I am in absolute shock right now.

I opened the door for a UPS delivery man ..and found an anonymous gift ...for me, for my birthday.

It is a miniature blue willow tea set, very very much like the one I broke as a child!


I'm absolutely stunned and grateful beyond belief.

I cried for 20 minutes when I opened it.


I was in so much shock, I couldn't hardly move.

Whomever sent it, Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!

Power

In the first month of my blogging ... I blogged about discovering that my life could be compared to a train ... and this week ... I came across a train on it's tracks and it made me think of life in terms of a train once again. I'd forgotten about my own life comparrison to a train. Until I decided to blog about it.

The minute I started to do so, my brain went ..wait? What did I say before ... So, I found it ...

Tuesday, November 30, 2004
I have learned I am a ChooChoo train ......

I think I have figured out how I cope with things. I've been calling it compartmentalizing, but it's more than that. I have people who will come up to me a week or so after I've been sick, or after the boys have been sick and ask if everything is ok and I just give them this blank look, I've gone on, I have no clue what they''re talking about. Those things happen so much, once it's over, it's over ... I just say that I've compartmentalized it and gone on, and that's the best explination I've had ... but today, I came up with a better one ...

I'm a train and I have all these train cars that I have that I'm tugging behind me. Some, like lupus, MG, kids with TS are permanent, other's like flu and Bj's meningitis are temporary.
When I get sick with the flu, the flu car gets coupled to my train, making my train just a little harder to pull, I need more steamto get to where I'm going. But when the flu is over, I stop,and uncouple that car and leave it behind, going on with my journey.
The eating disorder car, that's probably a permanent car, but it's cargo has been unloaded, it will always be attatched, but the heavy burdened load it was weighted with has been removed, so now, it's just an empty car that I have to be careful doesn't get loaded up again.

I have to be careful that I don't keep going on my journey with train cars that don't need to be still attatched. If one is done, it's important to remember to stop and uncouple it, dragging cars that are no longer existing, is going to make my journey harder. (If I'm constantly thinking about how many cars of colds I've had this year, and not uncoupling them, I need to know how many I've had so my doctor's can take good care of me, but not dwell on them so to speak)

I also need to make sure that I have all the appropriate car trains attatched. So that my train is properly balanced. I have my church car, my family car and my friends car.

When the journey gets hard, is it the tracks are going through mountainous regions ? or is that I have more cars attatched and are they permanent and therefore I need to figure out how to add more coal to the engine? Or is it that a temporary flu car has been added that will shortly be uncoupled and out of my way?
*************************************************************************************

So ... I've got that part figured out ...but what I failed to figure out was ...who and what is controling the engine cars? AM I the engine cars? Am I the engineer? Do I simply hire someone? Contract that job out? Or, am I the engine of the train itself.

The engine of the train, is in fact, it's most important factor.


Without an engine ... the train simply sits on the tracks ... doing nothing ... and going no where ... just sitting waiting for the cargo to be loaded or unloaded. Sitting there ... rusting ...useless in their journey. Their wheels cannot be used for what God intended the wheels to be used for, because the engine is not pullinging them.
They sit ... quiet, and unassuming, apparently useless, maybe having had a use at one time, but now pitiful and with soemthing to be written off as potentially useful.


With the engine, the train can work ... in the coldest of weather, to work in the snow and the ice ...and in the lonely times. When others say it may not be the wisest time to go, the Engine gives the train the power and strength to go where it needs to go .. to keep the train on the track ... and to get to the destination, safely. Sometimes a lonely, quiet steady job, but it will get done.

Then there are the times when it feels like we're never going to be seen or noticed again, the train engine, will for sure, get ALL the glory. The maginficent engine ...and all it's hard work ... everything it's done to save us ... and all it's done to put help us ...to save us and to guide us ..to protect us and to lead us ... and we just want to be shown off ...just a little bit?

Would it really be such a shame for the train to want to be separate from the Engines every now and then? Is it really that important/ Do we REALLY have travel wITH the engine every single time? Why ... why can't we, as the train make it on our own ...just once ... we could give the credit to the things the train engine had taught us ...

So I think ... tonight ... we are going to try .... to do things ourselves.


The train itself will move the heart and goals and dreams of the spirit along. Making sure that the callings of God and the work He's called us to get done. The train, without the Glory Seeking Engines ... will now be responsible for getting the body and the body's family to all appropriate functions. Physically and emotionally.
This should be an exciting time in the New Eagler Transportation system!





What? ... What? ... you mean there is a problem? What? You've had all of a couple of minutes and you can't even get going? What do you mean you can't go? It's simple ... the back car has Nanna on it, she needs extra care and be transported to and from work. Get going!

What?
What? push it?
What? we can't? are you serious?
not even a little?

Well, get nanna to sit and take a day off.

Sigh ... prayer car ... what do you mean the prayer car is falling a part. Yes, I agreed to pray for a certain number of people, Beths, house, and Melissa at college, Wanda, and Mom. The funeral today ..what's the problem? What do you mean?

WHY do I need a train engine to pray? oh that just doesn't make sense! I'm going to have to come back to that one!

I'm so frustrated, how hard can this be ... lets try to get the directions straight ... shouold we go this way or that way...the map isn't even clear! There are so many decisions, Why is it when I'm reading this in the navigators car, it all makes soooo much sense????????

I'm going for a walk ......



The full train ... the engine .. it gives the train it's power ... the power comes from the Holy spirit ... it is the guidance needed, the navigation ... the wisdom ...
The engines ... give extra power .... for the prayers to be powerful and spirit led!


The train .. .is all me, but cannot function without the fullness of the holy spirit ( the train engine) He is the one who enfuses my train with the power to be what it was called to be ... and is destined to be.

We saw a train sitting ... 3 miles from it's train engine ...and the engine just drove off ... leaving it's train sitting there and I thought ... no Lord ...please, don't ever leave me .... take me along with you. Infuse my train with your power. I am useless without you and I simply want to be your servent to do your desire.

treasures

I heard once "We know the miracles went out with the last apostle."

I am so glad that I don't believe that. I about fell over when I heard the person say that. Personally, I would have thought that the person saying that had seen too many miracles himself. But, oh well.

In the last 24 hours, I've gotten to see God's handiwork. First, I got an email from my friend who's baby has the ATRT tumor.

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to let you all know that Kylie has done wonderful since we've been home. She is trying to walk again (with assistance), she's climbing on furniture, crawling, talking, exc.! We are still trying to get her into a proton radiation program. She was turned down to go to M.D. Anderson in Houston. So now we are working with Loma Linda hospital in C.A. Hopefully we will have an answer later this week. I hope all is well with all of you! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

God Bless,
Teresa

She hasn't won the battle yet. But, she hasn't lost it yet either. After more surgeries than I can count. Almost loosing an eye, and chemotherapy, stem cell (her own) transplants that almost took her life because of the side effects, this little girl ... is walking again. She's 2 years and 2 months old ... and she's winning an unbeatable cancer!

Tonight, I went to church. Our children's pastor was there. She'd had a really tough battle with infertility. We'd prayed ..and we'd prayed. She'd gone through an awful lot and just when she said "Ok God, your will, not mine" Literally, the next day ...she found out that she was pregnant. Her little girl will be 2 in July. I'd stopped to say hi to her Mamma. As I walked away, her little girl got fussy and called out for me. To have a child who you prayed for .. to have the voice of a baby that you begged God for call your name out and play with you ..smile at you ..is a priceless treasure. 5 years we prayed for that little girl!

Worship team started and in came one of our worship leaders who'd been out. She'd gone through all the infertility with our children's pastor. Only, she started BEFORE the children's pastor ..and it continued long after our children's pastor ended. Many a worship practice time was spent with our hearts and hands on this dear woman who only wanted to be a Mommy to a child ... to teach a child to love God. She really didn't care how that happened. She didn't care ..she just wanted to hold a baby ...and to love a baby. Her arms felt so empty. For as long as I'd known this woman, she'd been trying. During our prayer musical last year, I could see it, in the middle of our singing ...it was tearing her apart. We had a chance to pray for each other DURING the musical. I grabbed her. We prayed together. Shortly after, someone had offered them some donated eggs. It was going to be their LAST shot at pregnancy. They were already going down the adoption route. But, with donated eggs, they'd go ahead and try ...just one more time.

They went to the doctor to get cleared for the donated eggs ...and she couldn't get cleared.




She was pregnant. No implants ...not IVF ... no doctor's ...no medical intervention. Just Love and prayers. And a God that's bigger than we can all imagine.

So a month ago ... her baby boy was born. Cute as a button. Precious and sweet. A good baby, peaceful and calm. I got to hold him tonight. As I held him, I told him just how much he'd been waited for. I told him that I hoped that he always knew just how much we couldn't wait to see him.


I know, before we know it, he's going to be crawling around ..the bouncing off the walls ...and calling my name out ... just like the little girl I prayed for a couple of years ago ... and then ... like mine ... they're going to be getting ready to grow up and be adults ...

What I do know about all 3 of these babies ... healthy or not ...they are deeply loved ..and treasured ...and they will forever be covered in prayers and no one will ever doubt just how much they are valued.