Ok ... I have no clue how to classify the mood I'm in. Physically, I feel like death warmed over. There are outside issues I'm dealing with that have my stress and frustration level at a high level (thank you very much Union Schools!) Add to that a lack of sleep (thank you medicaid for deciding that Ambien should have 'fixed' my insomnia by now and not approving it) a husband that is less than supportive (can we name that 'very draining person'?) and add to that questions of a drug reaction ... and I should be a real mess.
I am in the best mood. Frustration is there sure, but I'm so excited about other things happening, so grateful for other situations, so happy about just BEING who I am, the other stuff seems peripheral. Temporary. Not that I'm shoving them in the background and ignoring them (well, except for the husband situation, trying to ignore that one as much as I can) or slipping into denial, but I'm not letting them control me.
So, first, today, I'm going to deal with my concerns.
I be sick. I really really really should have called the doc yesterday. She's going to clobber me. I have her voice in the back of my head saying "I'm the doctor, not you. You have to let me treat you!" Then there is my neurologist's voice saying "Hi, I'm Dr. M, I went to medical school for 4 years so that I could learn how to figure out what is important and what isn't, so you don't have to" in my follow up appointment in December when he found out I'd had numbness in my hands and feet for over a year ... I hadn't told him because I figured it was just inflammation from the lupus, I'd read a lot about it on the lupus message boards, it's common, so ..made sense to me ...it's annoying, doesn't hurt, doesn't interfere with functioning ..so it's not serious. Well, he was alarmed. He was concerned it might be peripheral neuropathy, which IS serious. So, after torturing me with needles in an EMG ...we find out Peggikaye is right ... hmph ..he might have gone to medical school for 4 years, and been my doctor for 13, but I've lived in my body for 40. ;) (Dr. M, if you happen to find this blog ... I think you're the greatest doctor in the world! I'm glad this is the ONE time you were wrong and I was right, cause normally, you ARE the one that's right)
Ok, so back to the cold, or infection or whatever it is. My fever didn't go away overnight. My lupus fevers always do. So the fever is most likely connected to the red throat, painful ear, and stuffled up nose and funny voice. When I cough ...this gunky stuff comes up too ... whoops.
Next topic ... I have to scroll up to see what it is, :D
Oh, yea, Benjamin's school. After all that hubbabaloo over Benjamin's math this week ... his math teacher wouldn't let him take his math home this weekend to work on or get help from my mom (the special ed teacher of 22 years who specifically TAUGHT JUNIOR HIGH MATH) Geesh. In his IEP it is written ... any work not completed, that he did not get a C or above on, or that he is struggling too hard with the concepts on, he is to take home on Friday to work with his grandmother on the weekend. Um ... ok, so why is he failing? Where is the make up work?
The drug reaction one ... Vytorin. I had a lot of myasthenic trouble with Lipitor, and it was FAST, 6 pills and MG was rearing it's head, and 8 pills and I about wound up in the hospital. Had I been a less experienced MGer, I would have. Had I been less tolerant of Mestinon (symptomatic drug) I would have, but because I can almost double my dose of it (I take 600 mgs a day, I can take up to 1140 mgs before I even START to feel side effects.) I would have. So, my doctor and I ask my neurologist if Lipitor does that, will all the statins? He says ..maybe? Maybe not. But with as high as my cholesterol is (310 total, bad was 230) and my diet is appropriate and I'm exercising all I can ... we have to try everything we can. So ...
2 weeks ago today, I started Vytorin. A week went by, no problems. Yesterday, I noticed sitting on the couch, I about had a charlie horse ... hmmm. Didn't think much of it.
Last night, I was awakened 4 times with charlie horses. Now ... I don't get many charlie horses thanks to Myasthenia, the muscles just aren't strong enough to do it much ... when I was a teenager, in full blown eating disorder .... ok, clear up until the MG hit at 24 and any time I've been on high dose prednisone with the eating disorder ... the charlie horses have been massive ...but I don't have an active eating disorder, and I'm not on high dose prednisone (5 mgs) .
So, what I can't find on the web is the what KIND of muscle pain can Vytorin cause? You see the ads that say "report to your doctor any kind of muscle weakness or pain because this can be a serious sign of muscle damage " yada yada yada ... but are charlie horses what they are talking about? When I think of muslce pain, I think of aching, not cramping. They say muscle pain, not muscle cramps.
So maybe the charlie horses have more to do with my physical therapy on my knee than the Vytorin?
(am I trying to diagnose myself again? Told ya I always wanted to be a doctor)
Ok, I'm going to totally skip over the husband and ambien issue.
Now for the fun stuff. :D
We had small group last night. That is always a good time. Our small group is absolutely nuts. I think we're a group of adults who never outgrew being teenagers (with the exception of my husband who is a party pooper). Our small group is going over the book Purpose Driven Life as a group. This weeks topic was about fellowship and how relationships make a difference in your life. How it's important to have people who can tell you the truth, let you know when you're screwing up ... and keep you on the right path, but also have fun with, share good times AND bad times.
The prayer ministry with the kids is a GO. PIPP Jr. Starts up February 27th. Letters go home tomorrow morning! I am so excited. A bit scared. I'm stepping farther and farther out of my nice quiet little behind the scenes music office ... yikes. But I can't wait to hear the kids pray for the church staff. It is soo fun to hear little kids pray.
I am signing a song in church tomorrow. I am sooo not ready. After 25 years of signing to music, it is VERY hard to find a song I can't do ..and Carla managed to do it!!!! not only do I not have it memorized ...oh shoot, I should have that CD on ... ok, I do :D ... at least I can listen to it while I'm blogging. Anyway, not only do I not have it memorized, but it's 'wordy' and it's upbeat and complicated to sign. However, that being said, I have had a BLAST trying to figure it out ... finding a sign challenge after 25 years is really cool. I'm just not quite ready, not sure if I'm going to do it or not. We'll see. My CD is scratched ...gonna kill a teenager.
A week from Friday, I'm leading small group. YIKES. It's about service, and stepping out, and that God made us who we are and he doesn't expect perfection and he used imperfect people all through the Bible and we have to stop thinking we have to be perfect to serve Him or anyone else. Once again, stepping out of my comfortable little music office.
My book is going no where. Don hasn't gotten the old computer harddrive pulled out for Ed to pull it off onto a disk. Mom hasn't gotten me back the hard copy ..and the editor is sending me letters saying " We want to see it, proof read or not"
Ok, if anyone is STILL reading this blog entry, I must say, I am truely impressed!