Dr. Suess

"And will you succeed? Yes indeed! Yes indeed! Ninety Eight and Three Quarters guarenteed!"

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Eyes Open, Heart Broken

I've posted about my sons issues ...over and over again.

I've been aware of what his problems are almost from birth.

But I'm not sure I ever SAW it.

I was sitting in the library today, with someone attempting to tutor me in algebra.

I was on the verge of tears ... I was worn out ...tired ... and overwhelmed.

As we were discussing something, I don't know what ... it hit me .. this feeling that Algebra gives me ...it's the only subject that can reduce me to a pile of tears ... it is only in working with algebra that I feel
half witted

I could go on ..and yes, I do understand, intellectually that those adjectives do not apply to me ... most of them anyway (no one can deny that I'm unprepared for this or that I'm confused ...). I know I'm not stupid, dumb or brainless but that doesn't change how I feel when I'm sitting in a class full of people who are GETTING IT and everything might as well be taking place in French for all I understand. (I might understand more in French than Algebriac!)

It hit me ...my son has an IQ of 80, he has auditory and visual processing disorder, OCD and Tourette's Syndrome ...
Federal laws require students to work at CHRONILOGICAL Grade level rather than FUNCTIONAL grade level. He's working on 11th grade work with a 5th grade reading level. Take a 10 year old, throw them into school with Juniors and watch them succeed ...not!

This is how he feels, every minute of every school day ..and has for his whole school career! (which started at age 3 and he's now 18)

Wow ... while this will probably help me when I get to my degree and work with kids with issues ... I get it ... but what does it do for me as a mom who can't seem to help her son ...

I get it, my eyes are open ...but it breaks my heart that things are this hard!


  1. It sounds like you are tired, my sweet friend. I wish I could help you with it. It's hard when you are exhausted and your mind is humming with various other things going on in your life. It's frustrating to put letters where you feel numbers should be. Hold on. You should be really proud of all you've taken on. Wishing you all the best.

  2. I can't say it any better than CA. Take care, PK.

  3. I get it. We hurt for our children's hurts. Have you asked him how he feels about school? Perhaps your empathy is spot on and then again there is always the possibility that it doesn't bother him as much as you think. It might be good to know.

  4. Raine, he feels it. We do talk about it. Trying to walk the line between empathy and support ... without giving him the idea it's ok to be disrespectful when you're frustrated ...

    He's one very determined child (er, young adult at age 18) and no matter how discouraged he gets, he still has goals, dreams and a determination to get there (and a planned path to get there as well).

    I wish it wasn't so hard for him.