You can borrow mine

Pearls and Dreams



I started the process of Habitat and it was hard. I've posted about that before ... you can go back through almost any given month on this blog and find a posting about my habitat journey, sweat equity work or progress I was making.

On Tuesday, they put in the electical pole that will supply electricity needed to build the house. Follwing that, the foundation will be laid. The first building should be September 9th. Our house wall raising will be done during a celebration week for Habitat. One that celebrates the 30th anniversary of Habitat for Humanity (the organization, not Tulsa). What an incredible honor, after so much struggle, to be able to be a part of that celebration.

Today's comment is about a particular incident. Happened almost a year ago. I had 127 hours left to go on my 450. I desperately wanted to be done by Christmas, and wasn't sure I could accomplish it. I had a friend from my 'class' who had also gone through the wringer trying to get in Broken Arrow and was building in Broken Arrow. Normally, the home owner "hosts" the home. However, for her, they'd be building on Friday's and Saturdays and she worked on Fridays. She needed a hostess. I needed sweat equity hours. We were friends. To our surprise, Habitat agreed.

I went out the second Friday in August. The heat was unbearable. I can remember drinking water ... and wondering why this person who goes to the bathroom relentlessly ...didn't have to go all day. Was I afraid of the portapotty and mentally blocking it? About 30 minutes before I'd planned on leaving, but 30 minutes after I was allowed to leave ... I was about to faint, so, I decided to pack it in.

Through a hazy mind, I put the hostess kit up ..and got into my car. I gulped some water. I drove about 2 miles, then had to run into a resteraunt to use the restroom. I had the runs like I couldn't have imagined. WHERE DID THAT COME FROM! (didn't know that was a sign of being over heated at the time). I was so relieved it had happened AFTER I'd left the porta potty.

I drove over to Habitat to turn in my sweat equity slip as required. I felt like I'd accomplished something. I still felt like I was gulping for air, but I had finished the day. I walked in and handed the family coordinator my ticket. She looked alarmed.

"Peggikaye! Are you going to be able to physically DO this?"

I assured her, I could.

I got back into the car and was appalled at the fact that oh my gosh, I'm SICK. I think Mary confirming that I looked as bad as I felt ... scared me.

I started to cry as I drove home. I prayed and I cried. It was one of those times that I know that I know that I know that God exists ... and that God has an interest in my day to day living ... and no one could ever convince me otherwise. I was desperately sick .. and having someone acknowlege it, just seemed to tune me into how desperately sick I was.

Was Mary right, was the lupus, myasthenic patient going to be able to work these hours outside in Oklahoma August to get the hours done?

God ...how! How am I going to do this?

As I pulled off the expressway, the radio announcer said they were playing a song that they were sure was going to touch, and help a lot of people.
Bebo Norman started to sing a song
Take my hand and walk with me a while
Cause it seems your smile has left you
And don't give in, when you fall apart
And your broken heart has failed you
I'll set a light up
On a hilltop
To show you my love
For this world to see

You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
'Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine

Take my love when all that you can see
Is the raging sea all around us
And don't give up 'cause I'm not letting go
And the God we know will not fail us
We'll lay it all down
As we call out
Sweet Savior
help our unbelief

You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
'Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine

When you are weak
Unable to speak
You are not alone
The God who has saved us
Will never forsake us
he's coming to take us
Take us to our home

You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
'Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine

Take my hand
Take my love
Don't give in
Don't give up
(by Bebo Norman)

As the words hit my heart ... and I had a clear knowlege, I was not alone. I had my small group praying, my friends praying, my worship team praying, the youth group praying, the church staff praying ... and I knew that was how I was going to get it done, even in the oklahoma heat! I had faith to borrow when I was too sick to see straight!

I got home, took a shower and went to bed. It was 4 pm. I woke up the next morning at about 10 am ... in the hospital. I had a massive UTI, dehydration.
A couple of days later, the song running through my head, I realized ... it had been so massively hard ...not because I had lupus or MG ... but because I was sick. I would get through.

It was never easy ..and it was always difficult and DID effect both the lupus and the MG ... however, every week as I left Bonnie's house, I'd get into the car and before I could get to the end of her street .. the song would come on ...

Borrow mine
When you can't go on
'Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine


The most incredible God moment of the whole Habitat sweat equity journey came the moment I hit 450 hours. I was tired, but excited, it was my last day. I was hitting the top! I was at the ReStore and had the Christian station on. My friend from small group was at her job, and had the same station on.
As the clock turned to 3 pm that October day ... The song came on ... RIGHT as I hit my final minute. I knew it was God's gift to me ...and to Cindy for praying me through, loaning me faith ...and cheering me on.
We texted each other excitedly ... DID YOU HEAR THAT!!!!

I've been asked both on line and off ... how can you have such an unwavering faith ... when you have had moments like these, and you can feel God the Father smiling at you, cheering for you and almost hear him saying "I care about every little thing!" and you know, that when your faith is down ...you have friends who you can go to. You find ..that you have no choice but to believe.