We knew, we have always known

Post polio syndrome, scoliosis.

I've blogged somewhere in this blog.

Sometime, the post polio my husband has, and the scoliosis that resulted would be my husbands undoing.

The muscles would decide they are too tired. The twisting would cause the internal organs to just have to work too hard.

They told him when he was younger, he would never make it to 35. (they didn't even know what post polio was back then, yet, they knew it was coming, he was so severe!)

He passed 35 ... 37 ...40 ...and 42 ..and he just seemed to get healthier ..not worse.

As time went by and they addressed his different conditions ... it all seemed to work.

He hit 50 ...and he decided he did not like who he was as a person. He had few friends, and he was a hard man to live with. Bitterness was eating him alive. His health issues, was the least of his problems. He examined who he was ...and decided that what he knew about God, was really the key. He decided to put God first ... and instantly, his life changed. WE changed as a couple. WE changed as a family.

For the last year and a half ...we've enjoyed life more than I ever could have imagined. Life, has been good to us. God, has been good to us. We got our house, we have 2 great kids.

In my mind, I watched this amazing man walk and just knew that the doctor's had been wrong ... he was going to outlive us all. His determination to function and life a full life was amazing.

He was going to go back to school in the fall, finish his bachelor's degree. (Only 2 semesters, he was just 3 hours when I got sick, things change and technology changes in 15 years ...and well, now it's 2 semesters) He rarely walks with even the cane that he has.

Plans for a business, a ministry ... and to watch our sons grow up. Our youngest to be a chef ..and the oldest to be a doctor. His plans to help our youngest in his business adventure of owning a resteraunt ...and his plans of making a doctor son care for his medical needs.

And one day a cough won't stop ...and the next thing we know ...we're in the hospital. They can't find out what's wrong ...and he's degenerating. It's not pneumonia as first thought. I was upset ...we've been here before! I'm rather insistant! Go back 2 years ago! Look at his records! This has happened before ...only it hasn't.

The infection clears up ... the blood work is clear. The spudem culture shows body fluid ...and no reversable cause is found.

The worst possible diagnosis is given. End stage post polio.

The pulmonologist says that he's seen this happen ...some times you see it coming a mile away, and sometimes they are mowing the lawn one day, and the next day their body simply says "I'm done"

From all he knows about Don's functioning and who Don is.... Don is the latter. Yea, We've always known that would be the case.

I just thought .. he'd make it to 75 ... I really had talked myself into believing it would never happen. He'd outlive me.

So now, we have choices to make that no one should ever have to make.

We don't know where things stand.

Will he recover enough to make it for a while longer, and then in a few months this happen again? Will he make it enough to just have the bipap at night? Will he recover enough to come home with the bipap and be able to live full time on the bipap ...and is he willing to live on the bipap ...or would he rather go see his Savior?

He's fully aware today, of what's going on and what decisions we're facing. We have talked about this day for 20 years. We are standing as a couple, as one. We are standing together ... in prayer ..supported by our church family.

We don't know what tomorrow holds .. we don't know what decisions will be made. We don't know what the next hour holds. We simply don't know. We just have always known.