There is just a few weeks left in this first semester.
This semester that has started this new journey of the second half of my life. My mid life crisis so to speak.
I'm anxious for it to end and the second semester to start, to begin the next leg of learning ... to get on with things. To move forward.
This all feels so right ...
I think a part of me thought I'd start my process and then get overwhelmed, and quit part way through the first semester. It'd not be so far out of my history of behavior ... my past ... my character...it wouldn't be unusual for me.
But as the semester has gone on, I've become more determined, I've felt more at home as a student, I've become more settled ...and felt less incomplete.
It would feel more out of character for me to drop out than for me to finish.
The Peggi who didn't finish things ...simply isn't the Peggikaye who finishes what she starts.
We had to do a take home test for psychology, and it included some self evaluations ... James Marcia's identity.
The gathering before class came up and one of the guys sat down and said "hello Mrs Achieved"
I was startled
ME? Achieved ...
Moratorium ...most of my life
Achieved???????? ME? Peggikaye
Then one of the other women asked me for help on one of the questions ... what? She's one of the great students ...and as I looked up, the students were around my feet ...looking to me. I was so confused!!!
When did this happen?!?
When DID *I* become the achieved ?
The instructor came down the hallway and grinned at me. She opened the door and let the students in and as I walked in, she said to me "you've picked a good major you know."
I have always felt so ... far out of sorts ...and always so far out of the picture ..and so far out of things ... I think I even started to blog to try to get my head around my own little picture of my own little world ... it helped ..that's for sure.
But to realize ...that I'm finding my way in the world ...and others are seeing that and respecting that ... RESPECTING THAT ... is to me ... a new feeling. A strange feeling. A good feeling.
Achieved ... Achieved ... wow
I'm getting there. I'm where I belong in life ...and secure ...in spite of some pain and cruddiness that is going on in the peripheral with family situation
Who I am ... is achieved.