Pearls and Dreams
Just a short post to say ... prednisone is a miracle drug ... and celebrex is my friend.
The fact that they have to be discontinued before surgeries is a cruel thing.
I spend half my time when taking them thinking that I'm putting worthless chemicals into my system for naught because they don't work.
Then I have to have a procedure or surgery that requires me to go off them ...and I find out just how much they do, in fact, work ...which is, quite well. EXTREMELY WELL!
I seem to remember having this rant on this blog last June before my knee surgery. Tuesday ... it will all be over Tuesday ... then my shoulder will be fixed and I can have my beloved prednisone back!
Dr. Suess
"And will you succeed? Yes indeed! Yes indeed! Ninety Eight and Three Quarters guarenteed!"
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Pearls and Dreams
Pearls and Dreams
In a couple of weeks, we may be making a quick decision on Bj and homeschooling. His IEP meeting is at 1:30 in the afternoon. In the more than 10 years that I've been dealing with this district, not once have they agreed to meet, much less ASKED to meet DURING school hours. Not really sure what to think about this. They've asked to allow 90 minutes for this IEP. Granted, it is a Transitional IEP (our first) with one that will include testing review ... I'm not sure it's the year for testing, but I'm agreeing to testing anyway because I think they need to do it. I think it's only been 2 years, not the 3. But, they may need to do it because it's a transitional year.
My concern, some of the questions on the questionairre, make it look like they may be planning on transitioning him out of special education. Excuse me, he's FAILING special education classes! Hello? Please tell me this is a standard form!
Please tell me they do remember that I will not fight for the sake of fighting, but I am who I AM! I do know what I am doing ...and I will use that knowlege and experience ...and the special ed director will not fight with me either ..because she's learned that I'm not about the fight, I'm about appropriate education of my child and I understand the fight.
I hate IEP's in this district! If I hear one more time that we modify for the whole class and not for individual children, I think I might have to throw up on them! ARGH!!!!!!
YOU MUST FOLLOW THE IEP!
Thankfully, later that day, is a meeting with my other sons enrollment counselor for the high school. Given his grades, progress and ambition, and the fact that the school district caters to kids like him ... it will be a nice end to the day.
I still don't understand it. They are willing to bend over backwards to help my son who really doesn't need their help. The one who would succeed if you stuck him in a room with little resources (I know this from having homeschooled him on little income and having him succeed rather well) and just kind of guided him ... but my child who REALLY needs their help ... they don't want to help.
The Superintendent of the school acutally said, in public, on the news that if it were up to her, they would not have a special education program and they would focus on the gifted program. Then refused to apologise to the parents who she offended. She couldn't figure out why there was an outcry either.
Spend $50,000 on a tailgate football party (yes, they did ..granted, the football team was state champs that year) and stand there and say that you wish you didn't have to provide special education services ... then ask the parents of kids under IEP's to trust you ... and it's not going to happen.
I don't want the world for my son ...just follow the IEP! It doesn't ask for the moon.
In a couple of weeks, we may be making a quick decision on Bj and homeschooling. His IEP meeting is at 1:30 in the afternoon. In the more than 10 years that I've been dealing with this district, not once have they agreed to meet, much less ASKED to meet DURING school hours. Not really sure what to think about this. They've asked to allow 90 minutes for this IEP. Granted, it is a Transitional IEP (our first) with one that will include testing review ... I'm not sure it's the year for testing, but I'm agreeing to testing anyway because I think they need to do it. I think it's only been 2 years, not the 3. But, they may need to do it because it's a transitional year.
My concern, some of the questions on the questionairre, make it look like they may be planning on transitioning him out of special education. Excuse me, he's FAILING special education classes! Hello? Please tell me this is a standard form!
Please tell me they do remember that I will not fight for the sake of fighting, but I am who I AM! I do know what I am doing ...and I will use that knowlege and experience ...and the special ed director will not fight with me either ..because she's learned that I'm not about the fight, I'm about appropriate education of my child and I understand the fight.
I hate IEP's in this district! If I hear one more time that we modify for the whole class and not for individual children, I think I might have to throw up on them! ARGH!!!!!!
YOU MUST FOLLOW THE IEP!
Thankfully, later that day, is a meeting with my other sons enrollment counselor for the high school. Given his grades, progress and ambition, and the fact that the school district caters to kids like him ... it will be a nice end to the day.
I still don't understand it. They are willing to bend over backwards to help my son who really doesn't need their help. The one who would succeed if you stuck him in a room with little resources (I know this from having homeschooled him on little income and having him succeed rather well) and just kind of guided him ... but my child who REALLY needs their help ... they don't want to help.
The Superintendent of the school acutally said, in public, on the news that if it were up to her, they would not have a special education program and they would focus on the gifted program. Then refused to apologise to the parents who she offended. She couldn't figure out why there was an outcry either.
Spend $50,000 on a tailgate football party (yes, they did ..granted, the football team was state champs that year) and stand there and say that you wish you didn't have to provide special education services ... then ask the parents of kids under IEP's to trust you ... and it's not going to happen.
I don't want the world for my son ...just follow the IEP! It doesn't ask for the moon.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Concepts and Practices
Pearls and Dreams
When I wrote the acronym Realize, I knew what I meant by Lay your heart at the feet of Jesus. I knew it was churchy language. I knew the concept I was intending. Since I had never planned on turning it into lessons, the idea that I would need to back this up scripturally never crossed my mind. The phrase is tossed around the church like tissue paper.
When I went to write the lesson out this morning, I was a bit nervous ... if this phrase was a current popular phrase ... it could get interesting ...
I went to my favorite Bible study site and hit search for the phrase "feet of Jesus" and discovered ... I had worried over nothing. I was not going to have to struggle to find scripture, but rather pick and choose.
The reasons for being at Jesus feet, varied from worship, to surrender, to ask for healing, to wash his feet, putting others at his feet for healing...
These were the practices and concepts I had in my mind ..what I hadn't quite realized was the scriptural references that they'd actually put them AT HIS FEET. (except for Mary washing Jesus' feet)
Funny how we can understand something, and yet, still not understand where the roots of it come from. Not a single scriptural reference, or story was a story I didn't know thouroughly ... I just hadn't quite put two and two together in my mind.
It was nice that it flowed together easily ...and yet, a bit disturbing to me that I hadn't known that I knew.
When I wrote the acronym Realize, I knew what I meant by Lay your heart at the feet of Jesus. I knew it was churchy language. I knew the concept I was intending. Since I had never planned on turning it into lessons, the idea that I would need to back this up scripturally never crossed my mind. The phrase is tossed around the church like tissue paper.
When I went to write the lesson out this morning, I was a bit nervous ... if this phrase was a current popular phrase ... it could get interesting ...
I went to my favorite Bible study site and hit search for the phrase "feet of Jesus" and discovered ... I had worried over nothing. I was not going to have to struggle to find scripture, but rather pick and choose.
The reasons for being at Jesus feet, varied from worship, to surrender, to ask for healing, to wash his feet, putting others at his feet for healing...
These were the practices and concepts I had in my mind ..what I hadn't quite realized was the scriptural references that they'd actually put them AT HIS FEET. (except for Mary washing Jesus' feet)
Funny how we can understand something, and yet, still not understand where the roots of it come from. Not a single scriptural reference, or story was a story I didn't know thouroughly ... I just hadn't quite put two and two together in my mind.
It was nice that it flowed together easily ...and yet, a bit disturbing to me that I hadn't known that I knew.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Cute Roly Poly Kitty
Pearls and Dreams
God did not mean for kittens to be only children.
They are meant to be at least twins, if not triplets or above.
Betsy is round, and still very shakey, and barely walking. She's over two weeks old now. She's doing better at holding her head up. My husband was very concerned. I had to remind him that, most kittens rough house and play with their siblings ...working their muscles, and developing necessary muscles. She, on the other hand, only has herself to play with ...not very stimulating.
Top that off with a mamma cat who is determined to keep her newborn ... she's at a severe disadvantage! She starts to walk away and Sugarfoot reaches out and plops a paw on her! Today, I caught Sugarfoot SITTING ON HER! I do see her wrestling to get out of Sugarfoot's paws at times. Poor baby :)
We're making a concerted effort every day, inspite of Sugarfoots protests, to make sure she gets some crawl time and play time.
Any suggestions for helping an only kitten develop would be more than welcome so this roly poly cow ..er kitten can develop into a cat rather than roly poly something or other.
God did not mean for kittens to be only children.
They are meant to be at least twins, if not triplets or above.
Betsy is round, and still very shakey, and barely walking. She's over two weeks old now. She's doing better at holding her head up. My husband was very concerned. I had to remind him that, most kittens rough house and play with their siblings ...working their muscles, and developing necessary muscles. She, on the other hand, only has herself to play with ...not very stimulating.
Top that off with a mamma cat who is determined to keep her newborn ... she's at a severe disadvantage! She starts to walk away and Sugarfoot reaches out and plops a paw on her! Today, I caught Sugarfoot SITTING ON HER! I do see her wrestling to get out of Sugarfoot's paws at times. Poor baby :)
We're making a concerted effort every day, inspite of Sugarfoots protests, to make sure she gets some crawl time and play time.
Any suggestions for helping an only kitten develop would be more than welcome so this roly poly cow ..er kitten can develop into a cat rather than roly poly something or other.
Monday, March 27, 2006
just poetry today
Pearls and Dreams
Instrument of Worship
by Peggikaye Eagler
The flute begins to play a pure sweet note,
The melody of praise to God’s ears float.
The oboe joins the lovely song,
Precious worship in music leads the throng.
Soon the clarinets rich tone enters in,
As people worship and repent of sin,
The jazzy saxophone glorious praise,
The music gets louder with each note raised.
The piano’s lovely melodious rhythm,
We worship the Christ that has risen,
Listen! Sweet strains of the violins strings,
The sounds of our praise in God’s ears ring.
The drums pounding out a resounding beat,
The heart of our praise lay at Jesus feet.
The trumpet roars it’s victorious blast!
As we praise our God,
For it’s His song that will last!
© Peggikaye Eagler
Instrument of Worship
by Peggikaye Eagler
The flute begins to play a pure sweet note,
The melody of praise to God’s ears float.
The oboe joins the lovely song,
Precious worship in music leads the throng.
Soon the clarinets rich tone enters in,
As people worship and repent of sin,
The jazzy saxophone glorious praise,
The music gets louder with each note raised.
The piano’s lovely melodious rhythm,
We worship the Christ that has risen,
Listen! Sweet strains of the violins strings,
The sounds of our praise in God’s ears ring.
The drums pounding out a resounding beat,
The heart of our praise lay at Jesus feet.
The trumpet roars it’s victorious blast!
As we praise our God,
For it’s His song that will last!
© Peggikaye Eagler
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Long Weekend :)
Pearls and Dreams
Friday night, got home to a computer that wasn't functioning. I didn't bother messing with it, I just went to bed, since I had to be up at an unreasonable time in the morning on Saturday.
Saturday I got up, and drove to pick up the girl who was riding with children's pastor and I to OKC. We arrived at her house as they were loading their vehicles, 6:55. I'm not used to arriving right on time ... but, I managed. I'm used to being too early. So, Michelle was probably relieved I was not there when she woke up at 5 am :).
We got on the road, and then dropped her cute little baby off at the grandparents. I was hoping the baby was coming with us, but realized the reality of it would probably not be that pleasant and that it was probably a good idea that the grandparents were watching. 7 month olds probably don't really want to ride in a car seat for half the day and left with strangers the other half. Just so friends can 'goo goo' at them while they're in the car seat.
The Church ... was INCREDIBLE ... HUGE ... beautiful as T.J. said in her comment to me. I had a blast going down there, and walking in, was fine. As soon as we walked in, off the elevator and took one look at the registration counter, I realized I was walking into a room of people I didn't know ... and it hit me I was out of my element and I don't like being out of my element!
GULP!
So ... the registration table wasn't ready for us to register, so we went on in, and found a seat, got a cup of coffee. Stephanie, the girl with us, grew up in this state, and in the Church of God, so she knew quite a few of the people there. I, knew Stephanie, and Michelle. GULP. GULP GULP!! Michelle suggested that she and I go find her classroom for the breakout session while Steph got caught up with a few people.
While walking down the hallway, I informed Michelle about my social anxiety disorder ... she didn't seem surprised. Which, surprised me!!!! hmmm. I thought I was better at hiding that than that! We found where she was supposed to go, and we looked through the schedule for the day. We talked about what classes she needed me to take while she was teaching ... and she promised to stick close to me as she could when she could.
Back to the main room, and to register. We started with a brainstorming session. Sitting at a table with 8 other women who I never met before ... it took me a while to jump into the brainstorming, but I finally did. We had to take items that are typically toys, and come up with ideas that could turn them into a Biblical object lesson for kids ministry. We had to use a Bible verse to back that up. I was able to throw out a few idea's, but not near as many as the actual children's minsiters sitting at my table. When it came time to turn it to scriptural application, suddenly ...I knew what I was talking about ... then we had to find verses ... and WHERE those verses were. ... Michelle, referred to me immediately! That, made me feel good. "Peggikaye will find it" :)
The breakout sessions were excellent. Even though I am not a fulltime volunteer in our children's ministry, I learned an awful lot to help our children's pastor. I also managed to glean an awful lot that would help me in my working towards development of a ministry with women. Especially wounded women. It was incredible how much applied to both!!
During the morning session that was everybody together. I wondered if the speaker was someone that the support pastor of our church had wanted me to talk to a few years ago after I'd written the REALIZE acronym ... just some of the stuff he was saying ... it just made me think he might be. When I went to the second break out session ... I became SURE it was him.
So, I missed the third break out session ... I introduced myself to him. I told him who I was, and that our support pastor had wanted me to talk to him a few years ago ..but I'd not been brave enough to do it then. I just happened to have the stuff still in my brief case from having taken it to small group friday night! I didn't mean to take it with me. I was annoyed with myself for NOT taking it out! I had no idea that this man was going to be there. God's appointment I guess. I gave him the acronymn. I also gave him the Sunday school curriculumn that I've been writing on the acronymn ... he was very excited ... and he started to add verses to it ... and got fired up ... like I do when I talk about it ... and I knew why LeeAnn wanted us to talk. :) He told me to keep writing. He told me to keep teaching women, and to keep writing the curriculumn for them. How encouraging!
The seminar finished and we talked about it all the way home. Some changes that we need/want to implement in our children's minsitry. Things I can do to help. Things that we're doing right ... things that can be better. Good time ... tiring time.
This morning ... the alarm went off and I couldn't figure out why it went off ... I went back to sleep ..thankfull 10 minutes later I remembered it was Sunday and I had to be at church at 8:15 to make sure all the musicians had their music! Some sundays, I just sit there.
This Sunday ... the guistarist forgot his music at home! He needed all new music! Our trumpet and Sax player brought an instrument he doesn't normally play and needed music for that instrument. It would not have been a good day to miss!
I also had an Adult Sunday School teacher's meeting. We were discussing how we're going to be better incorporating all that we do at the church in helping in times of crisis ... :) I knew we had a meeting, I didn't know that was the topic of the meeting. I have a meeting with support pastor tomorrow. She doesn't know that that is what the meeting is about ... to talk about the ministry on Dogscatskidslife webpage ... I spent an hour or so talking with the director of Shepherds of Love Ministries the other day ... so cool when people are all on the same page and don't know it!
I had to duck out of the meeting because I was also directing a skit for during the service. My two sons were in the skit with another family to introduce a family night coming up. Family Fit night. They had their lines memorized, the other family did, but they'd not gotten together to practice ... scary stuffs! They ran over it a few times ... and in the meantime ... Sunday School started. My class was meeting in the sanctuary so my 2 women who'd had surgery didn't have to sit in hard chairs. So, I was actually able to supervise my class AND direct ... Can we SAY MULTITASK???
the skit finished about half way through sunday school time ..and I was able to give my full attention to sunday school ...
By the time church started ... I think I was able to breathe a bit.
Then home to call AOL to fix problem ...only took an hour ...
Nap time?
Friday night, got home to a computer that wasn't functioning. I didn't bother messing with it, I just went to bed, since I had to be up at an unreasonable time in the morning on Saturday.
Saturday I got up, and drove to pick up the girl who was riding with children's pastor and I to OKC. We arrived at her house as they were loading their vehicles, 6:55. I'm not used to arriving right on time ... but, I managed. I'm used to being too early. So, Michelle was probably relieved I was not there when she woke up at 5 am :).
We got on the road, and then dropped her cute little baby off at the grandparents. I was hoping the baby was coming with us, but realized the reality of it would probably not be that pleasant and that it was probably a good idea that the grandparents were watching. 7 month olds probably don't really want to ride in a car seat for half the day and left with strangers the other half. Just so friends can 'goo goo' at them while they're in the car seat.
The Church ... was INCREDIBLE ... HUGE ... beautiful as T.J. said in her comment to me. I had a blast going down there, and walking in, was fine. As soon as we walked in, off the elevator and took one look at the registration counter, I realized I was walking into a room of people I didn't know ... and it hit me I was out of my element and I don't like being out of my element!
GULP!
So ... the registration table wasn't ready for us to register, so we went on in, and found a seat, got a cup of coffee. Stephanie, the girl with us, grew up in this state, and in the Church of God, so she knew quite a few of the people there. I, knew Stephanie, and Michelle. GULP. GULP GULP!! Michelle suggested that she and I go find her classroom for the breakout session while Steph got caught up with a few people.
While walking down the hallway, I informed Michelle about my social anxiety disorder ... she didn't seem surprised. Which, surprised me!!!! hmmm. I thought I was better at hiding that than that! We found where she was supposed to go, and we looked through the schedule for the day. We talked about what classes she needed me to take while she was teaching ... and she promised to stick close to me as she could when she could.
Back to the main room, and to register. We started with a brainstorming session. Sitting at a table with 8 other women who I never met before ... it took me a while to jump into the brainstorming, but I finally did. We had to take items that are typically toys, and come up with ideas that could turn them into a Biblical object lesson for kids ministry. We had to use a Bible verse to back that up. I was able to throw out a few idea's, but not near as many as the actual children's minsiters sitting at my table. When it came time to turn it to scriptural application, suddenly ...I knew what I was talking about ... then we had to find verses ... and WHERE those verses were. ... Michelle, referred to me immediately! That, made me feel good. "Peggikaye will find it" :)
The breakout sessions were excellent. Even though I am not a fulltime volunteer in our children's ministry, I learned an awful lot to help our children's pastor. I also managed to glean an awful lot that would help me in my working towards development of a ministry with women. Especially wounded women. It was incredible how much applied to both!!
During the morning session that was everybody together. I wondered if the speaker was someone that the support pastor of our church had wanted me to talk to a few years ago after I'd written the REALIZE acronym ... just some of the stuff he was saying ... it just made me think he might be. When I went to the second break out session ... I became SURE it was him.
So, I missed the third break out session ... I introduced myself to him. I told him who I was, and that our support pastor had wanted me to talk to him a few years ago ..but I'd not been brave enough to do it then. I just happened to have the stuff still in my brief case from having taken it to small group friday night! I didn't mean to take it with me. I was annoyed with myself for NOT taking it out! I had no idea that this man was going to be there. God's appointment I guess. I gave him the acronymn. I also gave him the Sunday school curriculumn that I've been writing on the acronymn ... he was very excited ... and he started to add verses to it ... and got fired up ... like I do when I talk about it ... and I knew why LeeAnn wanted us to talk. :) He told me to keep writing. He told me to keep teaching women, and to keep writing the curriculumn for them. How encouraging!
The seminar finished and we talked about it all the way home. Some changes that we need/want to implement in our children's minsitry. Things I can do to help. Things that we're doing right ... things that can be better. Good time ... tiring time.
This morning ... the alarm went off and I couldn't figure out why it went off ... I went back to sleep ..thankfull 10 minutes later I remembered it was Sunday and I had to be at church at 8:15 to make sure all the musicians had their music! Some sundays, I just sit there.
This Sunday ... the guistarist forgot his music at home! He needed all new music! Our trumpet and Sax player brought an instrument he doesn't normally play and needed music for that instrument. It would not have been a good day to miss!
I also had an Adult Sunday School teacher's meeting. We were discussing how we're going to be better incorporating all that we do at the church in helping in times of crisis ... :) I knew we had a meeting, I didn't know that was the topic of the meeting. I have a meeting with support pastor tomorrow. She doesn't know that that is what the meeting is about ... to talk about the ministry on Dogscatskidslife webpage ... I spent an hour or so talking with the director of Shepherds of Love Ministries the other day ... so cool when people are all on the same page and don't know it!
I had to duck out of the meeting because I was also directing a skit for during the service. My two sons were in the skit with another family to introduce a family night coming up. Family Fit night. They had their lines memorized, the other family did, but they'd not gotten together to practice ... scary stuffs! They ran over it a few times ... and in the meantime ... Sunday School started. My class was meeting in the sanctuary so my 2 women who'd had surgery didn't have to sit in hard chairs. So, I was actually able to supervise my class AND direct ... Can we SAY MULTITASK???
the skit finished about half way through sunday school time ..and I was able to give my full attention to sunday school ...
By the time church started ... I think I was able to breathe a bit.
Then home to call AOL to fix problem ...only took an hour ...
Nap time?
Friday, March 24, 2006
Interesting stuff
Pearls and Dreams
I find lots of interesting things on Dogscatskidslife's blog
I found this. Neat site. The seahorses ...are my brother's pets. Odd brother.
I'm still exploring the links on the side of dogscatskidslife blog, so I may come up with other stuff too :) Thanks T.J. :)
I find lots of interesting things on Dogscatskidslife's blog
I found this. Neat site. The seahorses ...are my brother's pets. Odd brother.
I'm still exploring the links on the side of dogscatskidslife blog, so I may come up with other stuff too :) Thanks T.J. :)
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Short Ponderings
Pearls and Dreams
I hope short anyway ;)
My cat that had the kitten has been teased about having "species identity crisis". We've joked that she doesn't know if she's a cat, an ostrich, monkey, bear, dog ... she behaves as if she's just about any animal on the planet.
It's only fitting that not only does her kitten have the markings of a cow, but she's as BIG as a cow ... this poor kitten is never going to walk, she's all body, her skinny little legs are never going to support this huge cow like body and head. Her eyes are open, round and she has a definite cowlike expression. Betsy, seems very fitting a name.
Saturday Morning, I go to Oklahoma City to a very big church. I haven't been to it. I'm going to a children's ministers conference that is being hosted by our State Board of Education (Church of God, Anderson,Indiana ..denomination)and it is being held at Crossings Community Church. I've been hearing about this church for years ..but I've never been. I feel like I'm going to see a celebrity or something. (grin) .
I need to remember to pick up their church newsletter, it has an article about a ministry on dogscatskidslife's blog that I'm very interested in ... I spent almost an hour back and forth emailing with the director last night. Now as long as I can remember to pick it up, and not get back here, open this blog, see this and THEN remember to get the newsletter!
I'm actually very excited to go to the workshop. It's just the children's pastor and I going. I wish there was more from the children's department besides the two of us going, but it will be a fun day ..and we should get lots of planning done between the two of us as well as lots of learning. Our children's pastor is one of the breakout session presenters. So, I will be attending breakout sessions to glean information for her.
Speaking of which, I should spend less time blogging, and more time editing the article I wrote for Children's Ministry Magazine ... it's not getting closer to submission till I make the changes ... hmmm
I hope short anyway ;)
My cat that had the kitten has been teased about having "species identity crisis". We've joked that she doesn't know if she's a cat, an ostrich, monkey, bear, dog ... she behaves as if she's just about any animal on the planet.
It's only fitting that not only does her kitten have the markings of a cow, but she's as BIG as a cow ... this poor kitten is never going to walk, she's all body, her skinny little legs are never going to support this huge cow like body and head. Her eyes are open, round and she has a definite cowlike expression. Betsy, seems very fitting a name.
Saturday Morning, I go to Oklahoma City to a very big church. I haven't been to it. I'm going to a children's ministers conference that is being hosted by our State Board of Education (Church of God, Anderson,Indiana ..denomination)and it is being held at Crossings Community Church. I've been hearing about this church for years ..but I've never been. I feel like I'm going to see a celebrity or something. (grin) .
I need to remember to pick up their church newsletter, it has an article about a ministry on dogscatskidslife's blog that I'm very interested in ... I spent almost an hour back and forth emailing with the director last night. Now as long as I can remember to pick it up, and not get back here, open this blog, see this and THEN remember to get the newsletter!
I'm actually very excited to go to the workshop. It's just the children's pastor and I going. I wish there was more from the children's department besides the two of us going, but it will be a fun day ..and we should get lots of planning done between the two of us as well as lots of learning. Our children's pastor is one of the breakout session presenters. So, I will be attending breakout sessions to glean information for her.
Speaking of which, I should spend less time blogging, and more time editing the article I wrote for Children's Ministry Magazine ... it's not getting closer to submission till I make the changes ... hmmm
Lesson Learned the hard way
Pearls and Dreams
I learned a long time ago how to forgive. How to thouroughly forgive. If necessary, over and over and over again. I took Jesus' words to forgive 7 x 70 to heart. When you don't like confrontation, you have 2 choices ... you either become very adept at forgiveness ... or ...you become bitter. I choose the former. It served me quite well ...or so I thought.
I have a friend who once told me that her greatest fear in our friendship, is that she would offend me, and she would never know it. (She's right). I took that as a compliment ..she did not mean it as a compliment.
When I was a teenager, I was in a Christian School, and our teacher spent a lot of time dealing with us on the verses Matthew 18:15-17 (this is the New Century Version)
15 "If your fellow believer sins against you, go and tell him in private what he did wrong. If he listens to you, you have helped that person to be your brother or sister again. 16 But if he refuses to listen, go to him again and take one or two other people with you. 'Every case may be proved by two or three witnesses.' 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses to listen to the church, then treat him like a person who does not believe in God or like a tax collector. 18 "I tell you the truth, the things you don't allow on earth will be the things God does not allow. And the things you allow on earth will be the things that God allows
We, as a class, memorized the verses and spent weeks on the principal and the importance of these verses. The teacher was trying to cut down on the cliques, hurt feelings from gossip and general teenage angst in the school. It worked. We became a tight knit group, who learned to solve our problems Biblically, and to forgive and to work together to not hurt each other.
On with my adult life, I became more and more inside my shell ...interesting side note here ... I accidently typed ..inside myself and had to backspace ... hmm. Anyway ... I became more and more inside my shell ..and less and less able to confront those who had hurt me ...and chose to forgive those who hurt me rather than tell anyone.
I learned that most people usually hurt someone out of misconception, miscommunication or other such thing, rarely from intent ...so I just took that stance. Someone hurt me, they had no intention of doing so ..and on with life. They got the benifit of the doubt ... and I moved on.
They hurt me again. They didn't know they'd done it before, so how could they have known? They again, got the benifit of the doubt.
I could forgive someone ..forever this way. It was easier than confronting them, or becoming embittered.
I'd also learned that sometimes, uneasy friendship, can turn into good friendships this way. I've had some that have started out rocky, and my determination to forgive ..has allowed the communication to stay open and we've wound up with great friendships.
So ... recently, I had a conversation about the Matthew 18:15-17 ... I wasn't quite sure why the verse 15 was really necessary if you were able to forgive 7 times 70 ... what's the point of drawing attention to someone hurting you in the first place? In my experience, when I DID tell them they hurt me ..they were hurt themselves that they'd HURT ME! So why make a situation worse when I could just forgive anyway?
So ... this week ... a situation happened. Someone whom, I have had to practice the forgiving repeatidly over and over again. I'd felt judged by him, like he felt that I was less than, not worthy of his time. Like I didn't matter or was a second class citizen. In many situations, this had happened and he ... and my son had a MAJOR miscommunication. It happened with my son. I can't let that one go. That's not fair to him. To me ..yea, walk all over me. Don't hurt my kids.
Then, a friend, a woman who I'm mentoring/accountability for ... called me and said that she'd had a problem with someone ..was it her? Or could this person really feel this way about her?
OOOPs.
Maybe Matthew 18:15 isn't about me ... Maybe it's about others. Maybe letting someone know they've hurt you ... will keep the situation from happening with others. Maybe, if when he'd first hurt me 3 years ago, I'd let him know, he'd have been aware that he can come across that way, and worked on changing that ... and my friend ..who doesn't have the background I have ..who FEELS like she's not worthy, who feels like she doesn't belong ..and assumes they're right ...wouldn't have been put in the same situation.
He and I talked tonight. He, with pain in his voice said "If you feel this way, how many others have felt the same?" I told him of my conversation this week. Then assured him that I'm not going around church talking ... I honestly couldn't tell him of others, that I'm her accountability ..and she was weighing thoughts/emotions ...he grinned in HUGE relief over that one! But broken hearted that TWO women ..who he cared for and respected got this feeling from him ...
And ...if only I'd realized ..that it wasn't about my ability to forgive him ... it was about brothers and sisters working together in the body of Christ ... it really had nothing to do with me ... but who in the future might be effected!
I learned a long time ago how to forgive. How to thouroughly forgive. If necessary, over and over and over again. I took Jesus' words to forgive 7 x 70 to heart. When you don't like confrontation, you have 2 choices ... you either become very adept at forgiveness ... or ...you become bitter. I choose the former. It served me quite well ...or so I thought.
I have a friend who once told me that her greatest fear in our friendship, is that she would offend me, and she would never know it. (She's right). I took that as a compliment ..she did not mean it as a compliment.
When I was a teenager, I was in a Christian School, and our teacher spent a lot of time dealing with us on the verses Matthew 18:15-17 (this is the New Century Version)
15 "If your fellow believer sins against you, go and tell him in private what he did wrong. If he listens to you, you have helped that person to be your brother or sister again. 16 But if he refuses to listen, go to him again and take one or two other people with you. 'Every case may be proved by two or three witnesses.' 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses to listen to the church, then treat him like a person who does not believe in God or like a tax collector. 18 "I tell you the truth, the things you don't allow on earth will be the things God does not allow. And the things you allow on earth will be the things that God allows
We, as a class, memorized the verses and spent weeks on the principal and the importance of these verses. The teacher was trying to cut down on the cliques, hurt feelings from gossip and general teenage angst in the school. It worked. We became a tight knit group, who learned to solve our problems Biblically, and to forgive and to work together to not hurt each other.
On with my adult life, I became more and more inside my shell ...interesting side note here ... I accidently typed ..inside myself and had to backspace ... hmm. Anyway ... I became more and more inside my shell ..and less and less able to confront those who had hurt me ...and chose to forgive those who hurt me rather than tell anyone.
I learned that most people usually hurt someone out of misconception, miscommunication or other such thing, rarely from intent ...so I just took that stance. Someone hurt me, they had no intention of doing so ..and on with life. They got the benifit of the doubt ... and I moved on.
They hurt me again. They didn't know they'd done it before, so how could they have known? They again, got the benifit of the doubt.
I could forgive someone ..forever this way. It was easier than confronting them, or becoming embittered.
I'd also learned that sometimes, uneasy friendship, can turn into good friendships this way. I've had some that have started out rocky, and my determination to forgive ..has allowed the communication to stay open and we've wound up with great friendships.
So ... recently, I had a conversation about the Matthew 18:15-17 ... I wasn't quite sure why the verse 15 was really necessary if you were able to forgive 7 times 70 ... what's the point of drawing attention to someone hurting you in the first place? In my experience, when I DID tell them they hurt me ..they were hurt themselves that they'd HURT ME! So why make a situation worse when I could just forgive anyway?
So ... this week ... a situation happened. Someone whom, I have had to practice the forgiving repeatidly over and over again. I'd felt judged by him, like he felt that I was less than, not worthy of his time. Like I didn't matter or was a second class citizen. In many situations, this had happened and he ... and my son had a MAJOR miscommunication. It happened with my son. I can't let that one go. That's not fair to him. To me ..yea, walk all over me. Don't hurt my kids.
Then, a friend, a woman who I'm mentoring/accountability for ... called me and said that she'd had a problem with someone ..was it her? Or could this person really feel this way about her?
OOOPs.
Maybe Matthew 18:15 isn't about me ... Maybe it's about others. Maybe letting someone know they've hurt you ... will keep the situation from happening with others. Maybe, if when he'd first hurt me 3 years ago, I'd let him know, he'd have been aware that he can come across that way, and worked on changing that ... and my friend ..who doesn't have the background I have ..who FEELS like she's not worthy, who feels like she doesn't belong ..and assumes they're right ...wouldn't have been put in the same situation.
He and I talked tonight. He, with pain in his voice said "If you feel this way, how many others have felt the same?" I told him of my conversation this week. Then assured him that I'm not going around church talking ... I honestly couldn't tell him of others, that I'm her accountability ..and she was weighing thoughts/emotions ...he grinned in HUGE relief over that one! But broken hearted that TWO women ..who he cared for and respected got this feeling from him ...
And ...if only I'd realized ..that it wasn't about my ability to forgive him ... it was about brothers and sisters working together in the body of Christ ... it really had nothing to do with me ... but who in the future might be effected!
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Too Much Pain in the News
Pearls and Dreams
http://2worksforyou.com/news/stories/rape1.shtml
Rape Investigation
Detectives in Cherokee County and Broken Arrow are looking for a man charged with raping at least two young relatives.
Investigators think there could be other victims.
Tonight, Earnest Ray Kingery, Junior, is wanted on a felony warrant in Cherokee County.
That's where he faces two counts of first-degree rape.
If you have any information on the case, call authorities.
Mar. 21, 2006
http://2worksforyou.com/news/stories/rape.shtml
Pawnee County Judge suspends rape conviction
Jurors who convicted a man of raping a 13-year-old girl are upset with the Pawnee County judge who sentenced the man to probation. The jury found 38-year-old Gregory Lynn Bryant guilty of raping the girl and recommended a 30-year prison sentence, but Judge Jefferson Sellers suspended the sentence. One juror calls the suspended sentence "a bunch of crud."
Mar. 20, 2006
http://www.wjla.com/headlines/0306/312378.html
Charges Dropped in Fla. Student Sex Case
TAMPA, Fla. (AP) - Prosecutors in one Florida county decided Tuesday to drop charges against a former Tampa teacher accused of having sex with a 14-year-old middle school student.
http://www.ktul.com/news/stories/0306/312372.html
Father Arrested After Leaving Son In Cold Car Outside Strip Club
Tuesday March 21, 2006 5:50pm Posted By: Kevin King
Tulsa - A Kansas man was arrested over the weekend at a Tulsa strip club after leaving his young son alone in a cold car.
It happened at the Showplace Club on Admiral near Memorial. The club's manager called police after the pre-schooler came into the club looking for his father.
According to police, the father allegedly told his son to stay in the car and that if he left, monsters would eat him.
At the time, it was raining and 45 degrees. The car was unlocked and parked near a busy street
http://www.ktul.com/news/stories/0306/309510.html
Oklahoma City Attorney Faces Child Sex Charges
Friday March 10, 2006 2:52pm
Oklahoma City (AP) - A well-known Oklahoma City attorney faces child sex charges involving a 15-year-old girl.
George Miskovsky the third was charged in Oklahoma County District Court with felony rape of a child under 16
http://2worksforyou.com/news/stories/rape1.shtml
Rape Investigation
Detectives in Cherokee County and Broken Arrow are looking for a man charged with raping at least two young relatives.
Investigators think there could be other victims.
Tonight, Earnest Ray Kingery, Junior, is wanted on a felony warrant in Cherokee County.
That's where he faces two counts of first-degree rape.
If you have any information on the case, call authorities.
Mar. 21, 2006
http://2worksforyou.com/news/stories/rape.shtml
Pawnee County Judge suspends rape conviction
Jurors who convicted a man of raping a 13-year-old girl are upset with the Pawnee County judge who sentenced the man to probation. The jury found 38-year-old Gregory Lynn Bryant guilty of raping the girl and recommended a 30-year prison sentence, but Judge Jefferson Sellers suspended the sentence. One juror calls the suspended sentence "a bunch of crud."
Mar. 20, 2006
http://www.wjla.com/headlines/0306/312378.html
Charges Dropped in Fla. Student Sex Case
TAMPA, Fla. (AP) - Prosecutors in one Florida county decided Tuesday to drop charges against a former Tampa teacher accused of having sex with a 14-year-old middle school student.
http://www.ktul.com/news/stories/0306/312372.html
Father Arrested After Leaving Son In Cold Car Outside Strip Club
Tuesday March 21, 2006 5:50pm Posted By: Kevin King
Tulsa - A Kansas man was arrested over the weekend at a Tulsa strip club after leaving his young son alone in a cold car.
It happened at the Showplace Club on Admiral near Memorial. The club's manager called police after the pre-schooler came into the club looking for his father.
According to police, the father allegedly told his son to stay in the car and that if he left, monsters would eat him.
At the time, it was raining and 45 degrees. The car was unlocked and parked near a busy street
http://www.ktul.com/news/stories/0306/309510.html
Oklahoma City Attorney Faces Child Sex Charges
Friday March 10, 2006 2:52pm
Oklahoma City (AP) - A well-known Oklahoma City attorney faces child sex charges involving a 15-year-old girl.
George Miskovsky the third was charged in Oklahoma County District Court with felony rape of a child under 16
For Fun
Pearls and Dreams
Hat tip to Biscotti Brain for this:
Also found this one on a xanga tonight.
hmmmmm ... I have a pretty good case of social anxiety disorder!
Recently, I had to draw a self portrait of myself. My therapist was intrequed by the fact that it was in a bedroom, with a door that was only half there ... no door knob, no outlet to the room, no phone, no computer, blinds on the window ... no way of communicating with the outside world whatsoever. Yet, I was smiling ... just happy to be me in my own little room ...hmmm
I totally get agoraphobia. I have a friend who's son has a severe case of it. She worries about me, because she keeps telling me her concerns, and my response is "well, I can understand why he thinks that..."
No, I'm not about to stay in my house ... I have responsibilities in my church ..and doctor appointments to go to ... but I understand being happy to never leave home.
So, I'm only 28% abnormal! ;)
Hat tip to Biscotti Brain for this:
Also found this one on a xanga tonight.
| You Are 28% Abnormal |
 You are at low risk for being a psychopath. It is unlikely that you have no soul. You are at low risk for having a borderline personality. It is unlikely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at high risk for having a social phobia. It is very likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer. |
hmmmmm ... I have a pretty good case of social anxiety disorder!
Recently, I had to draw a self portrait of myself. My therapist was intrequed by the fact that it was in a bedroom, with a door that was only half there ... no door knob, no outlet to the room, no phone, no computer, blinds on the window ... no way of communicating with the outside world whatsoever. Yet, I was smiling ... just happy to be me in my own little room ...hmmm
I totally get agoraphobia. I have a friend who's son has a severe case of it. She worries about me, because she keeps telling me her concerns, and my response is "well, I can understand why he thinks that..."
No, I'm not about to stay in my house ... I have responsibilities in my church ..and doctor appointments to go to ... but I understand being happy to never leave home.
So, I'm only 28% abnormal! ;)
Monday, March 20, 2006
Report
Pearls and Dreams
Well, the neuro appointment went well.
The neuro didn't see any tics with Benjamin, and it's the first time he could remember not noticing them. We talked about the possibility of using a stimulant medication for his ADHD. We've never considered it because of the severity of his tics, inspite of the severity of his ADHD and the severity of his learning disabilities.
He asked me about caffiene and it's effect on tics, which, seems to be minimal, if at all. It used to be major.
So, we left there with a script for Focaline ... one that he's used with other TS patients that have had less success with other stimulants.
Maybe ... it sure would be a big help to him if the concentration could be helped in school! Maybe even worth a small increase in tics, depending on the how small. Back to risks vs benifit as usual.
We go in next month for T.O.V.A. test (electronic test) with and without the medication, that will help to decide how effective it is.
His EEG 'looked good' ..however, Dr. M wasn't willing to decrease his Keppra at this point. :/
He told Benjamin that he's FAIRLY sure that he's outgrown the epilepsy, but with the 'big seizure' last November, he's going to leave him at the higher dose for a while. Then, he'll lower it slowly. He'll make sure the migraines stay under control with the lower dose ...
(we use Keppra for migraines and seizures. )
So ..that's how it went. We are on spring break right now, so we can get used to the new drug before school starts. I like that. :)
Well, the neuro appointment went well.
The neuro didn't see any tics with Benjamin, and it's the first time he could remember not noticing them. We talked about the possibility of using a stimulant medication for his ADHD. We've never considered it because of the severity of his tics, inspite of the severity of his ADHD and the severity of his learning disabilities.
He asked me about caffiene and it's effect on tics, which, seems to be minimal, if at all. It used to be major.
So, we left there with a script for Focaline ... one that he's used with other TS patients that have had less success with other stimulants.
Maybe ... it sure would be a big help to him if the concentration could be helped in school! Maybe even worth a small increase in tics, depending on the how small. Back to risks vs benifit as usual.
We go in next month for T.O.V.A. test (electronic test) with and without the medication, that will help to decide how effective it is.
His EEG 'looked good' ..however, Dr. M wasn't willing to decrease his Keppra at this point. :/
He told Benjamin that he's FAIRLY sure that he's outgrown the epilepsy, but with the 'big seizure' last November, he's going to leave him at the higher dose for a while. Then, he'll lower it slowly. He'll make sure the migraines stay under control with the lower dose ...
(we use Keppra for migraines and seizures. )
So ..that's how it went. We are on spring break right now, so we can get used to the new drug before school starts. I like that. :)
YEA!!!!!!!!
Pearls and Dreams
BURN BAN LIFTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oklahoma Firemen, get some well deserved rest!
Benjamin and I go to his pediatric neurologist in a couple of hours to get the results of his EEG and find out the status of his epilepsy. I am a bit nervous. In my world, the doctor will give him a clean bill of health, lower the Keppra to a migraine control dose ... and epilepsy will simply be a bad memory from our distant past.
I'm sitting here with my left leg bouncing up and down ... I couldn't figure out why, then Bj asked about his appointment ...realized ...nerves.
The news could go either way.
I just need to apply a few of those verses below ... and remember that God is with me no matter what the news is, God's been with us every step of the way. It'd be easier if he hadn't had that bad seizure in November ... we have no idea if that was a result of the high/sudden fever or if it was part of his epilepsy.
You know, he had the EEG in early February, and it didn't bother me that we didn't have the results ... it didn't hit me like this ...until today! I need a little spinning eyes icon ...
BURN BAN LIFTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oklahoma Firemen, get some well deserved rest!
Benjamin and I go to his pediatric neurologist in a couple of hours to get the results of his EEG and find out the status of his epilepsy. I am a bit nervous. In my world, the doctor will give him a clean bill of health, lower the Keppra to a migraine control dose ... and epilepsy will simply be a bad memory from our distant past.
I'm sitting here with my left leg bouncing up and down ... I couldn't figure out why, then Bj asked about his appointment ...realized ...nerves.
The news could go either way.
I just need to apply a few of those verses below ... and remember that God is with me no matter what the news is, God's been with us every step of the way. It'd be easier if he hadn't had that bad seizure in November ... we have no idea if that was a result of the high/sudden fever or if it was part of his epilepsy.
You know, he had the EEG in early February, and it didn't bother me that we didn't have the results ... it didn't hit me like this ...until today! I need a little spinning eyes icon ...
Sunday, March 19, 2006
REALIZE
Pearls and Dreams
I thought since I posted about the fact vs truth last night, I would post where that was coming from in my lessons. We are working on using God's Word to dig deeper, to accomplish a spiritual goal, to win a spiritual battle, to make it through a tough time, to do just about anything. But to use the Truth of the Word of God over our own logic, or emotions, habits and coping skills that haven 't worked in the past.
Realize
By Peggikaye Eagler
Research God’s Word.
Emphasize God’s truth in your life.
Always lift your praises to the King.
Lay your heart at the feet of Jesus.
Intently look past you, to God’s vision of you.
Zealously seek after God’s heart.
Examine your heart and mind.
Realize
By Peggikaye Eagler
Week 1
1.Research God’s Word.
Question: How Do I get to know you?
Answer: by talking, communication, words.
Question: How do we get to know God?
Answer: by his written word, prayer, and fellowship with other believers who know his word. Communication. But, in the end ... it is still through His WORD that we learn of the character of God, the will of God and what God wants for us.
Joshua 1:7-9
7 Be strong and brave. Be sure to obey all the teachings my servant Moses gave you. If you follow them exactly, you will be successful in everything you do. 8 Always remember what is written in the Book of the Teachings. Study it day and night to be sure to obey everything that is written there. If you do this, you will be wise and successful in everything. 9 Remember that I commanded you to be strong and brave. Don't be afraid, because the Lord your God will be with you everywhere you go."
We are to study God’s Word, be familiar with his teachings, that way we know what to obey, know what is written, that is what gives us the strength to be strong, and courageous. God didn’t ask Joshua to just go out and be strong and brave … he told him to study His word … let his Word FILL Joshua … IF you do this ..then ….
How do we know what to obey, if we don’t know what the teachings say? How do we know what the words of comfort are, to draw on them, if we haven’t read them? Study them, day and night, so that you are aware that God is with you everywhere you go!
James 1:22 -25 22 Do what God's teaching says; when you only listen and do nothing, you are fooling yourselves. 23 Those who hear God's teaching and do nothing are like people who look at themselves in a mirror. 24 They see their faces and then go away and quickly forget what they looked like. 25 But the truly happy people are those who carefully study God's perfect law that makes people free, and they continue to study it. They do not forget what they heard, but they obey what God's teaching says. Those who do this will be made happy
Proverbs 23:23
23 Learn the truth and never reject it. Get wisdom, self-control, and understanding
Isaiah 50:4-9
4 The Lord God gave me the ability to teach so that I know what to say to make the weak strong. Every morning he wakes me. He teaches me to listen like a student. 5 The Lord God helps me learn, and I have not turned against him nor stopped following him. 6 I offered my back to those who beat me. I offered my cheeks to those who pulled my beard. I won't hide my face from them when they make fun of me and spit at me. 7 The Lord God helps me, so I will not be ashamed. I will be determined, and I know I will not be disgraced. 8 He shows that I am innocent, and he is close to me. So who can accuse me? If there is someone, let us go to court together. If someone wants to prove I have done wrong, he should come and tell me. 9 Look! It is the Lord God who helps me. So who can prove me guilty? Look! All those who try will become useless like old clothes; moths will eat them.
Remembering that it is God who helps us to learn his Word, to apply His word to our lives, to learn how His truths reign rather than what we’ve always believed … but to know this, to understand this ..we have to know his Word. To know HIM we have to read his Words to us.
REALIZE
By Peggikaye Eagler
Week 2
2.Emphasize God’s truth in your life.
The situations in our lives sometimes lead us to think that things are different than what God says they really are. Because, we only see with imperfect and finite understanding … and God acts with perfect and infinite wisdom, we do not see the full plan NOR do we always understand the full scope of his forgiveness and love for us.
If we look at the facts in front of us, we miss the eternal truth of God’s Word and God’s truth Always is what is really true. Like a snow in May does not mean that is has suddenly become winter, or 70º in January does not mean it has become Spring. Temporary discomforts, do not change the eternal truth of God’s power and protection for our good and restorative future.
Each person’s need for God’s truth will be slightly different to dramatically different. There are however, some truths that we ALL need to emphasize in our lives. Those truths are about God’s protection, His staying with us, the fact that no matter what happens around us … that HE remains. He taught us through his Word, over and over and over again, that in spite of losses in spite of victories, His truth and His protection will remain.
Focus on the truths of His eternal protection, and research the specific verses you need for your specific needs to hear God’s truth for your life. Is it a lack of self esteem? Find the verses on how God loved you before you were born. Is it on lack of confidence? Find the verses on how God told Moses, Isaiah, Paul, and others that he’d called them … and he’d equip them. Is it a lack of financial stability, read about Gideon?
2 Corinthians 4: 7-9 New Century Version
7 We have this treasure from God, but we are like clay jars that hold the treasure. This shows that the great power is from God, not from us.
8 We have troubles all around us, but we are not defeated. We do not know what to do, but we do not give up the hope of living. 9 We are persecuted, but God does not leave us. We are hurt sometimes, but we are not destroyed
Same verses, Message
7 If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us.
8 As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, 9 but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken.
-2-
Job 19: 1-5; 23-25
1 Then Job answered: 2 "How long will you hurt me and crush me with your words? 3 You have insulted me ten times now and attacked me without shame. 4 Even if I have sinned, it is my worry alone. 5 If you want to make yourselves look better than I, you can blame me for my suffering
23 "How I wish my words were written down, written on a scroll. 24 I wish they were carved with an iron pen into lead, or carved into stone forever. 25 I know that my Defender lives, and in the end he will stand upon the earth.
Psalm 46:1-3
1 God is our protection and our strength. He always helps in times of trouble. 2 So we will not be afraid even if the earth shakes, or the mountains fall into the sea, 3 even if the oceans roar and foam, or the mountains shake at the raging sea. Selah
2Ti 1:12 - (KJV)
For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day.
New Century Version
I am suffering now because I tell the Good News, but I am not ashamed, because I know Jesus, the One in whom I have believed. And I am sure he is able to protect what he has trusted me with until that day.
The Message
It's also the cause of all this trouble I'm in. But I have no regrets. I couldn't be more sure of my ground - the One I've trusted in can take care of what he's trusted me to do right to the end.
There is not a situation that you cannot come across, that God has not dealt with in His Word. “Everything you need is in His Word, either concrete or in concept” (Beth Moore, Jesus the One and Only). In Hebrews 2:17 & 18, Paul told us:17 For this reason Jesus had to be made like his brothers in every way so he could be their merciful and faithful high priest in service to God. Then Jesus could bring forgiveness for their sins. 18 And now he can help those who are tempted, because he himself suffered and was tempted. God Understand Just what it is that we are going through, AND WHY, and he’s promised us a way to get through it. The key is finding out just what it is that HE says about it. Meditate on God’s truth. Emphasize God’s truth in your life …even when the Earth is shaking, the waves are crashing and the mountains appear to be falling into the sea … God still remains God … and HE WILL see you through it and HOLD YOU in his Palm!
-3-
Personal Examples
These are verses that I cling to when I'm really struggling, feeling like I'm not going to make it, or I'm not worthy, or that I'm not the person who should be doing whatever it is that I'm doing.
The one in Joel, I used to read it, and hold my Bible to my heart, and rock back and forth and cry while repeating it over and over ... reminding God that he promised to restore what the locust had taken.
Being in that time of restoration, in that time of peace it is so incredible to read these verses and realize just how much I clung to them, and how much life they breathed into me at the time!
Isaiah 54:11-17
11 "You poor city. Storms have hurt you, and you have not been comforted. But I will rebuild you with turquoise stones, and I will build your foundations with sapphires. 12 I will use rubies to build your walls and shining jewels for the gates and precious jewels for all your outer walls. 13 All your children will be taught by the Lord, and they will have much peace. 14 I will build you using fairness. You will be safe from those who would hurt you, so you will have nothing to fear. Nothing will come to make you afraid. 15 I will not send anyone to attack you, and you will defeat those who do attack you. 16 "See, I made the blacksmith. He fans the fire to make it hotter, and he makes the kind of tool he wants. In the same way I have made the destroyer to destroy. 17 So no weapon that is used against you will defeat you. You will show that those who speak against you are wrong. These are the good things my servants receive. Their victory comes from me," says the Lord.
Isaiah 61:1-3;9&10
1 The Lord God has put his Spirit in me, because the Lord has appointed me to tell the good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort those whose hearts are broken, to tell the captives they are free, and to tell the prisoners they are released. 2 He has sent me to announce the time when the Lord will show his kindness and the time when our God will punish evil people. He has sent me to comfort all those who are sad 3 and to help the sorrowing people of Jerusalem. I will give them a crown to replace their ashes, and the oil of gladness to replace their sorrow, and clothes of praise to replace their spirit of sadness. Then they will be called Trees of Goodness, trees planted by the Lord to show his greatness
9 Everyone in all nations will know the children of my people, and their children will be known among the nations. Anyone who sees them will know that they are people the Lord has blessed."
10 The Lord makes me very happy; all that I am rejoices in my God. He has covered me with clothes of salvation and wrapped me with a coat of goodness, like a bridegroom dressed for his wedding, like a bride dressed in jewels.
Joel 2:23-27
23 So be happy, people of Jerusalem; be joyful in the Lord your God. Because he does what is right, he has brought you rain; he has sent the fall rain and the spring rain for you, as before. 24 And the threshing floors will be full of grain; the barrels will overflow with new wine and olive oil. 25 "Though I sent my great army against you -- those swarming locusts and hopping locusts, the destroying locusts and the cutting locusts that ate your crops -- I will pay you back for those years of trouble. 26 Then you will have plenty to eat and be full. You will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has done miracles for you. My people will never again be shamed. 27 Then you will know that I am among the people of Israel, that I am the Lord your God, and there is no other God. My people will never be shamed again.
Next week's lesson will be Always lift your praises to the King. It will be on Praising God, even in the hard times. Regardless of the walls falling around you, the sacrifice of praise ... he can work through those who praise him ...
I just need to make sure I don't wait till Saturday night to write it and hopefully I won't be posting an SOS at 11:30 on Saturday night! ;)
I thought since I posted about the fact vs truth last night, I would post where that was coming from in my lessons. We are working on using God's Word to dig deeper, to accomplish a spiritual goal, to win a spiritual battle, to make it through a tough time, to do just about anything. But to use the Truth of the Word of God over our own logic, or emotions, habits and coping skills that haven 't worked in the past.
Realize
By Peggikaye Eagler
Research God’s Word.
Emphasize God’s truth in your life.
Always lift your praises to the King.
Lay your heart at the feet of Jesus.
Intently look past you, to God’s vision of you.
Zealously seek after God’s heart.
Examine your heart and mind.
Realize
By Peggikaye Eagler
Week 1
1.Research God’s Word.
Question: How Do I get to know you?
Answer: by talking, communication, words.
Question: How do we get to know God?
Answer: by his written word, prayer, and fellowship with other believers who know his word. Communication. But, in the end ... it is still through His WORD that we learn of the character of God, the will of God and what God wants for us.
Joshua 1:7-9
7 Be strong and brave. Be sure to obey all the teachings my servant Moses gave you. If you follow them exactly, you will be successful in everything you do. 8 Always remember what is written in the Book of the Teachings. Study it day and night to be sure to obey everything that is written there. If you do this, you will be wise and successful in everything. 9 Remember that I commanded you to be strong and brave. Don't be afraid, because the Lord your God will be with you everywhere you go."
We are to study God’s Word, be familiar with his teachings, that way we know what to obey, know what is written, that is what gives us the strength to be strong, and courageous. God didn’t ask Joshua to just go out and be strong and brave … he told him to study His word … let his Word FILL Joshua … IF you do this ..then ….
How do we know what to obey, if we don’t know what the teachings say? How do we know what the words of comfort are, to draw on them, if we haven’t read them? Study them, day and night, so that you are aware that God is with you everywhere you go!
James 1:22 -25 22 Do what God's teaching says; when you only listen and do nothing, you are fooling yourselves. 23 Those who hear God's teaching and do nothing are like people who look at themselves in a mirror. 24 They see their faces and then go away and quickly forget what they looked like. 25 But the truly happy people are those who carefully study God's perfect law that makes people free, and they continue to study it. They do not forget what they heard, but they obey what God's teaching says. Those who do this will be made happy
Proverbs 23:23
23 Learn the truth and never reject it. Get wisdom, self-control, and understanding
Isaiah 50:4-9
4 The Lord God gave me the ability to teach so that I know what to say to make the weak strong. Every morning he wakes me. He teaches me to listen like a student. 5 The Lord God helps me learn, and I have not turned against him nor stopped following him. 6 I offered my back to those who beat me. I offered my cheeks to those who pulled my beard. I won't hide my face from them when they make fun of me and spit at me. 7 The Lord God helps me, so I will not be ashamed. I will be determined, and I know I will not be disgraced. 8 He shows that I am innocent, and he is close to me. So who can accuse me? If there is someone, let us go to court together. If someone wants to prove I have done wrong, he should come and tell me. 9 Look! It is the Lord God who helps me. So who can prove me guilty? Look! All those who try will become useless like old clothes; moths will eat them.
Remembering that it is God who helps us to learn his Word, to apply His word to our lives, to learn how His truths reign rather than what we’ve always believed … but to know this, to understand this ..we have to know his Word. To know HIM we have to read his Words to us.
REALIZE
By Peggikaye Eagler
Week 2
2.Emphasize God’s truth in your life.
The situations in our lives sometimes lead us to think that things are different than what God says they really are. Because, we only see with imperfect and finite understanding … and God acts with perfect and infinite wisdom, we do not see the full plan NOR do we always understand the full scope of his forgiveness and love for us.
If we look at the facts in front of us, we miss the eternal truth of God’s Word and God’s truth Always is what is really true. Like a snow in May does not mean that is has suddenly become winter, or 70º in January does not mean it has become Spring. Temporary discomforts, do not change the eternal truth of God’s power and protection for our good and restorative future.
Each person’s need for God’s truth will be slightly different to dramatically different. There are however, some truths that we ALL need to emphasize in our lives. Those truths are about God’s protection, His staying with us, the fact that no matter what happens around us … that HE remains. He taught us through his Word, over and over and over again, that in spite of losses in spite of victories, His truth and His protection will remain.
Focus on the truths of His eternal protection, and research the specific verses you need for your specific needs to hear God’s truth for your life. Is it a lack of self esteem? Find the verses on how God loved you before you were born. Is it on lack of confidence? Find the verses on how God told Moses, Isaiah, Paul, and others that he’d called them … and he’d equip them. Is it a lack of financial stability, read about Gideon?
2 Corinthians 4: 7-9 New Century Version
7 We have this treasure from God, but we are like clay jars that hold the treasure. This shows that the great power is from God, not from us.
8 We have troubles all around us, but we are not defeated. We do not know what to do, but we do not give up the hope of living. 9 We are persecuted, but God does not leave us. We are hurt sometimes, but we are not destroyed
Same verses, Message
7 If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us.
8 As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, 9 but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken.
-2-
Job 19: 1-5; 23-25
1 Then Job answered: 2 "How long will you hurt me and crush me with your words? 3 You have insulted me ten times now and attacked me without shame. 4 Even if I have sinned, it is my worry alone. 5 If you want to make yourselves look better than I, you can blame me for my suffering
23 "How I wish my words were written down, written on a scroll. 24 I wish they were carved with an iron pen into lead, or carved into stone forever. 25 I know that my Defender lives, and in the end he will stand upon the earth.
Psalm 46:1-3
1 God is our protection and our strength. He always helps in times of trouble. 2 So we will not be afraid even if the earth shakes, or the mountains fall into the sea, 3 even if the oceans roar and foam, or the mountains shake at the raging sea. Selah
2Ti 1:12 - (KJV)
For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day.
New Century Version
I am suffering now because I tell the Good News, but I am not ashamed, because I know Jesus, the One in whom I have believed. And I am sure he is able to protect what he has trusted me with until that day.
The Message
It's also the cause of all this trouble I'm in. But I have no regrets. I couldn't be more sure of my ground - the One I've trusted in can take care of what he's trusted me to do right to the end.
There is not a situation that you cannot come across, that God has not dealt with in His Word. “Everything you need is in His Word, either concrete or in concept” (Beth Moore, Jesus the One and Only). In Hebrews 2:17 & 18, Paul told us:17 For this reason Jesus had to be made like his brothers in every way so he could be their merciful and faithful high priest in service to God. Then Jesus could bring forgiveness for their sins. 18 And now he can help those who are tempted, because he himself suffered and was tempted. God Understand Just what it is that we are going through, AND WHY, and he’s promised us a way to get through it. The key is finding out just what it is that HE says about it. Meditate on God’s truth. Emphasize God’s truth in your life …even when the Earth is shaking, the waves are crashing and the mountains appear to be falling into the sea … God still remains God … and HE WILL see you through it and HOLD YOU in his Palm!
-3-
Personal Examples
These are verses that I cling to when I'm really struggling, feeling like I'm not going to make it, or I'm not worthy, or that I'm not the person who should be doing whatever it is that I'm doing.
The one in Joel, I used to read it, and hold my Bible to my heart, and rock back and forth and cry while repeating it over and over ... reminding God that he promised to restore what the locust had taken.
Being in that time of restoration, in that time of peace it is so incredible to read these verses and realize just how much I clung to them, and how much life they breathed into me at the time!
Isaiah 54:11-17
11 "You poor city. Storms have hurt you, and you have not been comforted. But I will rebuild you with turquoise stones, and I will build your foundations with sapphires. 12 I will use rubies to build your walls and shining jewels for the gates and precious jewels for all your outer walls. 13 All your children will be taught by the Lord, and they will have much peace. 14 I will build you using fairness. You will be safe from those who would hurt you, so you will have nothing to fear. Nothing will come to make you afraid. 15 I will not send anyone to attack you, and you will defeat those who do attack you. 16 "See, I made the blacksmith. He fans the fire to make it hotter, and he makes the kind of tool he wants. In the same way I have made the destroyer to destroy. 17 So no weapon that is used against you will defeat you. You will show that those who speak against you are wrong. These are the good things my servants receive. Their victory comes from me," says the Lord.
Isaiah 61:1-3;9&10
1 The Lord God has put his Spirit in me, because the Lord has appointed me to tell the good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort those whose hearts are broken, to tell the captives they are free, and to tell the prisoners they are released. 2 He has sent me to announce the time when the Lord will show his kindness and the time when our God will punish evil people. He has sent me to comfort all those who are sad 3 and to help the sorrowing people of Jerusalem. I will give them a crown to replace their ashes, and the oil of gladness to replace their sorrow, and clothes of praise to replace their spirit of sadness. Then they will be called Trees of Goodness, trees planted by the Lord to show his greatness
9 Everyone in all nations will know the children of my people, and their children will be known among the nations. Anyone who sees them will know that they are people the Lord has blessed."
10 The Lord makes me very happy; all that I am rejoices in my God. He has covered me with clothes of salvation and wrapped me with a coat of goodness, like a bridegroom dressed for his wedding, like a bride dressed in jewels.
Joel 2:23-27
23 So be happy, people of Jerusalem; be joyful in the Lord your God. Because he does what is right, he has brought you rain; he has sent the fall rain and the spring rain for you, as before. 24 And the threshing floors will be full of grain; the barrels will overflow with new wine and olive oil. 25 "Though I sent my great army against you -- those swarming locusts and hopping locusts, the destroying locusts and the cutting locusts that ate your crops -- I will pay you back for those years of trouble. 26 Then you will have plenty to eat and be full. You will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has done miracles for you. My people will never again be shamed. 27 Then you will know that I am among the people of Israel, that I am the Lord your God, and there is no other God. My people will never be shamed again.
Next week's lesson will be Always lift your praises to the King. It will be on Praising God, even in the hard times. Regardless of the walls falling around you, the sacrifice of praise ... he can work through those who praise him ...
I just need to make sure I don't wait till Saturday night to write it and hopefully I won't be posting an SOS at 11:30 on Saturday night! ;)
Interesting
Pearls and Dreams
Scroll down (or up if blogger is putting my posts below my side bar again) to just below the moon, above the avitar ...and you will see a new icon. If you want to learn all kinds of interesting thigs about Oklahoma, click on that.
I found this on a fellow blogger's blog ...Dogscatskidslife which, is also a very interesting blog!
Thank you T.J. for having such an interesting link on your blog for me to find and use too! :)
Scroll down (or up if blogger is putting my posts below my side bar again) to just below the moon, above the avitar ...and you will see a new icon. If you want to learn all kinds of interesting thigs about Oklahoma, click on that.
I found this on a fellow blogger's blog ...Dogscatskidslife which, is also a very interesting blog!
Thank you T.J. for having such an interesting link on your blog for me to find and use too! :)
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Fact vs. Truth
Pearls and Dreams
So many people see those terms as interchangable. In some realms, they just may be. But in the spiritual, emotional, they are anything but.
I'm teaching my Women to Women's Sunday School class tomorrow on "Emphasizing God's Truth in Your Life"
The reality is, so many times, we, as humans get caught up in what we percieve as truth, or the facts of our lives, we forget that God's truth is eternal, and God's truth is what is the real reality.
I spent much of my life, feeling like I'd been allowed into the Kingdom of God by pure default. God was a soveign God ..and he said that the gift of salvation was open to all mankind, so, he had to offer it to me when I accepted it. But, he hadn't really intended for Peggikaye to ever be born. ("you were an accident" was heard by me, quite often, growing up)So, I knew that I was saved, and I knew that God was going to follow through, but he hadn't REALLY intended to give ME any of those promises.
A few years ago, I asked God to show me what it was that he saw in me. It was the SCARIEST prayer I'd ever prayed. I was sure that he would confirm what I knew to be true (the facts as I saw them.)Instead, he showed me the TRUTH of God's word. That he created me, that he knew me before I was born. That he loved me, that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. That he has called me and knows me by NAME!
The story is a long one, and one day, I may take the time to put the whole year on here. (I have called it the year of the pearl ... God used the pearl to show me just how much he loved me ... my name, means precious pearl ...thus, the name of this blog)
The fact was, I felt like the scum of the earth ..the truth was ... I was (and am) a child of the King.
So many times we depend on what we see ...rather than what is truth.
What we forget ...is facts can ... AND DO ...change.
God's truth is eternal and will never change.
Here are some facts vs truth I've thought of this evening, not necessarily my own, but common things that people think or feel:
Fact: I'm lonely and alone, I feel like nobody cares for me
Truth: God is with me always, and he Cares with for me, no matter what my feelings are.
Fact: I'm poor, and my place on the social ladder is not very high up, therefore, what could I possibly have to offer?
Truth: God has called me, He will equip me. His ways are not our ways.
Fact: I am stuck in my situation, there are no options for me to make it better.
Truth: God gives grace to those who seek after him, and wisdom to those who seek him
Fact
A situation, thought, or idea, that is true or perceived to be true.
A fact is temporary and can be changed.
We have the ability to effect most facts in our lives.
TRUTH
A situation, thought or idea, that is from, about or anointed by God.
A truth is eternal and cannot be changed. No matter what we do, say or believe, the truth of God stays the same.
We do not have the ability to effect the truth of God …but we have the ability to apply God’s truth to our lives.
What are some fact vs truths that you can think of ...if you've experienced them yourself, that would make them even better!
So many people see those terms as interchangable. In some realms, they just may be. But in the spiritual, emotional, they are anything but.
I'm teaching my Women to Women's Sunday School class tomorrow on "Emphasizing God's Truth in Your Life"
The reality is, so many times, we, as humans get caught up in what we percieve as truth, or the facts of our lives, we forget that God's truth is eternal, and God's truth is what is the real reality.
I spent much of my life, feeling like I'd been allowed into the Kingdom of God by pure default. God was a soveign God ..and he said that the gift of salvation was open to all mankind, so, he had to offer it to me when I accepted it. But, he hadn't really intended for Peggikaye to ever be born. ("you were an accident" was heard by me, quite often, growing up)So, I knew that I was saved, and I knew that God was going to follow through, but he hadn't REALLY intended to give ME any of those promises.
A few years ago, I asked God to show me what it was that he saw in me. It was the SCARIEST prayer I'd ever prayed. I was sure that he would confirm what I knew to be true (the facts as I saw them.)Instead, he showed me the TRUTH of God's word. That he created me, that he knew me before I was born. That he loved me, that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. That he has called me and knows me by NAME!
The story is a long one, and one day, I may take the time to put the whole year on here. (I have called it the year of the pearl ... God used the pearl to show me just how much he loved me ... my name, means precious pearl ...thus, the name of this blog)
The fact was, I felt like the scum of the earth ..the truth was ... I was (and am) a child of the King.
So many times we depend on what we see ...rather than what is truth.
What we forget ...is facts can ... AND DO ...change.
God's truth is eternal and will never change.
Here are some facts vs truth I've thought of this evening, not necessarily my own, but common things that people think or feel:
Fact: I'm lonely and alone, I feel like nobody cares for me
Truth: God is with me always, and he Cares with for me, no matter what my feelings are.
Fact: I'm poor, and my place on the social ladder is not very high up, therefore, what could I possibly have to offer?
Truth: God has called me, He will equip me. His ways are not our ways.
Fact: I am stuck in my situation, there are no options for me to make it better.
Truth: God gives grace to those who seek after him, and wisdom to those who seek him
Fact
A situation, thought, or idea, that is true or perceived to be true.
A fact is temporary and can be changed.
We have the ability to effect most facts in our lives.
TRUTH
A situation, thought or idea, that is from, about or anointed by God.
A truth is eternal and cannot be changed. No matter what we do, say or believe, the truth of God stays the same.
We do not have the ability to effect the truth of God …but we have the ability to apply God’s truth to our lives.
What are some fact vs truths that you can think of ...if you've experienced them yourself, that would make them even better!
Rain
Pearls and Dreams
It's Raining! It's POURING
The old man is snoring
Went to bed and bumped his head
And didn't get up until morning!!
YAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!! IT BE RAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALL DAY!
Wonder if I'll get grilled chicken later this week? Hmmmm would be so nice if the burn ban was lifted!!!
I can smell it already ... The firemen sure need a break!
Grilled BBQ chicken, grilled squash, yummmy!
sigh ...
RAIN! SWEET RAIN!! Over half an inch today! First time in over 6 months we've had over half an inch in 24 hours! We've had over half an inch since midnight!
:)
It's Raining! It's POURING
The old man is snoring
Went to bed and bumped his head
And didn't get up until morning!!
YAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!! IT BE RAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALL DAY!
Wonder if I'll get grilled chicken later this week? Hmmmm would be so nice if the burn ban was lifted!!!
I can smell it already ... The firemen sure need a break!
Grilled BBQ chicken, grilled squash, yummmy!
sigh ...
RAIN! SWEET RAIN!! Over half an inch today! First time in over 6 months we've had over half an inch in 24 hours! We've had over half an inch since midnight!
:)
Friday, March 17, 2006
Ramblings
Pearls and Dreams
We have come to a decision on the name of the kitten.
Betsy. She is spotted in the same pattern as a cow.
So ... hopefully, she really IS a she (she appears to be ..but with cats, sometimes, that proves wrong later ...) and she is going to be called Betsy.
Sugarfoot comes out to eat and chases Twitch into the bedroom and makes him sit at the edge of the box and watch her. She won't let Betsy unsupervised even for a few minutes.
Twitch adores the kitten. I find all 3 of them in the box as often as not. I can't wait till Betsy can start to move around, Twitch will be in Kitty Cat heaven to have a playmate again.
I really need to get the article for the children's ministry magazine re written, as well as my Sunday School lesson for Sunday. Both are in my head ...neither are getting done. I'm too busy stalling. Not sure why.
It has been suggested to me that I join a support group this week. For a particular issue in my past. I don't know what makes them think I would join for that issue. I have refused to join a group for eating disorders ...and I WILL talk about my eating disorder ..what in the world makes them think I would join on an issue I refuse to discuss ???
When I said that ...that brought up the possibility of joining 2 support groups ... one for eating disorders ... uh ..didn't I just say NO ...
I will do Bible studies, I will do Small Groups, I will do ministry groups. I will NOT do a support group.
Shoot, I forgot to make eye doctor appointment for my kids today.
Monday, we take Benjamin back to the pediatric neurologist to get the result of his EEG. Judgement day on his epilepsy ...do we increase Keppra, stay the same, or take the chance of lowering it ...
he's 14 ... it could go either way. His last severe seizure was in November, but he had a high fever. Last one before that ..that I know of, was 18 months before that. He says he's had them since, but I haven't seen any, and the school nurse has only described post seizure behavior, but has no documentation to show us, and never notified me at the time.
So, we're a bit confuzled. We shall see.
Report cards ... 16 year old just walked in the door ...
Creative writing 97 A
Pre AP Geometry 82 B
Physical Science 100 A
Pre AP Lit 93 A
Pre AP History 92 A
Spanish 89.46 B
Yes, his spanish teacher gave him a B for missing an A by .54 points ..ain't it grand!
Oh well ...
We're not discussing Bj's grades. He's got special ed teachers who aren't following his IEP and he's got regular ed teachers who aren't modifying his work like the IEP calls for .... ugh.
We have come to a decision on the name of the kitten.
Betsy. She is spotted in the same pattern as a cow.
So ... hopefully, she really IS a she (she appears to be ..but with cats, sometimes, that proves wrong later ...) and she is going to be called Betsy.
Sugarfoot comes out to eat and chases Twitch into the bedroom and makes him sit at the edge of the box and watch her. She won't let Betsy unsupervised even for a few minutes.
Twitch adores the kitten. I find all 3 of them in the box as often as not. I can't wait till Betsy can start to move around, Twitch will be in Kitty Cat heaven to have a playmate again.
I really need to get the article for the children's ministry magazine re written, as well as my Sunday School lesson for Sunday. Both are in my head ...neither are getting done. I'm too busy stalling. Not sure why.
It has been suggested to me that I join a support group this week. For a particular issue in my past. I don't know what makes them think I would join for that issue. I have refused to join a group for eating disorders ...and I WILL talk about my eating disorder ..what in the world makes them think I would join on an issue I refuse to discuss ???
When I said that ...that brought up the possibility of joining 2 support groups ... one for eating disorders ... uh ..didn't I just say NO ...
I will do Bible studies, I will do Small Groups, I will do ministry groups. I will NOT do a support group.
Shoot, I forgot to make eye doctor appointment for my kids today.
Monday, we take Benjamin back to the pediatric neurologist to get the result of his EEG. Judgement day on his epilepsy ...do we increase Keppra, stay the same, or take the chance of lowering it ...
he's 14 ... it could go either way. His last severe seizure was in November, but he had a high fever. Last one before that ..that I know of, was 18 months before that. He says he's had them since, but I haven't seen any, and the school nurse has only described post seizure behavior, but has no documentation to show us, and never notified me at the time.
So, we're a bit confuzled. We shall see.
Report cards ... 16 year old just walked in the door ...
Creative writing 97 A
Pre AP Geometry 82 B
Physical Science 100 A
Pre AP Lit 93 A
Pre AP History 92 A
Spanish 89.46 B
Yes, his spanish teacher gave him a B for missing an A by .54 points ..ain't it grand!
Oh well ...
We're not discussing Bj's grades. He's got special ed teachers who aren't following his IEP and he's got regular ed teachers who aren't modifying his work like the IEP calls for .... ugh.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Rearranging the Deck Chairs
I go to see my psychiatrist this morning. In the waiting room was an article on breast cancer. I was reading it when he called me in. He said that I looked a little perplexed and wanted to know what my expression was about.
I really wish he couldn't read me as well as he can! My pastor couldn't read me to save his (my?) life! Dr. M ... reads me like a large print book, with footnotes!
So, I tell him about our church secretary. He says that it must hit hard ..the emotions that are normal of 'how it could have been me' ...and I'm looking at him like he's from Mars ... and he reminds me that a year ago they were doing repeated mamograms and a biopsy on me. DUH! I'd TOTALLY forgotten!
I told him ...no, I was worried about how this was going to effect her, her family, her daughter, her son and his family. Her granddaughter is one of my sons best friends. How it will effect her friend, one of our small group members. She's the glue that holds our church together.
How is our pastor going to cope? He has a wife with Lupus, and a daughter with Down's Syndrome. His parent's marriage of
58 years almost fell apart last year ...
How in the world is this going to effect him? The church has major budget issues. He's under enough stress without this being added to his already overloaded shoulders!
Her granddaughters, have such tender hearts and they ADORE their grandmother! How this is going to hurt them so!
He looked at me and said "so, you're not identifying with her, which is what you SHOULD be doing ... You've gone into CARETAKER MODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know, you'd have been rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic!"
I burst out laughing ... but I have the sneaking suspicion ...that he's right!
I really wish he couldn't read me as well as he can! My pastor couldn't read me to save his (my?) life! Dr. M ... reads me like a large print book, with footnotes!
So, I tell him about our church secretary. He says that it must hit hard ..the emotions that are normal of 'how it could have been me' ...and I'm looking at him like he's from Mars ... and he reminds me that a year ago they were doing repeated mamograms and a biopsy on me. DUH! I'd TOTALLY forgotten!
I told him ...no, I was worried about how this was going to effect her, her family, her daughter, her son and his family. Her granddaughter is one of my sons best friends. How it will effect her friend, one of our small group members. She's the glue that holds our church together.
How is our pastor going to cope? He has a wife with Lupus, and a daughter with Down's Syndrome. His parent's marriage of
58 years almost fell apart last year ...
How in the world is this going to effect him? The church has major budget issues. He's under enough stress without this being added to his already overloaded shoulders!
Her granddaughters, have such tender hearts and they ADORE their grandmother! How this is going to hurt them so!
He looked at me and said "so, you're not identifying with her, which is what you SHOULD be doing ... You've gone into CARETAKER MODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know, you'd have been rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic!"
I burst out laughing ... but I have the sneaking suspicion ...that he's right!
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
It can't be
Went to church tonight. I was in the sanctuary sorting the music as usual. There was a few people practicing a skit for the upcoming sermon on Sunday. Lot's of levity ... a little bit of humor that proved the point that we should never allow teenagers into our practices, and we certainly are not a pious church! (needed to take my brain out and wash it with soap before it was done).
When I was done, I went into the back, sat down with some friends and my 20 year old neice, glad she came in AFTER the jokes had ended ...cause my over protective sister would have decked me if she'd heard the jokes ... and we sat and talked ..
Then a man came in. A sweet man, who runs the computer every few Sundays. I didn't think too much when he went up to talk to the Pastor's wife. His wife is the church secretary, I figured it was church business. I heard Donna ... I saw him crying. I saw my pastor's wife go pale.
I stopped talking.
I heard Donna ... breast cancer.
I went up to the front ... and we prayed.
I saw Donna earlier ... about an hour before she found out. I knew she looked 'not right'. I didn't know she'd had a biopsy the day before.
We don't have the details, other than, a lumpectomy isn't going to be enough, at least a partial mastectomy. Chemo is a definite, and radiation.
This woman is quiet, peaceful and strong ... and keeps the church running.
She is sweet, and kind ... and runs hospital visits ... any person in our church goes to the hospital and this woman goes to see them. Period. She makes sure that everyone who is sick, is taken care of. Not because she is the secretary ...but because, that's her ministry.
Her granddaughter is one of my sons best friends. She's in my mother's small group. I work with her husband in the worship team on the support side. Donna and I visit every week when I go to pull the music, or take care of my Sunday School Class stuff ...
I didn't quite realize how entangled she and I have been in my life.
My heart is breaking for her and her family. My heart is breaking for our friendship. My heart is breaking for my pastor and his family as he deals with this.
My prayers of coarse, will be going out for her, I hope she knows how loved she is and will feel the prayers as she goes through the next weeks and months.
When I was done, I went into the back, sat down with some friends and my 20 year old neice, glad she came in AFTER the jokes had ended ...cause my over protective sister would have decked me if she'd heard the jokes ... and we sat and talked ..
Then a man came in. A sweet man, who runs the computer every few Sundays. I didn't think too much when he went up to talk to the Pastor's wife. His wife is the church secretary, I figured it was church business. I heard Donna ... I saw him crying. I saw my pastor's wife go pale.
I stopped talking.
I heard Donna ... breast cancer.
I went up to the front ... and we prayed.
I saw Donna earlier ... about an hour before she found out. I knew she looked 'not right'. I didn't know she'd had a biopsy the day before.
We don't have the details, other than, a lumpectomy isn't going to be enough, at least a partial mastectomy. Chemo is a definite, and radiation.
This woman is quiet, peaceful and strong ... and keeps the church running.
She is sweet, and kind ... and runs hospital visits ... any person in our church goes to the hospital and this woman goes to see them. Period. She makes sure that everyone who is sick, is taken care of. Not because she is the secretary ...but because, that's her ministry.
Her granddaughter is one of my sons best friends. She's in my mother's small group. I work with her husband in the worship team on the support side. Donna and I visit every week when I go to pull the music, or take care of my Sunday School Class stuff ...
I didn't quite realize how entangled she and I have been in my life.
My heart is breaking for her and her family. My heart is breaking for our friendship. My heart is breaking for my pastor and his family as he deals with this.
My prayers of coarse, will be going out for her, I hope she knows how loved she is and will feel the prayers as she goes through the next weeks and months.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Forgot to announce
Sugarfoot is the mamma of ONE kitten.
Sunday afternoon.
It's mostly white with black patches ... and a white tip on the tail. Since it's just one kitten, we will probably keep it.
I think my husband is finally convinced that his dislike for what's his name on the Price is Right is not worth not spaying our cats (yes, that is seriously the reason we hadn't done it!) Well, that and the financial part ... but there are ways around that, I think.
Sugarfoot, thankfully is not afraid of this kitten, like she was of her sisters kittens (grin).
The biggest problem seems to be that we cannot agree on a name. Samuel wants to name it Tipsy for the white tip on the tail. Don says that sounds like a drunk cat.
I want to name it Patches. Don wants to name it Spot. Spot is a dogs name! Patches is a cats name!
The other problem is Twitch ... he has already figured out that the baby is there ...he's not hunting ..he loves other cats ...and he wants to PLAY!!!!!!
Let me at it ... I wanna play! Let me PLAY !!!!!!
Trying to keep him away has been like fighting to keep back the tide!!! Geesh!
Sugarfoot was eating, and I caught Twitch in the box CLEANING the kitten! Purring away. Well, at least we're not going to have to worry about him being aggressive!
Sunday afternoon.
It's mostly white with black patches ... and a white tip on the tail. Since it's just one kitten, we will probably keep it.
I think my husband is finally convinced that his dislike for what's his name on the Price is Right is not worth not spaying our cats (yes, that is seriously the reason we hadn't done it!) Well, that and the financial part ... but there are ways around that, I think.
Sugarfoot, thankfully is not afraid of this kitten, like she was of her sisters kittens (grin).
The biggest problem seems to be that we cannot agree on a name. Samuel wants to name it Tipsy for the white tip on the tail. Don says that sounds like a drunk cat.
I want to name it Patches. Don wants to name it Spot. Spot is a dogs name! Patches is a cats name!
The other problem is Twitch ... he has already figured out that the baby is there ...he's not hunting ..he loves other cats ...and he wants to PLAY!!!!!!
Let me at it ... I wanna play! Let me PLAY !!!!!!
Trying to keep him away has been like fighting to keep back the tide!!! Geesh!
Sugarfoot was eating, and I caught Twitch in the box CLEANING the kitten! Purring away. Well, at least we're not going to have to worry about him being aggressive!
Reminder of Just How it Can Be
I go through my life not really taking my health THAT serious. It impacts me daily. http://pearlsanddreams.blogspot.com/2005/02/another-fyi-post.html#comments,and have to pay attention to what I do (although, too often I pay attention AFTER I start to wear down.)
I have become so used to dealing with the major part of these chronic illnesses, and they are in fact, not as bad as they could be, and, not as bad as they have been, that I just tend to go on about my business until I walk smack dab into a wall that makes me stop in my tracks.
Usually that wall is experienced by the necessity of staying in bed, or laying on the couch for the greater part of a few days ...with the allowance of an hour or so at a time of sitting at the computer here and there until double vision takes over, or shortness of breath, or my head won't stay upright.
I don't DARE tell my doctor's I get to that point, because the myasthenia is WAY to stable for me to ever get to that point because of activity level ... infection getting it to that point ... yea, they'd give me that one, but activity? They'd have my head on a platter. The fact that I hit that wall at least once a month? Yikes! I'd never hear the end of it!
This week, I've had a reminder of how serious Myasthenia Gravis can be. I tend to think of it as a seriously impacting my ability to do what I want in life ... and seriously impacting medical procedures ... but serious in the grand scheme of things? Nah!
One of my good friends has a boss who's ex husband has it. He lives here, and had a heart attack a few weeks ago. They thought he went into myasthenic crisis at first. When they realized it was his heart, things got serious ... they started treating his heart, and didn't take Myasthenic precautions. He is not with us anymore.The myasthenia took his life, after 2 weeks in ICU.
Another friends mother in law is in the hospital in myasthenic crisis. She went into crisis 2 days after the gentleman above did. She's been given plasmapherisis, IVIG, and still isn't coming out of it. High dose steriods ... she is still in ICU ... they are having to suction her lungs (ick, been there done that, hopefully never again!) and she cannot open her eyelids.
Another friend has a mother of a boyfriend who's mother has MG and is in crisis in the hospital ..not doing well ... serious condition.
Suddenly ... I'm very aware ... I need to be taking my health more seriously. Is it fair to my family that I hit that wall every month? Is it fair to them that I take the risk of throwing my body into myasthenic crisis so that I can pretend that I can keep up with my healthy friends? When what I want to do with my life can be done without pretending that I'm 'normal' ... do I really have to pretend that I am? Is it really worth the risk? Is it really worth feeling like death warmed over a week out of every month to play 3 weeks out of every month?
Wouldn't it make more sense to balance every day to more fully enjoy every day???
Is taking my medications and going into the doctors for the check ups really all there is to taking care of me ... I think I've seen that as my compliance to my treatment ... now ...after seeing these three other myasthenic situations ... I'm really having to question that. It COULD happen to me ... do I want it to be because I have done something to cause it?
I have become so used to dealing with the major part of these chronic illnesses, and they are in fact, not as bad as they could be, and, not as bad as they have been, that I just tend to go on about my business until I walk smack dab into a wall that makes me stop in my tracks.
Usually that wall is experienced by the necessity of staying in bed, or laying on the couch for the greater part of a few days ...with the allowance of an hour or so at a time of sitting at the computer here and there until double vision takes over, or shortness of breath, or my head won't stay upright.
I don't DARE tell my doctor's I get to that point, because the myasthenia is WAY to stable for me to ever get to that point because of activity level ... infection getting it to that point ... yea, they'd give me that one, but activity? They'd have my head on a platter. The fact that I hit that wall at least once a month? Yikes! I'd never hear the end of it!
This week, I've had a reminder of how serious Myasthenia Gravis can be. I tend to think of it as a seriously impacting my ability to do what I want in life ... and seriously impacting medical procedures ... but serious in the grand scheme of things? Nah!
One of my good friends has a boss who's ex husband has it. He lives here, and had a heart attack a few weeks ago. They thought he went into myasthenic crisis at first. When they realized it was his heart, things got serious ... they started treating his heart, and didn't take Myasthenic precautions. He is not with us anymore.The myasthenia took his life, after 2 weeks in ICU.
Another friends mother in law is in the hospital in myasthenic crisis. She went into crisis 2 days after the gentleman above did. She's been given plasmapherisis, IVIG, and still isn't coming out of it. High dose steriods ... she is still in ICU ... they are having to suction her lungs (ick, been there done that, hopefully never again!) and she cannot open her eyelids.
Another friend has a mother of a boyfriend who's mother has MG and is in crisis in the hospital ..not doing well ... serious condition.
Suddenly ... I'm very aware ... I need to be taking my health more seriously. Is it fair to my family that I hit that wall every month? Is it fair to them that I take the risk of throwing my body into myasthenic crisis so that I can pretend that I can keep up with my healthy friends? When what I want to do with my life can be done without pretending that I'm 'normal' ... do I really have to pretend that I am? Is it really worth the risk? Is it really worth feeling like death warmed over a week out of every month to play 3 weeks out of every month?
Wouldn't it make more sense to balance every day to more fully enjoy every day???
Is taking my medications and going into the doctors for the check ups really all there is to taking care of me ... I think I've seen that as my compliance to my treatment ... now ...after seeing these three other myasthenic situations ... I'm really having to question that. It COULD happen to me ... do I want it to be because I have done something to cause it?
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Frustration at the Pharmacy
I went to pick up medication today. Two new medications. One refill. The one refill, they said didn't go through because the insurance (medicare part D, the new wonderful program for the elderly and disabled, of which, I am the latter, not the former) carrier said they would not cover, because it wasn't a covered drug. Of the two new ones, they covered one, but said it was too soon to cover it, since it'd been filled last month (huh? Doc WROTE the script Wednesday, I turned it in Friday!!!!) and the other one was also not covered.
Ok, let me get this straight. I turn in 3 scripts, and the new program says no, for one reason or another ...to all 3. So, let's go over this. The new script isn't going to be covered because it's too soon to be REfilled. Yes. It's not a refill, it's a new script. Yes, we know. So how can it be too soon.
Oh.
Sorry. Let me fix that for you. They re ran it ... Don't ask me ...that turned out to be a pharmacy mistake, chalk one up to NOT being medicare part D's fault. (switching from Ultracet to Ultram so I'm not taking Tylenol 3 times a day, every day when I'm already on other liver toxic drugs). However, My ultracet was due to be refilled on Friday ...so even THAT shouldn't have been an issue. Go figure!!!
My biggest question is ... the ultram is less ultram than the ultram in 2 ultracet. I hope it's enough!!! Especially when I go off Celebrex and Prednisone in a few days for my shoulder surgery. If my posts get really really whiney in a week or two, you'll know I'm off the prednisone.
Now for the two uncovered. One, an allergy drug. An old allergy drug. My doctor was SURE it'd be covered because they cover Zyrtec, and Allegra and other such new expenisive drugs ..while, this one isn't cheap ($80) it's not new. However, it's not covered. GROWL. We have loverly Bradford Pear trees blooming everywhere ... ACHOO!
The third one, I thought I was going to have a cow over. My Cellcept. They said it wasn't covered. They said that it'd not been covered. Yes, it has been. In fact, medicare was covering it before Medicare part D took place. Medicare has been covering it since last year. Medicare has covered it for almost a year, and medicaid covered it before that.
No, cellcept has never been a covered drug, unless you're an organ transplant patient. Excuse me, I've been taking this drug for 3 or 4 years now, and well, YES, it has been covered. I think I would know if I was paying SEVERAL HUNDRED DOLLARS for a drug without assistance!!!!!!!!! So, they look in the records ..
"well, we have here that medicare has been paying for it."
They give me this look like they are informing ME of this information ...not me telling them this.
Uh, yea, that's what I've been saying.
So, they re ran it ... covered.
Once again, it appeared to be a pharmacy error.
I got home and checked the formulary on the allergy medicine, it is NOT in the formulary. Darn.
Well, I guess they only were 2 out of 3.
Then I looked at my bottle of Cellcept ... it didn't look right. Small. I look again. Still doesn't look right.
I start to count ... I'm short ... 2 weeks worth.
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!
I think it's time to find a new pharmacy.
Before I loose my sanity.
Ok, let me get this straight. I turn in 3 scripts, and the new program says no, for one reason or another ...to all 3. So, let's go over this. The new script isn't going to be covered because it's too soon to be REfilled. Yes. It's not a refill, it's a new script. Yes, we know. So how can it be too soon.
Oh.
Sorry. Let me fix that for you. They re ran it ... Don't ask me ...that turned out to be a pharmacy mistake, chalk one up to NOT being medicare part D's fault. (switching from Ultracet to Ultram so I'm not taking Tylenol 3 times a day, every day when I'm already on other liver toxic drugs). However, My ultracet was due to be refilled on Friday ...so even THAT shouldn't have been an issue. Go figure!!!
My biggest question is ... the ultram is less ultram than the ultram in 2 ultracet. I hope it's enough!!! Especially when I go off Celebrex and Prednisone in a few days for my shoulder surgery. If my posts get really really whiney in a week or two, you'll know I'm off the prednisone.
Now for the two uncovered. One, an allergy drug. An old allergy drug. My doctor was SURE it'd be covered because they cover Zyrtec, and Allegra and other such new expenisive drugs ..while, this one isn't cheap ($80) it's not new. However, it's not covered. GROWL. We have loverly Bradford Pear trees blooming everywhere ... ACHOO!
The third one, I thought I was going to have a cow over. My Cellcept. They said it wasn't covered. They said that it'd not been covered. Yes, it has been. In fact, medicare was covering it before Medicare part D took place. Medicare has been covering it since last year. Medicare has covered it for almost a year, and medicaid covered it before that.
No, cellcept has never been a covered drug, unless you're an organ transplant patient. Excuse me, I've been taking this drug for 3 or 4 years now, and well, YES, it has been covered. I think I would know if I was paying SEVERAL HUNDRED DOLLARS for a drug without assistance!!!!!!!!! So, they look in the records ..
"well, we have here that medicare has been paying for it."
They give me this look like they are informing ME of this information ...not me telling them this.
Uh, yea, that's what I've been saying.
So, they re ran it ... covered.
Once again, it appeared to be a pharmacy error.
I got home and checked the formulary on the allergy medicine, it is NOT in the formulary. Darn.
Well, I guess they only were 2 out of 3.
Then I looked at my bottle of Cellcept ... it didn't look right. Small. I look again. Still doesn't look right.
I start to count ... I'm short ... 2 weeks worth.
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!
I think it's time to find a new pharmacy.
Before I loose my sanity.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Hindsight is 20/20
3 years ago, I had a dream. It was so profound, I had to write it out. It had such an effect on me, I posted it when I first opened this blog.
I, at the time, thought the dream was about the condition of religeon in today's society. It shook me, and it caused me to dig deeper into the scriptures, in a way I'd never done before. I'd always been a studier of the Bible. I'd always been a person to turn to the Bible when I was hurting. But, this dream, made me treasure the Bible even more.
This dream made me evaluate how much I valued the possessions in my life. This dream made me evaluate the degree I trusted God. This dream made me take a clear look at my entire spiritual life, and how much I was able, and willing to take a stand for that faith. This dream, made me examine how big of a God I served.
3 years later. I haven't thought about that dream in well over a year. Last year, it got really bad around here. As Don rebelled against God, the worse my home life got. The more and more I came to depend on the Word of God, and my church family.
I found myself reading the Bible, literally by the hour.
When my computer crashed, I lost all my Bible study tools ... no more comentaries, no more resources ... me, my strongs concordance (which requires some what of a memory of what the verse has in it) and my Bibles. The last 6 months of the year ... it was me and my memory and my friends at church.
So weird. Things, toward the end of the year got bad. My youngest, halloween weekend asked me ...when we get our house, can we make Daddy leave, and will the judge make us see him? I'd told my pastor, and he asked to see me in his office. Even calling me at home to make sure I was ok in my 'desperate' situation.
Then, one weekend, things got really bad, and I got scared. I called DVIS (because of emotional abuse, not physical). I wasn't pleased with the answers. I needed to stay, I needed that house through Habitat, and if I left, I'd never get it, and would be in section 8 housing where the rent would be 1/3 of my income. Habitat mortgage will be $225. And I'll be BUYING the house, and it will be a new house ...it won't be government housing. I HAD to find a way to make this work.
Then they said something scary ... because of the ages of my sons (16 and 14) and because of the fact that it's a shelter, the boys may not be able to go with me. They only have 2 apartments that house teenage boys. If those are full,the boys can't come. Period.
If I had to leave, I might be loosing my whole family. A few days before that, Tulsa Police had changed uniforms. We'd always had olive green uniforms ... they switched to a very very dark blue, almost black. I can rmeember thinking, if I have to call the police, nothing will be the same ..not even the police. What an odd thought to have had.
Then, in December, I got very sick, was in the ER. Don threw an unnecessary fit about something stupid and when he went to the waiting room, the doctor and the nurse came in to find out if that was normal behavior and if I was in a safe home inviroment. I found myself being truthful and telling them that was normal behavior. They put me down as being severely emotionally abused.
I had to be taken back in the next night. Don wasn't in the room alone with me at any given time.
When he wasn't there, they were strongly suggesting I go from the ER to a shelter. Everytime they observed him, their suggestions got stronger. All I could think of was the house.
I dug deeper into prayer. I had my friends praying. I dug deep into the sanctuary of my church. I fought the war at home and ... as you've read when I first came back on line ... Don surrendered ... and we've had such a terrific ride in our marriage in the last few months.
With 180º turn in his behavior ...as he now treasures me instead of owns me ... and he treats me with respect instead of distain ... he protects me instead of attacks me and he worries for me instead of worrying how my problems will effect him ... our lives have become something romance novelest couldn't even begin to write!
I read that dream again. I thought it'd been a statement on society ...and I realize it was a statement on my marriage and family ... a warning of such from God. Dig deep ... know his word... cling to His word and faith ... TAKE THAT STAND... Do I trust God to see me through.
Am I willing to walk away from all I own to protect myself and my faith? I came very close to having to walk out with nothing but the clothes on my back and the boys more than once.
Am I willing to give up my elephant collection, and my piano, and my furniture ... for Him. Do I know the word enough to survive? Did I know that my church family was who I needed to go to for support in the prison I existed in?
A couple of really stark things stood out ...
When the police came, they were in their olive green uniforms ... I closed my eyes to say a prayer ... I opened them ...they were in black uniforms!
In the prison camp, we had nothing but our memories to survive on with the word of God ... I'd lost all my resources with the computer crash.
One line was "Do I trust God more than I had trusted Elaine?" ... last summer I asked a friend "Do I trust God enough to provide shelter for me if I have to leave?"
In November, I finally got to the point where I said "He is my shelter ...not Habitat, not Broken Arrow, not Don, not a house ... God is my shelter, he is my strength ... "
But it was a process of getting to that ...
This dream wasn't a statement about religeon in America ... it was a dream about my family, and what I was about to face. It was prophetic ... and it drove me into the heart of God and his word ... and the result ... a repentant husband and a wife prepared to forgive.
And a HAPPY FAMILY who are serving their Lord together! Preparing to go into ministry together ..side by side ... loving, laughing ...most of all reading his word together, praying together ...
WOW.
I'm going to put that link again incase it didn't like. So, here's the dream link in case it didn't. Sometimes the links don't link through for some reason, copy paste the address, it should go through ...if not, go clear back to November 2004.
http://pearlsanddreams.blogspot.com/2004/11/it-was-onlly-dream-but-it-shook-me.html#comments
I, at the time, thought the dream was about the condition of religeon in today's society. It shook me, and it caused me to dig deeper into the scriptures, in a way I'd never done before. I'd always been a studier of the Bible. I'd always been a person to turn to the Bible when I was hurting. But, this dream, made me treasure the Bible even more.
This dream made me evaluate how much I valued the possessions in my life. This dream made me evaluate the degree I trusted God. This dream made me take a clear look at my entire spiritual life, and how much I was able, and willing to take a stand for that faith. This dream, made me examine how big of a God I served.
3 years later. I haven't thought about that dream in well over a year. Last year, it got really bad around here. As Don rebelled against God, the worse my home life got. The more and more I came to depend on the Word of God, and my church family.
I found myself reading the Bible, literally by the hour.
When my computer crashed, I lost all my Bible study tools ... no more comentaries, no more resources ... me, my strongs concordance (which requires some what of a memory of what the verse has in it) and my Bibles. The last 6 months of the year ... it was me and my memory and my friends at church.
So weird. Things, toward the end of the year got bad. My youngest, halloween weekend asked me ...when we get our house, can we make Daddy leave, and will the judge make us see him? I'd told my pastor, and he asked to see me in his office. Even calling me at home to make sure I was ok in my 'desperate' situation.
Then, one weekend, things got really bad, and I got scared. I called DVIS (because of emotional abuse, not physical). I wasn't pleased with the answers. I needed to stay, I needed that house through Habitat, and if I left, I'd never get it, and would be in section 8 housing where the rent would be 1/3 of my income. Habitat mortgage will be $225. And I'll be BUYING the house, and it will be a new house ...it won't be government housing. I HAD to find a way to make this work.
Then they said something scary ... because of the ages of my sons (16 and 14) and because of the fact that it's a shelter, the boys may not be able to go with me. They only have 2 apartments that house teenage boys. If those are full,the boys can't come. Period.
If I had to leave, I might be loosing my whole family. A few days before that, Tulsa Police had changed uniforms. We'd always had olive green uniforms ... they switched to a very very dark blue, almost black. I can rmeember thinking, if I have to call the police, nothing will be the same ..not even the police. What an odd thought to have had.
Then, in December, I got very sick, was in the ER. Don threw an unnecessary fit about something stupid and when he went to the waiting room, the doctor and the nurse came in to find out if that was normal behavior and if I was in a safe home inviroment. I found myself being truthful and telling them that was normal behavior. They put me down as being severely emotionally abused.
I had to be taken back in the next night. Don wasn't in the room alone with me at any given time.
When he wasn't there, they were strongly suggesting I go from the ER to a shelter. Everytime they observed him, their suggestions got stronger. All I could think of was the house.
I dug deeper into prayer. I had my friends praying. I dug deep into the sanctuary of my church. I fought the war at home and ... as you've read when I first came back on line ... Don surrendered ... and we've had such a terrific ride in our marriage in the last few months.
With 180º turn in his behavior ...as he now treasures me instead of owns me ... and he treats me with respect instead of distain ... he protects me instead of attacks me and he worries for me instead of worrying how my problems will effect him ... our lives have become something romance novelest couldn't even begin to write!
I read that dream again. I thought it'd been a statement on society ...and I realize it was a statement on my marriage and family ... a warning of such from God. Dig deep ... know his word... cling to His word and faith ... TAKE THAT STAND... Do I trust God to see me through.
Am I willing to walk away from all I own to protect myself and my faith? I came very close to having to walk out with nothing but the clothes on my back and the boys more than once.
Am I willing to give up my elephant collection, and my piano, and my furniture ... for Him. Do I know the word enough to survive? Did I know that my church family was who I needed to go to for support in the prison I existed in?
A couple of really stark things stood out ...
When the police came, they were in their olive green uniforms ... I closed my eyes to say a prayer ... I opened them ...they were in black uniforms!
In the prison camp, we had nothing but our memories to survive on with the word of God ... I'd lost all my resources with the computer crash.
One line was "Do I trust God more than I had trusted Elaine?" ... last summer I asked a friend "Do I trust God enough to provide shelter for me if I have to leave?"
In November, I finally got to the point where I said "He is my shelter ...not Habitat, not Broken Arrow, not Don, not a house ... God is my shelter, he is my strength ... "
But it was a process of getting to that ...
This dream wasn't a statement about religeon in America ... it was a dream about my family, and what I was about to face. It was prophetic ... and it drove me into the heart of God and his word ... and the result ... a repentant husband and a wife prepared to forgive.
And a HAPPY FAMILY who are serving their Lord together! Preparing to go into ministry together ..side by side ... loving, laughing ...most of all reading his word together, praying together ...
WOW.
I'm going to put that link again incase it didn't like. So, here's the dream link in case it didn't. Sometimes the links don't link through for some reason, copy paste the address, it should go through ...if not, go clear back to November 2004.
http://pearlsanddreams.blogspot.com/2004/11/it-was-onlly-dream-but-it-shook-me.html#comments
Friday, March 10, 2006
My Son May Be Relieved
I took my mom to her first post op appointment. She brought me an article from my sister's newspaper about a doctor in Broken Arrow who has gone back to school and gotten his Master's Degree in Forensics. I was reading it when the doctor came into the room
This doctor, is a friend of our doctor. She wanted to know why he was in the paper. I told her why, and why we had a copy of the article. I told her the biggest problem my son was having, was that it meant that he had to go to the college that he did not want to go to.
She looked at me funny and said "uh, he could become a DO and not an MD you know."
See, Oklahoma has a few State run universities, but 2 major ones. University Of Oklahoma (the infamous er ...famous football champs) OU, and Oklahoma State University (the Famous BASKETBALL CHAMPS!) OSU. See, the people who know how to read go to OSU, because they know that OU University of Oklahoma would be UO not OU!!!
GO COWBOYS! Ok, it's March Madness ... sorry ... back to topic ...
So, since, my kids go to OU medical clinic for their doctor, and around here, you hear medical school, pre med, all you hear about is ... OU. I'd forgotten that OSU even HAD a DO program.
So ... the plan was, he go to OU, then do his residency, then go to OSU while working to get trianing in Forensics. (OU does not have a forensics program, OSU is the only University in Oklahoma that has one.)
Well, she said that if he goes to OSU, he can get the DO AND get the Forensic training WHILE in medschool and residency!!!!!!!!!!!!
Soooooooooooo
He can go to the school he loves, and not have to extend the training ...this is going to please my son to no end.
His neurologist told him to do volunteer work this summer but didn't give us a suggestion as to how. My doc said this guy in the paper loves to have high school kids come in and do rotations during the summer. She suggested calling him.
She said she'd let him, but since she works for a clinic, and the clinic powers that be won't allow it, she can't let him. :(
However, my son really is driving me insane. His latest book check out was on autoimmune diseases. He's now spending his evening telling me how the autoimmune process works in the body. Excuse me son ... I live that process, have for quite a while. I, um, really don't want to talk about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This doctor, is a friend of our doctor. She wanted to know why he was in the paper. I told her why, and why we had a copy of the article. I told her the biggest problem my son was having, was that it meant that he had to go to the college that he did not want to go to.
She looked at me funny and said "uh, he could become a DO and not an MD you know."
See, Oklahoma has a few State run universities, but 2 major ones. University Of Oklahoma (the infamous er ...famous football champs) OU, and Oklahoma State University (the Famous BASKETBALL CHAMPS!) OSU. See, the people who know how to read go to OSU, because they know that OU University of Oklahoma would be UO not OU!!!
GO COWBOYS! Ok, it's March Madness ... sorry ... back to topic ...
So, since, my kids go to OU medical clinic for their doctor, and around here, you hear medical school, pre med, all you hear about is ... OU. I'd forgotten that OSU even HAD a DO program.
So ... the plan was, he go to OU, then do his residency, then go to OSU while working to get trianing in Forensics. (OU does not have a forensics program, OSU is the only University in Oklahoma that has one.)
Well, she said that if he goes to OSU, he can get the DO AND get the Forensic training WHILE in medschool and residency!!!!!!!!!!!!
Soooooooooooo
He can go to the school he loves, and not have to extend the training ...this is going to please my son to no end.
His neurologist told him to do volunteer work this summer but didn't give us a suggestion as to how. My doc said this guy in the paper loves to have high school kids come in and do rotations during the summer. She suggested calling him.
She said she'd let him, but since she works for a clinic, and the clinic powers that be won't allow it, she can't let him. :(
However, my son really is driving me insane. His latest book check out was on autoimmune diseases. He's now spending his evening telling me how the autoimmune process works in the body. Excuse me son ... I live that process, have for quite a while. I, um, really don't want to talk about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, March 09, 2006
New Blogger ... Check him out.
http://catscanman.wordpress.com/
Check him out, he's new to the blogworld ... he's from India. A radiologist. I remember getting started into the blogworld, so, thought I'd help by following Moof's and Dr. Flea's lead by promoting him on my measly blog.
Oh, Moof and Dr. Flea are in my Blog roll, check them out too, they're a great read too!
Check him out, he's new to the blogworld ... he's from India. A radiologist. I remember getting started into the blogworld, so, thought I'd help by following Moof's and Dr. Flea's lead by promoting him on my measly blog.
Oh, Moof and Dr. Flea are in my Blog roll, check them out too, they're a great read too!
Timing
Interesting, while I was blogging about my frustration, someone else was sending me a message... about my blogging.
Telling me I "help other's daily"
I started to cry. As I remembered a song that I heard shortly after starting at my church several years ago. See, I thought I was going into worship ministries when I was younger ...then I got sick and lost my voice. I thought, I had nothing left to offer God. If I couldn't sing, and my ministry was worship ..what was left ?
I started at this wonderful church and then realized I had it wrong ... my voice wasn't the ministry, just a vehicle. We sang the following song one morning as I realize I'd made my gift of ministry so much more than God had ever intended it to be
Matt Redman
When the music fades
All is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm coming back to the heart of worship,
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
***********************************************************************
It's not about how good my voice is, but how much I believe in what we're doing as a choir ... it's about the message. It's about supporting our worship minister. It's more than the song. It's more than my voice.
I'm sorry Lord, for the thing I made it. You know I'm weak, and I do know it's all about you. I'm coming back to the heart of worship.
Telling me I "help other's daily"
I started to cry. As I remembered a song that I heard shortly after starting at my church several years ago. See, I thought I was going into worship ministries when I was younger ...then I got sick and lost my voice. I thought, I had nothing left to offer God. If I couldn't sing, and my ministry was worship ..what was left ?
I started at this wonderful church and then realized I had it wrong ... my voice wasn't the ministry, just a vehicle. We sang the following song one morning as I realize I'd made my gift of ministry so much more than God had ever intended it to be
Matt Redman
When the music fades
All is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm coming back to the heart of worship,
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
***********************************************************************
It's not about how good my voice is, but how much I believe in what we're doing as a choir ... it's about the message. It's about supporting our worship minister. It's more than the song. It's more than my voice.
I'm sorry Lord, for the thing I made it. You know I'm weak, and I do know it's all about you. I'm coming back to the heart of worship.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Struggling to do something I love
Tonight, we started something at church. We don't have a regular choir. But, we started a spring Cantada to sing on the Sunday following the National Day of Prayer (the first Thursday in May, so this will be sung May 7th).
We had our first practice tonight. I had to work on singing. REALLY singing. It was hard. I've lost my ability to sing thanks to autoimmunity.
I work with the worship team every week. I sing with them when I feel like it, when my voice is working, when I know the music. I don't, when I don't. No biggie. No pressure ... it's not my job to sing, or to learn the music. My job is to help our worship pastor, the worship team gopher if you will.
But tonight,I sang. I struggled. I love to sing. I USED to sing. But I lost my voice. I just don't know if I can do this. I've never been good at hearing harmony, and now because of my voice struggles, I'm even lower than ever, so I'm singing with the men in the tenors. The range is no problem ... I COULD sing with the basses! But the harmony ... AND trying to keep my voice from cracking ... or just to keep singing with any kind of strength ..
So frustrating. I'm so much more comfortable jumping up and getting something when needed ... singing when I want, not when I don't ... Worship team is a service ... and fun. This was hard and frustrating. I so want to do this, and I will, because the words in the cantada are so very precious ... it is so powerful.
But the work for me is so hard!!! Who'd have thought that simply singing could become so very difficult? I only want to sing ... should it be that hard? I used to be able to ... sometimes what disease has taken from me, is overwhelming. Unfair. Because I still want to give that to God, and I no longer have it to give.
We had our first practice tonight. I had to work on singing. REALLY singing. It was hard. I've lost my ability to sing thanks to autoimmunity.
I work with the worship team every week. I sing with them when I feel like it, when my voice is working, when I know the music. I don't, when I don't. No biggie. No pressure ... it's not my job to sing, or to learn the music. My job is to help our worship pastor, the worship team gopher if you will.
But tonight,I sang. I struggled. I love to sing. I USED to sing. But I lost my voice. I just don't know if I can do this. I've never been good at hearing harmony, and now because of my voice struggles, I'm even lower than ever, so I'm singing with the men in the tenors. The range is no problem ... I COULD sing with the basses! But the harmony ... AND trying to keep my voice from cracking ... or just to keep singing with any kind of strength ..
So frustrating. I'm so much more comfortable jumping up and getting something when needed ... singing when I want, not when I don't ... Worship team is a service ... and fun. This was hard and frustrating. I so want to do this, and I will, because the words in the cantada are so very precious ... it is so powerful.
But the work for me is so hard!!! Who'd have thought that simply singing could become so very difficult? I only want to sing ... should it be that hard? I used to be able to ... sometimes what disease has taken from me, is overwhelming. Unfair. Because I still want to give that to God, and I no longer have it to give.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
At Commenter Request
I had a visitor request to see some of my poetry, rather than ask her to flip back through page after page to find them, I thought I'd just re post some, and maybe some that haven't been. Cathy, I know that one that I wrote about my step father's death was on Feb of last year, it's too long to repost. But if you go to the archive for last Feburary, you can find it on February 5th.
A Mother's Heart
Every mother had Dreams,
Of a Child perfect and whole.
Every mother has Hopes,
For perfection, body and soul.
They told me you’re not perfect,
Sweet loving child of mine.
They told me that your learning,
Is taking too much time.
They tell me that your tests came back,
Showing problems and low scores.
They tell me that you have to struggle,
This hurts me to the core.
Every mother has dreams,
They tell me you don’t fit.
Every mother has hopes,
They say perfection you won’t hit.
But they don’t see what I see,
The smile that lights your face.
But they don’t hear what I hear,
Your laughter reveals God’s grace.
They don’t see what I see,
My child loving and whole.
I have hopes and dreams,
Because my child you are a gift from God
And you have a PERFECT SOUL.
© Peggikaye Eagler
Deeds To Crowns
A sad little girl, she skinned her knee.
I gave her a kiss and she smiled at me.
A diamond dropped from where she was kissed.
An angel took it to heaven where it would not be missed.
I read a story to my grandmother, frail.
My grandmother grinned, "I knew you'd not fail"
A ruby was left in the place I had sat.
An angel took it to heaven like that!
In the quiet of my bedroom late one night.
I prayed for the president for strength not fright!
Turning over in my bed, an emerald was left.
The angel deposited it in heaven, there'd be no theft.
I wrote a note to the husband I love.
He sent a prayer to the Father above.
When I put down the pen an opal was there.
An angel quickly flew with the gem through the air!
A missionary from South America came.
I gave him some money so lives would not be the same.
As I closed my checkbook, a topaz fell out.
The angel went flying, rejoicing with a shout!
One day my life came to an end.
I stood before God, alone without a friend.
God placed a crown with gems on my head.
The diamonds and rubies, for my works not dead!
Each deed we do for obedience sake,
Each prayer turns to a gem in our wake.
Though we cannot see the gems we acquire.
Their beauty withstands the purifying fire!
So remember when you grow weary and tired.
Your promise from God will not be expired.
One day a crown of gemstones so bright.
Will be placed on your head reflecting God's light!
© Peggikaye Eagler
God Shared My Tears
When my heart was breaking,
And desperation was taking hold,
You reached down as promised,
Keeping my heart from growing cold.
You didn't lecture me,
Telling me to stand strong.
You didn't say 'fear not,'
Or tell me my faith was wrong.
I told you my heart was hurting.
My son would struggle all his life.
I could not bear the pain,
I begged you to end my strife.
You looked into my crying eyes,
Telling me to look into your heart.
You showed me that you'd hurt too,
I wasn't alone from the start!
A mother's heart can take so much
A breaking point it will reach.
Father, you understand that point,
And give comfort you don't preach!
The pain I felt, you understood,
Your only son you watched die.
My pain for my child not unique,
You share my tears,
And together we cry.
© Peggikaye Eagler
Heart of Lace
The mask that I wear,
Hides a wall of tears.
The smile shines bright,
Hiding shadows of fears.
You ask me, I'm fine,
But my heart cries in pain.
You hear my laughter,
Not the whispers of shame.
What I show my friends,
Is not what's inside.
What is shown to the world,
Covers well what I hide.
The mask seems so thick,
It's glued to my face.
The clothing of stability,
Covers a heart of torn lace.
Just how to unmask,
My coverings of show.
Just how to trust,
Is something I don't know.
Will I ever attain
Who I long to be?
If I'm hiding behind
A person who is not me?
© Peggikaye Eagler
Lonely Eyes
Lonely eyes staring at me,
Scared, confused, crying.
Crying out for someone to help,
Wondering why?
What happened?
Eyes revealing a heart now wounded,
Will it break or will it heal?
A heart so used to broken promises,
but not conditioned to the pain,
Wondering if it can trust again.
Eyes remembering promises of love,
Promises fading away in my ears,
So hurt, so lonely,
Scared of the future,
Longing for a pleasant past.
Lonely eyes staring at me,
Scared, confused, crying,
Crying out for someone to help,
Wondering why?
What happened?
Longing for a love and promise that will never exist,
I thought they were gone forever,
but they are here to haunt me once again.
Won’t someone please break my mirror
So I won’t have to look at my lonely eyes?
© Peggikaye Eagler
My Dad's Shadow
My dad had a shadow,
It followed him all year long,
During the winter, it would go behind,
And throw snow at his back,
During the spring, it would follow him,
Out to the garden to pick up the seeds,
He 'accidently' dropped.
In summertime it would follow him to work,
And make more messes.
In the fall it would go behind,
Jumping in the piles of leaves he had raked.
The one spring he turned around
No shadow could be found,
Only I was standing there,
With a grin on my face and some seeds,
in my hand,
For you see ... the shadow that my dad had,
Was not a shadow at all,
IT WAS ME!
© Peggikaye Eagler
There ya go Cathy, at least a sampling of them.
:)
A Mother's Heart
Every mother had Dreams,
Of a Child perfect and whole.
Every mother has Hopes,
For perfection, body and soul.
They told me you’re not perfect,
Sweet loving child of mine.
They told me that your learning,
Is taking too much time.
They tell me that your tests came back,
Showing problems and low scores.
They tell me that you have to struggle,
This hurts me to the core.
Every mother has dreams,
They tell me you don’t fit.
Every mother has hopes,
They say perfection you won’t hit.
But they don’t see what I see,
The smile that lights your face.
But they don’t hear what I hear,
Your laughter reveals God’s grace.
They don’t see what I see,
My child loving and whole.
I have hopes and dreams,
Because my child you are a gift from God
And you have a PERFECT SOUL.
© Peggikaye Eagler
Deeds To Crowns
A sad little girl, she skinned her knee.
I gave her a kiss and she smiled at me.
A diamond dropped from where she was kissed.
An angel took it to heaven where it would not be missed.
I read a story to my grandmother, frail.
My grandmother grinned, "I knew you'd not fail"
A ruby was left in the place I had sat.
An angel took it to heaven like that!
In the quiet of my bedroom late one night.
I prayed for the president for strength not fright!
Turning over in my bed, an emerald was left.
The angel deposited it in heaven, there'd be no theft.
I wrote a note to the husband I love.
He sent a prayer to the Father above.
When I put down the pen an opal was there.
An angel quickly flew with the gem through the air!
A missionary from South America came.
I gave him some money so lives would not be the same.
As I closed my checkbook, a topaz fell out.
The angel went flying, rejoicing with a shout!
One day my life came to an end.
I stood before God, alone without a friend.
God placed a crown with gems on my head.
The diamonds and rubies, for my works not dead!
Each deed we do for obedience sake,
Each prayer turns to a gem in our wake.
Though we cannot see the gems we acquire.
Their beauty withstands the purifying fire!
So remember when you grow weary and tired.
Your promise from God will not be expired.
One day a crown of gemstones so bright.
Will be placed on your head reflecting God's light!
© Peggikaye Eagler
God Shared My Tears
When my heart was breaking,
And desperation was taking hold,
You reached down as promised,
Keeping my heart from growing cold.
You didn't lecture me,
Telling me to stand strong.
You didn't say 'fear not,'
Or tell me my faith was wrong.
I told you my heart was hurting.
My son would struggle all his life.
I could not bear the pain,
I begged you to end my strife.
You looked into my crying eyes,
Telling me to look into your heart.
You showed me that you'd hurt too,
I wasn't alone from the start!
A mother's heart can take so much
A breaking point it will reach.
Father, you understand that point,
And give comfort you don't preach!
The pain I felt, you understood,
Your only son you watched die.
My pain for my child not unique,
You share my tears,
And together we cry.
© Peggikaye Eagler
Heart of Lace
The mask that I wear,
Hides a wall of tears.
The smile shines bright,
Hiding shadows of fears.
You ask me, I'm fine,
But my heart cries in pain.
You hear my laughter,
Not the whispers of shame.
What I show my friends,
Is not what's inside.
What is shown to the world,
Covers well what I hide.
The mask seems so thick,
It's glued to my face.
The clothing of stability,
Covers a heart of torn lace.
Just how to unmask,
My coverings of show.
Just how to trust,
Is something I don't know.
Will I ever attain
Who I long to be?
If I'm hiding behind
A person who is not me?
© Peggikaye Eagler
Lonely Eyes
Lonely eyes staring at me,
Scared, confused, crying.
Crying out for someone to help,
Wondering why?
What happened?
Eyes revealing a heart now wounded,
Will it break or will it heal?
A heart so used to broken promises,
but not conditioned to the pain,
Wondering if it can trust again.
Eyes remembering promises of love,
Promises fading away in my ears,
So hurt, so lonely,
Scared of the future,
Longing for a pleasant past.
Lonely eyes staring at me,
Scared, confused, crying,
Crying out for someone to help,
Wondering why?
What happened?
Longing for a love and promise that will never exist,
I thought they were gone forever,
but they are here to haunt me once again.
Won’t someone please break my mirror
So I won’t have to look at my lonely eyes?
© Peggikaye Eagler
My Dad's Shadow
My dad had a shadow,
It followed him all year long,
During the winter, it would go behind,
And throw snow at his back,
During the spring, it would follow him,
Out to the garden to pick up the seeds,
He 'accidently' dropped.
In summertime it would follow him to work,
And make more messes.
In the fall it would go behind,
Jumping in the piles of leaves he had raked.
The one spring he turned around
No shadow could be found,
Only I was standing there,
With a grin on my face and some seeds,
in my hand,
For you see ... the shadow that my dad had,
Was not a shadow at all,
IT WAS ME!
© Peggikaye Eagler
There ya go Cathy, at least a sampling of them.
:)
Saturday, March 04, 2006
What do you think I'm like?
http://kevan.org/johari?name=PearlsAndDreams
Arena(known to self and others) dependable, religious, self-conscious | Blind Spot(known only to others) accepting, bold, brave, caring, cheerful, clever, complex, extroverted, friendly, giving, helpful, intelligent, kind, knowledgeable, logical, loving, observant, responsive, sympathetic, trustworthy, wise |
Façade(known only to self) adaptable, independent, nervous | Unknown(known to nobody) able, calm, confident, dignified, energetic, happy, idealistic, ingenious, introverted, mature, modest, organised, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, reflective, relaxed, searching, self-assertive, sensible, sentimental, shy, silly, spontaneous, tense, warm, witty |
Dominant Traits
75% of people agree that PearlsAndDreams is religious
62% of people think that PearlsAndDreams is trustworthy
All Percentages
able (0%) accepting (25%) adaptable (0%) bold (12%) brave (25%) calm (0%) caring (37%) cheerful (12%) clever (12%) complex (12%) confident (0%) dependable (12%) dignified (0%) energetic (0%) extroverted (12%) friendly (37%) giving (12%) happy (0%) helpful (12%) idealistic (0%) independent (0%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (37%) introverted (0%) kind (25%) knowledgeable (37%) logical (12%) loving (25%) mature (0%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (12%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (75%) responsive (12%) searching (0%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (12%) sensible (0%) sentimental (0%) shy (0%) silly (0%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (12%) tense (0%) trustworthy (62%) warm (0%) wise (25%) witty (0%)
Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 5.3.2006, using data from 8 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view PearlsAndDreams's full data.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view PearlsAndDreams's full data.
My Quirks
I like to cook. My son loves my cooking. I don't follow recipe's well .. at least according to my son. He will fight me if he thinks I'm following a recipe.
His favorite meal is when he comes into the house and finds me cooking and says "what's for dinner?" and I answer "I have no idea"
Tonight, I wanted to try something I'd never tried before. Samuel's favorite veggie is spinach. The problem is, Benjamin and I can barely tolerate spinach. We can, but barely. Now, I love spinach dip. Benjamin loves raw spinach ..so I figured, there has to be a way that I can make it that we will all love it. Sitting in a doctor's office waiting room, I saw a magazine article with lots of recipe's. In the recipe's was a recipe's was spinach casserole.
Now, I'd made spinach souffle as a teenager, but that was a main dish ... and no way would I attempt that without an exact recipe ... with Samuel's approval or not!
But ... I thought the casserole sounded good ... but I lost the recipe.
So, tonight ...making his second favorite meal. Baked chicken with Sundried Tomato Salad Dressing on it ... I decided to make the spinach casserole with it.
But, I decided that the first time I make the spinach casserole, I should probably follow a recipe ... then I can 'make it my own' after I've tried it once.
Well, I think I more than likely have all the ingredients ... so all I buy is the frozen spinach ...
I get home ...
I tell Samuel I'm going to follow a recipe, he begs me not to. I pull up a recipe and go to the pantry
I have cream of celery soup, not cream of chicken.
I have mozerella cheese, not cheddar.
I have cornbread dressing, not regular bread dressing.
I now have put my sons mind at ease ...because it is no longer the recipe ... but my own take on the recipe :) such a nut!
I also decided to add onion and garlic powder.
I don't think, I could follow a recipe ... if you forced me!
Somehow, I think, even if I had the ingredients ... I'd still be fudging and finding some way to make it mine.
I just don't cook by following directions.
Which, is probably why I can't bake cookies or make bread, or bake anything.
At least my family loves my cooking ... the biggest problem with it is ... they rarely get the stuff they really like ...more than once in their life, because nothing is ever the same again.
His favorite meal is when he comes into the house and finds me cooking and says "what's for dinner?" and I answer "I have no idea"
Tonight, I wanted to try something I'd never tried before. Samuel's favorite veggie is spinach. The problem is, Benjamin and I can barely tolerate spinach. We can, but barely. Now, I love spinach dip. Benjamin loves raw spinach ..so I figured, there has to be a way that I can make it that we will all love it. Sitting in a doctor's office waiting room, I saw a magazine article with lots of recipe's. In the recipe's was a recipe's was spinach casserole.
Now, I'd made spinach souffle as a teenager, but that was a main dish ... and no way would I attempt that without an exact recipe ... with Samuel's approval or not!
But ... I thought the casserole sounded good ... but I lost the recipe.
So, tonight ...making his second favorite meal. Baked chicken with Sundried Tomato Salad Dressing on it ... I decided to make the spinach casserole with it.
But, I decided that the first time I make the spinach casserole, I should probably follow a recipe ... then I can 'make it my own' after I've tried it once.
Well, I think I more than likely have all the ingredients ... so all I buy is the frozen spinach ...
I get home ...
I tell Samuel I'm going to follow a recipe, he begs me not to. I pull up a recipe and go to the pantry
I have cream of celery soup, not cream of chicken.
I have mozerella cheese, not cheddar.
I have cornbread dressing, not regular bread dressing.
I now have put my sons mind at ease ...because it is no longer the recipe ... but my own take on the recipe :) such a nut!
I also decided to add onion and garlic powder.
I don't think, I could follow a recipe ... if you forced me!
Somehow, I think, even if I had the ingredients ... I'd still be fudging and finding some way to make it mine.
I just don't cook by following directions.
Which, is probably why I can't bake cookies or make bread, or bake anything.
At least my family loves my cooking ... the biggest problem with it is ... they rarely get the stuff they really like ...more than once in their life, because nothing is ever the same again.
Friday, March 03, 2006
Nerves of Aluminum Foil
Ok, that's corny even I'll admit that, but I couldn't think of something to compare it with that would not be nerves of steel.
I like blogging. It keeps me writing, but it doesn't have any pressure. I can keep it conversational, but not have to worry about quality, content or worthiness of the entry.
The reality is, I like to write, and would like to be a writer. I've done some writing, and even gotten a few things published. So, being that writer isn't totally out of the question, if I work at it. But, to work at it, means sticking my neck on the chopping block and risk letting the head be chopped off.
Blogging, is no big deal, people can ignore me, or love me ... doesn't matter.
Well, today, I stepped out on a log ...put my neck out there. I contacted our churches denomination publishing company. They publish 100 -150 word devotions for church bulletins, and also, greeting card sentiments. I told them my writing experience, and told them I could send them a sample of my writings, and poetry and asked for an example of the things they would like to see.
Yikes. They could love me, or they could say "sorry, your stuff stinks!"
Now I'm going to be on pins and needles for the next 2 months waiting to see.
I also wrote an article for a Children's Ministry Magazine. I'm waiting to hear from our children's pastor what she thinks of it, before I submit it to the magazine.
I don't know why I'm so nervous ...I've submitted 10 things for publication, and 8 of them were published, the first 7 of them were, and that's a pretty good track record ... so what is my problem? Do I think it's a fluke??? yea huh! I do!
Oh brother! Blogging is so much easier!
I like blogging. It keeps me writing, but it doesn't have any pressure. I can keep it conversational, but not have to worry about quality, content or worthiness of the entry.
The reality is, I like to write, and would like to be a writer. I've done some writing, and even gotten a few things published. So, being that writer isn't totally out of the question, if I work at it. But, to work at it, means sticking my neck on the chopping block and risk letting the head be chopped off.
Blogging, is no big deal, people can ignore me, or love me ... doesn't matter.
Well, today, I stepped out on a log ...put my neck out there. I contacted our churches denomination publishing company. They publish 100 -150 word devotions for church bulletins, and also, greeting card sentiments. I told them my writing experience, and told them I could send them a sample of my writings, and poetry and asked for an example of the things they would like to see.
Yikes. They could love me, or they could say "sorry, your stuff stinks!"
Now I'm going to be on pins and needles for the next 2 months waiting to see.
I also wrote an article for a Children's Ministry Magazine. I'm waiting to hear from our children's pastor what she thinks of it, before I submit it to the magazine.
I don't know why I'm so nervous ...I've submitted 10 things for publication, and 8 of them were published, the first 7 of them were, and that's a pretty good track record ... so what is my problem? Do I think it's a fluke??? yea huh! I do!
Oh brother! Blogging is so much easier!
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Case in point ...
He checked out books from the school library today.
One on heart disease.
One on cardiovascular health.
It's gonna be a long few years!
One on heart disease.
One on cardiovascular health.
It's gonna be a long few years!
Ramblings
My 16 year old, the one who is so smart, has a cause in life. While, I wanted him to realize that God gave him his smarts for a purpose, and to get a grip, and DO something with those smarts ... when a child with OCD gets something ...they REALLY GET IT ... and the rest of us get to live with the obsession ... sometimes, you have to be careful what you wish for (grinning here).
He wants to be a forensic medical examiner. Which means, getting his medical degree. He has done, a ton of research in the last couple of months as to what he needs to do in the next couple of years ... and it's all he talks about.
Next year, he actually signed up to take AP physiology, AND Chemistry. He tried to take AP Physiology AND AP Chemistry ... uh ... Samuel ... TWO AP science classes ??? ARE you NUTS???????? (all his other classes are also AP, including his elective class! AP Spanish 3). He still insisted, but his counselor at school agreed with me and told him that as good as he is in science, as much as he loves science, taking science as an elective, is not a problem, taking 2 science classes is not a problem, but one of them, needs to be a grade level class. She strongly suggested the chemistry being the regular, and AP physiology being the AP. Whew. At least he listened to her!
Last year, we were fighting to get this kid, capable of taking AP classes to agree to take Pre AP classes ... this year we're fighting to KEEP him from taking AP classes? What a difference a goal makes! (GRIN)
I was all for his goal ... I thought it was really neat ... until I smarted off.
My husband made a remark about Samuel with a scalpo (sp? that does NOT look right today!) being a scary thing ... I said "that's ok, he'll just be playing with dead people!"
Suddenly, I got grossed out! EWWWWWW
My son, asked me to not repeat that by the way. He said people will misinterpret that (grin) I learned he knows what the word necrophelism means. He, does not have that disorder. He wants everyone to know his interest is in solving the reason someone died ... not to 'play with dead people'.
I've never zinged myself with my smartelic mouth before ...
I have learned that someone from my children's school district has found this blog ...and read several pages. Makes me nervous. Wish they'd left a comment and identified themselves. Were they here because I posted about the problems with my sons science teacher? Or ... is it one of my 14 year olds teachers ...
is this a friend, or foe? We have such a good experience with our oldest son, and such a horrific experience with our youngest ... it makes me nervous ...
Whoever you are ...if you come back ... please leave a comment ... and tell me who you are and why you're looking at so many pages.
I posted this on my xanga ... my xanga is mostly just for my son, and his friends.
What 10 things are you most grateful for ...
1. Salvation through Jesus' sacrifice for me on the cross, and all the gifts that brought with it.
2. Children who remind me that God is a wonderful God.
3. A Child, who while he is like me in so many ways, is choosing to not make the mistakes I make, but is choosing to do the hard thing to make his life a success!
4. That God gave me the ability to get my thoughts onto paper, when I can't get them out of my mouth.
5. A church family that is there, really there, when I need them to be. In prayer, in emotional, in physical and loving support.
6. Friends who make me laugh. My sons friends, who make me laugh, and smile.
7. Second chances. And third, and fourths ... God's mercy is everlasting ....
8. Teenage sons who like to be around me. Who think I'm a cool mom. Who like me, and think I'm not dumb. They think I'm a good mom and they tell me their friends love me too ... how cool is that?
9. That I'm in today's medical world, not 40 years ago. Lupus, Myastehnia Gravis, were not so treatable back then.
10. Growth ... even when it's painful.
He wants to be a forensic medical examiner. Which means, getting his medical degree. He has done, a ton of research in the last couple of months as to what he needs to do in the next couple of years ... and it's all he talks about.
Next year, he actually signed up to take AP physiology, AND Chemistry. He tried to take AP Physiology AND AP Chemistry ... uh ... Samuel ... TWO AP science classes ??? ARE you NUTS???????? (all his other classes are also AP, including his elective class! AP Spanish 3). He still insisted, but his counselor at school agreed with me and told him that as good as he is in science, as much as he loves science, taking science as an elective, is not a problem, taking 2 science classes is not a problem, but one of them, needs to be a grade level class. She strongly suggested the chemistry being the regular, and AP physiology being the AP. Whew. At least he listened to her!
Last year, we were fighting to get this kid, capable of taking AP classes to agree to take Pre AP classes ... this year we're fighting to KEEP him from taking AP classes? What a difference a goal makes! (GRIN)
I was all for his goal ... I thought it was really neat ... until I smarted off.
My husband made a remark about Samuel with a scalpo (sp? that does NOT look right today!) being a scary thing ... I said "that's ok, he'll just be playing with dead people!"
Suddenly, I got grossed out! EWWWWWW
My son, asked me to not repeat that by the way. He said people will misinterpret that (grin) I learned he knows what the word necrophelism means. He, does not have that disorder. He wants everyone to know his interest is in solving the reason someone died ... not to 'play with dead people'.
I've never zinged myself with my smartelic mouth before ...
I have learned that someone from my children's school district has found this blog ...and read several pages. Makes me nervous. Wish they'd left a comment and identified themselves. Were they here because I posted about the problems with my sons science teacher? Or ... is it one of my 14 year olds teachers ...
is this a friend, or foe? We have such a good experience with our oldest son, and such a horrific experience with our youngest ... it makes me nervous ...
Whoever you are ...if you come back ... please leave a comment ... and tell me who you are and why you're looking at so many pages.
I posted this on my xanga ... my xanga is mostly just for my son, and his friends.
What 10 things are you most grateful for ...
1. Salvation through Jesus' sacrifice for me on the cross, and all the gifts that brought with it.
2. Children who remind me that God is a wonderful God.
3. A Child, who while he is like me in so many ways, is choosing to not make the mistakes I make, but is choosing to do the hard thing to make his life a success!
4. That God gave me the ability to get my thoughts onto paper, when I can't get them out of my mouth.
5. A church family that is there, really there, when I need them to be. In prayer, in emotional, in physical and loving support.
6. Friends who make me laugh. My sons friends, who make me laugh, and smile.
7. Second chances. And third, and fourths ... God's mercy is everlasting ....
8. Teenage sons who like to be around me. Who think I'm a cool mom. Who like me, and think I'm not dumb. They think I'm a good mom and they tell me their friends love me too ... how cool is that?
9. That I'm in today's medical world, not 40 years ago. Lupus, Myastehnia Gravis, were not so treatable back then.
10. Growth ... even when it's painful.
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