So, it's been almost a month since I got dentures. I still can't chew food with them. My gums are far too tender and painful.
In the not too distant past, I'd have used that as an excuse to skip meals. But, I made an agreement with my therapist that I'd move forward toward recovery despite of this challenge.
I certainly don't have a perfect record in eating ...but it's better than it's been in a very long time.
The process of the adjusting to dentures has taught me something. It's changed how I look at food ...and my relationship with food.
I have never been able to say "I like ..." or "yum ,this is good" Food is bad ...period and I tolerate some better than others.
However .. I don't know if it's the rebelliousness that I have or if it's just that I'm really moving toward healthy relationship with food ... but it's OK to say that I like certain foods. I miss certain food combinations.
It's also ok to really dislike something ... not all foods will fall into this category of 'tolerable if necessary'
Another thing I've learned, just this week ... kind of floored me.
I assume that people either don't like me, or at best tolerate me. Unless they specify otherwise.
My therapy homework this week consisted of looking for ways that I feel either particularly respected ... or disrespected.
There have been a couple of disrespected incidences ... but there have been a few respected! Which floored me. I'd have told you last Monday that I wouldn't find any of the latter.
The biggest of that was that I went to say hi to my former psych prof. She loved my 'new look' (teeth hair make up) and we talked for close to an hour. It was a great talk but she wound up *asking* me to take one of her classes next fall! She doesn't care which one, just that I'm in her class. I was floored!
Kind of felt like Sally Fields ...she likes me! she really likes me! I'm not just a person who took a couple of classes that she had to tolerate my presence in her class ... she liked me enough to want me in more.
Dr. Suess
"And will you succeed? Yes indeed! Yes indeed! Ninety Eight and Three Quarters guarenteed!"
Showing posts with label education. Show all posts
Showing posts with label education. Show all posts
Saturday, September 05, 2009
Saturday, October 25, 2008
thoughts
So much has gone on, and because of family situation I've just not wanted to post. Never knowing what is going to be used against me in a senseless arguments. Things that never should be used, have been used, so I just waited till I went private.
One of the things that has happened this last few weeks was an IEP meeting for Benjamin. They wanted to reclassify him from Learning Disabled to Other Health Impaired. By going to OHI it allows for different modifications through the schools. Technically, Benjamin should have been OHI from the time he was 3 years old. We tried to get him classified as OHI in the old district, but, they were not about to do anything we asked ...so they were insistant that he did not qualify under OHI.
Benjamin was up for re testing this year. The district asked permission to reclassify.
Um ..uh ... YEAH! Please!
Just a bit shocking to find them offering to re classify rather than fighting for it.
So he got reclassified ..finally. He's 16 .. it's only been 13 years since we first asked for OHI ...no biggie. (rolling eyes). I find it amazing that this new district not only did not have a problem, but had teacher's who said "um, he's classified wrong!" (usually it's school psychologist that decides classification) Not just teacher ...but regular education teachers.
How obvious was this?
What was hard, so very hard was when they retested him, I realized I'd let myself fall under a false belief from the old district. I knew that they did testing that was not reliable. I knew that we'd never trusted their IQ evaluations. I KNEW that all of their testing had NEVER added up to the testing that we'd had done outside of district.
I KNEW that IQ scores are static and do not change over time.
I knew this ...and yet, when the fight settled down, and Benjamin started to see success, I let guard down and started to let their talk in.
EVERY outside testing that we had on Benjamin had him struggling significantly. It had his IQ ranging between 78 and 84. Without fail, his IQ, no matter who did the testing ... is IQ was in that 6 pt range. Now, we fought with the district, going to due process twice, and we applied for help with services through social security and through the state. This means, Benjamin had a fair amount of 'outside of district' testing. 7 or 8 separate IQ testings between the ages of 5 and 8.
Well, the last time the district that we had so much trouble with tested him, they told me that his IQ was 108.
Now, facts are .. IQ's are static. They don't change that much over time. Acheivement is not IQ.
The fact was ... I wanted to believe that life was going to be easier for Benjamin ...and I let myself get sucked into their test scores. There was no reason for me to buy into their scores except my mother's heart ...
They had a reason for not giving accurate testing (they'd done it all along ...their lowest evaluation of his IQ was 100. They'd say that his IQ is fine, he's fine, he's just not trying, no reason for special education services).
So, the battle between other district and I settle down and I let myself get sucked into the higher scores ...and then new district tests my son who is .. STRUGGLING.
What I want to be told is that it's him. That if he applies himself a bit more that we can get him doing better. what I want to be told is that there is no reason whatsoever for his struggles ...what I WANT to believe is what the former district had coddled me into believing ...
The psychologist pulls out the testing and hands me a copy and my face went numb. There was the IQ ... I'd seen it before ...and it matched ... it matched all the previous testing that WE'D had done.
Right there in front of me, 82.
The real reason Benjamin struggles ...things are harder for him than for other children. Things will always BE harder for him than for other children. It's not just a learning disability (although he, by definition hit that too because he had area's that were more than 20 pts below the IQ) it's a real problem ...and one that won't get better over time.
IQ's are static ...
Acheivement is not static.
Benjamin is not static.
Through out the rest of the meeting the poem I wrote became my mantra ... it had to or I'd not have made it ...
But they don't see what I see ...the smile that lights your face ...
"He's got significant delays in comprehension in auditory..."
But they don't hear what I hear ... your laughter reveals God's grace ...
"He needs more help in this area than we thought."
They tell me that your tests came back showing problems and low scores ...
"I think we need to increase the modifications, I know that by this age we're normally decreasing modifications, but his problems are big enough that we need to be increase them"
They tell me that you'll have to struggle, this hurts me to the core.
"no matter what we do, it won't be easy for him"
I wanted to cry but could not. My son was sitting next to me. They told him that he was struggling for a reason (he needed to hear this!) but that with his determination that it would not stop him.
That is true ..the sky is the limit for this child ... no matter what the IQ says.
A Mother's Heart
Every mother had Dreams,
Of a Child perfect and whole.
Every mother has Hopes,
For perfection, body and soul.
They told me you’re not perfect,
Sweet loving child of mine.
They told me that your learning,
Is taking too much time.
They tell me that your tests came back,
Showing problems and low scores.
They tell me that you have to struggle,
This hurts me to the core.
Every mother has dreams,
They tell me you don’t fit.
Every mother has hopes,
They say perfection you won’t hit.
But they don’t see what I see,
The smile that lights your face.
But they don’t hear what I hear,
Your laughter reveals God’s grace.
They don’t see what I see,
My child loving and whole.
I have hopes and dreams,
Because my child you are a gift from God
And you have a PERFECT SOUL.
© Peggikaye Eagler
One of the things that has happened this last few weeks was an IEP meeting for Benjamin. They wanted to reclassify him from Learning Disabled to Other Health Impaired. By going to OHI it allows for different modifications through the schools. Technically, Benjamin should have been OHI from the time he was 3 years old. We tried to get him classified as OHI in the old district, but, they were not about to do anything we asked ...so they were insistant that he did not qualify under OHI.
Benjamin was up for re testing this year. The district asked permission to reclassify.
Um ..uh ... YEAH! Please!
Just a bit shocking to find them offering to re classify rather than fighting for it.
So he got reclassified ..finally. He's 16 .. it's only been 13 years since we first asked for OHI ...no biggie. (rolling eyes). I find it amazing that this new district not only did not have a problem, but had teacher's who said "um, he's classified wrong!" (usually it's school psychologist that decides classification) Not just teacher ...but regular education teachers.
How obvious was this?
What was hard, so very hard was when they retested him, I realized I'd let myself fall under a false belief from the old district. I knew that they did testing that was not reliable. I knew that we'd never trusted their IQ evaluations. I KNEW that all of their testing had NEVER added up to the testing that we'd had done outside of district.
I KNEW that IQ scores are static and do not change over time.
I knew this ...and yet, when the fight settled down, and Benjamin started to see success, I let guard down and started to let their talk in.
EVERY outside testing that we had on Benjamin had him struggling significantly. It had his IQ ranging between 78 and 84. Without fail, his IQ, no matter who did the testing ... is IQ was in that 6 pt range. Now, we fought with the district, going to due process twice, and we applied for help with services through social security and through the state. This means, Benjamin had a fair amount of 'outside of district' testing. 7 or 8 separate IQ testings between the ages of 5 and 8.
Well, the last time the district that we had so much trouble with tested him, they told me that his IQ was 108.
Now, facts are .. IQ's are static. They don't change that much over time. Acheivement is not IQ.
The fact was ... I wanted to believe that life was going to be easier for Benjamin ...and I let myself get sucked into their test scores. There was no reason for me to buy into their scores except my mother's heart ...
They had a reason for not giving accurate testing (they'd done it all along ...their lowest evaluation of his IQ was 100. They'd say that his IQ is fine, he's fine, he's just not trying, no reason for special education services).
So, the battle between other district and I settle down and I let myself get sucked into the higher scores ...and then new district tests my son who is .. STRUGGLING.
What I want to be told is that it's him. That if he applies himself a bit more that we can get him doing better. what I want to be told is that there is no reason whatsoever for his struggles ...what I WANT to believe is what the former district had coddled me into believing ...
The psychologist pulls out the testing and hands me a copy and my face went numb. There was the IQ ... I'd seen it before ...and it matched ... it matched all the previous testing that WE'D had done.
Right there in front of me, 82.
The real reason Benjamin struggles ...things are harder for him than for other children. Things will always BE harder for him than for other children. It's not just a learning disability (although he, by definition hit that too because he had area's that were more than 20 pts below the IQ) it's a real problem ...and one that won't get better over time.
IQ's are static ...
Acheivement is not static.
Benjamin is not static.
Through out the rest of the meeting the poem I wrote became my mantra ... it had to or I'd not have made it ...
But they don't see what I see ...the smile that lights your face ...
"He's got significant delays in comprehension in auditory..."
But they don't hear what I hear ... your laughter reveals God's grace ...
"He needs more help in this area than we thought."
They tell me that your tests came back showing problems and low scores ...
"I think we need to increase the modifications, I know that by this age we're normally decreasing modifications, but his problems are big enough that we need to be increase them"
They tell me that you'll have to struggle, this hurts me to the core.
"no matter what we do, it won't be easy for him"
I wanted to cry but could not. My son was sitting next to me. They told him that he was struggling for a reason (he needed to hear this!) but that with his determination that it would not stop him.
That is true ..the sky is the limit for this child ... no matter what the IQ says.
A Mother's Heart
Every mother had Dreams,
Of a Child perfect and whole.
Every mother has Hopes,
For perfection, body and soul.
They told me you’re not perfect,
Sweet loving child of mine.
They told me that your learning,
Is taking too much time.
They tell me that your tests came back,
Showing problems and low scores.
They tell me that you have to struggle,
This hurts me to the core.
Every mother has dreams,
They tell me you don’t fit.
Every mother has hopes,
They say perfection you won’t hit.
But they don’t see what I see,
The smile that lights your face.
But they don’t hear what I hear,
Your laughter reveals God’s grace.
They don’t see what I see,
My child loving and whole.
I have hopes and dreams,
Because my child you are a gift from God
And you have a PERFECT SOUL.
© Peggikaye Eagler
Monday, August 20, 2007
Personality Plus (or in hiding as the case may be ....)
Hat tip to my friend Jeff for this gem .... telling me what I already knew ...
The test says I'm an introvert! How dare they call this homebody an introvert! hmmph!
The test says I'm an introvert! How dare they call this homebody an introvert! hmmph!
Monday, February 19, 2007
And That's What It's All About!
First ... I wanna complain about having to switch to the new blogger ... don't like having to switch ... their experimental journey into Beta blogger wasn't all that successful ...forcing everyone to switch ... is rather ... um ...shall we say ... hard handed? I hope they don't have as many problems with the new blogger as they did with Beta!!
Ok ...grouch over.
We had Benjamin's IEP meeting on the 9th. I think it's taken me this long to get over the shock to my system to write about it.
We fought really hard to get into this district.
We worked hard to move here ... we've been working at moving here since Benjamin was 4 years old. He's 15 now. We exhausted every means possible to get out of our mobile home (paid for, lot rent only) and still be able to afford to live ...
We tried ... over and over and over again.
In the meantime ... we fought the district we were living in ... tooth and nail ... for every service Benjamin got. We took them due process two times, mediation once ... and we fought ....and fought ...and fought ...
We fought hard to keep our son learning ...and we were told over and over again .."we don't have to do that" '
"special education doesn't provide for that"
"we don't accomodate for that"
"he doesn't qualify for that service"
We were told some outright lies ....
we were told some half truths
and we were told some white lies
we were told some shocking truths that we couldn't believe they had the GALL to actually say outloud ....
"We don't accomodate for any one individual child, we accomodate for the whole classroom"
"Our LD classrooms are overcrowded, we just pay the fines, it's easier on the school district"
I think the worst ... and most appalling ... and if I had it on tape, I'd have done something about it ... when I complained that Benjamin was failing, and there needed to be something done ...and done now... we were told
" You know, statistically, with his age, gender, learning disabilities and socioeconomic background, no one really expects anymore than the level he's performing. His grades are not going to raise any red flags with the powers that be, so there isn't anything more that we have to do." (referring to the state and federal agencies and No child left behind)
Excuse me ... because he is a junior high boy ... with learning problems and he comes from a poverty level background ... he's statistically expected to fail ...so you don't have to do anything other than let him fail because no one is going to see any red flag when he does fail?????
Well ... I saw red ... I can't remember if that was before I had a blog, or after ...if it was after, it would be posted some where on this blog.
So ... we wanted out ... and finally Habitat came along ... and we applied. Our pastor, didn't have a lot of hope for us ... physically ... it was a lot of work. There were financial requirements ...and quite frankly, he wasn't sure we could meet them. So, while he sadly agreed it was worth applying, he didn't think we could do it. So ... we applied. We, much to everyone's surprise, were accepted ...we barely fit the bottom of the financial qualifications .... we weren't sure about the physical labor ... we'd only have the shot ... we'd have to do our best and see ... our sons education was at stake ...
so ..for 3 years ...we fought ...unfortunately ...some of the fight with the school was going on while some of the fight with Habitat was going on ....
Finally ... we got the house. We moved in ...and after 2 months, I had the nerve to put my son in the school district that we fought so hard to move into.
It took them 3 days to decide what took the former district 4 years to decide. He needs help. It did not take a court order to give that help.
They had originally decided to carry on the former IEP ... until they read it ... they had to re write it because of class time ...then realized ... it wasn't adequate anyway ...so it got re written all together. They kept apologizing to me for having to carry on the behavior plan. I knew he'd had one ... I'd not seen the last one he'd had ...they'd done it without me there ... I couldnt' figure out why the new school kept apologizing ... why in the world are they apologizing ...it's just one to insure his work gets done!
I get to the meeting ... the IEP is unlike one I'd ever seen. Benjamin is 15. We've been dealing with special ed and IEP's since he was 3 ... and it was unlike one I'd ever seen. I'm given this form to go over and I'm overwhelmed by it all ...and the teacher looks at me kind of funny ..I should know this ...
I've never seen this before.
she is very surprised ...she knew she couldn't find it in his file, but she thought it'd been missing ... but not there ...ever? It was a state form ...not a school form ...
The form ...modifications to be made by the teachers FOR the student ....
The only thing we've ever done before is what BJ would do ...
So ... we get this whole list of what THEY are going to do for HIM to help HIM succeed. Probably one of the best ones for him ... assignments and tests ...read to him orally ...and he gets to repeat them back to the teacher so the teacher gets to make sure he understands the questions!
Awesome!!
The behavior modification plan comes out ...apologies start again ... I see it ... the old district has 2 things
Not completing assignments
laziness
My face went numb ...really numb ... badly numb ...with frustration and anger ... as tears welled up ... I described to the teachers what they were saying was laziness ..and how it was really being overwhelmed.
His english teacher verified that he does exhibit that behavior ...and it is in fact overwhelmed.
This regular ed teacher, had him for less than 2 weeks, and had already figured out that it wasn't laziness ...yet these people had him for 2 years and called it laziness.
Last week, I got phone call ... we're sending a new behavior modification plan out ... we had to rewrite that ... we can't ... we CAN'T have laziness on the form ..it's against policy. We've talked about it and went to our special ed director with it. We don't use that word in this district. Especially not in writing ... to label a child as such is destructive.
I expect to get the form with another adjective to replace lazines .... 2 behaviors on the behavior modification ... but when I get it ... there is only the one ...
and it says Student struggles to turn in work ...
I cried .... tears of joy ... This ...is what we fought so hard for. This, is what it's all about!
Ok ...grouch over.
We had Benjamin's IEP meeting on the 9th. I think it's taken me this long to get over the shock to my system to write about it.
We fought really hard to get into this district.
We worked hard to move here ... we've been working at moving here since Benjamin was 4 years old. He's 15 now. We exhausted every means possible to get out of our mobile home (paid for, lot rent only) and still be able to afford to live ...
We tried ... over and over and over again.
In the meantime ... we fought the district we were living in ... tooth and nail ... for every service Benjamin got. We took them due process two times, mediation once ... and we fought ....and fought ...and fought ...
We fought hard to keep our son learning ...and we were told over and over again .."we don't have to do that" '
"special education doesn't provide for that"
"we don't accomodate for that"
"he doesn't qualify for that service"
We were told some outright lies ....
we were told some half truths
and we were told some white lies
we were told some shocking truths that we couldn't believe they had the GALL to actually say outloud ....
"We don't accomodate for any one individual child, we accomodate for the whole classroom"
"Our LD classrooms are overcrowded, we just pay the fines, it's easier on the school district"
I think the worst ... and most appalling ... and if I had it on tape, I'd have done something about it ... when I complained that Benjamin was failing, and there needed to be something done ...and done now... we were told
" You know, statistically, with his age, gender, learning disabilities and socioeconomic background, no one really expects anymore than the level he's performing. His grades are not going to raise any red flags with the powers that be, so there isn't anything more that we have to do." (referring to the state and federal agencies and No child left behind)
Excuse me ... because he is a junior high boy ... with learning problems and he comes from a poverty level background ... he's statistically expected to fail ...so you don't have to do anything other than let him fail because no one is going to see any red flag when he does fail?????
Well ... I saw red ... I can't remember if that was before I had a blog, or after ...if it was after, it would be posted some where on this blog.
So ... we wanted out ... and finally Habitat came along ... and we applied. Our pastor, didn't have a lot of hope for us ... physically ... it was a lot of work. There were financial requirements ...and quite frankly, he wasn't sure we could meet them. So, while he sadly agreed it was worth applying, he didn't think we could do it. So ... we applied. We, much to everyone's surprise, were accepted ...we barely fit the bottom of the financial qualifications .... we weren't sure about the physical labor ... we'd only have the shot ... we'd have to do our best and see ... our sons education was at stake ...
so ..for 3 years ...we fought ...unfortunately ...some of the fight with the school was going on while some of the fight with Habitat was going on ....
Finally ... we got the house. We moved in ...and after 2 months, I had the nerve to put my son in the school district that we fought so hard to move into.
It took them 3 days to decide what took the former district 4 years to decide. He needs help. It did not take a court order to give that help.
They had originally decided to carry on the former IEP ... until they read it ... they had to re write it because of class time ...then realized ... it wasn't adequate anyway ...so it got re written all together. They kept apologizing to me for having to carry on the behavior plan. I knew he'd had one ... I'd not seen the last one he'd had ...they'd done it without me there ... I couldnt' figure out why the new school kept apologizing ... why in the world are they apologizing ...it's just one to insure his work gets done!
I get to the meeting ... the IEP is unlike one I'd ever seen. Benjamin is 15. We've been dealing with special ed and IEP's since he was 3 ... and it was unlike one I'd ever seen. I'm given this form to go over and I'm overwhelmed by it all ...and the teacher looks at me kind of funny ..I should know this ...
I've never seen this before.
she is very surprised ...she knew she couldn't find it in his file, but she thought it'd been missing ... but not there ...ever? It was a state form ...not a school form ...
The form ...modifications to be made by the teachers FOR the student ....
The only thing we've ever done before is what BJ would do ...
So ... we get this whole list of what THEY are going to do for HIM to help HIM succeed. Probably one of the best ones for him ... assignments and tests ...read to him orally ...and he gets to repeat them back to the teacher so the teacher gets to make sure he understands the questions!
Awesome!!
The behavior modification plan comes out ...apologies start again ... I see it ... the old district has 2 things
Not completing assignments
laziness
My face went numb ...really numb ... badly numb ...with frustration and anger ... as tears welled up ... I described to the teachers what they were saying was laziness ..and how it was really being overwhelmed.
His english teacher verified that he does exhibit that behavior ...and it is in fact overwhelmed.
This regular ed teacher, had him for less than 2 weeks, and had already figured out that it wasn't laziness ...yet these people had him for 2 years and called it laziness.
Last week, I got phone call ... we're sending a new behavior modification plan out ... we had to rewrite that ... we can't ... we CAN'T have laziness on the form ..it's against policy. We've talked about it and went to our special ed director with it. We don't use that word in this district. Especially not in writing ... to label a child as such is destructive.
I expect to get the form with another adjective to replace lazines .... 2 behaviors on the behavior modification ... but when I get it ... there is only the one ...
and it says Student struggles to turn in work ...
I cried .... tears of joy ... This ...is what we fought so hard for. This, is what it's all about!
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