That's what it is. Unless you're a doctor or psychologist reading this you're probably going ?huh?
Here I am, my freshman year in high school ... my hands placed where I did not want them ... with .. no nails ...
When I see that picture, all *I* can see, is the lack of fingernails.
At 4, my parents were trying to get the annual Easter picture ..and they could scarcly get my fingers out of my mouth long enough for me to GET the picture taken
I remember this being taken. By the time the picture was taken, you can see by the expression on my face, I was having great fun at sticking my fingers back in my mouth.
So, I've been through my flicker looking for pictures of me with my nails, and ... I do a good job of hiding my hands when the camera's are around. Only one shot, and it wasn't clear enough to show. The other, I had on fake nails FOR the picture.
One time in my life I managed to quit biting my nails. A couple of years ago. I just stopped. I had no idea why ... I just did. Suddenly, out of the blue, my nails just started to grow. It was amazing. I had fun playing with polishing them, lots of colors ... and then they grew ...and they grew ... and they grew.
They got to be too long ..but I let them grow so that I could do something fun and OSUish for Halloween. (by the way, when your favorite school's colors are Orange, white and Black ..it's hard to convince people it's not Halloween color's!!) and then I'd trim them down after. Only ... I'd never cut my nails before ... ever.
And when I did, I cut them too short, or too jagged ...or something ...and ... I started to nibble ..and well ... back came the habit after 4 months of not biting my nails.
My psychiatrist at the time has another theory besides my bad cutting job, or my own failure to continue the changed habit.
That, was within 2 weeks of my own self realization of the fact that events that happened to me as a child ... really DID count as abuse. I WAS hurt ...really hurt. The first nail came off the day after I found out that the first person that hurt me went to prison for molesting their own children.
His theory ... that probably had far more to do with it, than my own failure ...
His theory of why I stopped ... In June of that year, I'd been increased on a medication for migraine control. Topomax. In migraine control, it's used in low to moderate doses. In Bipolar, it's used as mood controller in higher doses ... they sometimes will see people no longer with anxiety ... and therefore no longer biting their nails ... as my dose was increased ...my anxiety levels probably went down a bit ... I stopped biting my nails ... and ... as my body adjusted to the new dose ... JUST as the revelations were coming to light ... and nibble nibble nibble.
It's a theory ... who knows if it's true. It all makes some sort of sense.
I asked for an increase of dose to stop my nail biting and he just grinned at me.
Evidently, nail biting isn't an excuse to go higher on Topomax.
Especially with it's tendency for appetite suppressent ...and a history of restrictive eating ... oh well ... I had to try.
So ... fast forward to December 2007 ... I get this BEAUTIFUL ring for my 20th anniversary.
Suddenly, people who've known me for 10 years are saying "you bite your nails?"
Even if they don't notice the ring ...my nails are front and center!
And so ... with great effort ... I've managed to go 2 weeks with nary a nibble. It's amazing what a few diamonds can do!!
I've pulled back out my polishes ...much to the males in my house dismay! (they HATE the smell) and I'm hoping that I can hold off till after the first of the month ..where I will get a manicure at the beauty school. I can afford it there. Hopefully, by treating myself to a manicure a couple of times a month, I will keep them in good shape.
I do know, without polish on them, I bite them. Period. I do a TERRIBLE job of polishing them .. with tremors, well ..let's just say, it's not pretty!!
However, even with the shakey job, they are prettier than the bit up edges of bitten nails.
We'll see ... does having attention drawn to my hand ...is that the cure to not biting my nails?