Umm I don't think so!!

Pearls and Dreams




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American Cities That Best Fit You:

50% Honolulu

50% Los Angeles

50% Miami

50% New York City

45% Chicago

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

Don't like large cities, I have lupus ...so sun isn't good for me ... I said I need healthy air (so how does LA & Chicago fit in there?)

Details

Pearls and Dreams

Two weeks ago, I posted about the Mother Daughter sleep over, Beach party ... here's the picture of the flip flops that I made for the sample ones for the girls to see what they'd be making.


Hopefully, I'll get some pictures of the actual party soon.

I saw the breast surgeon yesterday. The pain is not actually coming from the breast itself, but from under the breast, right at the rib/sturnum ...not sure what it's called ... anyway, I have pretty significant costochondritis from the lupus, and that particular place is pretty bad... and it seems to be what is causing the pain, and it just happens to be 'radiating out' far enough to make me think it was the breast. WHEW!
She did still want to keep an eye on the calcifications, she said while they are certainly benign, and the chances of them changing are slim to none, until they've been followed for a while and they haven't changed, she doesn't want to guarentee they aren't going to change. Especially given the immunosuppression drug Cellcept that I'm on for the last 2 1/2 years and the 8 1/2 years of Imuran before that. The risk is slight for developing cancer, but it is still there.

Well ... my sweet, adorable, gentle natured youngest son has shocked the whole world today. He got suspended from school. It is possible to push him too far. A kid has been picking on him all year, but Bj hasn't told anyone. I guess, today, was just too much. And ... the kid started swearing at Benjamin, calling him names and swearing and well, Bj punched him in the face.

Since Bj has never been in trouble before ... EVER ...not even a little bit. The worst he's done is stare out the window in class ... they sent him home for the rest of the school year (4 days) and are freezing his grades where they are. It goes on his record as an excused absence not a suspension.

Benjamin is devastated. He can't believe he did such a thing. He is beside himself with worry about what others will think of him now. He wants to apologize to his teacher. He's already apologized to the other student.

We're not punishing him anymore ..he's learned a lot by this ... he's not making excuses, he's not justifying his actions. He's just heartbroken that he's done this and wishes he coudl start today over again.

I saw the GI doctor today. I am scheduled for an EDG in 2 weeks. UGH. He's going to do it in the hospital instead of in the office because of my MG. He is, however, going to knock me out (yea!)
It's been 5 years from my last EDG .. I'm supposed to get them every couple of years ... I hate those things. I'll be very interested to see how much the stomach has changed in the 4 years since I've stopped the bulimic activity. He thought I was being very open with him and talking 'freely' ... if he'd taken my pulse, he'd have known differently. My blood pressure, that is normally at 110/62 was at 150/95 ... slightly nervous! Not sure that you could call that talking freely! At least I appeared relaxed!

3 weeks from today is knee surgery. Joy oh joy.

Pk's Stand

Pearls and Dreams

Every year, I make a very strong stand ... we are not rescuing wild animals this year ... no lizards, no bunnies, no squirrels, no ducks, no turtles, no birds ... no nothing ... scroll down to see how effective my stand this year has been ...


















At least they could have been original ... look what my brother has for a pet!



Yes, I'm serious, those came from his own tanks in his own house.
No one has ever called my brother normal.

How a mother looses her sanity

Pearls and Dreams

A few weeks ago, I had two sons who looked like this



Then, I scheduled an appointment with the eye doctor, the eye doctor said "OH NO! PROBLEMS!" And a week later, I had two boys who looked like this




Now, here we are, a month later ... and for some mysterious reason, I have 2 boys that look like this again



Neither seems to be able to explain the mysterious differences in their faces, nor where the things are that will bring their faces back to the appropriate appearance.

ARGH!!!!!!

Mother's Day Post

Pearls and Dreams

Today, I'm going to post about being a mother, tomorrow, I think I'll post something about MY mom.

Tomorrow, in church, our worship leader is going to read "Welcome to Holland." She is going to dedicate it to certain moms. She asked if she included me, would it upset Benjamin. I said, no.

Then, she asked me to go copy it for her, she needed a copy to the pastor (her husband) and a pastor to the sound/light booth. The copy ..never made it to her desk. Not sure who was supposed to get it to her desk, but ..it didn't get there. So, I told her I could email it to her and copy it in the morning.

That made me go on a search to find it (not hard) ... but that also got me to thinking of my own trip to Holland. Before I explain, let me let you read what I'm talking about

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome To Holland".

"Holland?!?" you say, "What do you mean "Holland"??? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy"

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills...Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy...and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned".

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.

But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things...about Holland.

© 1987, by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved.
*****************************************

When you look at that story, I can't say that my step off into Holland with Benjamin was totally unexpected. We'd planned our trip with Samuel ... and while it wasn't quite the shock of Benjamin ... he still wasn't healthy, and it still wasn't what we'd expected to find. When you start your parenting experience putting your 16 day old child in the hospital with pneumonia, strep throat and 2 ear infections ... your world starts to tip upside down. Then when you realize that you're sick, and really sick, and your body isn't recovering and going back to what it was before the birth ... the world is spinning out of control. The fact that the plane didn't land in Italy again, was no big surprise.

But just how far away from Italy this plane landed ..was a surprise.

I've posted before about just how special of a kid Benjamin is. How much joy he's brought to our lives. I've posted about my fights to get him the services he needs. I've posted my heart and my frustrations. But it is impossible to explain just how rewarding it is to be this child's mother.

Other's can say what they will ... his lack of skills in whatever area ... his TS, his OCD, his ADHD ... his headaches, his stomach problems, his dizzy spells or his seizures ... they can point to all those deficits all day long ..all week long ..all month long ... all year long if they want to. Nothing will change the fact that when Benjamin laughs, God's grace has been shown to me. I've posted this poem before, and I will probably post it again. Mother's day might be to honor mom's ..but the reality is ... without Benjamin & Samuel ... motherhood would not mean what it does. Special needs and all ... tics, obessions, infections, learning problems, giftedness ... from swamp plant to cactus ... being their mother, makes my mother's day far more rewarding.

A Mother's Heart
by Peggikaye Eagler

Every mother had Dreams,
Of a Child perfect and whole.
Every mother has Hopes,
For perfection, body and soul.

They told me you’re not perfect,
Sweet loving child of mine.
They told me that your learning,
Is taking too much time.

They tell me that your tests came back,
Showing problems and low scores.
They tell me that you have to struggle,
This hurts me to the core.

Every mother has dreams,
They tell me you don’t fit.
Every mother has hopes,
They say perfection you won’t hit.

But they don’t see what I see,
The smile that lights your face.
But they don’t hear what I hear,
Your laughter reveals God’s grace.

They don’t see what I see,
My child loving and whole.
I have hopes and dreams,
Because my child you are a gift from God
And you have a PERFECT SOUL.



© Peggikaye Eagler

Pain Tolerance

Pearls and Dreams

I want my sons pain tolerance. I don't want the other sensory issues he has to deal with that gives him his high pain tolerance, but I want his pain tolerance.

Wednesday, during PE, another child reached his arm forward and Benjamin's open eye was in the way. He got scratched.

It was a bit red, looked like allergy eyes, and he said it itched. He wasn't complaining, he thought it was funny. So ... I figured we'd watch it.

Thursday morning, he got up and his eye was matted shut, and the red was a little angrier, but, it still looked ... well ...so so, I figured I'd watch it and if it wasn't better by today, I'd take him to the doctor.

I sent him to school. I went to my doctor's appointment & then went to do my sweat equity at Habitat. I got home at 4:30 and looked at Benjamin's eye and went WOW! His eye was swollen and it was oozing and looked BAD.

So, I called our clinic to see if they had after hours clinic. (we haven't had to utilize that, so I didn't know.) They said no and suggested going to the ER and use the urgent care center. So, we did.

He told the triage nurse that it didn't hurt, but it itched. The triage nurse looked at me like Bj was nuts. I couldn't understand it either! So, given the severity of what we were looking at, the nurse put a 4 down on pain so it would get taken seriously & quickly.

We went back out to wait a while and finally got called back. (finally ... ha! It was all of 45 minutes, if you'd like to slap me for saying finally on a 45 minute wait in an ER waiting room, you're more than welcome to, I know how absurd that statement is).
We got taken back there, and a nurse who's known us for 15 years was there, and followed us back. (she wasn't our nurse *grin*)
His nurse did a vision check ... BAD BAD BAD.
Was he wearing his glasses? NOOOOOOoooooooo should he have been YESSssssssss (was he when the kid poked him in the eye? NOoooooooooooo)

So, we went into the exam room and the nurse starts to tease Benjamin about the eye & the glasses. I reminded her of them having pick orange plastic out of my eye on 4th of july when Bj threw a plastic airplane at me and hit me in the eye. The nurse started laughing and said "come to think of it, we've had all of your family in her with scratced eyse because of him haven't we?"

Oh yea! Me ... 3 times, my husband 2 times, my other son 2 times. This is Bj's first corneal abrasion.

So the doctor comes in. He's annoyed with me since it didn't happen that day and it's that bad. I'm trying to explain to him that on Wednesday Benjamin said it didn't hurt & it didn't look bad until AFTER school. It wasn't until Benjamin said "it still doesn't hurt!" That the doctor finally backed off. After that, he got a lot nicer to me and wasn't so rude.

He stuck the orange tape stuff on his eye and then looked at it in the black light and showed me what was there ... a HUGE scratch. Bigger than any scratch I'd ever seen. It was bigger than probably all the scratches he'd given us combined. It was huge! The kid must have caught it with his whole fingernail!

So, he sent us home with antibiotic ointment, said to keep him out of school today. Benjamin spent last night with my mom and today with my mom. Today is my mom's 66th birthday. So he had a lot of fun keeping her company & relieved me from a lot of guilt from being overly busy today.

He came home after school time and his eye looks like it did after school on Wednesday night, we're going to let him go to the 5th & 6th grade club activity at church tonight. A lock in from 6:30 to 11:30 ... it's the last blow out before the 6th graders get promoted to youth group (gulp) in a couple of weeks. Technically, since he had to miss school, he shouldn't be allowed to go to that ..but ... I'm thinking since he's had the antibiotics for over 24 hours ... and it's the last event ... it's just not fair to make him miss.

Today, I had an appointment with my eating disorder therapist & then had to go get my monthly blood test ... I'm 3 weeks late for that (whoops!). I also had my cholesterol re checked. It was 310 with bad cholesterol at 232 in November and it was 230 total in April when I had my stress test.
So ... we'll see if it's come down any more. If it hasn't, then they're going to up my Vytorin.

Then, I went back to Habitat for 3.5 more hours bringing my total to ... 286 of 450.

Habitat

Pearls and Dreams

We are now at 282.5 hours out of 450 to build. (500 to ownership).
(but that last 50 has to be put on your own house).

I am hoping to go back in for a while tomorrow. My plan is to hopefully hit 300 by the end of this month.

Still Going

Pearls and Dreams

I am no longer in Physical Therapy ... :( I have to wait till after surgery to go back. It was causing a problem with my MG ...so no one but me seems overly upset that I'm out of it.

I am still (with sort of approval) doing some exercises at home. (with sort of approval means ... I haven't cleared any of it with my neurologist since my last appointment that he saw me not walking right, double vision/drooping eyelids and not breathing all together correctly ... but that was a flare ... I think, so that doesn't count, I'll tell him at our next appt in 2 weeks ..if I remember, I have yet to remember to tell him I'm working toward getting a Habitat for Humanity house. Which, he's either going to be thrilled for me, or he's going to clobber me.

Ok ... soo ... on my own I am doing :

3 sets of 20 leg lifts
2 sets of 20 clams (ok, should be 3, but those things suck!)
3 sets of 20 lifts with my bent knee over the leg being lifted,
no idea what that's actually called. Lay on your left side, place right foot at knee of left leg, lift leg straight up into air ..that's how it's done.
2 sets of 20 straight leg lifts with me on stomach. (those effect the MG & walking probably more than any other exercise I do, if I do too many of those, I wind up falling every time. I suppose I should cut them out, but I think they are helping my hip muscles which aren't all that strong to begin with)

4 sets of 20 squats
3 sets of 20 squats agains the wall
3 sets of vectors ( I don't know who invented vector's, but they were not a nice person!)
balancing on one foot ...
up to 30 seconds on left foot and 25 on right.
started at 22 & 18, some improvement, not much for the lenght of time I've been working at all this.

It doesn't feel like enough, but the surgeon says it's enough to keep the gains I made in PT until my surgery June 2.

Grand Rounds xxxii

Pearls and Dreams


One of my favorite medical bloggers, MudFud, is this weeks host of Grand Rounds.

Check it out, see how the day in the life of a medical student might go, and learn a lot of very interesting and important information while you're at it. Make sure you get a good strong cup of coffee before you start ... you're gonna need the 'get up and go' to make it through that day!

My 5Q4 questions from Biscotti Brain

Pearls and Dreams

Biscotti Brain got my questions for me yesterday. I had to think about them. She thought they were easy. Funny, how we think we're asking easy questions and the person answering doesn't think they're so easy.
Ok, so here's my questions:

1. If you could give any gift to your husband, Don, what would it be? If you could receive any gift from Don, what would it be? I have been trying to decide all day if I was going to answer this literally or spiritually, decided to answer literally.
If I could get him any gift it would be a full blown set of fishing gear, complete with comfortable chairs and anything else he needed to make fishing more comfortable and do able.
For me ...either a cruise ... or a book membership with a christian book club where I could order the books and or Bible studies I'm interested in.

2. You have written passionately about the struggles you've had with your son's school board. If you could put into place any three changes in how they deliver services, what would they be?

This is a hard one, you'd think it'd be easy, but since it would effect so many children, it takes great thought.
1. I would want them to put on child advocates on STAFF that would attend meetings that would work on behalf of the child, not the district in making sure that the school was following the laws for that child's special needs. (not to go above and beyond, just to MEET those laws)
2. I would want the school to realize that we, as families dealing with these issues do not want to deal with these issues. We'd rather not have to NEED these services, so to make us fight for something we'd just as soon rather not have is the ultimate cruelty. I would want them to start to see what their jobs are with more compassion and less dollar signs.
3. I would want them to start early intervention earlier. Waiting till third grade to identify problems is not what the law indicates or implies is acceptable and to do so causes irreperable harm to these kids. I would rather see them putting a higher amount of children in special ed classes at a younger age and graduating them out as they get older than to fight the parents and wait until there is no other choice and then the child can never get caught up.

3. You have described some of the hours you've already put in toward your commitment for a Habitat for Humanity house (which I think is a wonderful organization, btw). What does you dream-home look like? What features does it have? What colours would you put inside and out?

My dream home. First, dream home comes with a maid. (grin)
The kitchen would have a cooking island in it and would be slate blue and grays with lighthouses and beaches for the theme.
There would be a 'sitting room' for Bible study, it would be all white, with a black piano, and one red rose. But all the furniture & carpeting would be white.
The family room would be warm and snuggly with a fire place and plenty of throw blankets around with soft comfortable furniture to sit and talk in. It would be near enough to the kitchen you could visit with the person in the kitchen if you wanted to.
There would not be a speck of purple anywhere in the house.
There would certainly be a pool & hot tub. With a wintertime covering for year round use.

The outside would be a very very light blue. With all kinds of flowers and shrubbery.

4. In reading about your life, your time here on earth has been marked with some serious loss. How have you kept yourself from bitterness?
Short answer : my mother
Long answer: I think it boils down to one day when I was 15 years old and I was furious with my real father. I'd spent MONTHS saving for a father's day gift for him. I mean MONTHS. I sent it to him and he sent my sister a birthday card and he wrote in the card "and by the way, tell Peggi thanks for the father's day present"
I was livid. Not only had he not thanked me personally, but he didn't even identify the gift I'd specifically picked out and saved for and worked for.
My 15 year old brain went ballistic and started to scream that I hated him. My mother grabbed me and told me that she never wanted to hear me say that again. She could not make me respect him, but she could insist that I BE respectful.
She showed me that my actions and my emotions are both equal of importance, but, they are separate from each other.

What I learned though ...is that they do effect one another.

Somehow, that insistance caused me to step back and look at how I reacted to the situation and every situation since. How I react, and how I feel, and how I let it effect me does not have to be all knee jerk reaction. Just because a situation is painful and I experience something that is not fair, does not mean that I get to react with anger and bitterness. I have to step back, look at the situation, evaluate it, react with respect ...toward a person, or situation, or God.

When I step back in evaluation, then that gives God time to show me what I need to learn in the situation and the growth that I need to gain. It isn't easy, and is often painful. But far less painful than allowing the bitteroot to grow.

5. What one thing in the world brings you the most joy? How can you get more of it in your life?

You know, 6 months ago, my answer would be different than it is today. 6 months ago, I would have told you that it was just singing and worshipping and being in the presence of God. I couldn't imagine a higher joy.
Then, I went to a children's ministry planning team where a goal was presented for growth ..and that goal included stepping out of where you are ... and not just being content to give, worship, tithe and serve. But to mentor and take someone along with you. To actively persue decipling another in their christian walk.
Well, I was meeting a lot of the spiritual goals presented ...except that last one ... I was stopping at myself and I thought it was enough and I couldn't imagine a greater joy than just worshipping.
Until I started Pipp Jr and stood in a circle of prayer with 14 little kids as they prayed for the church leadership.
Until I started doing on one one descipleship with a friend who wasn't raised to study her Bible as I was, and I see her 'getting it' as I pass skills of study on to her and she realizes she's just as capable as anyone to pull what she needs from the scriptures.
Until I gave the devotional the other night and saw the looks on the faces as the women (more than the girls) understood what I was saying.
Until I realized that just serving isn't enough, but serving and desciping, serving, descipling and worshipping ...
How do I get more joy? Keep going ...pushing the box further open, stepping out of my comfort zone in obedience even when I'm afraid. Remembering that my center is His presence, but he wants me to share that experience, not just to stay there in isolation, that's how I will get more joy ..which is something that is hard to fathom.

Pain scales and daily living

Pearls and Dreams

A few days ago, Madhouse Man, blogged a rather funny blog entry about going around the country and being the ER Residents worse nightmare.

While he meant it to be funny, and it was in fact, hilarious, it really got me thinking about the pain scale and other health indicators that doctors tend to look at, that people who deal with chronic illnesses may or may not be typical in how they 'present' themselves to their doctor. So, I've decided to write a letter to my health care providers.

Dear Nurses, Physical Therapists & Doctor's,
First, I want to say thank you very much for everything that you do for me. I do understand that your job is hard, and when you throw in a complicated body like mine into your day, it makes your day that much more difficult. I appreciate all the thought, caring and work that you put into helping to make me the healthiest me I can be.

What this letter is about though, is I want you to look past what you see for a moment. I need you to remember that sometimes, even if I'm in your office, I get tired of being sick and tired. If you ask me "how are you?" I just might answer "I'm fine" out of sheer habit, or out of sheer stubbornness and refusal to be anything but.

I might be laughing in spite of pain that would have a healthy person in tears. When I say "This hurts here." I don't mean, "this hurts a little bit" I mean "THIS HURTS TO HIGH HEAVEN AND BACK AND IS INTERFERING WITH MY SLEEP AND MY FUNCTIONING"
I do not bother you with annoying pains. I do not say anything about pains that are chronic that do not keep me from doing anything or do not wake me up at night. I do not complain just so that you can write it down in my medical file or have you feel sorry for me.

I think most of you know this about me. I think you take me seriously, but forget sometimes I hide behind that smile. I don't think you ever think I am being frivolous, but I am not sure that you understand that I am not being up front because I am tired of it all.

I can't complain about every thing that needs to be taken care of or treated. I can't tell you about everything, there isn't enough time in the day, or enough treatments in the world, I have to prioritize ... And I know that there are times when things come up, later than you'd like, that you'd wished I'd said something earlier.

But, you need to understand, I already feel like I am forever and always complaining and the cycle never ends. It is fatiguing being chronically ill. It is wearing emotionally to have to be on my guard for conditions that must be taken care of. I just want it to stop and to not be something that has to be mentioned ... So I hope it will go away .. And I hope ..And I hope ... And I hope ...Until I have no choice. That's when I tell. Or, one of my other doctor's specifically asks a question that brings it out.

There are a few things you need to know about me, if you don't already:
1. I never feel good physically.
A) I always hurt: my hands, elbows, shoulders, feet and knees have not NOT hurt in over 10 years.
B) I never have the energy I should have.
C) At best, I feel like I'm either coming down with the flu or getting over the flu.
D) I refuse to give in and I am going to enjoy my life in spite of the pain, in spite of the fluey like feeling and in spite of the fatigue. So just because I'm smiling and laughing and having a good time, does not mean I'm feeling good ... It means I'm ignoring my diseases.

Here's where it gets hard and what I need you to know. I still need to be treated. I hate being sick and I would rather come in and have a nice cup of coffee with you and visit about anything than talk about what's going on with my health. I like talking things of medical nature, so when you start explaining things to me, sometimes I forget it's me, and just get into the discussion ... You may think I'm adjusting to the news ok. I'm really not listening ... I'm learning it as if it doesn't even apply to me. I'm learning it as if I was in my biology class and learning something abstract and unrelated to my life.

You have no way of knowing any of this. You all think I am such a compliant, cooperative patient. Easy going, and absorbing the knowledge. You have no way of knowing that I am on disconnect half the time. I don't know how to get past this, but I do know, I am not the only chronically ill person out there like this. I do know that many of us play down our symptoms. As many things as we complain about, as much as you hear ... There is so much you don't.

Somehow ... We need to get on the same page. The problem is, I'm not likely to open up and you have no way of knowing all this unless I tell you.

Sincerely,
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

Home from 'sleep over'

Pearls and Dreams

Why do they call it a sleep over?

It went fantastic. Just great. The first time mom's were saying they couldn't believe it was this much fun or they'd been crashing the party years before. The other mom's were saying this is the best one ever. The kids had an absolute BLAST!

The scavanger hunt got 127 cans of food for the homeless shelter & 8 boxes of macaroni & cheese (can't figure that out, 5 teams, 1 box each? LOL) and 5 baby food jars.

We had 4 adult flip flops that were not used, we're going to donate those as well.


So not only did the kids & parents have a blast running around the neighborhood gathering stuff, we got the kids a couple of service projects out of it too!

The flip flops were the hit of the party! Even adults that didn't think they wanted anything to do with it, wanted to do it! (Glad I brought extra! I was sooooo allergic to them! I realized about the second or third store I was breaking out, so i bought some latex free gloves to handle them. I'd bought myself a pair, but couldn't use them. One of the youth group girls showed up to help. She and I wear the same size, so she got a pair. She also called me Mom all night . We had fun with that.

The kids loved the biscuit pizza's and pigs in a blanket. The adults LOVED the pigs in a blanket. Some of the mom's had never had them (huh?) and we were talking about all the ways you can do them up to make them fancier. We had 120 pigs in a blanket,, 80 mini pizza's, 54 people ... a bit of cheese & sauce left over.

The backpacks are incredible, the names look great! Becky had two machines going, and was able to do every mom, every child & even a surprise one for our children's pastor and her baby to be. (we know what it is, and what her name is).

They liked the sand art to, but they were not nearly as impressed with the sand art as they were the back packs and flip flops! Until this morning ...they all fell in love with them this morning when they saw the dried product. *whew*!
I'd also found larger packages of single colored sand, rather than the sand art packages, at Garden Ridge.
The sand art packages are about $6 to $7 for 3 lbs, I got 6 packages of 28 oz each, ...3 of them for $1.88 3 for $2.49.
So much cheaper than 2 packages of the pre packaged sand art boxes.
So, now, Sand art, that was a once in a lifetime special event, for children's ministry, has become an affordable activity! (grin)

We watched Little Mermaid & Mary Kate and Ashley go to Hawaii. I missed the movies (yea!) I was by then, sitting in the kitchen visiting with the other mom's who'd been working their tails off.


The crafts took longer than we thought, and it was 11:30 pm before we got to the devotion. The kids liked it, but the mom's were the ones who seemed shocked by the demonstration of the sand and God's thoughts numbering more than the grains of the Sand. The kids thought that was just awesome. The adults were just "Wow!"

The big kids dozed off by about 1:30, we finally got the last todder to doze off around 2:45.

We got up around 7, started to wake the girls about 7:45, and got them to start picking up their stuff & eating french toaststicks and OJ.

I left my Pillows at Michelles .growl.

I will be napping as soon as I pick up my son from the father/son sleepover that my husband did NOT take my son to. He'd promised him he'd go, this is Bj's last year to go. But Thursday night, told him he wouldn't go. Thankfully, the children's pastor figured Don wouldn't actually be there, and didn't plan on it. I would hate to have his reputation! I am glad that the people in my church do not base reputations on guilt by association too. I have my own earned reputation, and they realize, we may be married, but I am not responsible for his irresponsibility.

That was the one spoiler ... Don's refusal to participate in the father/son group.

I can't wait to get some feedback. I got some feedback on Pipp Jr. from some of the mom's I hadn't met yet, and that was really cool.

I told my friend Cindy, on IM the other day, if I come up with any more idea's for children's ministry to tell me to stick a sock in it. Immediately I went "oooo! A sock hop for kids night out!"
I sent it to Michelle. Looks like next spring we're going to do a sock hope for Family Night.

I have had fun planning these, I enjoy it. It's scary before hand, but it is SOOOOOo rewarding!

Beach Party

Pearls and Dreams

Tomorrow night is the mother daughter sleep over.We'll start with a scavanger hunt in the neighborhood where the kids will ask for one item + a canned good to donate to a food charity. I know which one, but my aching head is preventing me from thinking about which one. The items range from silly things like a drinking straw, single bandaid (new please) greeting card (new or used) to a box of macaroni & cheese and a toothpick. 25 items. Michelle cleared it with 40 of her neighbors. Then we come back for dinner, the kids will make themselves and eat homemade biscuit pizza's & or pigs in a blanket. Then craft time: We're decorating the flip flops by tying strips of material, or hot gluing ribbons, pompoms or feathers, or buttons or beads or flowers etc on them, sand art & painting canvas backpacks for a beach bag. One of the mom's is bringing her embroidery machine to embroider the names on the canvas bags!

Then they'll have a bunch of snacks to pick from to make their own bowl of trail mix.
And I (gulp) will give the devotion (GULP). Don't remember if I told you what I'm doing, but I'm writing it out because I need to flesh it out again before I do it tomorrow night in front of the 54 people signed up to come. GULP

The focus will be remembering that they are a treasure because God made them, and loves them just the way they are.

Taken from Psalms 139: 16-18 (NCV)
139:16
you saw my body as it was formed. All the days planned for me were written in your book before I was one day old.
139:17
God, your thoughts are precious to me. They are so many!
139:18
If I could count them, they would be more than all the grains of sand. When I wake up, I am still with you.
****************************************************************
I will start off by reading those verses and asking them if they knew that God thinks about them. I will tell them that He loves them so much, that King David said his thoughts are more than all the numbers of the sand ... then will ask them if they have any idea how much that is.
After a few have answered. I will have one of the little girls count out a few grains of sand. 5 or 6.
Then I will have one of the middle aged girls count out a quarter of a teaspoon of sand grains.
Then I will ask on of the 6th grade girls to count out a babyfood jar food (if they'll even begin to agree to it)
As the girl or girls are counting out the babyfood jar grains, I will show them pictures of a dessert & one of the beach & ocean and re read the verse
If I could count them, they would be more than all the grains of sand
End it by telling them that they are all sooo precious to God that he thinks of each of us so much that we can't even count it, because the thoughts number more than all the grains of the sand, which, now they know, are not countable.

Then, they watch either Beach Blanket Bingo (with Annette Funnicello) or some other beach movie that Michelle finds that might be fun.

Then go to bed around 1 am. Wake up, feed them breakfast and go home around 8:30 am.

My Life

Pearls and Dreams

My Life

by Peggikaye Eagler

Running with my friends each year,
Summer sun browning our skin,
Climbing trees, rocks and hills,
Picnics with family brings a grin.

Softball games in a county league,
Purple shorts and white socks.
Rolling down dandelion covered hills,
Fishing for Blue Gill from the docks.

Volleyball games with my team.
Running laps for hitting the net.
Slumber parties with forever giggles,
Pillow fights, feathers flying yet.

Aerobics classes for hours on end.
Sweat pouring while muscles are gaining.
Working double shifts at work,
Barbecues with friends even while raining.

Marriage comes with plans for the future.
Our baby girl comes too soon.
Another baby brings joy and healing,
Teaching us to sing God’s tune.

His brother comes before too long,
Concerns for him fill our hearts,
He grows and changes every day,
Accomplishments fill his star charts!

Health problems for each of us,
Taking our focus to areas unknown.
Never taking for granted our life.
Raising our treasures until they are grown.

Life has thrown us many a curve,
Sometimes we thought we would fall,
But God’s Hand held us safe,
Even in the hard times, we’ve heard His call.

My family life is not what was expected,
Some things harder, some things not,
One thing I know for sure,
This reward I’d never find.
No matter how long I sought!



© Peggikaye Eagler

Tuesday

Pearls and Dreams

Well, I got plenty of rest in the last few days, still tired. I guess I really needed it.

I got my knee surgery scheduled for June 2. YIKES. I have to go off prednisone & anti inflammatories for a full 2 weeks before the surgery. YIKES. I was supposed to go off before the meeting with the breast surgeon too, however, I called the surgeon's office to see if Mobic was included because it's not on their list, and they said that I could stay on the medications, come in for the evaluation and if they need a biopsy, they'll schedule it for when I'm already off the medications rather than pro longing the period of time I'm off them. WHEW!!

I was looking at a whole month without my anti inflammatories!!

Tonight, I go to the second class to aid the Habitat financial class.
When I get done tonight, I should have a minimum of 285 hours out of the 450 needed to build. Some from my class have already broken ground and started building. Most are over 400 hours.
I keep having to remind myself ... I knew it'd take me longer, I knew it'd take me longer, slow and steady ... it's better to get it slowly than to not get it, or to go whole hog and wind up in the hospital and then get disqualified because I couldn't meet the minimum requirements (they give no allowances for physical disabilities ... there is a program however to help those with mental illnesses, I need to look that up and post it on here for those who might be interested.I just find it odd that they'll make allowances, grace periods, and accomodations for mental disabilities, but not a single one for physical disabilities)

Anyway ...off to class ...

Following Orders

Pearls and Dreams

I'm not quite sure how I made it through school, because I certainly can't follow directions.

I lost a day yesterday. I couldn't tell you what happened for anything. I only have vague recollections of Thursday, and hardly remember seeing my neurologist. (what is it about exacerbations that fool with my memory??? is it lack of breathing correctly & oxygen?)

So, today, I got up at 7 AM, got showered & dressed. My mom picked me up at 8:30 and we went to the church where we met several other people.

We took the church van up to a lake on a hill (Okies call it a mountain HAHAHAHAHA!!!!)

Then from 9 am to 4:30 pm, I sat in a church leadership conference.

I learned more than I could possibly imagined in that short of a period of time. I also learned that the word 'leadership' won't kill me (grin).

I don't know when, or how I'll progress, I just know, that for the first time in my 40 years, I am glad to be in leadership. I am glad to be a part of progression not following the leader, content to be in my own little stair in the middle of the stairs.

I'm looking forward to seeing the changes and growth in our church as the Pastors and staff hold us, the core leaders of the church to a higher standard, a higher expectation of being.

And tonight ... I am looking forward to my pillow!

Tomorrow, is the third month of Pipp Jr. For those who've not been reading long, PIPP is Pastor's Intercessory Prayer Partners.
Paul told the early church to pray for him that he could effectively share the gospel. So our church has a one on one prayers that the pastor's can have pray for specific needs. A year ago, it dawned on me, we should bge including children in this process. I waited for 8 months for the person in charge of Pipp to start it. Then, realizing it was MY dream, for MY child, talked with the children's pastor and started it. So, tomorrow, I take 17 children to pray for the pastor of our church.
I never thought I'd be so content to be in leadership. I never thought I'd be so excited to be on the front lines and not hiding in the back room serving quietly.

So, tonight, I go to sleep, and tomorrow, I go to church and come home and hope to not crash (grin) and then Monday, I go to yet, another doctor and set the date for my knee surgery. *YIKES!*
THEN I start following doctor's orders (I have a bridge I'd like to sell you!)

Let's See if I can follow directions this time

Pearls and Dreams

Went to my neurologist this morning. He did a full neuro check. I can't remember the last FULL neuro check he did on me. He even made me walk down the hallway hmph!

Helping me back on the table he says "I think you've worked yourself into a nice little MG exaccerbation, and if you don't rest, we'll be visiting daily in the hospital over an IV concoction of IVIG or plasmapherisis."

So, now that MR. Lupus and Ms. MG are bloth flaring, I think it's time I actually listen to some orders and go to bed and stay there.
When double vision and shortness of breath starts, things are a sure sign it's out of control.

I go back in 4 weeks for pre surgery & decide if I'm in a flare/exaccerbation or just worse because I'm overly busy or if something else is going on.

Anyway, reading/typing has gotten significantly more difficult because the eye muscles have decided they don't have to work in tandum with each other.

So, I'm going to take a bit extra mestinon ... (yes, with doc's guidance, more than what I'd been taking extra) and go to bed. IF I feel better, I might get on for an hour this evening, if not, I'll check on things tomorrow.) i have an all day meeting I CANNOT miss on Saturday.
It may very well be Monday before you see me again.
If you need to check on me faster, you may check on me at email
PeggikayeE (don't forget the TWO E's at the end ) at aol dot com.

take care.

Grand Rounds

Pearls and Dreams

Today is the 30th Edition of Grand Rounds.
It is perched this week ...er hosted this week by Girl Scientist
They have graciously, once again, allowed me to participate.

Also, please do not leave my blog today without checking out the Memorial below (I Remember You) to my dear friend Trudy, who died 10 years ago today in the Oklahoma City Bombing.

It would mean a lot to me, if you would leave your own thoughts of memorial on the bombing in the comments.

I remember you

Pearls and Dreams

Dear Trudy,

I have needed to write you this letter for a long time, technically, it probably would have been better to wait till tomorrow, but it's still to painful. Today is the day.

I remember the day I moved her to Tulsa. I was 17, and we'd just gotten into town. My sister worked at the church we'd be attending, and we just went straight to the church since it was Wednesday. December 30, 1981. You were there early for service to help the youth pastor and his secretary (my sister). You were 18. My sister introduced us and you hung around with me all afternoon.

That evening, we sat together, after church, you introduced me to Eric W. and asked him if I could join 'Proclamation'. I had no clue what you were talking about. Eric asked me if I liked to sing and I said yes. So, he said, "We're a choir, join us Monday nights at 7 pm"

New Years Eve, I went with you to the youth group New Years Eve party. Friday, you called me and we talked forever on the phone. Sunday we went to Ken's Pizza together after church. Monday night, we went to Proclamation practice together. My life changed forever.

You, Trudy, accepted me, right from the start. No questioning who I was or what I was. Just open, honest and friendly. You were a year older than me, already out of high school, and I was just a Junior. It didn't matter to you ... social class ... age ...didn't matter. We'd become friends and fast friends.

We sang together, we hung out together, we laughed together, cried together, prayed together and just sat together. The day I was afraid that my mom might have killed herself, you went with me to check the house, you went in first, so that if she had, I would not have found both my mom and my dad. Why neither of us thought to call the police? I have no idea. Thank God she was just asleep! (Did I ever tell you that she'd sprained her ankle and had taken some pain killers? that's why she didn't hear the phone ringing! Although, this last February, she did tell me, that she HAD been suicidal at the time).

You dropped out of Proclamation, but our friendship didn't drop. You became pregnant with John Michael. I remember so many of our friends that just seemed to reject you. How awful that must have been for you. I still, to this day, don't understand that.

I remember being very honored that you allowed me to share your pregnancy with you ... I learned about morning sickness and what it was like for a 19 year old who was brave enough to stand up for what she saw was right. Do you ever think about those 2 months I lived with you during the week? Me so I 'd be closer to my school, and for you to not be alone while you were going through such a miserable stage of pregnancy?

You were one of the few people who had the nerve to corner me on the eating disorder. I don't know what you'd have done if the resources available today were there back then. I'll never forget the fury in your eyes when you caught me purging in your bathroom. The fury that turned to fear as you raged at me, then begged and pleaded with me to stop ... to stop and heal and to see myself better. To look at myself. Do you remember taking my face and making me look in the mirror? I don't know that I've ever had someone so lovingly mad at me ... I still hurt when I think of that moment. How much that must have hurt you.

I'll never forget seeing John Michael when he was little. Those eyes would just enchant me. Can you remember our talks outside of the singles group? With everyone inside chatting away, you and I standing outside, still on the edge of things, John Michael going back and forth between us.
High School was behind me, Proclamation behind both of us. I had no idea what to do.
You didn't like Don when you met him either. I didn't learn very well did I? I'm sorry we lost contact. I think the last time we talked was when I called to tell you Samuel was born.

I was supposed to call you again, but Samuel got so sick, then I was sick ...and my life spun out of control.

Then April 19,1995, 9:02 A.M. Timothy McVeigh took the option of us ever re uniting as friends away.

The friday after the bombing, CBS announced the first few names of the victims who'd been identified. I had a baby gate up between my kitchen & living room. As they were announcing the names, I was stepping over the gate, and I heard "Trudy Rigney" Immediately, I fell and started screaming. Evidently, I went into hysterics, my husband could not calm me down to find out why I was screaming. It took calling my mom, and mom, and him 5 full minutes to get "Trudy Rigney died" out of my mouth.

It took 3 years for my son, who was then 3, to stop saying
"Oka-homa City Bombing mamma, you can cry now" everytime the news would show the picture of the blown out Murrah Building.

Oh Trudy ... I have so often wondered ... did you know? Oh how I hope you don't know it happened. How I've prayed that you were just working one minute and in the arms of God the next. The idea, that you'd had to hurt and suffer for a while just breaks my heart.

It's been 10 years since you were so violently yanked from my life forever ... but my memories of you will forever be in my heart. You were my first friend in Oklahoma. You were a true friend who loved me enough to take a firm stand.

I went to the Memorial a few years ago, I stood there and looked at the clear chair that represents who you are and all I could think of was "I'd rather have her here"

I Love you Trudy Rigney. I always will.
I miss you.
Love
Peggikaye

ATTENTION

Pearls and Dreams

ATTENTION ATTENTION

Grand Rounds is Tuesday. If you are a regular submitter, get your submissions over to grrlscientist

Email your submissions to GrrlScientist at yahoo dot com.

check out her request for submissions ...she has some really good ideas.

Most of all SUBMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!