Today was a bit odd. I went back to the orthopedic doctor to find out the results of my MRI on my knee. It was, as I suspected, the second my knee hit the ground on December 17, in need of surgery. The conversation that took place around the need for that surgery is what has caught my thoughts today. Over the last 15 years, I have been in the hospital 22 times, 12 of those times for surgery. I have NOT been in the hospital since June of 2003. (also a surgery) For all my past surgeries, the doctors have said "this is what's wrong, this is what we need to do" and I've scheduled the surgery. Period. This time ... I stared at the doctor and said "BUT I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR SURGERY!!" He then looked at me a bit surprised and said "A myasthenic with lupus should not BE too busy have surgery! Too weak yes, too tired yes, too scared, yes, too ill, yes ... lots of reasons, but not too busy!" Later, as I thought about it, I always FEEL terrible but I also always push to the maximum of my ability to function ..sometimes that's simply laying on the couch, other days that's vegging out in front of the puter, but other days it's running errands, going to doctor appointments, volunteering at church, going to church, small group, friends ... etc ... I push ... full steam ahead, and I have to measure what I accomplish to tell me how I'm REALLY doing ... because a myasthenic pushed to the max isn't going to feel good ... but I'm doing a lot ... I'm too busy for surgery! HEY WORLD!!!! I'm TOO BUSY FOR SURGERY!!!!! THAT'S A GOOD THING!! Ok, so the surgery STILL has to take place, but ... I am going to go through a few weeks of physical therapy and see if we can get the knee a bit stronger before going into surgery so it will recover faster ...cause I have things to do .. places to go .. .pleople to see!! I never thought I'd be so tickled at being told I needed surgery in my life! Don't want the surgery ..dreading that part ... but the fact that I'm too busy just has me giggling! The times of being so weak, worn out that my days are being spent unable to do anything but lay on the couch and sit at the computer as the MAIN event of my life seem to be behind me. They happen every month ... most of the time, I have at least one day a week like that ... but it's no longer my version of normal ... my version of normal is that I'M TOO BUSY TO HAVE SURGERY!!!! WHOO HOO!!!!!