A couple of months ago, my psychiatrist noted that I tend to throw important things away. The statement shocked me. But, he was right.
The comment kind of went through me ...why do I do that?
I don't have pictures up, I don't have reminders of my past ... I don't have memories hanging around ... I don't have momento's ... I don't have my trophies ... I don't have the important things that remind me of my successes or failures ... I don't keep the important things in life.
So .. he started the thought process going back then.
Then the issues with grieving came up when Kylie passed away.
So, I'm trying to really deal with grief, in a real way.
My step dad died in 1979. I've posted here many many times about him, so any regular reader of this blog knows how much I've loved him, how much he meant to me. How deeply his death impacted me. But, no picture of him existed in my house. Burried deep in a box, I finally found a picture of him. I got it out, and brushed it off ..and put it in a little frame and put it on the computer desk. Right next to Jessica's bank.
Monday Evening, Benjamin walked up to me. "Mom, who is this?" As he handed me the picture. My heart sank. My beloved Daddy ... this man who's meant more to me than anyone ... my kids know my step dad .. they know the stories ...they know how much I loved him ...but they'd never seen his picture!! How could I have done that to them ..to him?
I've fixed that now.
Daddy is on the desk, smiling at me while I type. His sparkling eyes and his great big smile reminding me just how much he loved me. Unconditional ... and forever.(when we get a scanner up, I'll scan the picture in, this is a picture of the picture)