Dr. Suess

"And will you succeed? Yes indeed! Yes indeed! Ninety Eight and Three Quarters guarenteed!"

Sunday, August 27, 2006

From my sick bed

Pearls and Dreams

I am up from my sick bed to post a couple of up dates. Wanda's Wings has found a home for Freckles. So he leaves our abode to find a new home tomorrow. :*( We are sad. I hope he will be happy.

Today's mail brought lab reports from doctors offices. My glucose tolerance test that was challenging the glucose insulin ration was fine ... got to be nice & sick for nothing. He said it's a bit wider than what is normally seen in insulin resistence, except in his patients with anorexic type eating disorders. Since I have ED-NOS and have been known to restrictive eat ... and I'm low on protien in the blood. His best guess is ... I'm not eating enough and or skipping too many meals. Cool it, straighten up, my body is not going to loose weight that way. And, it will kill me to do it.
yada yada yada ..got the full lecture on the phone when he called thisevening.

After he called, my PCP called to talk about my lab work from ealier this week. My kidney functions aren't too good. (not low, high) meaning my kidneys are having to work too hard. It has one of two most likely causes .... the medications I'm on. In MOST of her patients, almost all ... they'd take at that, and say push fluids and assume that's the problem. Test again. The other possible cause ... not eating enough food ... dehydration ...making kidney's work to hard to flush out the medications/disease antibodies out of themselves because they don't get the proper nutrients and fluids to do so.

So, before she puts me through all kinds of kidney biopsys etc ... she wants me to increase fluids dramatically, she's sending results of my tests and her suspicions to my treatment team, and a note to endo and 2 other docs and suggesting those notes go to phschiatrist as well ... oh joy.

It seems that ... while I'm not counting to make sure I'm not eating more than 250 calories a day ... I'm doing a fairly good job of restricting myself ...far more than I'd thought ... my 41 year old, and not so h ealth bodycan't play these games.

Docs orders ... fluids ...lots of fluids ... rest ... green tea for my caffiene fix rather than coffee... stop arguing with PT and do onl what he says not what he says x3. Plus ...eat when I'm supposed to, and how much I'm supposed to ... not skipping of meals and 1/3 of my meal when I do. No m ore tricks, because my body is telling on me. and it won't allow it ... and if I continue ... I can't be the woman that God has called me to be.

I have 2 choices ... keep playing games.
And never be who I want to be. Or find healing and find out who the woman God created me to be just really is.


  1. What do you mean 250 calories a day? I don't think someone can live on 250 calories a day. Thats like a bite of a candy bar. Is that what you are trying to do? if so, no wonder you are feeling terrible.

    Does your Doc's know this is all you are eating? PK I am worried!

    Please take care of you and get feeling better. Im hoping this was a typo and you meant 1250 calories?

  2. Cathy, I can see where you got that reading that. No, I'm not eating 250 calories. I'm probably closer to under 1000 to the 1200 mark (they want me at 1500 to 1800 calories, with the insulin resistance, 1200 wouldn't be enought to keep the insulin stable)

    Counting calories to try to stay under 250 calories a day is what I did before I entered treatment for the eating disorder ...partly the cause of the insulin resistance problem. CAUSING a large part of the weight problem to begin with.

    Starving myself ...loosing muscle instead of fat ..then when I would eat, the insulin would go haywire, and my body would store everything I ate and save it ..as fat for when I would starve my body again ...never trusting me to properly feed it.

  3. ahh pk im worried bout you to.. i been missing you and im hoping your feeling better soon!!! Take care of yourself.. and don't be to hard on yourself for having a hard time fighting a lifetime of habbitis... i know it's relly imporant for you to fix it all now but sometiems you may misstep once in a while.. im just very glad it wasn't a really bad mis step.. hugs to you and keep your head up!!!

  4. Hey Peggikaye...

    Sorry for the difficulties.

    Have you tried using a meal planner thingy?

    Something like a dinner routine maybe?

    Would it help if eating became kind of ritualistic?

    Sunday - always chicken
    Monday - always tuna
    Tuesday - always leftovers
    Wednesday - always beans
    Thursday - always beef
    Friday - always leftovers
    Saturday - always MEXICAN FOOD!!!!


  5. Wow! Looks like they've got your number!

    It's not really the "rock and a hard place" it appears to be though ...

    ... it's called trust ...

    Trust in the One you want to be your best for, and trust in the ones placed in your life to keep you moving along ...

    Hang in there ... keep plugging!

    {{{ HUGS! }}}