Father's Day

Today was Father's Day.

It's the first Father's Day I spent with my real father since I was 13. He's been in town for the last week. I only spent about 30 minutes with him, he came up to the hospital to see Don and the boys and I. My sister's family had been passing around a respiratory infection ..and my Dad caught it, so he was wearing a mask. I'd suggested (strongly) that coming up was not a good idea, but he came anyway, insisting that he wanted to see Don one more time. He told Don on the phone that it was just a sore throat. Then when they got ready to leave the room (they leave town tomorrow) K (his new wife) said that the night before he'd been coughing so bad he'd not even been able to lie down to sleep and had to sleep sitting up. I, was not amused. The mask had better have been enough to keep from passing the germs on. It's obviously highly contagious because it made the rounds through my sisters kids, then onto my Dad ... it's the last thing Don needs and I take strong drugs to suppress my immune system (Cellcept and prednisone).

A friend came by to see Don, and brought her 2 children. They'd used their Bible bucks at church to buy Don father's day gifts. They don't have a father in their lives. They adore Don, and they look to him for leadership and as a male role model. They love him dearly. It touched Don more than anyone could have imagined. Including my own kids. They were so proud of their little friends, and so happy to share their Dad with the kids ... it was really special.

Don has a particular gift he wants ... and it's specific, and he and the boys are supposed to get it together. So, we were waiting till he got out of the hospital so they can go get it together ...rather than me messing it up and getting the wrong one. (tecno gadget MP3 player). The boys were just tickled Daddy got to open something on Father's Day. Don was worried they'd feel bad ...and they were so relieved he had something to open.

Don, is getting very depressed over his lack of progress in gaining strength and mobility. With no permanent answers, and the possibility of this new lifestyle change ...dependency ..adjustment ... it's hard. My heart is breaking for him. I'm so glad that I've made the choice to stay with him this week. I know he said he wanted me to go to camp, but emotionally, he really could not have taken me being gone this week.

I'm really getting weary ...and today has been particularly hard. I was walking down the hallway of the hospital and just got suddenly angry at my step father for not being here ... for leaving me when I was 14 ... I need his support and unconditional love right now. I need those strong loving arms right now that will tell me that all will be ok ...that regardless .. he's there ...only ... he's not ..and he never will be again.

Tomorrow, my mom goes in for an evaluation with the PCP, again, for her frequent falling (did I post that the day after Don was admitted to the hospital that she broke her finger? ... the forefinger on the hand with the cast ...that made 5 bones in 9 weeks that she'd broken) and she's also going to include her jerky movements, her inability to complete thoughts and her forgetfulness.

I'm supposed to be there, but I have to take my kids to the church to take them to camp. I can't be in 2 places at one time ... I had to make a choice. As much as I've been fighting to get my mom some help, I really need to take my kids and to be able to hug 'my girl's' and explain to them why I'm not going to camp.

The PCP appointment is to get a referral to a neurologist ...so hopefully I will be able to accompany her on that appointment. In the meantime, maybe me not being there to interpret what's going on just might do more good in getting a diagnosis than if I am there??? Maybe if they can't follow her, they'll get what we're dealing with. Maybe I'm just wishful thinking. Right now, that has to be left in God's hands.

I wish I had better news ... Today (Father's day) is 26 days in the hospital. We're both so weary and trying so hard to not be weary. I think, if we had some answers besides "we'll know more in 6 months" it would be so much easier.

Hiatus

Today, I just made a really hard phone call.

I called a friend, who happens to be an elder of our church, and a member of our church transition team, and told her that I needed to take a hiatus from all my responsibilities at church.

From the worship team secretary, to youth group counselor & youth group sunday school assistant ... ministry team representative for worship team & children's ministry ... small group leader.



I don't even know what all I do ... I just do it.

Right now, we have no answers ... they don't know if the weakness & nerve pain in his hands and arms & legs that are interferring with his functioning is because of the degree of combativeness that he had ...and the scoliosis and the displaced spinal cord and foramen ... and therefore damaged while he was fighting us ...

or were the nerves just bruised and will they heal ... it could take up to 6 months before we know if he will regain any of the use of his arms and legs enough to know.

Right now, he can't take care of himself. He can't stand up on his own, he can't dress himself, and he has to have help to get up just to go to the bathroom. He even gets exhausted feeding himself.

He is still in need of oxygen just to exist in bed and to do what he is doing.

Today was day 25 in the hospital ... we're both on the weary side.