The new me ... back to make up ..after 20 years ... dyed my hair red ...and a new smile!
the old me ...dark teeth (although not chipping breaking yet) and dark hair) Dr. Suess
"And will you succeed? Yes indeed! Yes indeed! Ninety Eight and Three Quarters guarenteed!"
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Almost done w/make over ..still need a hair cut
The new me ... back to make up ..after 20 years ... dyed my hair red ...and a new smile! the old me ...dark teeth (although not chipping breaking yet) and dark hair) 
Saturday, August 08, 2009
new teeth
The swelling in my face is making me look younger I think ...any hints on how to keep that? lol ...look at those nice straight white teeth!!!As soon as I'm feeling better adn the Myasthenia isn't interfering with my ability to smile .... I'll have a new one taken
This shows how darkened and blackened my teeth erew, but the missing and chipped teeth weren't as evident.
one of the before's .... the dark spot is a tooth broke in half, filled in black. The front two teeth were all but black, but to lighten the mouth to see the chips and cracks the coloring had to improve.
one of the before's .... the dark spot is a tooth broke in half, filled in black. The front two teeth were all but black, but to lighten the mouth to see the chips and cracks the coloring had to improve.Now my biggest hurdle ... convincing myself to rest ...my brain is saying "IT'S DONE ...time to get back to 100% !!!" My body is saying "um dear ...you've had significant surgery get your butt in bed and REST"
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
of hair and teeth
Food is starting to taste like food again.
The dentist over the phone said that it was a very rare reaction to the extractions ...but made it sound like it was not unheard of.
When he saw me for the follow up he told me that it was totally impossible for the extraction, but judging by the look of my tongue ... it was a reaction to the thrush!! My tongue was still a bit swollen and he didn't particularly like the size of my taste buds. So he gave me an oral diflunac (sp?) and within a few days it started to dramatically improve!!
With this next procedure (thursday) I'll be given the diflunac as a preventative.
I pick up my teeth on Wednesday and have 16 teeth pulled and denturse put in on thursday.
My blog is private so I'll go aheaed and post this picture. I guess, if it were public I probably should write a rather strong anti bulimia post with the picture. It's not a great picture and the really bad teeth didn't show up in the light. This picture actually makes my teeth look not too bad ...which is bad considering they look really bad in the pic.
I'm looking forward to a 'real' smile where I don't feel like I'm wearing the badge of bulimia ...
The dentist over the phone said that it was a very rare reaction to the extractions ...but made it sound like it was not unheard of.
When he saw me for the follow up he told me that it was totally impossible for the extraction, but judging by the look of my tongue ... it was a reaction to the thrush!! My tongue was still a bit swollen and he didn't particularly like the size of my taste buds. So he gave me an oral diflunac (sp?) and within a few days it started to dramatically improve!!
With this next procedure (thursday) I'll be given the diflunac as a preventative.
I pick up my teeth on Wednesday and have 16 teeth pulled and denturse put in on thursday.
My blog is private so I'll go aheaed and post this picture. I guess, if it were public I probably should write a rather strong anti bulimia post with the picture. It's not a great picture and the really bad teeth didn't show up in the light. This picture actually makes my teeth look not too bad ...which is bad considering they look really bad in the pic.
I'm looking forward to a 'real' smile where I don't feel like I'm wearing the badge of bulimia ...
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Summer 2009
So, it's clear into summer and I'm still not blogging much ... at all.
I've taken the summer off of school in order to get my teeth taken care of. The process is more difficult than I'd forseen and now see the wisdom in my family and my docs pushing me to just concentrate on dental and not go to summer school.
I had 10 teeth removed a couple of weeks ago and in a couple of weeks will have the remaining 16 teeth removed. (was already missing a tooth or two)
I go tomorrow to 'pick out' my dentures ..style and color. Never realized there was that much to the process!!
There has been a couple of unexpected issues with the process ... one ....with only having to consume liquids ... I increased my calories to the amount and timing the endocrinologist has been after me for 3 or 4 years to do ... and I lost 10 lbs! I still can't make sense of intake of double the calories and loose weight.
I started to introduce real food this week and have run into a big issue ...aside from the expected trouble that the eating disorder would cause .... I've ran into a super taste issue. EVERYTHING is too sweet, too salty, too garlicy, too ...you name it, if there is flavor, there is too much!! Everything tastes so over done I can barely eat! Even plain, unsweetened oatmeal was too sweet!! How do you get more bland than unsweetened oatmeal?
So, on top of being a bit overwhelmed by all that food ... that flavor is making it almost impossible to eat ...
I knew that I'd been having issues with the protein shakes and meal replacements being too sweet, but I thought it was just tooooo many sweet things in too short of amount of time. Nope, it's me.
I've done some research on dental procedures and tastes and all I find is a DECREASE of flavor not the opposite!
So .. interesting turn of events I didn't need .. it makes it even harder to eat than ever.
On the 6th I get the rest of the teeth removed, dentures and start school on the 17th.
I hope the next procedure goes more smoothly or starting school 11 days later will be a big challenge!!!
I've taken the summer off of school in order to get my teeth taken care of. The process is more difficult than I'd forseen and now see the wisdom in my family and my docs pushing me to just concentrate on dental and not go to summer school.
I had 10 teeth removed a couple of weeks ago and in a couple of weeks will have the remaining 16 teeth removed. (was already missing a tooth or two)
I go tomorrow to 'pick out' my dentures ..style and color. Never realized there was that much to the process!!
There has been a couple of unexpected issues with the process ... one ....with only having to consume liquids ... I increased my calories to the amount and timing the endocrinologist has been after me for 3 or 4 years to do ... and I lost 10 lbs! I still can't make sense of intake of double the calories and loose weight.
I started to introduce real food this week and have run into a big issue ...aside from the expected trouble that the eating disorder would cause .... I've ran into a super taste issue. EVERYTHING is too sweet, too salty, too garlicy, too ...you name it, if there is flavor, there is too much!! Everything tastes so over done I can barely eat! Even plain, unsweetened oatmeal was too sweet!! How do you get more bland than unsweetened oatmeal?
So, on top of being a bit overwhelmed by all that food ... that flavor is making it almost impossible to eat ...
I knew that I'd been having issues with the protein shakes and meal replacements being too sweet, but I thought it was just tooooo many sweet things in too short of amount of time. Nope, it's me.
I've done some research on dental procedures and tastes and all I find is a DECREASE of flavor not the opposite!
So .. interesting turn of events I didn't need .. it makes it even harder to eat than ever.
On the 6th I get the rest of the teeth removed, dentures and start school on the 17th.
I hope the next procedure goes more smoothly or starting school 11 days later will be a big challenge!!!
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
time passing
So time has flown ...this last year has been a difficult one to say the least. The family drama, which I've kept off the blog.
I blocked my blog because of the family drama so that I could post my feelings about it. Then realized there is someone who reads it that I really need to explain what's happened. Since my phone doesn't dial long distance, and I didn't think reading it on the blog was appropriate ... I've left it off the blog.
I had my therapist uncerimoniously removed from me. (read back to post in April about being on a tightrope)
I had a doctor threaten me ...get back into therapy or find another doc.
So, I got back into therapy.
I left my beloved church of 11 years ...to have no one call and say "Is Don OK?" or a call that says "We'll miss you, but do what you need to do"
I knew I was leaving my church ... I did not know i'd lose my friends in the process.
I started school ...and struggled tremendously the first semester ..and got 4.0 the second.
My teeth continue to deteriorate ...the oral surgeon made it abundantly clear ... it was only bulimia that caused it. There is no medical condition or medication that caused it. I destroyed my teeth with builimia and bulimia alone.
I was diagnosed with gastroperesis ...a problem that often goes with diabetes, but can also becaused by builimia ... I don't have diabetes ...draw your conclusions.
the complications of the ED have been front and center ... and I've fought getting better.
But the realization that I'm 44 and need to have all my teeth taken out ... is a bit sobering.
I'm 44 and loosing all my teeth ...dentures at my age, at my own hand.
lots to ponder as May ends ... I'm moving toward recovery ..but I need to find out what exactly that means for me.
My therapist is concerned I see it as a destination, rather than a journey ... so I need to work on my mindset.
But it was either: recover or fully give into relapse and live that way.
i chose the moving forward ...
I blocked my blog because of the family drama so that I could post my feelings about it. Then realized there is someone who reads it that I really need to explain what's happened. Since my phone doesn't dial long distance, and I didn't think reading it on the blog was appropriate ... I've left it off the blog.
I had my therapist uncerimoniously removed from me. (read back to post in April about being on a tightrope)
I had a doctor threaten me ...get back into therapy or find another doc.
So, I got back into therapy.
I left my beloved church of 11 years ...to have no one call and say "Is Don OK?" or a call that says "We'll miss you, but do what you need to do"
I knew I was leaving my church ... I did not know i'd lose my friends in the process.
I started school ...and struggled tremendously the first semester ..and got 4.0 the second.
My teeth continue to deteriorate ...the oral surgeon made it abundantly clear ... it was only bulimia that caused it. There is no medical condition or medication that caused it. I destroyed my teeth with builimia and bulimia alone.
I was diagnosed with gastroperesis ...a problem that often goes with diabetes, but can also becaused by builimia ... I don't have diabetes ...draw your conclusions.
the complications of the ED have been front and center ... and I've fought getting better.
But the realization that I'm 44 and need to have all my teeth taken out ... is a bit sobering.
I'm 44 and loosing all my teeth ...dentures at my age, at my own hand.
lots to ponder as May ends ... I'm moving toward recovery ..but I need to find out what exactly that means for me.
My therapist is concerned I see it as a destination, rather than a journey ... so I need to work on my mindset.
But it was either: recover or fully give into relapse and live that way.
i chose the moving forward ...
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Therapy and blankets
The two songs I've posted today were recommended to me by my therapist. Talking about healing ...real healing.
Therapy has gone a bit strange in the last few months. I have this brick wall up ... and getting it torn down again has proven harder than I thought. I guess loosing ground with one therapist, then having the other yanked out from under me, the psychiatrist loosing his license ... all of that had a bigger toll on me than I'd anticipated.
The sessions with L are stilted at best ... she isn't a therapist that is willing to just shoot the breeze for an hour ...
It's funny, last week she didn't think we'd made any progress and I saw a lot ...this week I felt like it was odd and she felt like we really made progress. I wonder if the two of us will ever be on the same page.
Honestly, when I started seeing her, I was eating dinner only. No snacks, no lunch, no breakfast ..and was pretty much determined to stay that way. When she said last week that she couldn't record that she'd gotten me anywhere with the eating disorder ... I reminded her of where I started with her and where I was ...eating breakfast most days, lunch almost every day and had even added almonds for a snack. That ... is a far cry from where I was!
My *WILLINGNESS* to be there ... no, that's not changed. A big part of me wants to go back 8 years to when it was ok to have an ED and participate fully in ED behaviors and it all be ok (in my mind it was, but I had to hide it because no one would understand)
In my journal (I shared this with her) I put that my ED was like a blanket with a toddler. Taking it away causes anger, anxiety and comes with great resistance.
The blankie is old, tattered, torn, full of holes, and worn thin. But the toddler doesn't care! To take it away is to take away the comfort that it offers.
But like a toddler with a worn out blankie, my arms and legs are getting tied up the holes. The blankie will no longer cover me, offer me warmth ... and has grown too small. It no longer serves the purpose it once did (to keep me thin, in control and some symbolance of percieved order). Yet, when someone tries to take it away, I dig in my heels and fight like hell to keep it a part of me. Determined that some day, some how it will work once again. It's grown too small, it is no longer effective except in allowing me some self comfort and denial that it actually works.
Therapy has gone a bit strange in the last few months. I have this brick wall up ... and getting it torn down again has proven harder than I thought. I guess loosing ground with one therapist, then having the other yanked out from under me, the psychiatrist loosing his license ... all of that had a bigger toll on me than I'd anticipated.
The sessions with L are stilted at best ... she isn't a therapist that is willing to just shoot the breeze for an hour ...
It's funny, last week she didn't think we'd made any progress and I saw a lot ...this week I felt like it was odd and she felt like we really made progress. I wonder if the two of us will ever be on the same page.
Honestly, when I started seeing her, I was eating dinner only. No snacks, no lunch, no breakfast ..and was pretty much determined to stay that way. When she said last week that she couldn't record that she'd gotten me anywhere with the eating disorder ... I reminded her of where I started with her and where I was ...eating breakfast most days, lunch almost every day and had even added almonds for a snack. That ... is a far cry from where I was!
My *WILLINGNESS* to be there ... no, that's not changed. A big part of me wants to go back 8 years to when it was ok to have an ED and participate fully in ED behaviors and it all be ok (in my mind it was, but I had to hide it because no one would understand)
In my journal (I shared this with her) I put that my ED was like a blanket with a toddler. Taking it away causes anger, anxiety and comes with great resistance.
The blankie is old, tattered, torn, full of holes, and worn thin. But the toddler doesn't care! To take it away is to take away the comfort that it offers.
But like a toddler with a worn out blankie, my arms and legs are getting tied up the holes. The blankie will no longer cover me, offer me warmth ... and has grown too small. It no longer serves the purpose it once did (to keep me thin, in control and some symbolance of percieved order). Yet, when someone tries to take it away, I dig in my heels and fight like hell to keep it a part of me. Determined that some day, some how it will work once again. It's grown too small, it is no longer effective except in allowing me some self comfort and denial that it actually works.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
WOWOWOWOWOW
Ok, it's been a long time since I've posted and this will be short. I've got a raging UTI and not feeling my best. Top that off, I fell down the last 4 steps on the stairs at school today.
I have, technically, one week left of school. However, I have no classes and my social psych final on monday.
The rest ... taken care of. My nutrition final was this past monday and ... tada! I don't have to take either the sociology OR the ALGEBRA final.
Why? because I have an A on the final! an A!! ME .. an A in algebra... I'm totally stunned ...
and thrilled ...
wish I could type more but ..my body needs to lay down
I have, technically, one week left of school. However, I have no classes and my social psych final on monday.
The rest ... taken care of. My nutrition final was this past monday and ... tada! I don't have to take either the sociology OR the ALGEBRA final.
Why? because I have an A on the final! an A!! ME .. an A in algebra... I'm totally stunned ...
and thrilled ...
wish I could type more but ..my body needs to lay down
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Free To Be Me by: Francesca Battistelli
Free To Be Me
Album: My Paper Heart
Artist: Francesca Battistelli
At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see
‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt
‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
And you’re free to be you
Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it’s easy to believe
Even though
‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
-Words and Music by: Francesca Battistelli
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
ARRESTED
https://www.joinmda.org/brokenarrow2009/PearlsofanEagle
I NEED YOUR HELP!
I'm going behind bars for "GOOD"
PLEASE HELP BAIL ME OUT!
Your donation is my key to freedom!
Be proud of the fact that together we're providing help and hope to kids and adults served by MDA in our community. Thanks for making a difference!
For those that think one of these diseases will never touch me. Think again. If you know me, if you're a friend of me ... then you've been touched in some way by one of these 40 neuromuscular diseases. I cannot imagine how different my life would be without the research and services that the MDA has provided for those of us with Myasthenia Gravis. I know for sure, they have made a difference, both in my health, and my learning about the disease when I first got sick. PLEASE give to MDA so other families can benifit from their desperately needed services!
I NEED YOUR HELP!
I'm going behind bars for "GOOD"
PLEASE HELP BAIL ME OUT!
Your donation is my key to freedom!
Be proud of the fact that together we're providing help and hope to kids and adults served by MDA in our community. Thanks for making a difference!
For those that think one of these diseases will never touch me. Think again. If you know me, if you're a friend of me ... then you've been touched in some way by one of these 40 neuromuscular diseases. I cannot imagine how different my life would be without the research and services that the MDA has provided for those of us with Myasthenia Gravis. I know for sure, they have made a difference, both in my health, and my learning about the disease when I first got sick. PLEASE give to MDA so other families can benifit from their desperately needed services!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Time flies
I went to a moderated blog so that I would feel more free in posting ...I thought it would get me back to blogging, that doesn't seem to be happening.
Spring break is next week.
During Spring break I will have a take home test, 2 reports and an oral report to write. Not to mention the fact that the week after spring break will come TWO tests. (psych and algebra ...and quite possibly ..sociology)
I can't stand my sociology class. It's one saving grace is that I *really* look forward to Algebra by the time it's over!! (back to back classes)
The professor could not be more boring if he tried ...well, yeah, I guess if he spoke in a mono tone, maybe.
My friend Teresa calls it 'bankclerk education' ... just depositing the information and assuming it gets to where it needs to go.
ARGH! NO student/professor interchange ... no professor interacting with class ...we sit there and listen to him spit out details with no *real* explination of what it means.
He gives us scenerio's occassionally, but they are obviously ones that *he* relates to, and not necessarily the ones that would best serve the situation (or ones that would pertain to our lives as students)
YAWN ..... Yawn ... the only thing that keeps me awake is his interminable habit of saying "OK?" at the end of EVERY sentence. I, out of sheer boredome one day counted the OK's with talleys ... 170 of them in a ONE HOUR LECTURE!!
I'm doing a book report on "Snow Flower and the Secret Fan" ...FACINATING book. If you get the chance, read it. I read it in less than 24 hours (including class and sleep!). Easy read, fast read and intriquing topic. (Chinese ... I think 17th century)
My therapist and I are making progress ...slow and steady. Although I realized this last week that ... well ...she's been seeing me for 6 months and is about to find out this is my second marriage. That seems like a major detail for me to have left out. Not quite sure how I'm going to justify that one! (the leaving it out of my history,not the marriage)
Yesterday we were discussing my over all stubborn streak that has been an inate part of me since infancy. Somewhat self destructive even as a tot ...and into elementary school. Being incredibly strong willed ...
she mused "and how does that translate to the therapy process?"
Um .... *you* have a lot of work to do?
She corrected me with a *we* have a lot to do.
*ahem*
Spring break is next week.
During Spring break I will have a take home test, 2 reports and an oral report to write. Not to mention the fact that the week after spring break will come TWO tests. (psych and algebra ...and quite possibly ..sociology)
I can't stand my sociology class. It's one saving grace is that I *really* look forward to Algebra by the time it's over!! (back to back classes)
The professor could not be more boring if he tried ...well, yeah, I guess if he spoke in a mono tone, maybe.
My friend Teresa calls it 'bankclerk education' ... just depositing the information and assuming it gets to where it needs to go.
ARGH! NO student/professor interchange ... no professor interacting with class ...we sit there and listen to him spit out details with no *real* explination of what it means.
He gives us scenerio's occassionally, but they are obviously ones that *he* relates to, and not necessarily the ones that would best serve the situation (or ones that would pertain to our lives as students)
YAWN ..... Yawn ... the only thing that keeps me awake is his interminable habit of saying "OK?" at the end of EVERY sentence. I, out of sheer boredome one day counted the OK's with talleys ... 170 of them in a ONE HOUR LECTURE!!
I'm doing a book report on "Snow Flower and the Secret Fan" ...FACINATING book. If you get the chance, read it. I read it in less than 24 hours (including class and sleep!). Easy read, fast read and intriquing topic. (Chinese ... I think 17th century)
My therapist and I are making progress ...slow and steady. Although I realized this last week that ... well ...she's been seeing me for 6 months and is about to find out this is my second marriage. That seems like a major detail for me to have left out. Not quite sure how I'm going to justify that one! (the leaving it out of my history,not the marriage)
Yesterday we were discussing my over all stubborn streak that has been an inate part of me since infancy. Somewhat self destructive even as a tot ...and into elementary school. Being incredibly strong willed ...
she mused "and how does that translate to the therapy process?"
Um .... *you* have a lot of work to do?
She corrected me with a *we* have a lot to do.
*ahem*
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
checking in
I've got a nutrition test on Friday. Sociology test on Thursday.
Not looking forward to either.
Doing great in Algebra. Who'd have thunk it!!
Have no idea when Social Psych test will be ...we're way behind ... should have been today, but it's after chapter 4 and we're still on Chapter 3.
She's having a rough time with this class. Today she threatened to lock the door. AFTER she asked 2 students to stop talking and one student to put his phone away and stop texting. About 5 or 6 students came in and out, one did it twice! (these all distracted me as well, so it's not like they did it quietly!) I wish I had an answer to give her. She's one of the most patient, kind instructors I've ever seen, at any level. For her to have lost patience ... I hope the students realize they crossed a line that never should have been crossed.
One student will not realize ...she'll blame it on the others. She was in our class last semester. I guarentee she doesn't see herself as one of the problems ..even though she was one of the talkers and got up and left and came back.
Oddly enough, today's subject matter was one of ...blaming others for our own actions.
Well this is a short post because I've got a therapy appt in a half hour!
hope everyone is fine.
Not looking forward to either.
Doing great in Algebra. Who'd have thunk it!!
Have no idea when Social Psych test will be ...we're way behind ... should have been today, but it's after chapter 4 and we're still on Chapter 3.
She's having a rough time with this class. Today she threatened to lock the door. AFTER she asked 2 students to stop talking and one student to put his phone away and stop texting. About 5 or 6 students came in and out, one did it twice! (these all distracted me as well, so it's not like they did it quietly!) I wish I had an answer to give her. She's one of the most patient, kind instructors I've ever seen, at any level. For her to have lost patience ... I hope the students realize they crossed a line that never should have been crossed.
One student will not realize ...she'll blame it on the others. She was in our class last semester. I guarentee she doesn't see herself as one of the problems ..even though she was one of the talkers and got up and left and came back.
Oddly enough, today's subject matter was one of ...blaming others for our own actions.
Well this is a short post because I've got a therapy appt in a half hour!
hope everyone is fine.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Praise You In This Storm
Praise You In This Storm"
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You
But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
Something Beautiful By The Newsboys
I wanna start it over
I wanna start again
I want a new beginning
One without an end
I feel it inside
Calling out to me
CHORUS
It's a voice that whispers my name
It's a kiss without any shame
Something beautiful(Yeah Yeah)
Like a song that stirs in my head
Singing love will take us where
Somethings beautiful
I've heard it in the silence
Seen it on a face
I've felt it in a long hour
Like a sweet embrace
I know this is true
It's calling out to me
REPEAT CHORUS
BRIDGE
It's the child on her wedding day
It's the daddy that gives her away
Something beautiful
When we laugh so hard we cry
Oh the love between you and I
Something beautiful
REPEAT CHORUS
REPEAT BRIDGE
Something beautiful
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
School ...
Well ... last week we had an algebra homework assignment. Shocked myself by getting 100% correct.
Today we had an algebra test ... I begged him to 'look at it real quick' for me, since he was my professor last semester, he knew how much it meant.
He grinned and said "you missed parts of 4 ... it'll be in the 80's"
a B!!!
Pk got a B in algebra on a TEST!!!!!
Sociology ...ugh. It's been hard. He's been using Durkheim's research on suicide to explain Sociological research patterns.
Suicide
Suicide
Suicide
Suicide
Suicide ... I've heard the word so often you'd think I'd be desensitized to it ... I'm not. The anniversary of Daddy's death is Thursday. I guess I will always be bothered by suicide.
Nutrition ... geeps. Well, professor now knows my history. She figured it out. It does feel far less stressful to have her KNOW I've got an eating disorder than to be sitting in there feeling like a fraud.
I'm going to be in a bit of trouble when I show my newest assignment to the therapist tomorrow. The last 7 days of my dietary intake. I swear I thought I was doing better. When I started to see Leslie (therapist that got yanked from under me) in May of 2007, I told her I was eating about 800 calories a day. I am now seeing Lindsey and told her I'm doing significantly better. I guess that food is still a huge issue for me, because I've underestimated caloric intake ...dramatically.
Calorie Assessment
A close-up picture of the Calories consumed.
Profile Info
Personal: Peggikaye Female 44 yrs 5 ft 2 in *** lb
Day(s): 1/28/09, 1/29/09, 1/30/09, 1/31/09, 2/1/09, 2/2/09, 2/3/09
Activity Level: Low Active
Strive for an Active activity level.
Weight Lose: 2 lb per week
Best not to exceed 2 lbs per week.
BMI: **.*
Calories to maintain current weight
Calories to maintain current weight
2771
Calorie adjustment for weight change of 2 lb (per week)
-1000
Goal Calories
1771
Average Daily Intake & Expenditures
Average Intake
727
Calories For The Day
Goal
Intake
Assessment
Total Calories
1771
727
Below Goal
Carbohydrates (45-65% Calories)
796 to 1150
395
Below Goal
Protein (10-35% Calories)
177 to 620
156
Below Goal
Fat (20-35% Calories)
354 to 620
176
Below Goal
*********************************************
ok, so that's an average for a week. Maybe the 'malnutrition' the doctors keep hounding me about has less to do with gastroperisis and more to do with me than I thought.
Social Psychology loving my class. Same professor as developmental psych. She's very encouraging. I got to talk with her for about an hour after class on Monday. First, she said I'm definitely in the right career path (goal wise) and then we somehow came on the subject of my eating disorder (geesh, it's haunting me!)
She asked me a lot of questions, I think as an educator as much as interest in me myself.
But, we both agreed that it is something I've got to get a handle on ...
She made the remark that it must be making school far more difficult (both the energy wasting on it, avoiding food or any other such behavior) as well as not getting enough nutrtition to support the brain. Not to mention the continued damage possibly being done to my body. (ok, so she left off the word possibly)
We talked about it not being very practical for a psychologist to have such a difficult hold on oneself. It wouldn't look right if I passed out in front of a family I was trying to help. I agreed.
SSoooooo now my report on my last weeks food intake is my this weeks assignment. Maybe some of the reality of it will start taking hold.
Today we had an algebra test ... I begged him to 'look at it real quick' for me, since he was my professor last semester, he knew how much it meant.
He grinned and said "you missed parts of 4 ... it'll be in the 80's"
a B!!!
Pk got a B in algebra on a TEST!!!!!
Sociology ...ugh. It's been hard. He's been using Durkheim's research on suicide to explain Sociological research patterns.
Suicide
Suicide
Suicide
Suicide
Suicide ... I've heard the word so often you'd think I'd be desensitized to it ... I'm not. The anniversary of Daddy's death is Thursday. I guess I will always be bothered by suicide.
Nutrition ... geeps. Well, professor now knows my history. She figured it out. It does feel far less stressful to have her KNOW I've got an eating disorder than to be sitting in there feeling like a fraud.
I'm going to be in a bit of trouble when I show my newest assignment to the therapist tomorrow. The last 7 days of my dietary intake. I swear I thought I was doing better. When I started to see Leslie (therapist that got yanked from under me) in May of 2007, I told her I was eating about 800 calories a day. I am now seeing Lindsey and told her I'm doing significantly better. I guess that food is still a huge issue for me, because I've underestimated caloric intake ...dramatically.
Calorie Assessment
A close-up picture of the Calories consumed.
Profile Info
Personal: Peggikaye Female 44 yrs 5 ft 2 in *** lb
Day(s): 1/28/09, 1/29/09, 1/30/09, 1/31/09, 2/1/09, 2/2/09, 2/3/09
Activity Level: Low Active
Strive for an Active activity level.
Weight Lose: 2 lb per week
Best not to exceed 2 lbs per week.
BMI: **.*
Calories to maintain current weight
Calories to maintain current weight
2771
Calorie adjustment for weight change of 2 lb (per week)
-1000
Goal Calories
1771
Average Daily Intake & Expenditures
Average Intake
727
Calories For The Day
Goal
Intake
Assessment
Total Calories
1771
727
Below Goal
Carbohydrates (45-65% Calories)
796 to 1150
395
Below Goal
Protein (10-35% Calories)
177 to 620
156
Below Goal
Fat (20-35% Calories)
354 to 620
176
Below Goal
*********************************************
ok, so that's an average for a week. Maybe the 'malnutrition' the doctors keep hounding me about has less to do with gastroperisis and more to do with me than I thought.
Social Psychology loving my class. Same professor as developmental psych. She's very encouraging. I got to talk with her for about an hour after class on Monday. First, she said I'm definitely in the right career path (goal wise) and then we somehow came on the subject of my eating disorder (geesh, it's haunting me!)
She asked me a lot of questions, I think as an educator as much as interest in me myself.
But, we both agreed that it is something I've got to get a handle on ...
She made the remark that it must be making school far more difficult (both the energy wasting on it, avoiding food or any other such behavior) as well as not getting enough nutrtition to support the brain. Not to mention the continued damage possibly being done to my body. (ok, so she left off the word possibly)
We talked about it not being very practical for a psychologist to have such a difficult hold on oneself. It wouldn't look right if I passed out in front of a family I was trying to help. I agreed.
SSoooooo now my report on my last weeks food intake is my this weeks assignment. Maybe some of the reality of it will start taking hold.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
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