Dr. Suess

"And will you succeed? Yes indeed! Yes indeed! Ninety Eight and Three Quarters guarenteed!"

Thursday, June 29, 2006

squeal, eek, scream!

Pearls and Dreams

Got home a little while ago, we picked most of our colors. The siding and flooring will be picked closer to the build time (August ...do you realize that's just a few weeks away???)

We picked the counter tops ...
it's named Labrador Granite. It looks like marble in real life. Very pretty. There is a brown running through it, that is the same color as the carpet we picked ... I couldn't find the carpet on line ... it's called Adobe (product # 88711 ...if I can ever figure out what company they use to find who's product number it is!)
Pine cabinets (or stained pine color anyway, so very light to contrast the dark)

We get the windows that tilt to clean. For the life of me, I can't think of the name of the company.
Central heat and air (YEA!!)
An Attic (didn't know that!!!)

When we pick the siding, we will pick blue with white trim. We go to lowes or home depot to pick the flooring ourselves ... and pick anything that's 98cents a tile or less. ACK! I can't wait!!!

We have a copy of our floor plans, if I can get to a scanner, I will try to get them posted.

Here is a website from a church that frequently sponsors houses. We believe they are one of the sponsors of our house. The page shows a slide show of them putting up another house on the other side of town. The workers in the red hats, will be working on my house, and the guy with the shoulder length gray hair will be too. All of the guys standing by the truck will be as well, and the 2 guys on the roof.

The coolest thing, Habitat names each house. The board chooses the names. The families have absolutely nothing to do with the name chosen. We were told the name of our house today.

The Apostle's House.

How Awesome is that? How AWESOME IS GOD?!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Dear Teresa

Pearls and Dreams

Dear Dear friend,

I wish that I could be there with you every minute as you go through this ... more than that, I wish I could take this from you. It is so unfair for such a young baby to have to have such a scary thing. She's sooo young. 17 months old is too young to have a brain tumor. 27 is too young to have to deal with neurologists, neurosurgeons, oncologists and the other specialists you're dealing with.

For years, we've joked about me being your step mom ...suddenly ...you feel like my daughter for real, and my heart is breaking. I want to take this from you, to bear it for you. I want to talk to the doctors for you, to handle the stress for you ...to hold your hand and walk you through it ...

I want to take your dear, sweet little baby and run with her where no one can hurt her ...not even this awful tumer invading her precious little brain. I remember all too well sitting down with a doctor discussing the possibility of an operation on my sons brain ... so I do understand the fear ... and I want yours to go away like mine did.

I want them to come back in and say "we were wrong." It's not a tumor. It's not there ... It's not, we don't have to operate.

I want Kylie's outcome to be like Samuel's ...and now! My heart is breaking for you my friend and I feel so helpless that you're so far from me ... I can't even hold your hand and pray with you.

The hours we sat over coffee while we waited on MRI results ...would Benjamin need surgery to correct the craniosynostosis?

You, and I together, hand in hand ...as mom's have faced this stupid idea of a baby's head being operated on more times than any mom should ever have!! You waited with me ... as doctor's took their time deciding if this was the movement that was severe enough to send us up and on to the next specialist in line ... only for them to decide to send the records alone ... and you held my hand, and your breath with mine as they decided whether or not to operate and correct the skull closing too quickly around his little brain.

Again ... we were spared ... in nick of time ... and you breathed a sigh of relief with me ...rejoicing with me. Celebrating with a cup of coffee ... that ever present cup of coffee that it's been so long since we've gotten to share.

Sweet Kylie girl ... you're so deep in my prayers and I love you so much. Your Mamma is a good mamma ...and she loves you more than you can imagine. She's had practice waiting for this ... unfortunately, it looks like the call won't come to stop the surgery this time ... and my heart can't stand it ..but my prayers can still be prayed.

So Teresa ...tonight ..while you're down there, and I'm up here ...know, that I'm drinking a cup of coffee, and lifting a prayer ... and remembering the number of times that we've supported each other ... and prayers got us through ...and God will get your Kylie through this time too ...

I love you ... I love your Kylie dear. But more than I could possibly love you ... God loves you both more.


Well, the church camp wound up paying me. I had no clue they did that! They paid me $100. After tithing on it, and putting $50 into the family budget. I took $40 of it for myself ... I decided to use that at the Sally's army store rather than just getting one outfit.
Today, I spent 27 dollars and got an unreal amount of stuff ...including a Gloria Vanderbelt *EDITED* Denim skort that looks brand new, a Leslie Fay dress suit, a linen skirt (pink), naturalizer dress shoes that don't look like they've been worn (black to go with the suit) and several summer sweaters and tank tops. I got 3 pair of shorts and a pair of Venezia Jeans (I think that's the brand)it's a fairly well known brand, not sure how to spell it. Those are cool, they look brand new ... black.
I got a slinky animal print skirt too, with a blouse to match. Got home, had 2 blouses that matched it, which frustrated me cause I spent most of my time looking for a blouse to match the skirt ... I could have been looking for something else, but I really wanted that skirt, but it's such an odd color, I thought if I didn't get something, I'd not find something to match. Didn't realize I already dress quite a bit in that color scheme.

Well ... At some point, I might let someone take some pics of me in my new clothes

Saturday, June 24, 2006


Pearls and Dreams

I thought I had posted that I'd be gone for a week. I guess I'd told Wanda and Wolfbaby and an email list. OOPs.

I went to church camp as a counselor, and a creating writing instructor. I went down a day early, as requested, for counselor training. I was asked to be the camp medic. That was, an interesting job to say the least.

The week started off with a little girl getting a nail under her fingernail. YIKES! Scared me to death! I was clueless what to do. Do I take her to the ER? Do I call her mom? Do I watch it? What do I do??? BREATH PEGGIKAYE!!

So, I made her wash it really well with antibacterial soap, and then put some neosporin on it, and then put a bandaid on it. I then went to find out if we could administer tylenol without written permission.
We could. *whew*

The girl had an identical twin sister. Her sister, got an infected finger on the SAME finger of the opposite hand on the next day. Weirdness. Heard of that phenomenon, never knew it was actually true.

We had one kid break his wrist at the skateboard park, the only one who had to go to the ER. Much better than last years 5 kids ... mine stayed out of the ER this year. No one from our church went to the ER this year.

We had some very serious issues that we dealt with in the camp, from kids caught smoking (in MY CABIN!!) to suicidal ideation, to eating disorers (plural) to kids who'd been molested, to kids and drug use (and yet again, in MY CABIN)to one girl who'd been a victim of attempted murder.

I made some good connections at the camp, both teens and adults. I had many of the adults tell me that it was a real privilege to watch me with my kids. They really enjoyed watching us together and wished they could see that kind of relationship more often.

I was very disappointed the last day that I didn't get to hear Samuel preach. The final chapel, they had a chance to share testimonies and Samuel jumped up there and told the kids that I had said that I came to camp to hear him preach ... but he said that I came for the kids. He asked the kids to raise their hands if they'd been touched by me this week. 205 kids in the camp and over half of them raised their hand. A good number of them were waving them in the air. It brought tears to my eyes, both to see the kids raise their hands and to realize that my son felt it was important to honor me that way!!

The experience was incredible. We had some students from Mid America Christian University (where the camp was located)... a Church of God university ... as well a team of students from Anderson University in Anderson Indiana. The kids from MACU ... I could not have been more impressed with. The kids from Anderson ... I could not have been less impressed with. In fact, I'll be writing a letter to Anderson University about them. Not only did the kids miss out on an opportunity because of their behavior, but THEY missed out on an opportunity as well.

It was an incredible week. The hardest time, by far, was the moment I got a phone call from a friend here in Tulsa. Her 17 year old baby has been diagnosed with a brain tumor. They found it thursday and admitted her immediately. Friday, they found out it is too centralized in the brain to operate on it here in Tulsa, so they are sending her to OKC so a pediatric neurosurgeon is going to do it, instead of a neurosurgeon who does pediatrics. They do suspect it's cancer.

I was devastated ..and fell apart. One of our girls, 16 years old happened to be walking through the lobby and saw me, as well as one of the twins ... they both prayed for me. The little girl was sooo precious. She wound up writing me a note, with a prayer for the baby, from herself, her twin, and her older sister and friend. I will treasure that forever, so will MY friend.

My son saw me crying in the lobby and came out to see what was wrong, he went in to get one of the other counselors, and one of the other youth pastor's who knew me (a former youth pastor from our church) also saw me and came out to find out what was wrong. They prayed with me as well. Leaving T and her baby in God's hands was sooo hard. I wanted to come running home to Tulsa to take care of them. Rob and Samuel and Melissa reminded me that I had 205 kids that still needed me at camp.

It was an incredible week. I've been set up to mentor through email a couple of girls over the next few months and I've gotten several emails from the kids already ... what a week. How my health and energy held up has got to be a God thing only.

I got home and found out that Thursday night, my mom was in the emergency room. She thought she'd taken her daily medications and instead taken the rest of her months supply of Ritalin ...10 pills!!! No one called me, her heart handled it ok ...so they decided to not bother me at camp. Given the shape I was in over my friends baby, that's probably a good thing. Had that not happened, I'd have been really upset.

I got back and found out that we have an address assigned to our new home .... and we're to make an appointment to choose our layout, and to pick our colors, and we should have a building date soon! :)

I have more news, but I can't think of it right now.

Sorry I failed to notify everyone I was going out of town ... it was nice to get the comments of concern and the emails asking if I was ok. Thank you so much!

Saturday, June 17, 2006


Pearls and Dreams

After a flood of emails back and forth ... it seems the summer mission project for our church is underway. It's been almost 3 long years in the making! You can feel the excitment in the air. I am not sure who's more excited ... us ..or the church.

During the children's sermon, our children's pastor will introduce the mission project, which will be our habitat house. She will start out by asking my sons what we've had to do to get to the point of getting to where we are now. Where we are going, and what school the boys will go to.

Then, she will bring out a piece of sheetrock. She will talk about God being the foundation of a home, and prayers being the true foundation of our home having gotten this far even though the house will be built of wood and sheetrock. Then, she will tell the church, and the kiddo's that the way Southpark can participate in the building of our house is ... that Southpark needs to donate $1000 to Habitat, and then they can help to build the house.

So, for a donation from each family, they can sign the sheetrock. Then, the sheetrock will go into our storage shed (so it won't get painted over, and we can see the signatures for years to come). There will probably be a couple of other fund raisers too ...

Then ... in a couple of months, when Habitat raises the walls ... the people of my church, will be able to be beside me ... raising the walls, hammering the nails, painting the walls .. and putting the roof on. Not only will they have prayed me through the process ..but they will have put their hands onto it to. This will truly be a house of love and prayer. A house that love built.

Happy Father's Day Don! :)

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Can you do that?

Pearls and Dreams

That was a question posed to me by my husband. Not asking if I was capable, but allowed to. Medical science and it's advice given to patients changes so frequently, it is hard for patients to keep up. For patients families, it's even harder to keep up.

We were on the phone after I'd just gotten back from a mile walk with Wanda. Yes, I'm allowed to do that. He knows I'm allowed to do the PT stuff ..but wasn't so sure about the walking.

It wasn't all that long ago, or so it seems to him, that I was told "no exercise". REST ... the more rest the better ... was the advice given to myasthenics.

Each Myasthenic is different. But, one thing remains ... the more a myasthenic uses their muscles, the weaker the muscle gets. The more rest, the stronger the muscle was. Resting improving the strength ... will actually get you tested for Myasthenia Gravis.
So, it stood to reason ... exercise is bad.

For a long time, MG had a fatality rate that wasn't overly positive. The statistics change depending on who's literature you read and what they are promoting. Suffice it to say ...if your breathing muscles were compromised, you had serious trouble. Then, treatments were discovered ..and while lifestyles were seriously inflicted, life spans were helped tremendously.

So, people started to live beyond 5 years with MG. But, they were told to be sedentary. Which, with the treatments available, wasn't that big of a deal. MG wasn't going to allow much beyond getting dressed in the morning, reading for a few minutes and getting to an occasional doctor appointment. Life caused major fatigue.

Then ...treatment improved the life of a myasthenic.

Exericse causes the muscle to fatigue ... increases the likelihood of myasthenic crisis. REST REST REST!!! Even physical therapy for injuries was severely frowned on.

And a phenomenon started to happen that no one expected. As treatments improved ... myasthenics started to develop secondary issues ... chronic pain, osteo arthritis and chronic tendonitis. WHOOPS!!

A few years ago, some research started showing that mild exercise, supervised and controlled improved the pain levels of the myasthenic. It also didn't increase the number of Myasthenic crisis'.

Ok, so a few brave neurologists started to tell their patients ... exercise. Pretty soon, it became the standard advice. Get some movement. Use your brain, don't fatigue yourself, if you can't breath ... STOP. Do NOT get short of breath.

Then some remarkable news came out ... those who did exercise ... had FEWER crisis' than those who didn't.

The degree of fatigue doesn't seem to be helped by the exercise (in fact, it can be made much worse rather easily). But the strength level ... and the over all health is improved.

In the 14 years that I've been diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis .. new drugs have come out. Mestinon has gone Generic, but the generic is more expensive than Mestinon's brandname was when I was diagnosed ;).

Cellcept has been developed to replace Imuran. Still risky at best ..but not nearly so as Imuran ..and in my body, far more effective.

Plasmapherisis, IVIG, and other treatments being used with more knowledge and better results because they are better targeted toward the patients that will best be helped by them.

Exercise that was once forbidden, is now not only allowed, but encouraged ...and seen as a benefit to the disease.

Amazing how far medical science has come in just 14 years. Maybe in 14 more ...they will have found a cure.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Church News

Pearls and Dreams

Tonight was my first time teaching the junior high youth group. First, I had to introduce myself to the whole youth group. We had to say our age ... and one of our most embarrasing moments in high school.

Most of the counselor's were 31 ... I started to say I was 31 ... and my kids yelled so loud I admitted to being 41. *grin*

The lesson I taught was about reading the Bible ..and I was teaching and it got quiet ... and I started to get worried ...the kids weren't moving. They weren't moving ...no one was making a sound ...and then suddenly I realized ... these are junior high kids ..who aren't MOVING ..and they have their eyes GLUED on mine ... and they are connecting ...and they aren't zoning out ..they are LISTENING. Oh my gosh! They've engaged! WOW!
Then I got scared LOL
I was fine till I realized I had their attention.
It was about time to end at that point ...and a I'd about shared all I was going to anyway, and one of the other counselor's had something he wanted to add to what I'd said ... so it was all ok ...so my nervous ending was hidden by them.

The father's day breakfast is ready to go. "Tool Time" is our theme. Father's handing down the tools of life to their children. Tuesday our children's pastor and I put together boxes of paper, paperclips, toothpicks, pipe cleaner, scissors and a few other odds and ends ...on the table will be duct tape ...and there will be a contest for them to build something out with the STUFF. Michelle said she thinks it will be the best Father's day breakfast we've had. We're decorating on Friday morning. I am really looking forward to watching the father's and their kiddo's work together to build their projects Sunday Morning. The kids have decorated made tool aprons for Father's day presents in kids ministry.

Childrens's Sermon during church Sunday will introduce the church mission project of the Habitat House for our house. The church, in order to build, must donate $1000 to Habitat. So, the church must raise that money. So, they're going to have a pc of sheet rock where people can donate to sign the sheet rock, then the sheet rock will go into our storage shed where we can see the signatures forever. Michelle is going to interview the boys about what we did as a family get the Habitat house and what it will mean to the family to get the house.

Four o'clock on Sunday ... I take off with Samuel ..for MACU (Mid America Christian University) for our church camp for the week. I will be the femalec counselor as well as doing the writer's workshop's for both junior high and the high school. I don't know if I will be the junior high or the high school counselor.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

I wonder what he meant ...

Pearls and Dreams

I saw my psychiatrist today.

He said he worries about me. He said there are two types of patients he worries about the most. Those he expects to see in patient at any time ... and those he knows he'll never have to worry about seeing in-patient.

I'm the latter.

He knows I'll never 'give it up' enough to have to go inpatient. In some ways, he'd prefer that.

He mentioned my hair and how becoming it was. I thanked him, and said that I liked it longer, but longer just wasn't good with how thin my hair had gotten. He asked me if I'd always had thin hair. No ... I haven't.

Which ...came down to the question of what brought me to him to begin with ... the eating disorder.Dadgum I hate it when we get on that topic!!!!!

He asked me a question ... I don't even know what he said ... I couldn't answer it ... it didn't make sense. He asked me if I even knew how unhealthy and twisted that thinking was. I couldn't even begin to see how to get to an answer of the question, much less see how to straighten he question out ...

Something about body image and loosing weight ...and it not being tied in with who I am ..and ... I don't know ..what he said didn't make sense at all. AT ALL. It was like he'd strung a bunch of words together that didn't belong together. I don't remember ever being so confused.

I don't understand ...even after 5 years in therapy ..I am not at a healthy weight (you can see that in any picture of me) ... how will getting to a healthy weight ... NOT improve my self esteem? Why is it not tied in? And why do I have to accept my body at 100 lbs overweight before I can say my self esteem is ok?


We got into a discussion of the difference between compliance and healing ...and that most of my work in therapy has gone toward my spiritual growth ... and my relationship with God, and a surface relationship with people ... and allowed me to do some introspection ... it's opened a few doors ...but I'm still holding too many things close to the chest ...and too much of the eating disorder is too close to the door ... while the behaviors might be discarded ... the idea's are still there. Within arms reach at any time. The mindset is still there ... and the way I look at the world is through a distorted veiw ...and one that is based on if I'm good or bad today ... and that isn't acceptable to him ..and that makes him worry.

I'm not sure my post means anything to anyone ..especially me. I may wind up deleting this. Right now I just needed to write out some ramblings ...

Sunday, June 11, 2006

But Then: Jesus ...

Pearls and Dreams

But Then Jesus
by Peggikaye Eagler

I don't think I can go there,
Lord it's too many miles,
I'd get too tired and worn,
But then: Jesus was put on trial.

It's just too hard to understand.
Can I ever break this code?
IT's beyond my abilities,
But then: Jesus walked down the road.

To learn and grow is not easy,
Sometimes my heart feels like it's ripped.
It's just too painful to change,
But then: Jesus bore being whipped.

What you're asking is too much,
I am sure the task I will fail,
I'm not sure I can take the pain,
But then: Jesus hands and feet bore the nail.

The task You have given me,
Seems beyond my skills to grasp,
The stretching beyond my limits hurts,
But then: Jesus a last breath, for me gasped.

The road seems long and hard,
But nothing compared to Jesus gift,
So work and struggle for God I'll do,
So then: My praises to Jesus I'll lift!

© Peggikaye Eagler

Saturday, June 10, 2006


Pearls and Dreams

We're not even to the hottest part of the day yet!!!

Tulsa International Airport
Last Update on Jun 10, 12:53 pm CDT

A Few Clouds

(34°C) Humidity: 42 %
Wind Speed: S 12 MPH
Barometer: 29.73" (1005.8 mb)
Dewpoint: 67°F (19°C)
Heat Index: 97°F (36°C)
Visibility: 10.00 mi.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Tuesday's Storm Redux

I went to small group tonight. One of the men in our small group said that Tuesday morning, he left for work, a little late ...his hair slightly damp ...and the house not having any electricity. It left him annoyed and cranky.

Had that been it for the rest of the day ...he'd have had a pretty bad day.

But ... God had other plans.

My friend you see, lives closer to the fair grounds than we do. He walked out his front door to get into his car and found a tree laying on his car.

As he took in the scene ...his day that had just a moment ago been a bad day ...one that would rival any Monday for crankiness ...became a totally different day.

His day became one of being incredibly grateful to the God he serves. It became a GREAT day!

As he surveyed the damage done to the fully insured car, he looked at the vehicle they only have covered with minimum coverage insurance. It did not even have a scratch from a branch from a tree on it.
There was a POD (portable storage unit) in front of their house ... and that POD kept a tree from going INTO their house ... where he, his wife and 18 month old daughter most likely would have been injured.

He said, it was a bit funny standing there looking at the maple tree in his driveway thinking "But we don't HAVE A MAPLE TREE!!!" It came from elsewhere ... not even on their property.

He was so grateful that while they did have SOME damage, they'd been spared REAL damage. While he started out the day thinking his day was spoiled by some damp hair, he realized ... his day was one to rejoice in because it'd been smashed by a tree!

It's funny how God can turn our perspective around rather quickly when we let him.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Pearls and Dreams

Pearls and Dreams
Our farris wheel ...

Someone's tree

I was watching the news today as kids were turned away from both the water park and Bells Amusement park. A 10 year old child was interviewed as she was turned away from the water park. "I don't think it's fair because it's a hot sunny day and what else are we supposed to do? It is after all, OUR summer!"

Excuse me child? Do you really think the water park has closed just to make your life a little more miserable than it already has been? Has it closed just to put a crinkle in your plans? The venom in her voice and the look she shot the manager standing in the shot a bit away was chilling to say the least. They showed her and her 16 year old sister getting into a convertible sports car and driving away.

The manager spoke to the reporter saying "we're getting things up and running as fast as we can. We loose money every hour we're closed. We are a business after all." The manager looked so embarrassed.

If I'd been the mother of the two girls who'd been turned away ... I'd been mortified. Is this the generation we're raising as a society? One that can't even see that when damage is done to property ... it takes time to clean up and it effects people in a negative way?

Thankfully, my children saw the news story and were also mortified by the girls behavior. My 14 year old looked at me and said "maybe it's better to not have money if that's the kind of person who has money"
(and this is my learning disabled child ... yes, his only real learning disability is truely in academics! He is not lacking in wisdom)

My 16 year old, said that if he had to trade his compassion for money, he simply couldn't sell it. A day at the water park wouldn't be worth it. Not even every day.

I love my kids. Even when they drive me nuts.

Which ..they currently are. It's a good thing I'm writing about how proud I am of them right now ...cause other wise I'd be going ballistic ...their fighting over what angle the fan should be facing! :) But hey ... they love each other ... they love my friends .... and they will talk to me respectfully and would NEVER talk disrespectfully to a manager of an establishment! They drive me nuts ..but they ARE good kids!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006


We've lived in this mobile home park for 17 years. Every summer, we become rather annoyed with the electrical system of the old wiring of the park. On a regular basis ... we loose electricity. Storms knock out transformers ... someone uses too much in the neighborhood and out it goes for the whole 1/3 ..1/2 of the park ... any little excuse and POW ... 30 minutes to 4 hours minus electricity.

So, at 6:45 this morning when we heard thunder crack and the air conditioner went off ...we didn't think too much about it. Other than to get very very annoyed with the fact that the management of the park would still not do the necessary investing into getting the wiring fixed. Much like we spend half the winter with wondering when we'll have water because a major water line has broken because of old plumbing.

I got up, and without electricity, got ready to go to my appointment. (Therapy today ... got to talk about my Dad situation. oh fun!)

I was a little amused when I stopped at Walmart to pick something up and found that Walmart also had no electricity ...they were running on generators. Ok ..sooooooooo ... Mobile home park owners are forgiven for this mornings lack of electricity. (You know, I had my first day with new haircut without curling iron! hmph)

I came home, was very tired and had a migraine, most likely stress induced from therapy session. I went straight to bed. I did not wake up till 5 oclock ... and when I did ... I turned on the news ... what I saw ...left me in shock. Not only did the electricity not just go off our area ...but we got off easy. An 85 MPH down draft hit our city!!!!!!!

This is a church about ...hmmmm 5 miles from me ...




Suddenly, I was feeling very very grateful for a few hours of lack of electricity and only not being able to use my curling iron.

Our fair grounds has been hit hard. An amusement park with a wooden roller coaster ... is only partially standing. The Farris Wheel has been destroyed. The water park kids pool has a cement dinosaur that faces one direction this afternoon ...yesterday ...it faced the exact opposite!

So ... My home, as rugged as it is, is still standing, and that's more than some Tulsan's are able to say this afternoon. We have electricity ..and that's more than thousands of Tulsan's are able to say tonight. A land mark in Tulsa is injured ...

I am going to go to bed tonight a very very grateful woman.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Less of me ...

Well ... with a few snips of the scissors ... there is approximately 8 inches missing ...of my hair! It's still below my shoulders, lightly layered. Hopefully it looks healthier. It does look darker. I'm sure, like last time, everyone asked me if I dyed it. Nope, just cut off the sun bleached/reddened part.

Today, I also got discharged from regular PT and got put in the aftercare program of the physical therapy gym. I can use ALL the equipment ..for my full body. YAHOO. Full workout. My PT was quick to say "under supervision" :P

So walking or swimming with Wanda, and weight training in PT ... and it will be a summer of getting fit!

My renal ultrasound apparently came back ok, so my blood pressure going up must just be me running out of luck on my low blood pressure. So, we'll see ...

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Even if ....

Pearls and Dreams


Psalms 46:1-5
1 God is our protection and our strength. He always helps in times of trouble. 2 So we will not be afraid even if the earth shakes, or the mountains fall into the sea, 3 even if the oceans roar and foam, or the mountains shake at the raging sea. Selah 4 There is a river that brings joy to the city of God, the holy place where God Most High lives. 5 God is in that city, and so it will not be shaken. God will help her at dawn.

Mountains are one of my favorite geographical things on the planet. Given the choice between seeing the desert, the ocean or a mountain, I'm going to pick a mountain. Specifically, Yosemite.

I got one cryptic message from my Dad on the answering machine, then a really cryptic message by email after I sent him my email. The longer he waits to really contact me ... the more I am thinking, his response will not be a positive one (based on his history and personality etc.)Am I prepared for the ultimate response ... a final rejection ... and the answer is a very sad ... yes.

As I sat here and prayed about it this afternoon ... what will my hearts response be if my earthly father does what I am pretty sure he's about to do? Will my heart, my emotions be able to take ...the final blatant ... not subtle rejection ..after years of subtle jabs and and rejections ... and what who will I call father if he does? My step father died more than 25 years ago.

As I was doing some research for teaching the junior high kids next week ... I came across that chapter in Psalms ... if the mountains fall into the sea ... I could bear it ... because my God is with me. God will help me ...regardless of the answer. I'm not sure anything could quite have gotten my attention as much as mountains falling into the sea ... :) ... how re assuring ...even if they do ... God, is still in charge.

It's ok. The reality is, If he does reject me openly and blatantly, it won't be anything new, just something honest for a change. Nothing I didn't already know, just something he'd never been willing to admit to anyone else for 'propriety sake'. So even if he does, it won't be the end of anything. But the beginning of never being rejected again.

And God ... is there ... and the river of Joy taking me straight to HIS arms of love. Right, where I belong.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Pearls and Dreams

Pearls and Dreams
All Right Here

By Sara Groves

It's every loss and every love • It's every blessing from above • Here I am all added up • Oh, it's all right here • • It's what I know and what I'm guessin' • It's half-truths and full confessions • It's why I choose to learn my lesson • Oh it's all right here • • And I'm not God I'm a girl I confess that I don't have sea of forgetfulness • No, it's all right here • It makes me stronger and makes me wince • It makes me think twice when I pick my friends • Oh, it's all right here it's all right here • • It's caution and curiosity• And it's all the things I never see • Welling up inside of me • Oh, it's all right here • It's what is best and what is worse • It's how I see the universe • It's in every line and every verse • Oh, it's all right here • • And I'm not God I'm a girl I confess that I don't have sea of forgetfulness • No, it's all right here • It makes me stronger and makes me wince • It makes me think twice when I pick my friends • Oh, it's all right here it's all right here • • Every heart has so much history • It's my favorite place to start • Sit down awhile and share your narrative with me • I'm not afraid of who you are • • I'm all here and you're all there • Some of this is unique and some of it we share • Let's add it up and start from there • Oh, it's all right here • • Oh, I'm not God I'm a girl I confess that I don't have sea of forgetfulness • No, it's all right here • It makes me stronger and makes me wince • It makes me think twice when I pick my friends • Oh, it's all right here • It's caution and curiosity• And it's all the things I never see • Oh, it's all right here • It's what is best and what is worse • And it's how I see the universe • Oh, it's all right here • It's all right here • Oh, it's all right here • I'm all right here • Oh, I'm all right here • I'm all right here, alright • •

Thanks Wanda ...

Pearls and Dreams

Pearls and Dreams

Pearls and Dreams

Today, I had an enjoyable day. I went to physical therapy ..and came home to a shocking message on my machine. We'll skip that.

I talked with Wanda for a few minutes, then she came over and she and I went for a walk .. and we chatted while we walked. We went out for a diet pop after the walk, then we went and did some minor shopping. We had a lot of girl talk. Accomplishing knocking out a few birds with just one stone. Both of us had assignements given to us by our pastor ..and by spending this time together today ... we managed to do it. AND have fun in the doing. Not a bad Use of time!

Wanda thinks I opened up a little, I think I spilled my guts wide open ... and dove in head first ... guess it's a matter of perspective.

At any rate, it was a thoroughly enjoyable time and we plan on having fun getting fit together and knocking down some of my opening up issues ...In addition to what you've seen unfold on my blog, I also emailed my father last night and said "Enough. The tornado will stop, or I won't be in it's path anymore."

It has been a rather exhausting 48 hours. Wanda says 3 bricks have fallen off my wall ... I swear a bomb has knocked the whole thing down ... I shall survive, but for now, I think I'm going to rest a while before trying to pull off another brick, at least a few days!