Mother's Dreams

Pearls and Dreams


Before I get to the topic of this post ... a few updates : my computer is still possessed by Max Headroom and his Gremlins. (Please excuse any typo's)
Second ... my Dad's visit from California has come and gone ... he flew home this morning at 6:00. If anyone on my ED treatment team actually reads this blog ... yes, I continued to eat ...no, I did not keep our agreement and follow my food plan and eat the 6 small meals a day regardless of what was going on and what they were doing ... I ate when they did. I don't know that I will ever get to the point where I can eat in front of my dad if he is not eating. Sorry.
Third ... Donut, my hussy of a cat who keeps escaping the house 3 weeks before her 'fixing' date ... is going into labor... I just about took my ambien when I realized it. Glad I didn't. I'll need to be up with her tonight. She went into labor about the same time of night on December 17 and had her first kitten a few minutes after midnight (I remember the date easy because it was Bj's 13th birthday) ...why could she not have them during the day?

Fourth ... my boys both went off today to church camp. First year they've gone in the same week. We had to scrounge to find them suitcases ... usually Benjamin goes, comes home on Friday, and Samuel leaves the next Monday using the same bag! Whoops. I didn't remember till yesterday afternoon that they'd need 2 separate bags! I also barely remembered in time to check medications, all of Benjamin's would have ran out WEdnesday. I called in the refills yesterday, thannk goodness he didn't need docs authorizations on anything!

Ok ... now for the mother's dream post ... if anyone is still here ...

Benjamin has had more struggles than I could even begin to name. When he was little, he couldn't stand to be touched. As an infant, he would not eat if he was being held close. As a toddler, he would get very upset if you tried to hold him. I'd go into his room after he was asleep and hold him, and rock him, singing to him in his sleep, because he would not be sung to when he was awake.

When we put him in the pool, he'd sit in his swim ring, and spin, and spin, and spin, and you better not get near him. Getting him out of the water was an absolute nightmare, because touching him in the water would send him over the edge. He loved the pool, but getting in and out was just traumatic...for mother and son.

When he'd get a runny nose, which was often because of the allergies and IgG deficiency ... and anyone went to wipe it, he'd do one of 2 things. He'd cry and get hysterical ... or he'd freeze, and just stand still with no expression, it was like there was no one left inside for several minutes. I don't know which reaction was worse. Both scared me and broke my heart.

Then ...we got him into therapy for the sensory integration issues ... and he could start to tolerate being touched ...and the spinning stopped ... and the self stimulation stopped ... and then he could stand being held (well, hugged anyway, snuggling ... nah, not gonna happen) and he could play in the pool

This was important to me ... we're Christians ...aand Baptism is important ... it's not a salvation issue ...but for us, it's a declaration of faith, ... it's saying that 'we've made a decision of who've put our trust and faith in. A child who can''t be touched, who can't tolerate being touched in the water ... can't be baptised, no matter where their faith is. So ... Iwas thrilled ... I knew my son was going to be able to make the decsion to be baptised, once he was able to understand why we practice the ritual.

Then the neurologist put him on a new medication for his Tourette's Syndrome. This was a miracle drug for him. Not only did it control his tics very well, but it helped something else wen't not expected ... he had horrible impluse control ..and the neurologist and child psychologists had said he'd not be able to develop it because he was born with a brain malformation in the frontal lobe of his brain. At 10 years of age, he was still darting into the street, grabbing hot curling irons to move them, reacing into boiling water... the worst, I couldn't cook his favorite food when he was home ...chicken, because as soon as he smelled it ..he'd reach into the 350º oven and try to get it.

The neuro kept trying to put him on halodol for the TS and I didn't want him on an anti psychotic, when the tics got so bad, he said Risperdal. I was exteremely busy ..and went to my email support list and asked what they knew about it. I got glowing reports and decided to start it and research later, I trusted these people. 4 days later, tics had calmed down dramatically. Bj asked to go to a friends house. I said ok, and followed him out onto the porch and he got to the end of the driveway and stopped. He was just looking back and forth and back and forth and back and forth ... I asked him "what ARE you doing?" He responded with a rather sarcastic remark ..as if it was something he'd been doing every day, 10 times a day for 50 years of his 10 years of life ... "Mom! I'm looking for CARS!!"

A few weeks later ... I did some research and learned that risperdal was an antipsychotic drug ...safer than halodol, but same class. WOW, had I known that, my son would still be reaching for potatoes in boiling water!

A negative side effect with the impulse control came fear. Over board fear ... Give me the choice between a bit too much fear (add a touch of OCD with over reactive fear response ... ) and I'll take calming the fears over chasing a 10 year old body with the impulse control of an infant.

So ..what does this have to do with sensory and pools and baptism ...just about the time that Benjamin had overcome his sensory issues and was understanding Baptism ...he became fearful and couldn't stand to be infront of people. Every baptism service for 3 years ...he'd cry ..because he'd want to be baptised, but was too afraid to do it in front of people ...which, in our faith ..is the purpose of the baptism. It's a public declarlation of following Christ. Hard to do a public declaration in private.

3 months ago ... during a baptism service, Benjamin looked at me and said ...when Grandpa comes ... I'm going to be baptised ...

So, Sunday morning, July 10, 2005
Benjamin stood in front of about 250 people .. .having overcome extreme sensory issues and extereme fears and decleared his faith in his Lord.

Once again ... another dream has come true for his mother.