Pearls and Dreams

A few hours ago, I was on a friends My Space. They had this celebrity look alike posted on their page that showed a face recognition program of which celebrities they most look like. It, was pretty accurate.

I laughed and told her that I'd done it before ... it told me that I looked like Will Smith.

Three hours later, I'm not laughing. At first, it was funny. The first couple responses I got ... were in fact, Will Smith. Then, Tiger Woods.

I was laughing as I asked my husband ...um ...is there something that you need to tell me?

So, I kept picking pictures (as it suggested for differing responses) to see what else it says.

The more I tried ... the less funny it got. About 30 minutes ago, I started to realize, the fault wasn't with the program ... there is an accuracy to the recognition program ... and, it's pointing out something that has been bugging me for quite some time.

After Will Smith and Tiger Woods ... came Oliver Stone ...After Oliver Stone came a man I'd never heard of before ...Zamenhof ...he evidently created the Yiddish language. Then, Corey Feldmen. Then Bob Dylan ... and the final nail in the coffin ... Tommy Lee Jones.

Why didn't I tell it I was a female ... I DID.

As I started to get frustrated with the program, my bangs fell into my eyes, and I pushed them back, frustrated again that we didn't get my hair cut this week.

That's when it struck. That's what's wrong.

I told the program I was a female. But ...with my thin hair and receeding hair line ... it sees a balding head. I try to pretend it's not that bad ... but the truth is ... it's BAD.

My hair, in a ponytail, is not much bigger around than a pencil. I cannot keep it in a barrett, because my hair, my whole head of hair, is simply too thin. I can wrap a ponytail band (normal size) around the ponytail ...10, yes, that's TEN times. My hair is so fine, it takes hair spray to keep it in the ponytail band, because it is so fine, it will fall out ... yet, I have long hair.

My hair, is falling out, a lot. When we sweep the floor every day, there is always several pieces of long brown hair that gets swept up. We've been in the house since November 21, and we've already had to clean my hair out of the bath drain. My brush, is rediculous ... I have to clean the hair out of it twice to brush my hair.

My thyroid is fine ...that's been checked. Repeatidly.

The docs have an answer. None of them like it. I don't like it. It's 3 parts ...1 ..partly hereditary (although, not nearly enough to explain this) 2 ...lupus and 3 ... the Cellcept. Suppress your immune system enough and plop goes the hair.

So, I'm going bald ..and there isn't anything I can do about it.

I've found pictures in the last few weeks of my hair from a few years ago, thick and healthy. It's really bothering me. It seems, in the last 18 months, it's gotten significantly worse. In the last 4 months, it's REALLY been bothering me ...and then ..the last 2 weeks, I've complained to my family and one of my friends relentlessly about it. And now ... I do a picture recognition program that tells me ... I might as well be a man. Nice self esteem booster.

Pfftht!