But Even If .....

Pearls and Dreams





Daniel 3: 17&18 17 If you throw us into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from the furnace. He will save us from your power, O king. 18 But even if God does not save us, we want you, O king, to know this: We will not serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up."


When I was in the third grade, I had friends that wanted me to do something with them. I don’t remember what it was. My guess, given the time period, would be, go with a family to see the Exorcist, or play the ouji board, or some other such thing. My Mom was adamant that I was not going to do it. Her reasoning was “We do not do that, WE are Christians.”



She did not leave it at that, she explained the keeping ourselves pure, our testimony and all the appropriate things a parent should do. All the things that have worked well with my children as explanations as to why we don’t do some things, but for me, I didn’t like the answer.



I went to bed that night. Stood on my knees and stared out the window at the stars. I started to cry and became angry with God. In my 9 year old head I started to blame God for my being left out of my friends life! It was His fault. This God in the stars … HE could let me go play if he wanted to!



Suddenly, I teared up, and I angrily, started to tell God what I thought. “It’s Your FAULT! I am sorry I picked you! I don’t want you in my life! I wish you weren’t my savior!”



I sat down on my feet and immediately was horrified by the things I’d said in anger. I jumped to my feet and grabbed the window. I bawled and begged God for forgiveness. “PLEASE GOD! I didn’t mean it! PLEASE PLEASE Don’t leave me! I love you God. I want your Son. I need your Son! I DO want you in my life! I don’t mean it God! Please! I didn’t MEAN IT GOD!!!!”



I cried myself to sleep that night. I never told anyone of the events of that night.



Over the next several years, I went through my life doing everything I could to serve God. I was going to be the best servant in the Kingdom. I knew I’d done a foolish thing. I often wondered … did I ruin my chance at Heaven. I loved God so.



At times, I could hear God speaking to me. I grew spiritually. I knew that what had happened was a flash moment of a young angry girl, too young to understand rejecting the King of the Universe. The Merciful Father would not hold that against her. Not when she never acted on it. Not when she repented.



But the questions haunted me …clear into my 30’s. Often the doubts would come … in questions, dark and sneaky “doesn’t matter how much God loved you, you rejected him. YOU committed the unforgiveable sin. You committed blasphemy. You’re a fraud …pretending to be a Christian.’’



The devil tortured me for years with that. Having fun at my expense.



Finally, about 7 years ago, I became fed up. I was tired of the haunting. I realized that to me, it really didn’t MATTER if I had committed that sin or not. It wasn’t going to change my stand for God. My love for God.



I stood at the doorway on the way out to church one day as the voice was particularly snotty and told the devil. “You may tell me whatever you want. You may remind me daily that as a 9 year old girl, I became angry with God and told him that I sent him away. And, I may, very well have committed the one sin that can never be forgiven. Only God knows … YOU Don’t even know. So, satan, take notice. Today, regardless of where my salvation stands, that does not change my behavior on this earth, nor my love for the King of Kings. When I die, I may not Go to heaven because of one act of rejection as a 9 year old girl. But until that day, I will serve him with everything that is in me. I will stand on his word. I will pray, I will sing. I will trust him. I will stand on his promises. I will tell his story. I will LOVE him. I will SHOUT about his love and I will SERVE HIM with everything that is in me. So, satan, in the name of Jesus, GET BEHIND ME.



He was never able again to taunt me. I’d made my stand for Christ. If lived or died in eternity, If God saved me or not … I would make that stand. I would stand. I was at church last night, watching the Beth Moore series on Daniel. Suddenly something caught my eye … I wasn’t the first to make that declaration … I smiled as I heard the words I’d once declared.



I realized …God had given me the words that I’d needed. I’d never memorized them. I’d read them several times, but God brought them to me when I needed them.



Daniel 3: 17&18 17 If you throw us into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from the furnace. He will save us from your power, O king. 18 But even if God does not save us, we want you, O king, to know this: We will not serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up."