a real health issue effected my life. I can't even imagine. Catestrophic illness effected me before I hit the quarter century mark. I've never known a day of parenting without chronic illness.
While, I'm not discounting the fear you're going through ... I am saying your fear is not unknown to those around you. Maybe, just maybe, you might want to look at what you have had up till now ... if you truly ARE sick ... you're going to need every ounce of courage you can get to fight the disease ... and trust me, screaming at the doctor's staff ... and making everyone around you miserable, will not help anyone, but especially ... not you.
As far as my appointment went ... she wants a repeat of mammogram and seeing her in 6 months. Calcifications are the microcalcifications ... and they've grown slightly ... she still can't tell me if the pain is the calcification related or lupus related, but the tissue where the pain is isn't 'normal' but there is no tumor or cyst where the pain is. So, continue as is ...and follow up in 6 months. :P
She said I didn't look healthy. To get some rest. hmmm Lovely.