Pearls and Dreams
Today, I made a decision I rarely make. I chose to not participate in a church acitivity. I participate in most activities ... so ...should I feel bad because I chose not to? Probably not. However, the fact that I'm searching for a hundred different reasons why it was ok for me to skip out on this one ... probably means it wasn't ok.
It was called "Connect 4"
The idea is to get people to actually make connections ...more than passing each other in the hallway or in Sunday school class ...but to actually sit down and talk to each other. TO MEET each other. To get to know each other, and to find out something new about each other. To share a meal with each other and to make the fellowship of the church family something more than just shaking hands or a hug around the neck during the music during Sunday Morning.
Ideally, you'd sit with someone you don't know or you barely know.
Now ... for me ... this is prime panic attack ground for me.
Loosely structured.
Food oriented.
Not well acquainted.
Nuh huh!
Talk about out of the box!
So, While a good number of the people of the church went into the gym to eat ... I managed to hide out in my normal hiding place ... and work on memorizing the narration for next weeks cantada.
I have wondered when I went from loving being a part of the loose structured social part of a church ... to wanting desperately be a part of a church family ..but please ... let me stay at an arms distance!!!
Dr. Suess
"And will you succeed? Yes indeed! Yes indeed! Ninety Eight and Three Quarters guarenteed!"
You will get there. It so hard to get over that knot in your gut. What will they think of me? What if I'm not as smart as them? I know they have more money than me, What do the really think of me. Well if they love Jesus they have to Love me too. If not its' there lost. You are too wonderful not to be loved Trouble.
ReplyDeleteI get thataway too.
ReplyDeleteIt's ok.
You're not the only one.
later...
amazing yesterday we had eight new people attend church the pastor asked for those to go meet them, want to know what we did headed as fast out of there as we could.
ReplyDeleteFeeling guilty all the way, why because two of those new people had only come a week ago from an estate that we knew well because we had friends there and because only ten months ago we had made a similar move from city to country.
Yet we ran out the door into the car, not even P & R saw us leave. We find the whole meet and greet thing terrifying even the greeting of peace we take off for opting for a bench out the front than trying to greet in the warm, thankfully R knows where to find us and now so do others and once they come out to our space we are fine, but we fully understand the need to hide and i find it amazing that we both did the same thing yesterday in different ways.
I can do a Sunday School class, Bible Study, I can do this choir (although, I'm seriously not liking how hard the singing is on my voice!)
ReplyDeleteI can even do play in front of people ... I can sign to music on stage ... and I can, if pushed, read my own writing on stage (however, I'd rather act, and not be myself if I have to use my voice)
I can do all kinds of things where lots of people are involved ..but the minute it involves a larger group than a few ...or it becomes based on around a meal ..and or it becomes unstructured / fellowship time ..
whoops!
bye bye ... don't like to be watched eating ... and don't like the loose structure.
Combine the two ..yikers!
An after church dinner fundraiser is bad enough. Add to it the 'meet someone new and get to know them' element to it ...and I'm gone. bye bye now!
buh bye!
I wouldn't have been able to do this either...I'm feeling panicky just reading it!!
ReplyDeleteYou know where this is coming from, right?
ReplyDeleteThere are ways that you'll be able to do this sort of thing ... and ways that will just be harder for you. Keep nudging yourself, but don't traumatize yourself, either.
One - step - at - a - time ...
HUGS!