To follow up with the contract requires actual action, follow through, and truly living with oneself. In the legal realm, when one signs a contract, if they do not follow through, the consequences can be quite severe.
This, is true in my case as well. The consequences of not following through, just might mean, my life.
So, this weekend, while I was making my contract with myself, two bloggers who work very hard on Eating Disorder awareness were meeting face to face.
Carrie at ED BITES wrote about her meeting with Laura and found that Laura's table was a great metaphor. As I read Carrie's metaphor, I realized that I'd found the answer to MY meeting my ability to reach my contract with my body.
My comment to Carrie was:
Oh! I love this!
I have the table of my childhood. It, is beautiful. It is round, solid maple. Antique and a treasure. My parents bought it right after they were married ( my mother and my step father, I was 13 months old).
It is the table that I sat around all of my growing up years ...
I treasure this table, tremendously ... I made a promise to my body yesterday ...and have been trying to figure out all day today ...how I'm going to follow through with that ...
thanks for the answer. Sitting, at my very very treasured table ...
Ok, I'm crying now.
Sitting at my treasured table, where my step dad would sit with me is where I will follow through with my promise to my body to nourish it.
This week, this terrible week, that will remind me of all the things I have lost (this is the anniversary week of my step dad's death as well as his birthday) while I've surrendered ALL of my negative coping skills ... no ED behaviors, no biting nails and no SI ... nothing left ...
I ... will sit at the table of my childhood ... and remember the lessons of my childhood.
The days that Daddy woke me up in the middle of the night, just me, to show me my first meteor shower. The walks to get watercress, the trips to town to get icecream, and gardening ...just he and I.
Daddy's little girl ... I, was "Halfpint" to him. Only more, I was Darling.
This year, I will sit at this table, and I will allow myself to be nurtured, and allow nutrition to go into my body, and my heart and soul.
I will sit at this table, and I will write. I will sit at the table and I will eat. I will sit at the table to read. When I am lonely, I will sit at the table and drink my hot tea, or coffee ... and I will remember it's solid maple has withstood as many tragedy's and joys as I have ... and it's still standing ...just like me.
You know what I will do, I will take out the miniature blue willow tea set Chris and Angie gave me and have myself a tea party! Complete with real tea and real tea cookies! *BLINK*
I will sit at my beautiful table ... and I will nourish the my body.
I will remember that somewhere in the US, Carrie is sitting at her table, unique ... and she is nourishing herself ... and Laura is sitting at her table, having worked so hard to nourish her daughter and her daughter survived! As she sits at her table nourishing the souls of those who's hearts are gripped in fear ...
We'll sit at our tables together, but miles apart ... and I will be nourished. Heart, mind, body and soul.
I will remember ... I'm not alone.