new ventures

When I was a little girl, my favorite part of church, was the praise and worship. From the time I was a toddler ... I loved to sing hymns .. and praise chorus' ...

I was in the third grade when my pastor's wife told me after church one Sunday, that, as long as I was around ...the rocks would never get their chance to cry out.

In the 6th grade, I sang for the first time in front of a group. On a Friday night, at a Christian coffee shop ... a common thing in California in the 70's ...groups of Christian's ...gathering together to sing ... the beginnings of what we call today "small groups"

In the 7th grade, I joined the choir.

In 8th grade, moved from California, to Colorado, again, joining the church choir.

In the 10th grade, my church, being a rather progressive church of it's day, had a worship band. We were the only church in town to use instrumentals! I played my clarinet as well as sang in the choir.

Then, in the 11th grade, moved from Colorado, to Oklahoma. There was a singing group in the church we attended. 15 to 24 year olds. We'd sing every other Sunday for special music, and travel during the summer ... and to surrounding churches. If you've ever seen Celebrant singers or Continental Singers ... you'd know the group idea. We were called "Proclamation". The group, over the 2 years we existed had 20 singers at a time, but over 80 of us were members.
I graduated from high school while a member of Proclamation.

When I left Proclamation, I moved back to Colorado, and was in a professional Christian drama ministry (my paid job). I went back to my former church as an interpreter for the deaf, and praise and worship team member.

I came back, to Tulsa …and went to a lay ministry Bible school, while being in the choir and leading worship for the singles ministry.

I got married, and soon divorced (my ex husband left me after 4 months, deciding that God, nor marriage was for him) and went back to leading worship for the singles ministry.

I was ordained in ministry, AS a worship minister. (the ordination was specific to the church itself, not a denomination or national recognition)

I then, met Don, married him ..and life got crazy for a while ..and I was not in music ministry ... I had Samuel ..and got very very sick. No one knew what was wrong ... I had trouble breathing, swallowing, double vision and by the time I got diagnosed, I couldn’t dress myself or chew food.
I finally got diagnosed, and treated, but ...the disease, Myasthenia Gravis ...took away my ability to sing. So ... I stepped out of ministry all together. I had nothing to offer God. I had been trained in music ministry. My heart, from early childhood, had been in music ministry before I even knew what music ministry was ... and now, I had no voice with which to praise Him.

10 years ago, God lead me to Southpark Community Church (yes, that IS the name of it, no, it is not a spammed name!) Within the first few weeks there, I heard a song for the first time ... and my heart broke right there, as I placed on HIS alter, what I considered ministry to be.


When the music fades and all is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart

I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the things I've made it
When it's all about You
All about You, Jesus

King of endless worth, no one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor, all I have is Yours
Every single breath

I realized, that God wasn't asking me for a perfect voice, that He had simply called me to worship him, in whatever manner He called me to worship him. For a while, I just did a few volunteer things around the church, helping out here and there. Was in a prayer ministry and the benevolence ministry.

Then, after I'd been there for a year, the worship pastor/pastor's wife, Carla, asked me to join the choir. I thought that odd, since she'd never heard me sing. I said something to the pastor, and he said "no, but she's seen your heart worship".

So, I took my weak voice, and joined the choir. It was, the hardest year of ministry I'd had. My head struggled with the music my voice couldn't sing, that I could read, but could not make the sounds. I don't think anyone quite realized how hard it was ... then …the decision came down … they were disbanding the choir. One problem solved ...new problem caused. My heart ...was still with worship ministry!

My mother was the newsletter writer ... and she was using my computer, and was putting in an ad for a secretary for the worship leader. She asked me if I wanted to do it? I had been the secretary for Proclamation …so ...sure, why not!! It would keep me in worship ministry!! (as well, as get me off the singing!)

So, mom called Carla … and ... I began my behind the scenes job of pulling the music for our singers and musicians ... that was 8 years ago.

I have loved my job. I have treasured my job ... I have honored my job. It has been a position that I respect. It is something that I take seriously as I pray over the congregation, the musicians and singers each week. It has been the highlight of my week ...

Carla left in December. Part of me was worried that they were not going to ask me to stay. I was told that was absurd, I was necessary! Whew!

Then Don got sick and I took a leave of absence ... and ... God started to deal with me.

When the music fades ...all is stripped away ...

God is asking more than a song ... for a song in itself is not what he has required ...

It's not mine any more ...

He's calling me out ...

But it's music ministry! That's my heart! That's MY place!

Longing just to be something that's of worth ... that will bless your heart.

I have to do it ...no one else knows the job ...
I'll bring you more than a song ...for a song in itself ...is not what you have required ...

As I took my leave, they had to find a way to do my job without me. They learned how to do what I've done for 8 years ...

You search much deeper within ...to the way things appear, you're looking into my heart ...

There are kids in the church who need me, the worship team doesn't. It's not my place anymore.

You're looking into my heart ...

BUT GOD!!! IT'S WORSHIP! MY HEART IS IN WORSHIP MINISTRY! THESE ARE MY FRIENDS! THIS IS MY SMALL GROUP! THIS IS MY SUPPORT SYSTEM! GOD >>> THIS IS MY HEART!

You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

Oh God, please, tell me you're not calling me out of the music ministry!

So, two weeks ago, I'm driving down the road, and I'm praying ... God, are you serious? And my cell phone rings ... it's the Children's Pastor: "Peggikaye? I just wanted to invite you to the parents meeting tomorrow night. I know you haven't been real involved this year, but, I think there are things coming up you'll be interested in"

You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

And so, I tell her what's been on my heart ... she agrees to pray with me.

It's a hard decision. I love these people. I've served with them; I've served them ...for 8 years. I love this ministry ...

Tonight ... I didn't get to the list before I got there ...they had the music pulled before I could get to it (see, told you they'd learned to do things without me!)

One of the songs

I'm coming back to the heart of worship ... and it's all about you ... all about you Jesus ...

and I realize ... I don't belong here anymore. This isn't my place.

I love these people ...but it isn't my place.

I told my friend Ronda after church. My prayer partner, my accountability partner, my partner in crime ... my mentor ...my big sister ...and she smiled and said "so, has God called you to another ministry?"

And I said "What? No check in your spirit?"
"no, not going to argue with God"

Saturday, I gave my resignation to our worship leader. She did not seem surprised. Fully supportive; she assured me that the worship team would be fine and they were still my family.

Today, I met with the children’s pastor. My official role begins on Wednesday. I will begin by assisting with a musical for Christmas. Then, in January, I will begin my role as Special Events Coordinator. If you’ve read my blog for a couple of years, you’ll know how much I’ve enjoyed planning Kids Night Out, Mother/Daughter Sleep overs, Father’s Day breakfasts.

As we talked, I told her some ideas “off the top of my head” and I she and I realized … it wasn’t off the top of my head … it was in my heart. I’d actually been thinking, and planning. I have some solid ideas and plans already for next year (CLEAR INTO SEPTEMBER!!!) I have a clear vision of what I want to do and why I am there. I feel the passion I’ve had for worship ministry building in my heart for children’s ministry.

Tonight … this feels like a good thing.