nerves

You know, it's almost midnight, I have a huge day in my life tomorrow ... I should be sleeping. I'm not. I'm a nervous wreck. I hardly slept last night. I worked hard today ...what I could between back spasms (not normal for me).


I have to give a speech tomorrow on what homeownership means to me. A short one. Not sure I can do the speech part ... or the short part. I start to try to plan out what I'm going to say and I start to have a panic attack. This, is not good. I plan on having the worship team pray for me in the morning.


My heart broke this afternoon. I was getting very angry at my son, Benjamin, because he wouldn't help with the packing. It was one thing for him to stall and not do what we needed him to do. I know his hand is still a bit sore as well as his asthma acts up ...not to mention the step by step directions ... gets him confused ...it definitely crosses over into his learning disabilities. So, I kind of expected some kind of fall out at the packing stage. What I didn't expect was for him to get into MY way and be rude about it. He wouldn't get out of my way ...he was going to be on the computer ...period. I told him no, I had to be in front of the desk and he couldn't be on the computer at that time. He became very angry with me and with vileness spit out at me a verbal lashing I wasn't prepared for coming from my own son! "Why? Why NOW?! " I told him in a rather tightly formed tone of voice, barely controlled "because I am PACKING SON!" and he even more angry let it fly "Why bother?! They're not going to give us the house anyway!" He threw the chair down and ran to my room. Oh my! Oh my baby!

The poor kiddo, he's going through all of this and not expecting any of it to really be real? No wonder he's acting up so much! I gave him a hug and let him rest in my room and watch tv before we talked about his disrespect and the truth vs feelings and such. It's so hard for kids raised in poverty to see a step forward as something that is really going to happen to them.

Our Twitch is in the cat hospital tonight. He'll be home tomorrow. He's not happy with us having left him there for 2 days having given him surgery. But he's doing just fine. He's being rather rude to his care givers though. not aggressive, just hissing and loud meowing. But when they pick him up, he's perfectly relaxed. He keeps trying to climb under the towel in the cage. I told her that's ok, he does that at home. So they said they may get him another one to hide under.


Well my friends ... we are at 15.5 hours and counting at this point ... and I guess I should get some sleep. Or at least try to. I've checked the Target registry as much as I can and people are either ...not buying off the registry ...not buying anything ... or the registry takes time to get it registered. Because there are only 4 items marked off. The housewarming is next Saturday. So, some people could be going and buying it and not marking it off at the register so it's not being marked off. Or, they may just be waiting. Some people may just be buying what they want to buy us ...forget the registry. I did notice that the my bedroom set that I wanted sooooo badly is marked fullfilled. So I'll have a nice elegant bedroom :) ok ... talk to you after the Key Ceremony. Iheard that Reba was supposed to be in town for part of the Tulsa Centenial Celebration ...wouldn't that be cool if she gave me my key??? LOL ... just a laugh ... lol Reba crashes key ceremony! Hey! I'd rather her do it than Oprah crash a wedding!!!