Dr. Suess

"And will you succeed? Yes indeed! Yes indeed! Ninety Eight and Three Quarters guarenteed!"

Tuesday, April 29, 2008


WOMAN Challenge - Women and girls Out Moving Across the Nation

Come and join me in this challenge!

Let's get fit together. My groups is a cross country track .. "Blog Buddy Body Busters"

Go join my group and starting May 11th, log in the amount of getting fit that you do and we'll track our results together and see ourselves 'walk' across the country together as blog buddies!

If your goal is to get fit, loose weight, become more mobile because of chronic illness (arthritis is a bugger, but movement makes it less so! trust me on this one!) Get up and move, start with where you are, at your fitness level ...and lets get fit together!!

Monday, April 28, 2008


"Natalie Grant - Held"

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling

Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow

(Chorus) ...
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held

If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held

Kylie Jade Kesterson
You'll never be forgotten KylieBug

Never Forget

It's been a year since my friends daughter went to be with Jesus ...
Her mother wrote a beautiful tribute to her at this memorial site.

I don't know how she has managed. But, she has, and beautifully so. Kylie would be so proud of her mother.


Monday, April 21, 2008

Time Marches On

I was looking through some old paperwork to find some information in regards for going back to school. I came across a "Personal Profile" that I'd written for my youngest son when he was in the third grade. (By the way, for any parent who has a special needs child, I highly recommend doing this, if you need more information, email me at Pearlsofaneagle@aol.com)

The year, 2001-2002 school year. It contained personal information ...who he lived with, pets and interests (Pokemon, animal planet etc) and what his personal strengths were. (Good moral values, respect for authority, being cute and funny).

It also included his weaknesses (poor social skills, inability to follow other's body language to get social cues such as personal body space, in ability to sit still, impulsivity etc, high frustration level.)

There was a section in the profile where I listed his Symptoms and Difficulties:
Easily distracted and frustrated
sitting still
blurting out what he is thinking
difficulty learning new concepts
short term memory problems
inability to express things that he knows.
needs constant re direction
OCD germ phobia
OCD handwashing
inability to adjust to transitions without assistance

I also listed a list of his tics from caused by the Tourette's Syndrome:
eye blinking; eye squinching; lip licking; lip twitches; kicking (hopefully no one is in his way when this happens) leg stretching; touching things;snapping; shoulder shrugging;neck rolling; and hand flapping are the most frequent.
Vocal (also known as phonic tics)
throat clearing; humming; coughing; cheek sucking;gulping; short burst sentences (usually making no sense whatsoever) such as "I am not a whale" or "my yeast is rising" They are usually short, and have an odd vocal sound to them. One from several years past was "Purple cows eat these on the moon"

I also had listed his medical and developmental Issues:
Bifrontal Lobe Atrophy
Arnold Chiari Malformation type 1 (both are mild brain malformations)
Hypogammagobulinemia (IgG immune deficiency)
they all interfere with his school attendence.
During the 2000 -2001 school year, Benjamin missed over 40 days of school, 10 of those in the hospital.

While bifrontal lobe atrophy is not a common issue, there are things that it is known to effect. The most common things it is likely to effect in the classroom setting are as follows:
abstract thought
problem solving
creative thought
coordinitated movement
generalized and mass movements
some eye movements
muscle movements
skilled movements
sense of smell
supplementary motor skills
physical reactions

I also included his food allergy to ALL dairy. the fact that it was a true allergy not a lactose intolerance.

The rest of the document consisted of ways the teacher could help him in the classroom, modifications that could help him to better adapt to both learning and social environments.

So here we are 6 years later, in the 9th grade and it hardly seem like I'm writing about the same child! Whose child was that? While there are area's that I can see that this is my child, there are many areas that I had forgotten just how difficult it could get with him.
(this, is a very good thing. My memory is how delightful he was)

His social skills are now his strength! He's going to be on a leardership team for the church youth group. He'll be in a leadership program at the school, and be the first child in special education to be included in this program.

His germ phobia is definitely manageable. It's there, hovering beneath the surface, but he keeps it in check with his own version of behavior modification. The handwashing he managed to deal with as well. He does have a few OCD issues that make life difficult, but when you let him know that they are interfering with others functioning, he catches it, and figures out a way to adapt.

In 3rd grade, adaptation was an impossibility ...in 9th grade, adaptation is his strength.

He can sit still for hours. Is one of the quietest in his classroom settings. The neurologist gave him thetest and he tested no where near ADHD. T.O.V.A. The culprit of his inattention and impulsivity is either the bifrontal lobe atrophy or OCD/TS and Sensory Integration Dysfunction or ...all of the above.

The progress he has made is nothing short of remarkable. We were blessed with a fantastic pediatric neurologist who Benjamin started seeing at the tender age of 2 months old when he had his first seizure. That summer brought terms into our lives such as "Craniosystosis" "Arnold Chiari Malformation Type 1" "Developmental Delay" and other words a mother never wants to hear uttered regarding her child.

Diagnosist proceedures such as MRI's, CT scans, nuclear medicine of all types, for both digestive and brain studies began in what seemed like weekly progression. Hospital stays were frequent and overwhelming.

Nine months old, my son was sent to a Physical therapist because he could not roll over, an OT because he had no fine motor skills to speak of, and a speech therapist because he could not eat solid food.

What mother actually thinks they'll have to teach their child how to eat?

The amazing thing in all of this ... the smile never left this child's face. The laughter never left his vocal chords. The determination never left him. He shuffled through diagnosis' consisting of mental retardation, autism and protein intolerance.

It is incredible to realize what this child of mine has gone through. This, this young man ..this gentle soul ..who stood by his girlfriends side to help her through the death of her father this past 2 weeks.

The baby in my arms ... with the crooked skull .. who'd have thought? I guess I did, even before I wrote the personal profile. The profile was written in 2001, this poem .. in January 2000

A Mother's Heart
Every mother had Dreams,
Of a Child perfect and whole.
Every mother has Hopes,
For perfection, body and soul.

They told me you’re not perfect,
Sweet loving child of mine.
They told me that your learning,
Is taking too much time.

They tell me that your tests came back,
Showing problems and low scores.
They tell me that you have to struggle,
This hurts me to the core.

Every mother has dreams,
They tell me you don’t fit.
Every mother has hopes,
They say perfection you won’t hit.

But they don’t see what I see,
The smile that lights your face.
But they don’t hear what I hear,
Your laughter reveals God’s grace.

They don’t see what I see,
My child loving and whole.
I have hopes and dreams,
Because my child you are a gift from God
And you have a PERFECT SOUL.

© Peggikaye Eagler

Friday, April 18, 2008

The Tail of the Cat

Last May, we had a bit of a flea issue. We had an exterminator come and take care of said flea issue. (only, it didn't take care of said flea issue. Some Raid and a flea bomb, flea collars did)

It was May 22 that the exterminator came out. We came home, opened the windows ...and later that night, I felt like I was walking through jello. Extermination services are a well known trigger for Myasthenic reactions. We know this, we thought we had stayed away from the house for long enough to keep me safe. We hadn't quite planned well enough. I sat up that night afraid to go to sleep. I took extra Mestinon and concentrated on trying to breathe and see through the double vision. Finally, around 4 in the morning, the effects of the poison seemed to be leaving my system, or the extra mestinon was compensating. Either way, I felt safe enough to go to bed.

I got up in the morning, my husband was already up. He was coughing some, but joking around with the boys. At 8 am I drove the youngest to school and came home. He seemed a bit worse. We waited for the doctor's office to open for him to call. By the time they opened, he was significantly worse. They said they couldnt' see him, but another clinic associated with them could see him at 10:45.

Within 15 minutes, he couldn't stand up. I called 911. They rushed him to the hospital ... he was in respiratory failure due to post polio syndrome. Our lives, got turned upside down, backwards and forewards, inside out and everywhere you can imagine. They did not think it was the pest control measures. They still don't. They think that was pure coincidence. (My issues, they think were. His, not so much)

However, the timing, haunts me to this day. The idea of a flea torments me.

So, flashforeward to the other day ... I'm laying on my bed, following orders to actually rest and I'm petting my dear kitty Twitch. As I'm petting I feel a pittering on my arm (what other word would you use to describe that?). I brush it off and again, I feel it in another spot. That catches my attention. I look ...
GASP! IT's a little black enemy!!!

Not only is there one flea ..but TWO!!!

Oh no ..no no no no no no no no ...we are NOT going there again!

So, I take this little (big) kitty to the tub ..and get out the flea shampoo ..and you've never heard such caterwallering. He hollared and he yelled and he moaned and groaned.
You'd have thought I'd taken away his favorite ... I don't know ... what do cats love?

But, he's not fighting me. He's standing in the tub, perfectly still. Not moving an inch, just crying to beat the band.

The family is standing outside the door yelling at me

"What are you doing?"
"I'm giving him a flea bath! LEave me alone! He's fine, he's just being a baby!!"

So then, I do the terrible thing!

This cat has a tail ...not just any tail ... but a TAIL.

Now this tail is almost as big as he is. This cat, is very proud of his tail and he walks around with this tail in the air.

This tail is so big that we decided it was it's own entity and deserved it's own name. (one friend said it's so big it deserves it's own zip code).

So, the cats name is Twitch, but the tails name is Boone.

So, I go to put shampoo on Boone. OH MY GOODNESS ..then the caterwallering was just ... horrible. The family outside the door started to caterwall with him.

I take him out of the tub to rub the shampoo in and he stops crying. So the family goes away.

Well, you can't leave the cat with shampoo on him, so I place him back in the tub.

I rinse him off and as before, he's screaming bloody murder but not moving a muscle. My husband comes back ...only this time decides he's going to rescue him.

Just as I go to rinse off the beloved Boone ... Don reaches for the door.

That's too much for Twitch.
He looses his composure of holding still and just screaming and turns and bites me on the arm ... bolts for the door ...

and my husband stands there and says



So, the bite marks go a bit deep and bleed pretty bad. I wash with antibiotic soap and post on twitter.

I get advice to go to doc ...NOW.

I call doctor.

My exact message was "I got bit by my cat and there are 3 puncture wounds, one of them won't stop bleeding."

The doctor calls me in keflex and says she'll see me the next morning.

I wake up in the morning with an infected arm.

RLBates at Suture for a Living does a great job of explaining cat bites.

They try to move my appt back and I tell them they can't, it's infected and getting worse.

I get there and they have reason for visit as
"patient bit by her car, area red and swollen"

well good.

The reason the doctor didn't respond the day of the bite ...the message she got from the nurse ...
"Patient thinks she "might" have gotten scratched by her cat"
complete with quotation marks around the word might.

Can we say snarky?

Yes, this is a nurse we've had issues with in the past (think I've even blogged about her on here).

Don and I have agreed that a talk with the office manager is in order when we go in on Monday. There are times when we feel this nurse is purposefully sabotaging my healthcare ...and this one ... could have gotten dangerous.

Not calling in a medication to a pharmacy is annoying.
Not giving my correct insurance information in a referral is irritating.
Not DOING a referral to a specialist or PT as ordered is downright frustrating.
Not passing a message to a doctor so the doctor doesn't know I'm in the hospital is aggrivating. (her reasoning .. "I didn't think you should have been there to begin with, why should I bother the doctor with such things. My job is to protect the doctor)

Thumper (not her real name) you gotta get real.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Site Meter

My site meter hit 30,000

Ok, I realize some site meters hit that in a day. But not my blog. This is a big deal for my blog.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Blue Willow Collection

Blue Willow


My collection of Blue Willow is growing. Bargains at Antique stores & Salvation Army, gifts from friends ... the plates on the chair are 6 inch dessert plates/saucers. (the rocker is a little toddler rocker that belonged to me when I was little. It was given to me when I was 13 months old).
I found the plate easel at Hobby Lobby. It's a 2 plate easel, I think. I can't figure out if it's supposed to have 2 or 3. The bottom plate doesn't fit quite right.

The whiter does not have a traditional pattern or boarder. The border is called a Bridal Gold 2. It has a reversed pattern simplified.

It is a nice contrast to the other blue willow patterns in my collection.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Voice Of Truth - Casting Crowns

Voice of Truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out his hand.

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again "Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says, "This is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will chose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand.

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again, "Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

I will chose to listen to the voice of truth

Reminding Myself

As a teenager I tended to stop when things got a bit too tough. (thus the algebra fiasco).

I entered adulthood with the idea that I was a "quitter" (an idea re inforced to me by my parents)

This thought process keeps going through my mind as I prepare to go back to school. "I can't do this, I'm a quitter"
I'm having to fight these thoughts about every other minute.

It occured to me today that maybe I should make a list of things I've accomplished that I can refer back to. I've not written this out yet, so I'm going do it right here:

1) I have been married for over 20 years.
2) I have raised/almost raised two terrific boys.
3) I worked very hard to complete 418 of 450 sweat equity hours to build a house through Habitat For Humanity for my family. When political DRAMA got in the way, I carefully, and quietly, calmly stayed the battle to ensure what my family needed was kept in place. When the building finally took place (11 months after finishing my sweat equity) I put in an additional 80 hours alongside my family to help build my house!
4) I wrote and had a book published.
5) I entered Nanowrimo and wrote non fiction for the first time in 30 years and completed a 50,000 word novela in November of 2008.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Really Doing It

Well, I've got my finanicial aide papers filed, and decided to not wait for fall and am going to try to get that blasted algebra out of the way. My stubborn streak got in the way and I never took it in high school. The conversation was absolutely absurd and I cannot believe I ever got away with it. As a parent, I'd never let my children slide by with such a thing (as they have found out) but, I did ...

I had wanted to be a doctor since I was less than 4. I earned my first aide badge as a brownie and was the first girl scout to earn my first aide badge.
In my 7th grade science class, I was teacher's pet ... she lit a fire under my facination of all things biological.

My freshman year, I was enrolled in Algebra 1,

I promptly unenrolled myself and put myself in "Business math" (as my step mother kindly referred to it "bonehead math"

My sophomore year, my mother again enrolled me in algebra, I again took myself out of it.
My principal promptly called me into his office and kindly said "Peggikaye, you HAVE to take algebra!"
"Do I have to show my work?"
"well, yes, you know that!"
"well, then I'm not taking it!"
"If you don't take algebra you can't become a doctor!"
"well, then I won't become a doctor" I stared him down as he stared at me with absolute disbelief, he thought he had this stubborn blue eyed girl in a trap.
"Peggikaye, if you don't take algebra, you can't go to college." He said quietly.
"Fine, take me off the college prep list"
I got up and I walked out of his office and did not look back until I was 23.

I waited tables, worked in grocery stores, worked in day care centers ... at 23 I realized I did not want to be a 40 year old waitress ...and enrolled in college.

At 24 ...I got sick with Myasthenia Gravis.

At 25 with not such a good GPA (2.1 ...I had no idea it was that bad!!! I was a 3.9 in high school!!!!)

So, now I go back. Different major, I was an education major (what WAS I thinking, I'd have made a bad teacher!!!)

The frustrating thing is starting behind the 8 ball. My physical science class and my developmental psych class, I dropped late in the semester, both, with A's. Both professors told me they would give me the A's even though it was too late to drop.
I was so sick, I just took it for granted they would follow through. Neither did.
I have incompletes ... for both classes.
So, I get to take them again.
My humanities 2, I had a D in, so I'm going to take that again.
I'm going to try to take Beginning Algebra this summer .. then Intermediate Algebra next fall .. then college algebra in the spring (then hopefully never take math again ...oh wait, I'll have to take statistics won't I?)

I will get over this. I will enjoy taking physical science, again, I will enjoy developmental psych, and I'm sure after parenting, I will have a totally different perspective. I might even be able to tolerate humanities 2 this time.

Monday, April 07, 2008


I've made a decision ... I'm going to go to college. I went when I was in my mid 20's before I got sick. I only had about 24 credits, maybe 30, not sure. I guess I'll find out when I get my transcripts.

I'm not sure any of the classes will still be any good, I may be starting from scratch, that was 17/18 years ago. It will take me 10 to 12 years to get through school ... I'm going to go into child psychology. My goal is to either work with family of children with Tourette's Syndrome/OCD, autism spectrum, ADHD, and the like ...or maybe families of chronically ill children.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Net be gone.

Come out here, out on the wire.
My trainer gently cajoles me.

It's ok, they prod, they encourage.
There is a net, I hear their plea!

So I start to step, I'm scared.
I've been there before, many a time.

It's never worked out before,
Nets have been yanked,

they assure, they all chime.

Come on out, you're safe, we'll be here.
We'll not leave you,

you're not alone.
Take a step, I know it's scary!
One more.
You're almost there ,

look the net is strong.

A few more steps, I start to shake.
I'm even more worried,

but the they tell me
Don't worry, it's ok.

I promise.
Then they call. Come in, talk.

A problem.
We have to take the net up.

It doesn't really belong to us.

We know you're half way down the tight rope.

You'll be ok.

Nice to know you.

See you later.

Don't worry about falling.

There isn't anything down there ...

Not really.


Eating Disorder
Endless weighing
Obsessive Worry

Don't worry .....

You're half way on the tight rope ... you're half way there,

Without a net.

Oh well.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

No Longer

It's a very long story. Not a pleasant one either. Not one of my choice.

I'm no longer in therapy.

I don't have it in me to go to yet another therapist, to put my trust into someone else who is not going to be there.

In my real life, people come and go, I know that. I've grown to expect that, through a lot of hard knocks. But when a therapist says "I'll be there for you. I promise"

then, you turn around ...and they're gone ...

and it happens over and over and over again ...

It's just .. too much.

Dr. M (2 times)
And Now for the second time L
I just can't do it anymore.

I can't put my trust into someone else, lay my heart out, and my deepest secrets that I've never trusted with anyone else ... only to have 6 months to a year later, have to find someone else to trust again.

I'm done.

I'm going back to my previous life. I didn't know I was unhappy before I started therapy, I'll go back to not knowing I was unhappy.

I'll be fine. My faith will carry me through, it really will.