3x + 2y = CRAZY

My 8 week algebra class is over. I got a 61%. Which, is significantly higher than the 45% I got my first time through Beginning Algebra.

My instructor reminded me that most people had this in high school. Very few in college didn't have it at all. So for them, it's a second time around, re introduction to skills they'd had but forgotten or never quite understood the first time. The fact that I never had it, and I'm trying to learn it at my current stage in life makes it harder. Taking an 8 week class probably didn't help ... most students get this in high school ... in 36 weeks. I'm taking it in collge, which is 16 weeks per semester and I took this one on fast track, 8 weeks. So I tried to absorb a full school years worth of info in just 8 weeks.

He suggested that I
memorize the formula's
memorize what a problem looks like that needs that particular formula
and memorize the vocabulary.
(like when the test asked me to rationalize a problem and I went blank because I had no clue what rationalize meant.)

He also said that if I get it down, college algebra wont' be that hard because while it is increasing in difficulty, it has very few new principals ... just new ways to use the ones you know.
(we'll see)

The nice thing about the 8 week is I get so confused, it just makes me more confused. This way it was all introduced to me and I know what I need to know ...and the confusion/frustration was only an 8 week process.

I plan on continuing to keep my schedule for homework. I'll just work on the principals that he told me to in the time that I was working on actual homework/studing for the class.

Eyes Open, Heart Broken

I've posted about my sons issues ...over and over again.

I've been aware of what his problems are almost from birth.

But I'm not sure I ever SAW it.

I was sitting in the library today, with someone attempting to tutor me in algebra.

I was on the verge of tears ... I was worn out ...tired ... and overwhelmed.

As we were discussing something, I don't know what ... it hit me .. this feeling that Algebra gives me ...it's the only subject that can reduce me to a pile of tears ... it is only in working with algebra that I feel
stupid
confused
unprepared
unable
brainless
half witted
simple
slow
dull
dumb

I could go on ..and yes, I do understand, intellectually that those adjectives do not apply to me ... most of them anyway (no one can deny that I'm unprepared for this or that I'm confused ...). I know I'm not stupid, dumb or brainless but that doesn't change how I feel when I'm sitting in a class full of people who are GETTING IT and everything might as well be taking place in French for all I understand. (I might understand more in French than Algebriac!)

It hit me ...my son has an IQ of 80, he has auditory and visual processing disorder, OCD and Tourette's Syndrome ...
Federal laws require students to work at CHRONILOGICAL Grade level rather than FUNCTIONAL grade level. He's working on 11th grade work with a 5th grade reading level. Take a 10 year old, throw them into school with Juniors and watch them succeed ...not!

This is how he feels, every minute of every school day ..and has for his whole school career! (which started at age 3 and he's now 18)

Wow ... while this will probably help me when I get to my degree and work with kids with issues ... I get it ... but what does it do for me as a mom who can't seem to help her son ...

I get it, my eyes are open ...but it breaks my heart that things are this hard!

Pefection's Secret Plans

By Peggikaye Eagler

Perfection comes in bright shiny clothes,
“Effortless” paths to my lofty goals.
Reminding me success with in an arm’s length,
Fear is subtle but it’s the true strength,
Ever whispering promises of delight,
Contradicting failures true plight.
Take my advice, it cajoles me often,
It keeps my heart from learning to soften,
Ominous demands, grow greater with time
Never knowing I’ve been trapped by its slime.
Destruction comes more subtly dressed,
Entering quietly whispering “no rest”
Side by Side with Perfection performs
Truth is hidden about my life’s real norms.
Ruthless as Perfection, but simply more deadly.
Unwilling to let go of its power,
Convincing me I must obey or be a coward.
Tip toeing around the issues at hand,
Insisting I keep things buried in sand.
Over and over it reminds me the goal
Never give up or you’ve lost your soul.
Breaking free, it’s harder than you’d think
Recognizing the twins, it’s you they’ll sink.
Amazingly there is an escape from their plan.
Knowing the truth about their stories to fail,
In no way shape or form will loss lock me in jail.
No laws require me to bind with their contract,
Growth, kindness love releases me to interact.
Finally, my eyes and heart start to bloom,
Relearning skills to heal hidden doom.
Every time Perfection takes hold
Destruction follows, making life cold.
Breaking loose away from their grip,
Free and healthy brings a lively new trip.









© Peggikaye Eagler

worst day of the year.

First, I want to start off by offering my condolances to one of my dearest friends. We went to church together for 5 years and barely, if ever, spoke. We wound up in a class together and got to know each other. We still refer to it as "THAT class" .. it was a good class, but it was an incredibly painful past as we talked about how we got to be who we were.

Wanda and I learned that for every one thing that we did not have in common, we had three that we did.

I don't see her as often as I'd like. Since I left the church, it's required real effort to keep the relationship going ...but the heart of it, is there, will always be there.

She is a mother ... and her youngest, Chris has had many challenges ... agoraphobia ... severe agoraphobia at that. I adored Chris ... he was delightful, funny and rather precious.

A couple of years ago, we had an ice storm. Much of Oklahoma suffered greatly. We, like most of the state, lost electricity. Within a couple of days, our cell phones died ... and we were left without ability to communicate with family and friends.
Her son, her agoraphobic son ... had Wanda bring him to check on us, so that he could see with his own eyes that we were ok. It was a delightful visit ... one I will never forget.

A week ago, Chris passed away ...at 27 years old. A cold, pneumonia and septicemia. Taken too young too soon ...with too much in front of him.

My heart breaks for her ...
Wanda, you're so very precious to me ..and as RS said today ... you're so easy to love.
Please keep her in your prayers and if you would, stop by her blog to let her know she's being covered in prayers.


It's February 5 (2 am) and once again, I'm looking at the calendar anxious for this day to be gone ...31 years ago today, I found my step fathers body after he committed suicide.

I can't say it's gotten better over the years, but the grief has changed.

I loved him so ... so very much. I don't think I'll ever be able to say that all things worked out ... nothing in my life is better off without him. He'd only have enriched every good experience and made the bad ones just a bit more bearable.

Daddy, Chris ... we're anxiously awaiting the day when we get to see your smiles and hear your laughter again. You are loved, will always be loved and treasured. Thank you both, for the memories.

Opening up

I closed my blog, making it a permission only blog for about a year and a half. I wanted a forum to write, semi privately, about some issues. I found myself not writing about those issues, and not writing much at all. I decided to open it back up, maybe I'll keep up better with it as an open blog.