Pearls and Dreams
Dear Dear friend,
I wish that I could be there with you every minute as you go through this ... more than that, I wish I could take this from you. It is so unfair for such a young baby to have to have such a scary thing. She's sooo young. 17 months old is too young to have a brain tumor. 27 is too young to have to deal with neurologists, neurosurgeons, oncologists and the other specialists you're dealing with.
For years, we've joked about me being your step mom ...suddenly ...you feel like my daughter for real, and my heart is breaking. I want to take this from you, to bear it for you. I want to talk to the doctors for you, to handle the stress for you ...to hold your hand and walk you through it ...
I want to take your dear, sweet little baby and run with her where no one can hurt her ...not even this awful tumer invading her precious little brain. I remember all too well sitting down with a doctor discussing the possibility of an operation on my sons brain ... so I do understand the fear ... and I want yours to go away like mine did.
I want them to come back in and say "we were wrong." It's not a tumor. It's not there ... It's not, we don't have to operate.
I want Kylie's outcome to be like Samuel's ...and now! My heart is breaking for you my friend and I feel so helpless that you're so far from me ... I can't even hold your hand and pray with you.
The hours we sat over coffee while we waited on MRI results ...would Benjamin need surgery to correct the craniosynostosis?
You, and I together, hand in hand ...as mom's have faced this stupid idea of a baby's head being operated on more times than any mom should ever have!! You waited with me ... as doctor's took their time deciding if this was the movement that was severe enough to send us up and on to the next specialist in line ... only for them to decide to send the records alone ... and you held my hand, and your breath with mine as they decided whether or not to operate and correct the skull closing too quickly around his little brain.
Again ... we were spared ... in nick of time ... and you breathed a sigh of relief with me ...rejoicing with me. Celebrating with a cup of coffee ... that ever present cup of coffee that it's been so long since we've gotten to share.
Sweet Kylie girl ... you're so deep in my prayers and I love you so much. Your Mamma is a good mamma ...and she loves you more than you can imagine. She's had practice waiting for this ... unfortunately, it looks like the call won't come to stop the surgery this time ... and my heart can't stand it ..but my prayers can still be prayed.
So Teresa ...tonight ..while you're down there, and I'm up here ...know, that I'm drinking a cup of coffee, and lifting a prayer ... and remembering the number of times that we've supported each other ... and prayers got us through ...and God will get your Kylie through this time too ...
I love you ... I love your Kylie dear. But more than I could possibly love you ... God loves you both more.