3 years ago, I had a dream. It was so profound, I had to write it out. It had such an effect on me, I posted it when I first opened this blog.
I, at the time, thought the dream was about the condition of religeon in today's society. It shook me, and it caused me to dig deeper into the scriptures, in a way I'd never done before. I'd always been a studier of the Bible. I'd always been a person to turn to the Bible when I was hurting. But, this dream, made me treasure the Bible even more.
This dream made me evaluate how much I valued the possessions in my life. This dream made me evaluate the degree I trusted God. This dream made me take a clear look at my entire spiritual life, and how much I was able, and willing to take a stand for that faith. This dream, made me examine how big of a God I served.
3 years later. I haven't thought about that dream in well over a year. Last year, it got really bad around here. As Don rebelled against God, the worse my home life got. The more and more I came to depend on the Word of God, and my church family.
I found myself reading the Bible, literally by the hour.
When my computer crashed, I lost all my Bible study tools ... no more comentaries, no more resources ... me, my strongs concordance (which requires some what of a memory of what the verse has in it) and my Bibles. The last 6 months of the year ... it was me and my memory and my friends at church.
So weird. Things, toward the end of the year got bad. My youngest, halloween weekend asked me ...when we get our house, can we make Daddy leave, and will the judge make us see him? I'd told my pastor, and he asked to see me in his office. Even calling me at home to make sure I was ok in my 'desperate' situation.
Then, one weekend, things got really bad, and I got scared. I called DVIS (because of emotional abuse, not physical). I wasn't pleased with the answers. I needed to stay, I needed that house through Habitat, and if I left, I'd never get it, and would be in section 8 housing where the rent would be 1/3 of my income. Habitat mortgage will be $225. And I'll be BUYING the house, and it will be a new house ...it won't be government housing. I HAD to find a way to make this work.
Then they said something scary ... because of the ages of my sons (16 and 14) and because of the fact that it's a shelter, the boys may not be able to go with me. They only have 2 apartments that house teenage boys. If those are full,the boys can't come. Period.
If I had to leave, I might be loosing my whole family. A few days before that, Tulsa Police had changed uniforms. We'd always had olive green uniforms ... they switched to a very very dark blue, almost black. I can rmeember thinking, if I have to call the police, nothing will be the same ..not even the police. What an odd thought to have had.
Then, in December, I got very sick, was in the ER. Don threw an unnecessary fit about something stupid and when he went to the waiting room, the doctor and the nurse came in to find out if that was normal behavior and if I was in a safe home inviroment. I found myself being truthful and telling them that was normal behavior. They put me down as being severely emotionally abused.
I had to be taken back in the next night. Don wasn't in the room alone with me at any given time.
When he wasn't there, they were strongly suggesting I go from the ER to a shelter. Everytime they observed him, their suggestions got stronger. All I could think of was the house.
I dug deeper into prayer. I had my friends praying. I dug deep into the sanctuary of my church. I fought the war at home and ... as you've read when I first came back on line ... Don surrendered ... and we've had such a terrific ride in our marriage in the last few months.
With 180º turn in his behavior ...as he now treasures me instead of owns me ... and he treats me with respect instead of distain ... he protects me instead of attacks me and he worries for me instead of worrying how my problems will effect him ... our lives have become something romance novelest couldn't even begin to write!
I read that dream again. I thought it'd been a statement on society ...and I realize it was a statement on my marriage and family ... a warning of such from God. Dig deep ... know his word... cling to His word and faith ... TAKE THAT STAND... Do I trust God to see me through.
Am I willing to walk away from all I own to protect myself and my faith? I came very close to having to walk out with nothing but the clothes on my back and the boys more than once.
Am I willing to give up my elephant collection, and my piano, and my furniture ... for Him. Do I know the word enough to survive? Did I know that my church family was who I needed to go to for support in the prison I existed in?
A couple of really stark things stood out ...
When the police came, they were in their olive green uniforms ... I closed my eyes to say a prayer ... I opened them ...they were in black uniforms!
In the prison camp, we had nothing but our memories to survive on with the word of God ... I'd lost all my resources with the computer crash.
One line was "Do I trust God more than I had trusted Elaine?" ... last summer I asked a friend "Do I trust God enough to provide shelter for me if I have to leave?"
In November, I finally got to the point where I said "He is my shelter ...not Habitat, not Broken Arrow, not Don, not a house ... God is my shelter, he is my strength ... "
But it was a process of getting to that ...
This dream wasn't a statement about religeon in America ... it was a dream about my family, and what I was about to face. It was prophetic ... and it drove me into the heart of God and his word ... and the result ... a repentant husband and a wife prepared to forgive.
And a HAPPY FAMILY who are serving their Lord together! Preparing to go into ministry together ..side by side ... loving, laughing ...most of all reading his word together, praying together ...
I'm going to put that link again incase it didn't like. So, here's the dream link in case it didn't. Sometimes the links don't link through for some reason, copy paste the address, it should go through ...if not, go clear back to November 2004.