I woke up today and had decided to go ahead and go to church. It's been quite a while since I was sick before all this happened with Don.
I got dressed in a black jumper dress, tourquoise blouse, and black shoes. I went to choose my jewelry and decided on some that meant something to me. To others, it would just be Peggikaye in her elephants again.
To me, it was not just because I like elephants, but, a while back I figured out what it was about elephants that facinated me so. It all came down to Dr. Suess.
I meant what I said
And I said what I meant....
An elephant's faithful
One hundred per cent!
Faithfulness. Today, I wore a tangible reminder of faithfulness. A necklace a friend gave me, a bracelet my husband gave me, an anklet I bought with a gift certificate someone else gave me. All elephants.
God's faithfulness to me ... and my friends faithfulness to me ... the faithfulness has been more than visible this last 2 weeks, but tangible.
Tonight, as I sat next to Don, while he slept on the Bipap, some questions still unanswered, not knowing what lies ahead ... I knew one thing was for sure. God was with us. God had been with us through the last 11 days or so ...and God would be with us.
It is strange ... to feel so worn out, so tired, so ... weary ... to have so many questions looming in the air ...
and yet, to feel so comforted, and so peaceful ...and to feel so confident at the same time.
I guess, the scripture that says that in our weakness, He is made strong ... is how this is lived out. Every moment, I must lean on God's strength, God's wisdom and God's faithfulness ...
My new counselor asked me at my second session when I'd felt safe in my life. Really safe ... it hasn't been often. There hasn't been a whole lot of security.
I told her about the dark times in my marriage and how the sanctuary in my church provided that safety for me. How Sanctuary, became more than a archetectual term, but lived out it's original meaning for me. It was my place of safety for a long time.
And now, this last 11 days, ironically ... I have felt that safety ... that sanctuary ... that I am safe in God's arms ... never closer to God as I have been in the last few days ... as tired, and weary and battle worn ...
I am sure of this one thing ... I know whom I have believed, and He is able to keep that which I've committed, unto Him, until that day.
What's more ... my husband, is one of those things I've committed ... and I'm sure he can keep my husband and the things that he has committed as well.