What a Difference a Day Makes

My life has entered a new phase.
My parenting has entered a new phase.
My marriage has entered a new phase.

My oldest son has left the nest. For those that have been reading my blog for years, you may be wondering how he got old enough to do such a thing? Apparently the same way I got to be the age I am .. one day at a time.

I'm, to be honest, ready. Maybe the key is that he brought his best friend to live with us 8 months ago, and then 4 months ago, Benjamin's best friend came to live with us. Maybe the key to being ready for your child to leave is them bringing home extra's .. to LIVE.

I was ready to have my bathroom back.
Ready to know how many I was cooking for. (who will be here? None of us, we've got ABC to do. Cook for 3, and they come home and say "where's dinner?" Or : who will be here? All of us, we're all off. Cook for 6 and 5 minutes before dinner was done ... they go trampsing out the door "oh, we decided to go get Buffalo Wings" ARGH!! that, was truly mind boggling, and aggrivating ..not to mention felt quite disrespectful at times)
I was ready to have my driveway back ...yes, my driveway. It is a 3 car driveway .. but all in length .. it's 1 car wide, 3 cars long. So if it rained, someone would have to move car so that I could get out, or I'd have to move car so they could get out.
Ready to know who was in my house at any given time.
I was ready to not have to worry about the washing machine and who had stuff in there when I needed it.
Ready to have some sense of privacy back.
Most importantly
I was ready for my youngest son to not have the intellectual competition around all the time. My sons friends are every bit as smart as Samuel ... my husband and I are not exactly lacking in the area of intelligence and that, is a lot, of intelligence in my son's face at all times. I was watching him feel like he had something to prove ... he has to face that at school, is it really fair to have to face it at home? He was becoming increasingly frustrated and his need to PROVE was increasing as the days went on. He is ready to not have to be anything but who he is, at least at home where it's always been safe to be so.

I have the normal concerns "will he be ok?"
Will he call ? Will he forget that he has a family? Will he behave? Will he act in a way that is not in keeping with the way he was raised? Will he get evicted for one reason or another? Will he pay his bills? Will he wind up right back in our house?

We've told him that we're proud of him (we are) and that we're excited for him ... but he needs to come back and call ..do not turn me into a "stalker mom" from a "soccer mom" who has to stalk her child to get a glimpse of what was once a huge part of her day ... and will always be a huge part of her heart.

We're proud of the choices he's making. They are smart ...but more importantly, they are wise.

We're proud of the friends he's chosen. We love them. The 2 that lived here, long before they lived here, had become known as son #3 and son # 4.

We're proud of who he is as a person but we're ready (more me than Don) for them to LAUNCH!

A week ago this morning, I didn't know they were moving out. Today, they are waking up in their own apartment.

And we have gone from 4 to 5 to 6 ... and then there were 3. *smile*

800 and counting

In November 2004 I began my journey into the blog world. I had no earthly idea of what I was getting into, the people I'd 'meet' and the things that were in my head just aching to get out.

As I pondered this 800th post, I thought about doing a review of my favorite posts. A review of the different type of posts. A review of ... and I worked on one and wound up feeling rather tangled in the mess that is my blog. I started to blog with the idea of it being a medical blog. Though, honestly I didn't know what that was at the time. It wasn't very long before I found Grand Rounds and participated.

I also found that I have little tolerance for blogging much about my health issues. Most of the posts have been done because I was emailed a question. That was the other odd thing I found. People not commenting but emailing me. In an attempt to get more commenters, for a while I removed my email ...but all it did was reduce the feedback. Commenters that did comment were still commenting, but those that had communicated through emai, stopped. So I put it back.

One of the most important aspects of my blog, for me, was the ones I posted on my eating disorder. It brought a very secret habit to the open ... honest and sometimes raw ... it left very little room for me to ignore the self destructive nature of the habits I'd worked my way into participating. I wonder, at times, had I not come out with the eating disorder if I'd not have retreated fully into that until it took my life.

I posted about my journey to get a house through Habitat for Humanity. I posted about my health. I posted about my issues with my sons education. I posted about my family issues. I've posted about many different area's of my life. The one I've enjoyed the most ... my choice to go back to school and the journey that has taken me on.

When I started to post, I was a mother of young boys, I was fighting Lupus and Myasthenia Gravis. I was the wife of someone who had a significant battle with polio and post polio syndrome. I did not see into the future ... I was too busy fighting today. Through many processes, including being successful at the difficult process of getting a house through Habitat for Humanity, learning I had more to offer a church than wishing I could do more .. I learned to find a dream ...and I learned I had what it takes to make those dreams come true.

Probably more importantly, I learned that I value my health ... and will do anything to be the healthiest I can be ... including learning to eat right and to not participate in the slow self destruction that I'd done since I was 14. I wish I'd learned before I developed gastroperesis, lost my teeth and developed polyps on my throat ...but I have learned.

I have learned that I can stand on my own. I've learned I can do things that are hard. I've learned I can be what I never dreamed I could be. I've learned that I am a person.

While I've made quite a few strides in the treatment for the eating disorder, my therapist has decided it's time to address some of the peripheral issues. Some, I agree with (my perfectionism) some ... not quite so sure (body image). I honestly don't see the point of working on body image while I'm on prednisone. While I'm the weight/size that I am ...what good will it do to try to appreciate what is not appreciable? I'm willing to work on it..but it does seem a bit of a waste of time/energy. *shrugs* I will possibly post about it as time goes by.

So, here I am ... finishing up the 800th post having said not much of anything, except that my blog has been a journey that I'm glad I have taken. I appreciate those that I've 'met' through this blog and have enjoyed reading many blogs out there of many different styles. Thank you, the few readers I have left, for sticking with me. Thanks for the encouragement that you've offered, particularly when Don was in the hospital 3 years ago and as I've headed back to school.

Year in Review.

It's been quite a year. I went back and tried to find the most important blog postings for the year and realized why my therapist has been so concerned about me. I've gotten a bit annoyed at her over protection of me, concern and feeling like she fusses over me. Looking at it as a whole unit ...it is a bit ... intense.
My best friends baby died, my mother broke 6 bones, my husband almost died ..and spent 45 days in the hospital, another friends six year old died, a blog friends husband died on Christmas eve, my pastor of 10 years resigned and my church went 10 months without a pastor, I left a ministry I'd been with for 8 years ...and left worship ministry all together (after being in worship ministries since the age of 13!) and started working with children's ministry. I had a book published, a brand new house my oldest son turned 18 and my youngest child turned 16. I've been in the media, which I was ill prepared for and I've come to terms with my own daughters death 19 years ago, when my friends baby died. My eating disorder relapsed (gee, wonder why) and my depression tanked. My health went up and down like a roller coaster and I have spent 51 days at a hospital bedside. *I* managed to stay out of the hospital and off the surgeon's table for the first year since I have been a mother!!! YEAH WHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've come up with some of what I consider to be the best postings of the previous year. If they are not linked into the previous paragraphs, they are below.

Thank you for the few faithful readers that have stayed with me. (my readership dropped from 65 to about 25 this year! EEKS! )