time passing

So time has flown ...this last year has been a difficult one to say the least. The family drama, which I've kept off the blog.

I blocked my blog because of the family drama so that I could post my feelings about it. Then realized there is someone who reads it that I really need to explain what's happened. Since my phone doesn't dial long distance, and I didn't think reading it on the blog was appropriate ... I've left it off the blog.

I had my therapist uncerimoniously removed from me. (read back to post in April about being on a tightrope)

I had a doctor threaten me ...get back into therapy or find another doc.

So, I got back into therapy.

I left my beloved church of 11 years ...to have no one call and say "Is Don OK?" or a call that says "We'll miss you, but do what you need to do"

I knew I was leaving my church ... I did not know i'd lose my friends in the process.

I started school ...and struggled tremendously the first semester ..and got 4.0 the second.

My teeth continue to deteriorate ...the oral surgeon made it abundantly clear ... it was only bulimia that caused it. There is no medical condition or medication that caused it. I destroyed my teeth with builimia and bulimia alone.

I was diagnosed with gastroperesis ...a problem that often goes with diabetes, but can also becaused by builimia ... I don't have diabetes ...draw your conclusions.

the complications of the ED have been front and center ... and I've fought getting better.

But the realization that I'm 44 and need to have all my teeth taken out ... is a bit sobering.
I'm 44 and loosing all my teeth ...dentures at my age, at my own hand.

lots to ponder as May ends ... I'm moving toward recovery ..but I need to find out what exactly that means for me.
My therapist is concerned I see it as a destination, rather than a journey ... so I need to work on my mindset.
But it was either: recover or fully give into relapse and live that way.

i chose the moving forward ...

Year in Review.

It's been quite a year. I went back and tried to find the most important blog postings for the year and realized why my therapist has been so concerned about me. I've gotten a bit annoyed at her over protection of me, concern and feeling like she fusses over me. Looking at it as a whole unit ...it is a bit ... intense.
My best friends baby died, my mother broke 6 bones, my husband almost died ..and spent 45 days in the hospital, another friends six year old died, a blog friends husband died on Christmas eve, my pastor of 10 years resigned and my church went 10 months without a pastor, I left a ministry I'd been with for 8 years ...and left worship ministry all together (after being in worship ministries since the age of 13!) and started working with children's ministry. I had a book published, a brand new house my oldest son turned 18 and my youngest child turned 16. I've been in the media, which I was ill prepared for and I've come to terms with my own daughters death 19 years ago, when my friends baby died. My eating disorder relapsed (gee, wonder why) and my depression tanked. My health went up and down like a roller coaster and I have spent 51 days at a hospital bedside. *I* managed to stay out of the hospital and off the surgeon's table for the first year since I have been a mother!!! YEAH WHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've come up with some of what I consider to be the best postings of the previous year. If they are not linked into the previous paragraphs, they are below.

Thank you for the few faithful readers that have stayed with me. (my readership dropped from 65 to about 25 this year! EEKS! )