In November 2004 I began my journey into the blog world. I had no earthly idea of what I was getting into, the people I'd 'meet' and the things that were in my head just aching to get out.
As I pondered this 800th post, I thought about doing a review of my favorite posts. A review of the different type of posts. A review of ... and I worked on one and wound up feeling rather tangled in the mess that is my blog. I started to blog with the idea of it being a medical blog. Though, honestly I didn't know what that was at the time. It wasn't very long before I found Grand Rounds and participated.
I also found that I have little tolerance for blogging much about my health issues. Most of the posts have been done because I was emailed a question. That was the other odd thing I found. People not commenting but emailing me. In an attempt to get more commenters, for a while I removed my email ...but all it did was reduce the feedback. Commenters that did comment were still commenting, but those that had communicated through emai, stopped. So I put it back.
One of the most important aspects of my blog, for me, was the ones I posted on my eating disorder. It brought a very secret habit to the open ... honest and sometimes raw ... it left very little room for me to ignore the self destructive nature of the habits I'd worked my way into participating. I wonder, at times, had I not come out with the eating disorder if I'd not have retreated fully into that until it took my life.
I posted about my journey to get a house through Habitat for Humanity. I posted about my health. I posted about my issues with my sons education. I posted about my family issues. I've posted about many different area's of my life. The one I've enjoyed the most ... my choice to go back to school and the journey that has taken me on.
When I started to post, I was a mother of young boys, I was fighting Lupus and Myasthenia Gravis. I was the wife of someone who had a significant battle with polio and post polio syndrome. I did not see into the future ... I was too busy fighting today. Through many processes, including being successful at the difficult process of getting a house through Habitat for Humanity, learning I had more to offer a church than wishing I could do more .. I learned to find a dream ...and I learned I had what it takes to make those dreams come true.
Probably more importantly, I learned that I value my health ... and will do anything to be the healthiest I can be ... including learning to eat right and to not participate in the slow self destruction that I'd done since I was 14. I wish I'd learned before I developed gastroperesis, lost my teeth and developed polyps on my throat ...but I have learned.
I have learned that I can stand on my own. I've learned I can do things that are hard. I've learned I can be what I never dreamed I could be. I've learned that I am a person.
While I've made quite a few strides in the treatment for the eating disorder, my therapist has decided it's time to address some of the peripheral issues. Some, I agree with (my perfectionism) some ... not quite so sure (body image). I honestly don't see the point of working on body image while I'm on prednisone. While I'm the weight/size that I am ...what good will it do to try to appreciate what is not appreciable? I'm willing to work on it..but it does seem a bit of a waste of time/energy. *shrugs* I will possibly post about it as time goes by.
So, here I am ... finishing up the 800th post having said not much of anything, except that my blog has been a journey that I'm glad I have taken. I appreciate those that I've 'met' through this blog and have enjoyed reading many blogs out there of many different styles. Thank you, the few readers I have left, for sticking with me. Thanks for the encouragement that you've offered, particularly when Don was in the hospital 3 years ago and as I've headed back to school.