My life has entered a new phase.
My parenting has entered a new phase.
My marriage has entered a new phase.
My oldest son has left the nest. For those that have been reading my blog for years, you may be wondering how he got old enough to do such a thing? Apparently the same way I got to be the age I am .. one day at a time.
I'm, to be honest, ready. Maybe the key is that he brought his best friend to live with us 8 months ago, and then 4 months ago, Benjamin's best friend came to live with us. Maybe the key to being ready for your child to leave is them bringing home extra's .. to LIVE.
I was ready to have my bathroom back.
Ready to know how many I was cooking for. (who will be here? None of us, we've got ABC to do. Cook for 3, and they come home and say "where's dinner?" Or : who will be here? All of us, we're all off. Cook for 6 and 5 minutes before dinner was done ... they go trampsing out the door "oh, we decided to go get Buffalo Wings" ARGH!! that, was truly mind boggling, and aggrivating ..not to mention felt quite disrespectful at times)
I was ready to have my driveway back ...yes, my driveway. It is a 3 car driveway .. but all in length .. it's 1 car wide, 3 cars long. So if it rained, someone would have to move car so that I could get out, or I'd have to move car so they could get out.
Ready to know who was in my house at any given time.
I was ready to not have to worry about the washing machine and who had stuff in there when I needed it.
Ready to have some sense of privacy back.
Most importantly
I was ready for my youngest son to not have the intellectual competition around all the time. My sons friends are every bit as smart as Samuel ... my husband and I are not exactly lacking in the area of intelligence and that, is a lot, of intelligence in my son's face at all times. I was watching him feel like he had something to prove ... he has to face that at school, is it really fair to have to face it at home? He was becoming increasingly frustrated and his need to PROVE was increasing as the days went on. He is ready to not have to be anything but who he is, at least at home where it's always been safe to be so.
I have the normal concerns "will he be ok?"
Will he call ? Will he forget that he has a family? Will he behave? Will he act in a way that is not in keeping with the way he was raised? Will he get evicted for one reason or another? Will he pay his bills? Will he wind up right back in our house?
We've told him that we're proud of him (we are) and that we're excited for him ... but he needs to come back and call ..do not turn me into a "stalker mom" from a "soccer mom" who has to stalk her child to get a glimpse of what was once a huge part of her day ... and will always be a huge part of her heart.
We're proud of the choices he's making. They are smart ...but more importantly, they are wise.
We're proud of the friends he's chosen. We love them. The 2 that lived here, long before they lived here, had become known as son #3 and son # 4.
We're proud of who he is as a person but we're ready (more me than Don) for them to LAUNCH!
A week ago this morning, I didn't know they were moving out. Today, they are waking up in their own apartment.
And we have gone from 4 to 5 to 6 ... and then there were 3. *smile*
Dr. Suess
"And will you succeed? Yes indeed! Yes indeed! Ninety Eight and Three Quarters guarenteed!"
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Thursday, September 02, 2010
Sunday, May 18, 2008
oops
I've been told I need to check in. Sorry!!!
I've seriously planned on blogging. Really ... I need to. My son graduated from high school. That is worthy of a blog post. It begs of a blog post.
I freak out everytime I go to blog about it!!
Between that ..and the fact that it's been 25 years since I graduated ... I'm feeling just a bit ... um er ..uh ..er ...middle aged!! Ok, so I am, but that *IS* beside the point.
I have an email list of friends that I've had since I joined the WWW in 1998. It is nicknamed TSBS (tourette's syndrome and yes, the BS is exactly that) It is a small group and we are very tight nit. When our children were little, we clung to each other like a spider web. We were each other's life line, sanity, and survival ... we've seen each other through marriage, divorce, affairs, illnesses, deaths of parents, the near deaths of a spouse (mine) and serious illnesses of parents and spouses. We have held each other's hands through IEP's, fights with neighbors, bosses, job losses and life changes ... through it all ... we've been there. For several years, we did a christmas ornament exchange, those, are treasures beyond belief!
We, for several years, just the 15 of us, kept a volume of emails in our group of about 250 emails a day.
As our children have grown and life has settled for most of us (2 of the children still have SIGNIFICANT Tourette's, the rest, as the medical community promised, have either outgrown it, or symptoms significantly subsided) we still keep in touch. There are about 8 of our core group left ... and our volume of mail have dropped to about 25 emails a month. Between all 8 of us.
However ...nothing in life seems *real* until I have told them. And or blogged about it.
So ...since I have not told TSBS about Samuel's graduation ...and I have not blogged about it ... it's not real ... right?
*grin*
I've seriously planned on blogging. Really ... I need to. My son graduated from high school. That is worthy of a blog post. It begs of a blog post.
I freak out everytime I go to blog about it!!
Between that ..and the fact that it's been 25 years since I graduated ... I'm feeling just a bit ... um er ..uh ..er ...middle aged!! Ok, so I am, but that *IS* beside the point.
I have an email list of friends that I've had since I joined the WWW in 1998. It is nicknamed TSBS (tourette's syndrome and yes, the BS is exactly that) It is a small group and we are very tight nit. When our children were little, we clung to each other like a spider web. We were each other's life line, sanity, and survival ... we've seen each other through marriage, divorce, affairs, illnesses, deaths of parents, the near deaths of a spouse (mine) and serious illnesses of parents and spouses. We have held each other's hands through IEP's, fights with neighbors, bosses, job losses and life changes ... through it all ... we've been there. For several years, we did a christmas ornament exchange, those, are treasures beyond belief!
We, for several years, just the 15 of us, kept a volume of emails in our group of about 250 emails a day.
As our children have grown and life has settled for most of us (2 of the children still have SIGNIFICANT Tourette's, the rest, as the medical community promised, have either outgrown it, or symptoms significantly subsided) we still keep in touch. There are about 8 of our core group left ... and our volume of mail have dropped to about 25 emails a month. Between all 8 of us.
However ...nothing in life seems *real* until I have told them. And or blogged about it.
So ...since I have not told TSBS about Samuel's graduation ...and I have not blogged about it ... it's not real ... right?
*grin*
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Double Crush
Don had an EMG last week. The news was crushing to say the least. They wanted to find out the cause of his pain and numbness since he'd been in the hospital ... and they wanted to find out if maybe there was some carpel or ulner(?) tunnel nerve going on. Maybe some neuralgia.
What they found out was that it was polyneuralgia ...and that the damage was double crushed ... at the neck, the elbow, and the wrist (depending on the nerve).
The nerves are permanently damaged, and decompressing them, will not make a difference. They will not get better.
The doctor, today, was quite discouraged. He said that it frustrated him, because, if it was his brother, he'd be scared, because his scoliosis is 'messed up, really messed up, nightmare messed up'.
This is really the first doctor to talk to us in REAL terms.
We are going to check out a Dr. Lenke in St. Louis. The orthopedic surgeon suggested that we get copies of all his xrays, his MRI's, EMG's all his reports, lung function tests and write him a letter ... and just say "can you help?" So far, Dr. Lenke is the only surgeon we've found that will even approach the type of scoliosis that Don has. (if anyone knows anything about him ... please please please post or email me!!!!!!!!!!!! good or bad ..or indifferent, even if it's just to say, yeah, I've heard of him!)
As for me, I'm exhausted. I've been going to my therapist week after week .. and she looks at me and sighs ... I will have to tell her next week though that ... really, aside from the Don issues ... the other medical stuff we've faced this year ...really aren't that unusual. I'm always tired. I'm always hurting. Nothing new here. I just was getting more rest because Don was doing more ... and helping a lot. So, I'm really not any sicker.
I think my life overwhelms her at times. She's going to have to get over that. I need her help to get beyond my issues ... and to do that, she's going to have to get beyond my current every day crisis' that seem to happen every day. Those have been on going for 18 years ...they seem like a big deal to her ...but for me, they are par for the coarse ... I realize that concerns her ... and that she lives with chronic illness herself ...and that she had a mother with chronic illness ...but ... for me, it's just her times 3 ... so ... big deal ... it's my life, my cards I've been dealt. I need to deal with what's caused the eating disorder ... the day to day junk ..is always going to be there. If she tries to deal with that first ...we'll never get to what's underneath.
The boys started school already last year. My oldest is a Senior, and my baby is a Freshman!!! Geesh ... time flies. It just wasn't that long ago that I took my son to kindergarten at Little Light House and watched him toddle into class with his back pack ... with his big eyes ...and those glasses ... and that huge smile ... and now ... he's in high school! Where, did the time go?
What they found out was that it was polyneuralgia ...and that the damage was double crushed ... at the neck, the elbow, and the wrist (depending on the nerve).
The nerves are permanently damaged, and decompressing them, will not make a difference. They will not get better.
The doctor, today, was quite discouraged. He said that it frustrated him, because, if it was his brother, he'd be scared, because his scoliosis is 'messed up, really messed up, nightmare messed up'.
This is really the first doctor to talk to us in REAL terms.
We are going to check out a Dr. Lenke in St. Louis. The orthopedic surgeon suggested that we get copies of all his xrays, his MRI's, EMG's all his reports, lung function tests and write him a letter ... and just say "can you help?" So far, Dr. Lenke is the only surgeon we've found that will even approach the type of scoliosis that Don has. (if anyone knows anything about him ... please please please post or email me!!!!!!!!!!!! good or bad ..or indifferent, even if it's just to say, yeah, I've heard of him!)
As for me, I'm exhausted. I've been going to my therapist week after week .. and she looks at me and sighs ... I will have to tell her next week though that ... really, aside from the Don issues ... the other medical stuff we've faced this year ...really aren't that unusual. I'm always tired. I'm always hurting. Nothing new here. I just was getting more rest because Don was doing more ... and helping a lot. So, I'm really not any sicker.
I think my life overwhelms her at times. She's going to have to get over that. I need her help to get beyond my issues ... and to do that, she's going to have to get beyond my current every day crisis' that seem to happen every day. Those have been on going for 18 years ...they seem like a big deal to her ...but for me, they are par for the coarse ... I realize that concerns her ... and that she lives with chronic illness herself ...and that she had a mother with chronic illness ...but ... for me, it's just her times 3 ... so ... big deal ... it's my life, my cards I've been dealt. I need to deal with what's caused the eating disorder ... the day to day junk ..is always going to be there. If she tries to deal with that first ...we'll never get to what's underneath.
The boys started school already last year. My oldest is a Senior, and my baby is a Freshman!!! Geesh ... time flies. It just wasn't that long ago that I took my son to kindergarten at Little Light House and watched him toddle into class with his back pack ... with his big eyes ...and those glasses ... and that huge smile ... and now ... he's in high school! Where, did the time go?
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
The Trees are Budding ... The Flowers are Blooming
ACHOO!!!!!!!
I went to fill my Zyrtec today. Walidiots said that I hadn't filled it since August. Yea, ok, so the bottle that I was holding that said February ... was from ... Wonderland's Walgreen's? I was out of refills and needed Dr. Authorizations anyway, so it wasn't worth arguing over.
I've GOT to change!!! (Yea, I know, I've been complaining for a long time, but I was really hoping moving to this new Walgreens was going to make a difference, I was REALLY hoping it was THAT pharmacy problem not a corporation issue. Having the drive through when I don't feel good, is a REAL benifit!!!!)
My husband bought me an incredible gift this weekend. A porch swing. Yep. A Two seater, sit on the porch holding hands and talking in the evening swaying back and forth in the evening air on our nice porch ...with our beautiful house with our wonderful family ...and our fairy tale world .. porch swing. It's too good to be true. Only, it is true. :)
I was looking at the pictures of our house from the building process today ... the windows the teens and our children's pastor helped to put in, and put the siding around ...and the porch railing that we painted. The walls we painted. The roof the kids worked so hard on, in the extremely hot heat. The flowers we planted in the shivering cold. It's incredible to have this place that isn't just a home, it is a place of memories and a place that love literally built. Such an honor to get to live in it. I'll never forget the people who helped build it, they are a part of my home. They are a part of my heart.
Don and I went out to eat in a new restaurant tonight. New to town. It was strange ... I've never wanted to be a food reviewer so badly in my life. Some of the food was REALLY good. Some of it was sadly lacking and the prices were much too high for what kind of a place they were. They had way too many things on the menu for the size of a resteraunt that they were ... there is no way they could serve that many items in a day ...in a week! Therefore ...their food costs are going to be too high ...and thus ..the high prices. HUGE menu, small seating area (former Taco Bell) and what they specialize in, was really good, and what they make because they felt they had to offer, was mediocre at best. Not ..a good combination. 7 page menu ...FULL menu ... just is too much when you are that small. In short, we felt like we got short changed. Their dinner rolls, almost made it worth being short changed.
We got home, and we sat on the porch swing. And we talked about what an incredible life we have. Then it got too cold ... we came inside the house.
I can't wait till it warms up enough for us to stay out there longer. Hopefully by then I'll have more Zyrtec so I will be able to tolerate the outside a bit more ACHOO!!!!
I went to fill my Zyrtec today. Walidiots said that I hadn't filled it since August. Yea, ok, so the bottle that I was holding that said February ... was from ... Wonderland's Walgreen's? I was out of refills and needed Dr. Authorizations anyway, so it wasn't worth arguing over.
I've GOT to change!!! (Yea, I know, I've been complaining for a long time, but I was really hoping moving to this new Walgreens was going to make a difference, I was REALLY hoping it was THAT pharmacy problem not a corporation issue. Having the drive through when I don't feel good, is a REAL benifit!!!!)
My husband bought me an incredible gift this weekend. A porch swing. Yep. A Two seater, sit on the porch holding hands and talking in the evening swaying back and forth in the evening air on our nice porch ...with our beautiful house with our wonderful family ...and our fairy tale world .. porch swing. It's too good to be true. Only, it is true. :)
I was looking at the pictures of our house from the building process today ... the windows the teens and our children's pastor helped to put in, and put the siding around ...and the porch railing that we painted. The walls we painted. The roof the kids worked so hard on, in the extremely hot heat. The flowers we planted in the shivering cold. It's incredible to have this place that isn't just a home, it is a place of memories and a place that love literally built. Such an honor to get to live in it. I'll never forget the people who helped build it, they are a part of my home. They are a part of my heart.
Don and I went out to eat in a new restaurant tonight. New to town. It was strange ... I've never wanted to be a food reviewer so badly in my life. Some of the food was REALLY good. Some of it was sadly lacking and the prices were much too high for what kind of a place they were. They had way too many things on the menu for the size of a resteraunt that they were ... there is no way they could serve that many items in a day ...in a week! Therefore ...their food costs are going to be too high ...and thus ..the high prices. HUGE menu, small seating area (former Taco Bell) and what they specialize in, was really good, and what they make because they felt they had to offer, was mediocre at best. Not ..a good combination. 7 page menu ...FULL menu ... just is too much when you are that small. In short, we felt like we got short changed. Their dinner rolls, almost made it worth being short changed.
We got home, and we sat on the porch swing. And we talked about what an incredible life we have. Then it got too cold ... we came inside the house.
I can't wait till it warms up enough for us to stay out there longer. Hopefully by then I'll have more Zyrtec so I will be able to tolerate the outside a bit more ACHOO!!!!
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