Dr. Suess

"And will you succeed? Yes indeed! Yes indeed! Ninety Eight and Three Quarters guarenteed!"

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Pearls and Dreams

Pearls and Dreams
Left Behind, Suicide is Not Painless

Pulling in the parking lot,
The hymn you're belting out,
I am aware of nothing,
But my Daddy's praising shout.
A walk in the woods together,
On Thanksgiving day each fall,
It gives my mom a needed break,
As we ran and talked or played ball.
When my peers would tease me,
And I thought my heart would break,
It was in your arms I found comfort,
You knew my future was at stake!
Then one day I ran home,
A good day at school I'd had,
Excited to share my joy,
I didn't know I'd lost you, Dad.
The time will stand forever,
A memory never to be erased.
A vision of horror and pain,
Abandoned, now pain, with anger laced.
You left me when I needed you,
Your pain stronger than my love,
I was still a child at heart,
But that day - into adulthood, shoved.
What pain could you have had,
That made it worth changing my life.
Did you understand my heart,
Would be shattered under this strife.
"Get over it already!"
I heard from those around,
I learned I could not grieve,
Show only a smile, never a frown.
So instead of healing pain,
Denial became my game.
Never show the broken heart,
Being sad brings only shame.
It's time for real healing,
That means reaching out to show,
Christ's love to the hurting,
Through healing, brings a time to grow.
How can I tell others,
That what you did was wrong?
If I cannot face the loss and pain,
Can I help them understand the new song?
Let's finally face it, Daddy,
Your choice for death was bad,
Not only did you kill yourself,
But you broke my heart, made me sad.
Your temporary depression,
Caused for me a life of grief,
I must choose God's healing,
Only He can bring true relief!
Your death I tried to bury,
But I have friends looking down your path,
Somehow I have to show them,
They would leave behind pain and wrath!
A permanent deadly solution,
To a hearts temporary pain,
It is not the real answer,
It will bring heartache, not gain!
Real healing will only come,
When in God's able hands they leave,
Their own pain and desperation,
In God's mercy they must believe.
From a father who chose death,
To a God who breathes life,
An experience to share with all,
Proof God can heal a heart's strife.
So while I know their pain is real,
And I don't mean to lessen their grief,
I do want to be an example,
That only God, not death brings relief.
I will shout it from a mountain,
Write the words on many a page,
Till others know of God's grace,
And choose life, not death or rage.

© Peggikaye Eagler

1 comment:

  1. Wow. I am so sorry.

    Unfortunately, suicide is a topic I am all too familiar with, far more than I want to be, and far too personally.

    I've been there. I know how he felt in that last moment. And believe me, hurting you was the last thing on his mind. The pain that he felt, the emptiness, was something that I hope you never can understand.

    Some of us succumb to cancer, or heart attacks, or strokes, or even accidents. These things take us because there is a point where the human body can simply take no more. Stop blood flow in the heart, life ends. Allow cancer to consume an organ, life ends.

    Severe depression is just as chemical. Once a person passes a certain boundary, it's not a matter of logic. It's a matter of a mind going where it was never designed to go, facing choices it should never have to make, and working with a malfunction in the very mind that could save it.

    Tragically, as it did with your father and with friends of mine also, and almost with me, the situation can lead to a horrible result.

    If you have friends that are heading down this path, logic may help them, but chances are that love will do just as well or better. Also, if it's bad enough, there are medicines to balance those brain chemicals, a choice that wasn't really open to your father.

    My heart bleeds for you. But I know one thing. Your pain says more about what a fine man your father was than anything else on Earth. We are measured, at least as far as this life goes, by how much we are missed. Your father left a huge hole in the world when he left.

    May God use you in a mighty way, there are people who need you.