thoughts

So much has gone on, and because of family situation I've just not wanted to post. Never knowing what is going to be used against me in a senseless arguments. Things that never should be used, have been used, so I just waited till I went private.

One of the things that has happened this last few weeks was an IEP meeting for Benjamin. They wanted to reclassify him from Learning Disabled to Other Health Impaired. By going to OHI it allows for different modifications through the schools. Technically, Benjamin should have been OHI from the time he was 3 years old. We tried to get him classified as OHI in the old district, but, they were not about to do anything we asked ...so they were insistant that he did not qualify under OHI.

Benjamin was up for re testing this year. The district asked permission to reclassify.
Um ..uh ... YEAH! Please!
Just a bit shocking to find them offering to re classify rather than fighting for it.

So he got reclassified ..finally. He's 16 .. it's only been 13 years since we first asked for OHI ...no biggie. (rolling eyes). I find it amazing that this new district not only did not have a problem, but had teacher's who said "um, he's classified wrong!" (usually it's school psychologist that decides classification) Not just teacher ...but regular education teachers.
How obvious was this?

What was hard, so very hard was when they retested him, I realized I'd let myself fall under a false belief from the old district. I knew that they did testing that was not reliable. I knew that we'd never trusted their IQ evaluations. I KNEW that all of their testing had NEVER added up to the testing that we'd had done outside of district.

I KNEW that IQ scores are static and do not change over time.

I knew this ...and yet, when the fight settled down, and Benjamin started to see success, I let guard down and started to let their talk in.

EVERY outside testing that we had on Benjamin had him struggling significantly. It had his IQ ranging between 78 and 84. Without fail, his IQ, no matter who did the testing ... is IQ was in that 6 pt range. Now, we fought with the district, going to due process twice, and we applied for help with services through social security and through the state. This means, Benjamin had a fair amount of 'outside of district' testing. 7 or 8 separate IQ testings between the ages of 5 and 8.

Well, the last time the district that we had so much trouble with tested him, they told me that his IQ was 108.

Now, facts are .. IQ's are static. They don't change that much over time. Acheivement is not IQ.

The fact was ... I wanted to believe that life was going to be easier for Benjamin ...and I let myself get sucked into their test scores. There was no reason for me to buy into their scores except my mother's heart ...

They had a reason for not giving accurate testing (they'd done it all along ...their lowest evaluation of his IQ was 100. They'd say that his IQ is fine, he's fine, he's just not trying, no reason for special education services).

So, the battle between other district and I settle down and I let myself get sucked into the higher scores ...and then new district tests my son who is .. STRUGGLING.

What I want to be told is that it's him. That if he applies himself a bit more that we can get him doing better. what I want to be told is that there is no reason whatsoever for his struggles ...what I WANT to believe is what the former district had coddled me into believing ...

The psychologist pulls out the testing and hands me a copy and my face went numb. There was the IQ ... I'd seen it before ...and it matched ... it matched all the previous testing that WE'D had done.
Right there in front of me, 82.
The real reason Benjamin struggles ...things are harder for him than for other children. Things will always BE harder for him than for other children. It's not just a learning disability (although he, by definition hit that too because he had area's that were more than 20 pts below the IQ) it's a real problem ...and one that won't get better over time.

IQ's are static ...

Acheivement is not static.
Benjamin is not static.

Through out the rest of the meeting the poem I wrote became my mantra ... it had to or I'd not have made it ...

But they don't see what I see ...the smile that lights your face ...

"He's got significant delays in comprehension in auditory..."

But they don't hear what I hear ... your laughter reveals God's grace ...

"He needs more help in this area than we thought."

They tell me that your tests came back showing problems and low scores ...

"I think we need to increase the modifications, I know that by this age we're normally decreasing modifications, but his problems are big enough that we need to be increase them"

They tell me that you'll have to struggle, this hurts me to the core.

"no matter what we do, it won't be easy for him"

I wanted to cry but could not. My son was sitting next to me. They told him that he was struggling for a reason (he needed to hear this!) but that with his determination that it would not stop him.

That is true ..the sky is the limit for this child ... no matter what the IQ says.

A Mother's Heart
Every mother had Dreams,
Of a Child perfect and whole.
Every mother has Hopes,
For perfection, body and soul.

They told me you’re not perfect,
Sweet loving child of mine.
They told me that your learning,
Is taking too much time.

They tell me that your tests came back,
Showing problems and low scores.
They tell me that you have to struggle,
This hurts me to the core.

Every mother has dreams,
They tell me you don’t fit.
Every mother has hopes,
They say perfection you won’t hit.

But they don’t see what I see,
The smile that lights your face.
But they don’t hear what I hear,
Your laughter reveals God’s grace.

They don’t see what I see,
My child loving and whole.
I have hopes and dreams,
Because my child you are a gift from God
And you have a PERFECT SOUL.
© Peggikaye Eagler